No Drama...sort of a spinoff to "Not worth it to work" post...

There have been a lot of posts lately about working/not working. Some of the posters said that they can "have it all" to an extent.

If you feel that you "have it all", can you please give me some tips, because I am seriously struggling.

My DD is 7 and DS is 3. I have worked only part time (3) days since DD was born. For financial reasons, I recently went back full time.

I feel like I am stretched so thin, that I am not successful in any area.

How do you do it? How do you keep the house clean, laundry done, healthy food purchased and cooked, spend time with the kids or do anything for yourself? I feel guilty everyday and like a bad Mother who yells all the time.

Do you have a schedule for household chores/meals? Do you set aside special time for each child? Help!

Message edited 4/20/2012 10:07:27 PM.

Re: No Drama...sort of a spinoff to "Not worth it to work" post...

Some famous woman (I don't remember who) said "You CAN have it all....just not at the same time." This is true for me. DH and I work full time with demanding jobs and I have a 5 and 2 year old. Every single day has to be carefully pre-planned and prepared just to get through it (from clothes to meals to who picks up who from what school, etc.) My house is always a gigantic mess. Weekends are filled with cleaning and laundry and grocery shopping and bill paying, and if we actually do all that we have to sacrifice time with the kids. Forget out "me" time or "couple" time. Everyone says it will get easier when the kids get older but I don't see that - all I see are more tasks like taking them to and from activities and friends. I am still learning to accept it all as my life and most days I am pretty happy but sometimes it does get to me. I know this response doesn't help you at all but I thought it would be nice to see that you are not alone!

Re: No Drama...sort of a spinoff to "Not worth it to work" post...

I like that... about not having it all at the same time.

I think it involves reassessing what you want, what you need, and what you can put on hold either temporarily or indefinitely to make other things happen.

For me - my child comes first, then my health. Everything else gets prioritized on a daily basis. Some days, nothing else gets done. Some days, a little more than that gets done.

All of it? Never!!!

Re: No Drama...sort of a spinoff to "Not worth it to work" post...

I dont think i I have it "all" but I do think I have "a lot" of it. I am a teacher so that helps a lot. Dh has a very demanding job. Dd is 4 and DS is almost 2. We pretty much have a very strict routine. Dh is the morning person because I leave for work at 5:45am. He gets them up, dressed, feeds them and brings them to school. I am the afternoon person. I pick them up, play with them, feed them dinner, give baths and put them to bed. Bed time is also very strict. 730 is it. I use the time when they are sleeping to grade, plan, sometimes clean or just sit and watch tv. Dh mainly works until 8pm 5 days a week so it does suck the we generally only eat dinner as a family 2x a week. His schedule is like this because we needed someone to do mornings.

Are things perfect? Not even close. Throw one sick kid into the mix and all our "routines" go out the window. However I know that "I" am not cut out to be a sahm. I love my job and I love my kids so we make it work. There are days (like Thursday) where i wanted to cry because it was such a bad day; for the most part however those are few and far between.

It also helps that I have a cleaning lady come every other week. She saves my sanity. With two kids, two dogs and a messy husband I might have lost my mind without her. It gives me the ability to spend the weekends playing with the kids instead of cleaning all day long. Does laundry pile up? Yes. Are there dishes in my sink? Yup. Could you find dog fur floating on the floor occasionally? Absolutely But all that is stuff I've learned to accept or I'd lose my mind.

So I don't have it all but I've leaned what works for us so that I have it pretty ok.

Re: No Drama...sort of a spinoff to "Not worth it to work" post...

Message edited 4/21/2012 10:16:41 AM.

Re: No Drama...sort of a spinoff to "Not worth it to work" post...

P.S. I cook a lot of simple meals during the week, or we just throw stuff on the grill.

I may make a few big meals on the weekends that often can serve as leftovers.

Also the crockpot can be your best friend ;).

Re: No Drama...sort of a spinoff to "Not worth it to work" post...

I'm a SAHM and still don't have it all I did work FT until ds was 10 months old and I had a commute. I felt stretched way too thin. Ds was waking up many times a night so it was very hard for me. Every child is different. I liked my job and felt bad leaving

I still yell a lot because we still have places to get to ( nursery school , activities) . Since you kids are a little older , give it some time things hopefully will get easier for you

Maybe you can hire a cleaning person? I miss working but now I fear going back FT, m afraid I will fall apart My advice is to try and stick it out bc it seems like you are handling things well

Message edited 4/21/2012 10:34:04 AM.

