Not Volunteering.....

I go on another messageboard (only one other NYer on there) and we were talking about volunteering. I said that I have my plate full now with a fulltime job, 2 kids, dh and a house to take care of. I have been attacked that these woman all have these things too and volunteer a couple of times a week, do things for their church, etc.

Am I the only one who feels like I am doing my best and when I am able to volunteer I do but don't feel I need to do a million things?
I have to admit that I DO enjoy NOT doing anything at night sometimes and don't like that feeling of being rushed, getting home, feeding everyone, running out the door, getting home and just going to bed.

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Some people enjoy over-extending themselves for the sole purpose of making those who don't/can't feel bad.

You're NOT alone with enjoying your free time and doing things for YOU... which is so rare in our day-to-day life.

Message edited 2/4/2008 10:48:22 AM.

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Don't let them get to you. Everyone does what they can and only YOU know how much you can take on.

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Thanks! I have and will volunteer but I don't want to, at this time in my life, want to commit myself to things that I will have to do all year long.

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I don't think that the demands that NY'ers have necessarily translate to other parts of the country.

For example, to many people a full day's work is 9-5. Not so much in NY. Also, for most people a commute is under 30 minutes. Not necessarily in NY.
Also, the after school activities that kids have here aren't necessarily the same as other places.

Not to mention the idea of spending quality time with your family. I can't imagine how I would do it all- and volunteer.

Message edited 2/4/2008 10:54:29 AM.

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It's called volunteering--not you have to. Like you said, you volunteer when you are able to. Don't sweat it!

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DH is big on volunteering and being in many community organizations. At first I thought it was admirable and a good thing, but I never saw him! Planning anything on the weekends was difficult. He recently volunteered for another organization and to be honest, I wasn't happy.

I told him that he doesn't have to be everything for everyone, and that charity begins at home.

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Do these people work full time jobs? In a lot of areas of the country two salaries are not needed to live, like it is for most families here on LI. Ask them what their mortgage payments or rent is or how much their taxes are.
I used to volunteer as an EMT but it just got to be too much for me with commuting. I am away from home almost 12 hours a day.
They shouldn't be so quick to judge, because I am sure they have no idea what life is like here.

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Like pp said--they also aren't in NY. She had good points about the work day, commute,school activities with the kids etc...
As long with you are ok with the amount of volunteering you put in whenever you can, that is all that matters. Some people really eat/sleep/breathe volunteering. And good for them. I'm sure if everyones schedules permitted it, life would be totally different.
And nobody has an obligation to volunteer. Do what you can. Any time you can put in ANYWHERE is appreciated whether it's an hour or a day. Only do what you are able to do.
I love to volunteer, but I would NEVER bash someone for doing too little.

I think these people are taking it too far. Keep your head up.

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there is nothing wrong with not volunteering - we all choose to do what we WANT and CAN DO to help - and sometimes that means making donations or writing letters, or even just writing checks!!

please don't feel bad - these "volunteers" need to get off their high horses!!

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The only thing I see them volunteering is thier opinion. For people who do so much volunteering, how do they have the time to tell you you're not doing enough?

Have a hug. Please don't let them get to you.

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"Charity begins at home" I don't feel it helps society out if I volunteer to help strangers, and leave DW and/or the kids without my help or presence. I volunteer when I can, but I think it's much better to spend time with DC, and raise them to be upstanding citizens, and people who will benefit society. That's my contribution.

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Posted by GoldenRod

"Charity begins at home" I don't feel it helps society out if I volunteer to help strangers, and leave DW and/or the kids without my help or presence. I volunteer when I can, but I think it's much better to spend time with DC, and raise them to be upstanding citizens, and people who will benefit society. That's my contribution.

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Keep in mind that you don't know everyone's personal life. Some people involve themselves so much out of the home because they are running away. They don't want to be home or with their spouses..etc..

They shouldn't judge at all. No two people have the same circumstances.

I used to volunteer periodically, now I use donation more.

Do they donate their money? Maybe they would rather donate their time.

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Volunteering is something personal that is done because someone finds fulfillment with it - not something done to gain superiority and cast moral judgements on those who do not.

Apparently the people attacking you missed the memo.

Don't let them get to you! You do what you feel comfortable with and don't let anyone's selfish comments make you think less of yourself.

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I think you can always say you don't have time and that may be legitimate, but I also think that if you really want to do something you'll find some way to find the time to do it to soem extent. but if you don't want to do it enough to give up something else, then there's nothing wrong with that either.

If you REALLY wanted to volunteer you would find some way to do it some small way, but it's also fine that you have other things that are more important right now.

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Posted by Blu-ize

Posted by hazeleyes33

Posted by Blu-ize

Keep in mind that you don't know everyone's personal life. Some people involve themselves so much out of the home because they are running away. They don't want to be home or with their spouses..etc..

They shouldn't judge at all. No two people have the same circumstances.

I used to volunteer periodically, now I use donation more.

Do they donate their money? Maybe they would rather donate their time.

Of course they do. Don't you know these women are perfect-lol!!
It's sad that their lives ARE lacking of something and they have to try and impress and put others down to make themselves feel better.

If they have to tell you they are perfect then they are not. I bet their DH's cheat on them.

ok, I'm just being mean now, but they have made you feel bad about yourself and there is no reason for that. To each his/her own.

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