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brooke23
LIF Toddler
Member since 3/11 482 total posts
Name:
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Opinions wanted
This will be somewhat long, so apologize- SIL's wedding will be in October. I'm due with DC #2 in November so likely will not be going since its in SC. DD will be about 20 months at that point. SIL wanted DD to be a flower girl. I have major reservations about sending her alone with DH without me for 3 days or more. First, DH will be staying in a house of about 10 people (not family, but SIL's bridal party and their spouses). I'm not crazy about her being with that many strangers, the house isnt baby-proof etc. Second, there will likely be a lot of drinking going on and I really dont want her to be around that. I'm also concerned that she will either be passed from person to person over the weekend to care for her. I also think that the focus should be on the wedding and not on who's taking care of DD. DH has never taken care of her for days by himself and I dont think he realizes that he would likely have to leave the wedding early, would not be able to drink and would ultimately be in charge of getting her through the airport, the plane and the 2 hour drive to the venue. Of course, DH's family really wants her to be there -- but she wont remember the wedding (I';m guessing they want to show her off to family members as she is their only grandchild at the moment until DC #2 is born) and want her to be in pics. ....there are other considerations too but these are just the ones that I'm mentioning right now. Am I overthinking this? Would you send DD to the wedding without you being there and it just being DH? DD has not really travelled much and can also just be a handful in general -- she's an extremely active child. I just dont see this as being a good thing but MIL is pressuring me ..."she'll have her aunties there..." etc. I think the focus needs to be on SIL getting married and DH going with the baby wont be that way. I'm fine for DH to go on his own of course. What would you do?
Message edited 6/22/2017 11:25:34 AM.
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Posted 6/22/17 11:24 AM  |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7272 total posts
Name:
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Opinions wanted
Every family is different but I would likely send my DD. My DH is also weirdly capable and my inlaws would be there to help. I'm not saying I would love the idea but I'd suck it up.
And then I'd enjoy the last 3 days of quiet you'll probably ever have.
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| Posted 6/22/17 11:28 AM |
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brooke23
LIF Toddler
Member since 3/11 482 total posts
Name:
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Re: Opinions wanted
Posted by LuckyStar
Every family is different but I would likely send my DD. My DH is also weirdly capable and my inlaws would be there to help. I'm not saying I would love the idea but I'd suck it up.
And then I'd enjoy the last 3 days of quiet you'll probably ever have.
I cant stand my in-laws-- does that make a difference? Hahahaha! I just think DH doesnt realize that he will have to be in control at the wedding and cant stay out at the after party until 1 a.m. .....we saw DH's brother this weekend with DD when he was wasted and it made me SOOOO uncofmortable. I just know this family cant control themselves and it makes me nervous. And I'm 100% sure it will be pass the baby all weekend.
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| Posted 6/22/17 11:31 AM |
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J9-13
We're gonna be big sisters!
Member since 6/06 14887 total posts
Name:
J9
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Re: Opinions wanted
My nerves would never let me be ok with that. I would be a wreck. My Dh is fully capable (and I have 2 yr old twins) and my MIL is like a gold medalist Grandma! LOL. I still wouldn't be comfortable with being that far away from them especially them having to fly without me. 
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| Posted 6/22/17 11:37 AM |
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Lauren82
LIF Adult
Member since 10/06 4580 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Opinions wanted
I'm going to be honest...I wouldn't send my daughter and my husband wouldn't want that all on him either. I know my husband is capable, but when you are the only parent there, you don't get to tag someone else in...I would want him to go and enjoy his sister's wedding without having to leave early from everything. Hope you can come to a solution that works for both of you!
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| Posted 6/22/17 11:38 AM |
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MrsT809
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 12167 total posts
Name:
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Opinions wanted
Nope, that definitely wouldn't fly with me.
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| Posted 6/22/17 11:39 AM |
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J9-13
We're gonna be big sisters!
Member since 6/06 14887 total posts
Name:
J9
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Re: Opinions wanted
Posted by Lauren82
I'm going to be honest...I wouldn't send my daughter and my husband wouldn't want that all on him either. I know my husband is capable, but when you are the only parent there, you don't get to tag someone else in...I would want him to go and enjoy his sister's wedding without having to leave early from everything. Hope you can come to a solution that works for both of you!
I also agree...as capable as my DH is, I don't think he'd want to travel for a wedding and not be able to really enjoy it to the fullest.
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| Posted 6/22/17 11:43 AM |
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brooke23
LIF Toddler
Member since 3/11 482 total posts
Name:
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Opinions wanted
Thanks all! I was starting to feel like I was the b&tch DIL who wont let DH's family be able to show off their grandchild but I think there are much bigger/broader concerns here....at least I'm not crazy for thinking this is a bad idea!