Re: No Drama...sort of a spinoff to "Not worth it to work" post...

I don't think you can have it all at the same time. Or if you do, you have either a house husband or a full time staff to cater to your family's needs. That is how you have it all - otherwise something has to give. We all only get 24 hours in a day - no matter how much money you have you can't change the hours. It is for you to determine how best to spend that time for you and your family.

Re: No Drama...sort of a spinoff to "Not worth it to work" post...

Love yourself. Love what you ARE able to do. Forgive yourself for not doing everything and accept yourself as a fantastic human being, mother and wife in the best way that you are able to be. The more you love what you do, the more you are able to do. And don't hold yourself up to anyone else's standards ever,

If you want to hear how great you are doing, ask your kids who the BEST mommy in the world is.

Re: No Drama...sort of a spinoff to "Not worth it to work" post...

Re: No Drama...sort of a spinoff to "Not worth it to work" post...

I think I have it all but that is to my standards.....others would bot think I have it all. My house is clean but not perfect, my cooking is simple and some days DH eats PB & J for dinner (his choice though) DS is still young so I think its easier. I work in the city and love my job. I am able to work from home if DS has a Drs appt or is sick so I do not have to use my vacation time.

I think our view (DH & I) is laid back so we don't stress over the small stuff....we would rather enjoy the weekend and have a semi clean house then try and have a perfect house....

That's why I say I think I have it all but to others standards I don't.

Re: No Drama...sort of a spinoff to "Not worth it to work" post...

I kind of agree with the person who said you can have it all, but not at the same time.

I'm a person who likes to throw herself into things, even if it's just a hobby. When I was working, I was a real career person. I threw myself into my career and did well as a result. Now I'm a SAHM, so that's the thing I've been throwing myself into for the past several years. I have a school-age child, so I've been involved in volunteering at his school as much as my schedule allows (since I have a little one still home with me)

I've always loved to cook, so I've cooked healthy meals both as a working woman and a SAHM. I have never had a perfect house, whether working or not.

Honestly, I'd like to find one MAN who lays awake at night wondering how he can "have it all", lol.

Re: No Drama...sort of a spinoff to "Not worth it to work" post...

We have opted for a smaller house so I could literally clean it in one day and have.
We do the laundry as it accumulates so we don't have to spend all weekend doing laundry.
We both do not work late so as soon as we get home one of us cooks.
I dust as I see it get bad, same thing with vacuuming and moping.
Things like my nails usually are the last to get done and most of the time don't unless we are going out and I try and take an hour to do nothing. lol.

Re: No Drama...sort of a spinoff to "Not worth it to work" post...

I have it all...all that I want and need and am very lucky and happy. I have the perfect life for ME. Is it the "all" that others want? Maybe not, but this is what I can do for myself and kids and have made a lot of sacrifices and effort in my life to get here. I try to appreciate all that I have every moment and sometimes I can't believe what I have and all that I'm doing. I am not on the PTA and I don't bake often LOL.

I am a single mom to 2 kids. We live in nice neighborhood, I own my co-op but it's a small 2BR (which is very manageable and perfect for us). My girls are healthy and doing well in school. They talk to their father almost daily and see him, usually for one full 24 hour period on the weekend, or sometimes a full weekend. This is when I see my awesome BF and/or other friends for drinks or dinner. This is also when I shop, cook, take an excercise class or have down time.

I work full time, love my career and luckily my commute is very short. I get PTO and my boss is fantastic, so when my kids are sick or we have to go to the doctor I do it all. I work for a company that has great retirement benefits, so I'm doing okay financially. I get the child support that my kids deserve, luckily too. I have a Master's and plan to start another online Master's degree program soon.

I manage and plan my time so that when I pick up my kids from school I can focus on them and their homework and needs. I sit and play outside with them when I can. However, when they have some free time in the evening after HW and dinner I may workout for 30 minutes in my living room. I also go for a walk during lunch, or a jog immediately after work before my kids are done with their after school program. I clean up the kitchen immediately after dinner so that when they are in bed I can relax or talk on the phone for an hour before I go to sleep. When my kids are in bed, I sit in their room with my laptop and catch up on the computer. Or I do stretching excercises!

