Ok, seriously....what is the deal with giving gifts to kids' birthday parties you can't or don't want to attend?

I think I get a birthday invitation every day in the mail. I cannot keep up. Most of these people are DH's friends kids and we only see them once a year at the birthday party. Enough is enough. I don't invite them to every celebration we have. I guess I will have to talk to DH to see if he's cool with me not giving a gift if we can't go.....I realize it could probably affect the "friendship", but I don't know what to do anymore. Thoughts?

Re: Ok, seriously....what is the deal with giving gifts to kids' birthday parties you can't or don't want to attend?

I know growing up, if my friends did not show, I did not get a gift

not sure what the norm is nowadays but if it not someone I am particularly close to, I would not get a gift

Re: Ok, seriously....what is the deal with giving gifts to kids' birthday parties you can't or don't want to attend?

I do not give a gift if I do not go to a party. I've never received if someone doesn't come to something I've had (as a kid or an adult).

Re: Ok, seriously....what is the deal with giving gifts to kids' birthday parties you can't or don't want to attend?

I wouldn't give a gift if we didn't go for a kids birthday party.

Re: Ok, seriously....what is the deal with giving gifts to kids' birthday parties you can't or don't want to attend?

for a kids birthday party, i think its fine to not give a gift!

if it were a first birthday, and i didnt go, then maybe i would send a little something or maybe $20 in a bday card, but thats it...
i wouldnt feel obligated to give a gift unless it was a friend that i love and couldnt attend their kids bday party...

Re: Ok, seriously....what is the deal with giving gifts to kids' birthday parties you can't or don't want to attend?

Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't, it really depends on the relationship and if I am going to invite their kid to my kids party. While I certainly do not ever expect a gift (even if they come), some parents do and I don't want them (or their child) to feel neglected and not come to my child's party because they didn't get a gift.

Re: Ok, seriously....what is the deal with giving gifts to kids' birthday parties you can't or don't want to attend?

If I am not close to the parent, I am not giving a gift.

I don't care about etiquette.

I don't expect presents from folks who don't attend functions I throw - from my wedding, to showers, to straight parties.

Re: Ok, seriously....what is the deal with giving gifts to kids' birthday parties you can't or don't want to attend?

Phew! Thank you! For some reason I thought the etiquette was to give a gift, even if you can't attend....maybe I made that up...anyway, thank you all for your comments...makes me feel less guilty....I thought I was the only one not sending gifts if I can't attend!

Re: Ok, seriously....what is the deal with giving gifts to kids' birthday parties you can't or don't want to attend?

Re: Ok, seriously....what is the deal with giving gifts to kids' birthday parties you can't or don't want to attend?

i always give a gift whether i can or can't attend. that was instilled in me growing up.

but you do what you want to do for your situation!

Re: Ok, seriously....what is the deal with giving gifts to kids' birthday parties you can't or don't want to attend?

I don't think it is necessary to give a gift for a birthday you do not attend if you are not close to the family.

Re: Ok, seriously....what is the deal with giving gifts to kids' birthday parties you can't or don't want to attend?

I know what you mean - these birthday parties can get out of control.

I do have to say that I always send a gift if I can't go - I would feel horrible not sending anything - but thats me. Even if it is someone I don't see often and one of DH's friend's child that invites us every once in awhile - I send $20.00 or $30.00 check or gift card.

Re: Ok, seriously....what is the deal with giving gifts to kids' birthday parties you can't or don't want to attend?

If I had replied that I would attend but for some reason could not, I would send a gift because they already paid for me or my child to be there. If they aren't close friends (some of DS's classmates invite the entire class and I don't even know who they are) and we don't go, then no gift.

Re: Ok, seriously....what is the deal with giving gifts to kids' birthday parties you can't or don't want to attend?

I have never received a gift for my kids from kids who couldn't come. I follow the same protocol

Re: Ok, seriously....what is the deal with giving gifts to kids' birthday parties you can't or don't want to attend?

We get LITERALLY about 5 invitations a month.

The boys can't pick more than one a month unless it's a special reason.

We only buy gifts for the birthday parties that we attend unless it's someone very close to us and there is some oddball reason we can't be there.

I never expect my No responses to send gifts for the boys. I'd be homeless if I had to buy gifts for every kid that invites these boys somewhere.

Message edited 2/18/2010 6:09:01 PM.

Re: Ok, seriously....what is the deal with giving gifts to kids' birthday parties you can't or don't want to attend?

Unless it is a close friend (of mine or DS') we don't send a gift to something that we can't attend.

Re: Ok, seriously....what is the deal with giving gifts to kids' birthday parties you can't or don't want to attend?

If I am RSVPing no, then I do not give a gift. But if something comes up and I can't make a party I'm already committed to attending, I do everything in my power to make sure the b-day child gets the gift. After all, the other choice is to go to the store and return it, which to me is just silly.

Re: Ok, seriously....what is the deal with giving gifts to kids' birthday parties you can't or don't want to attend?

Re: Ok, seriously....what is the deal with giving gifts to kids' birthday parties you can't or don't want to attend?

I try to always give a gift even if we can't go but I will admit I have probably forgotten a time or two when it comes to people we don't get to see often.

Re: Ok, seriously....what is the deal with giving gifts to kids' birthday parties you can't or don't want to attend?

you get invited.... they get a gift.

Re: Ok, seriously....what is the deal with giving gifts to kids' birthday parties you can't or don't want to attend?

I don't give a gift if I don't attend. I didn't get any gifts from people who couldn't attend my DD's party either.

Re: Ok, seriously....what is the deal with giving gifts to kids' birthday parties you can't or don't want to attend?

Re: Ok, seriously....what is the deal with giving gifts to kids' birthday parties you can't or don't want to attend?

Re: Ok, seriously....what is the deal with giving gifts to kids' birthday parties you can't or don't want to attend?

Re: Ok, seriously....what is the deal with giving gifts to kids' birthday parties you can't or don't want to attend?

I only send a gift if I was going to attend but couldn't for whatever reason.

DD did not receive gifts from people who declined her birthday invitation, and I didn't expect any.