Message edited 6/22/2017 11:51:49 AM.
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| Posted 6/22/17 11:51 AM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7272 total posts
Name:
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Re: Opinions wanted
Posted by brooke23
Posted by LuckyStar
Every family is different but I would likely send my DD. My DH is also weirdly capable and my inlaws would be there to help. I'm not saying I would love the idea but I'd suck it up.
And then I'd enjoy the last 3 days of quiet you'll probably ever have.
I cant stand my in-laws-- does that make a difference? Hahahaha! I just think DH doesnt realize that he will have to be in control at the wedding and cant stay out at the after party until 1 a.m. .....we saw DH's brother this weekend with DD when he was wasted and it made me SOOOO uncofmortable. I just know this family cant control themselves and it makes me nervous. And I'm 100% sure it will be pass the baby all weekend.
Hahaha, yes I think that makes a difference! In the situation you describe, I would not be ok with it.
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| Posted 6/22/17 12:03 PM |
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NYCGirl80
I love my kiddies!
Member since 5/11 10413 total posts
Name:
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Re: Opinions wanted
I think you're letting your feelings towards your in-laws get in the way. If you think your husband is not trustworthy, then that's a different situation. But do you leave your daughter alone with him at home? I assume you do.
My only concern would be her staying in the house. I'd probably prefer them be at a hotel where it's quiet and she'll be able to sleep in her own space. Other than that, I'd be totally ok with sending my child with DH to a family function. She won't be with strangers and people will be around to help during the wedding itself.
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| Posted 6/22/17 12:13 PM |
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SnickNNick
In our new house!!
Member since 8/08 2119 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: Opinions wanted
I can totally see both sides. Is there any way someone else (maybe a family member on your side, or close friend) could go with DH and DD and help take care of DD (and agreed, they totally need to stay in a hotel and not a house with 10 people!). DH, DD and I are all in BIL's wedding this summer in OR. DD will be 17 months at the time of the wedding. My parents are also coming to the wedding (BIL and FSIL have known them a long time and invited them to the event as well) and they will help take care of DD (leave wedding early with her, etc.). We have booked adjoining hotel rooms.
Maybe a trusted babysitter could be an option also. I totally see where you're coming from, but I do feel like it's a missed opportunity for her not to be there if it's possible. As it stands right now, I wouldn't be comfortable, but if there were another person there who could be more on DD - duty and still allow her to participate, that would make it much better in my eyes.
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| Posted 6/22/17 12:20 PM |
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MrsO
Big Brothers to Be
Member since 1/07 4521 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: Opinions wanted
I wouldn't send her for the following reasons:
1- he is not staying in a hotel or with family so it might be difficult for her to be comfortable which in turn can make things complicated for your dh if she is cranky.
2 - He won't be able to enjoy himself and appreciate the wedding weekend as much
3 - What if she gets sick and he ends up missing the wedding
I understand they would love her there for the pics but in this situation I would say let her stay home and your hubby enjoy the wedding and all its festivities.
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| Posted 6/22/17 12:32 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54919 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Opinions wanted
Nope, I wouldn't let her go
They don't need a 20 month old flower girl anyway.
It's not necessary and not worth the stress.
A baby is not a photo prop for people's wedding.
If I could be there it would be one thing, but even my DH wouldn't want her to go in that situation- he'd want to enjoy the wedding and not worry about a baby all night
Message edited 6/22/2017 12:33:32 PM.
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| Posted 6/22/17 12:32 PM |
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ANewDayHasCome
Love multiplies, not divides
Member since 11/12 14481 total posts
Name:
Me
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Opinions wanted
Nope
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| Posted 6/22/17 12:38 PM |
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WannaBeAMom11
LIF Adult
Member since 1/11 7391 total posts
Name:
Name
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Opinions wanted
on one hand my first thought was that's her dad, let her go but then thinking about it a house with tons of people partying and no other kids would make me uncomfortable. Will there be other kids there too? Will she have her own space so dh can put her to sleep? If it's a large house will dh have a monitor or be able to keep an eye on her when she's sleeping so he knows when she's awake so she doesn't get scared in a strange place.
My dh would be fully capable even with my crazy partying family by himself but you know your child and your dh.
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| Posted 6/22/17 12:38 PM |
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StaceyLu
LIF Adolescent
Member since 2/17 572 total posts
Name:
Stacey
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Opinions wanted
There are few things that are worth your sanity when you are pregnant. This is not one of them! Whatever gives you peace of mind is what you should do.
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| Posted 6/22/17 12:38 PM |
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Michi
My Love
Member since 5/05 31600 total posts
Name:
M
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Opinions wanted
Nope..she doesn't know the difference. I'd say a bit nope.