To me our priorties are work and school work, healthy meals and excercise, time with friends/family, time for productive fun activities.

I just started using a cleaning woman, but only 1x per month. This is a huge stress reliever and worth the $$. I cook a few meals on Sundays so I have dinner ready when we get home at 5:45. I also knit in my "free time".

Am I in a high level position at work? Not yet. Are my kids in many extra curricular activities or having lots of play dates? Nope. Do we see our family (like grandparents) a lot? No, and these are some of the changes that I have to make and put more effort into.

Message edited 4/21/2012 7:38:44 PM.

Re: No Drama...sort of a spinoff to "Not worth it to work" post...

I don't think I "have it all" but I am happy with what I have.

For me, schedules and routines are the key to my sanity.

I clean the house either during DD's nap on Saturday or Sunday, or after she goes to sleep one night during the weekend. When I go back to work after having #2 I will definitely consider a cleaning woman.

I plan my weekly menu ahead of time, and then I food shop either Fridays, before I pick DD up from daycare, or first thing Saturday morning. I try to do most of my cooking on Sundays. I try to cook 1-2 meals that will last us a few nights. Anything that I do cook during the week is quick and easy.

I spend time with DD after work, and as much as I can on the weekends. Some weekends it is more than others. It depends on what errands need to be run, etc.

As far as doing things for myself, my only priority is exercise. Saturday and Sunday DH and I take turns--one runs while the other stays home with DD. Two days during the week, I either get up early (4:45) or run with DD in the jogging stroller after work. When DH is home at night (which is rare this time of year) he will feed DD dinner while I run, but then I am sacrificing time with her.

The rest of me is a hott mess...my nails are never done. I got a pedi last weekend, and they took off the nail polish I put on Christmas Eve I have been needing a haircut for weeks. This is the stuff that I choose to let go though...if it's between running and a haircut, I'll choose running every time

Re: No Drama...sort of a spinoff to "Not worth it to work" post...

i'd have it all if i could just clone myself

Re: No Drama...sort of a spinoff to "Not worth it to work" post...

I'm very happy and would consider myself someone who does "have it all" but that's based on my view..

For me, having it all means I have a loving, supportive husband (check), close parents and family that love me and support me (check), a great job with a great salary (check), friends I have been close to since HS/college who I can rely on (check), zero debt (no credit card debt, only a mortgage and tiny car loan -check), a roof over my head and a clean home (check), good health (check, never had emergency surgery, heart attacks or any serious medical condition that required multiple Dr visits) and no kids (DH and I choose to be child free).

Re: No Drama...sort of a spinoff to "Not worth it to work" post...

I feel I have it all.

But it depends on how you judge it.

-DC and DH are happy and healthy
-Roof over our heads/food on table
-Both employed and secure

Yes, I sometimes slack on laundry, or get stressed out...but I remind myself of the above 3 things and it changes my mood.

The secret that I will share with you is this:

-Find your 3 things.
-Take each day at a time.
-Remind yourself of the 3 things during moments of stress.
-Don't be hard on yourself.

Re: No Drama...sort of a spinoff to "Not worth it to work" post...

Posted by rojerono

Love yourself. Love what you ARE able to do. Forgive yourself for not doing everything and accept yourself as a fantastic human being, mother and wife in the best way that you are able to be. The more you love what you do, the more you are able to do. And don't hold yourself up to anyone else's standards ever,

If you want to hear how great you are doing, ask your kids who the BEST mommy in the world is.

Re: No Drama...sort of a spinoff to "Not worth it to work" post...

I am a SAHM. And i truly feel that is a job. It isn't the career I had before, but it's a very important job to me. So right now in life, i do feel i have most of what we need. I feel happy to be with my kids, and we do OK. We are not rolling in money by any means, but if I were to work i would be bringing in nothing after childcare was paid for. And I love what I do, so I feel really content.

Some SAHM's say they struggle with feeling like they aren't contributing financially but I've yet to ever feel like that. I feel that what i do is a huge contribution to this family!