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| Posted 6/22/17 12:57 PM |
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mommy2be716
LIF Adult
Member since 1/16 2921 total posts
Name:
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Opinions wanted
I wouldn't send her
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| Posted 6/22/17 1:10 PM |
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JandJ1224
Member since 6/06 5911 total posts
Name:
Jannette
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Re: Opinions wanted
Personally I can't imagine it being the other way around and my DH telling me no I can't bring our DD to a family wedding.
I think this really comes down to your husband deciding what he wants. He is the one that will have all of the responsibility.
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| Posted 6/22/17 1:57 PM |
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summerBaby10
let's be nice
Member since 9/07 10208 total posts
Name:
Wifey
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Re: Opinions wanted
I wouldn't feel comfortable with that at all.
Does your husband really want to take her or is he feeling pressured by his mother & sister to bring her?
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| Posted 6/22/17 2:28 PM |
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Momma2015
Mommax2
Member since 12/12 6655 total posts
Name:
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Re: Opinions wanted
Posted by JandJ1224
Personally I can't imagine it being the other way around and my DH telling me no I can't bring our DD to a family wedding.
I think this really comes down to your husband deciding what he wants. He is the one that will have all of the responsibility.
I didn't think of it this way. My first instinct was no way, but if it were me going and DH staying home, I'd take her without even thinking twice about it.
For me, I don't like the idea of him staying in the house with 10 other people, most of them strangers. If DH wanted to take her, I'd urge him to get his own hotel room and remind him of all the sacrifices he'll have to make to accommodate her- leaving parties early, not hanging out and drinking, etc.
ETA: Is he renting a car? He'll need to bring a car seat and be responsible for it and her alone on the plane... it sounds like a huge hassle when there's the option of her just staying home with her momma.
Message edited 6/22/2017 2:46:09 PM.
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| Posted 6/22/17 2:44 PM |
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b2b777
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 4474 total posts
Name:
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Re: Opinions wanted
Posted by JandJ1224
Personally I can't imagine it being the other way around and my DH telling me no I can't bring our DD to a family wedding.
I think this really comes down to your husband deciding what he wants. He is the one that will have all of the responsibility.
I was thinking the same thing. You said he doesn't realize he is going to have to leave early, and no after party etc. Have you spoken with him about the reality? If he doesn't understand those things (on his own) I would be fighting against it too. But if he does and is still all for it then i would reconsider and try and figure out better sleeping arragements.
As an aside and for what it is worth i dont think my DH would want to do this and would want to just enjoy the wedding. But im one of those "crazy" ppl who think that babies and toddlers at showers and weddings just dont belong. I cant imagine by DS at 20 months wanting to be up all day at a wedding or stuck in a stroller -- and then miss his bedtime etc. It just seems wrong to the child.
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| Posted 6/22/17 2:45 PM |
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Loveme
LIF Adult
Member since 6/11 3170 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Opinions wanted
Posted by NYCGirl80
I think you're letting your feelings towards your in-laws get in the way. If you think your husband is not trustworthy, then that's a different situation. But do you leave your daughter alone with him at home? I assume you do.
My only concern would be her staying in the house. I'd probably prefer them be at a hotel where it's quiet and she'll be able to sleep in her own space. Other than that, I'd be totally ok with sending my child with DH to a family function. She won't be with strangers and people will be around to help during the wedding itself.
I agree with all of this. I would be sending DD with my husband and his family and enjoy a quiet weekend by myself.
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| Posted 6/22/17 3:01 PM |
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PitterPatter11
Baby Boy is Here!
Member since 5/11 7613 total posts
Name:
Momma <3
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Re: Opinions wanted
Posted by JandJ1224
Personally I can't imagine it being the other way around and my DH telling me no I can't bring our DD to a family wedding.
I think this really comes down to your husband deciding what he wants. He is the one that will have all of the responsibility.
I agree with this.
My DH is 100% capable of taking care of my 3 year old without me being there. We rent houses for vacations with other people all the time. They're not child proofed. We definitely enjoy an adult beverage. My DS doesn't know the people very well as they are college friends we see once a year. Everyone has a great time.
We've also taken my DS to several weddings. He just passes out in the stroller. Theoretically, we could be out all night.
Message edited 6/22/2017 4:11:33 PM.
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| Posted 6/22/17 4:08 PM |
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babyfever24
LIF Adult
Member since 1/11 3340 total posts
Name:
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Re: Opinions wanted
Posted by LuckyStar
Every family is different but I would likely send my DD. My DH is also weirdly capable and my inlaws would be there to help. I'm not saying I would love the idea but I'd suck it up.
And then I'd enjoy the last 3 days of quiet you'll probably ever have.
This, i also trust my inlaws fully and they've taken care of my child for days at a time.
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| Posted 6/22/17 8:35 PM |
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