Need Opinions

My very best friend's wedding is August 2nd, 2009 - exactly 8 days after my EDD. I have already told her that I don't think that I am going to be able to contribute much but I just feel like I should suggest that she pick someone else to be her BM. I feel awful that she was so helpful for my wedding in June and now I can't be there 100% for her. She is such a sweetheart and understands completely but I just feel like it is unfair of me to remain a BM knowing that I may not even make it to her wedding.

In your opinion, if I were to deliver on or very near my EDD do you think that I will want to go to her wedding? The wedding is approx. 1 hour away from my home and the reception is 1.5 hrs away from my home. I plan to EBF for the first couple of months...although things could obv change.

WWYD?

Re: Need Opinions

Personally, 8 days after my EDD... I wouldn't. You can go late, which would mean just getting home from the hosptial with a newborn. And if you are EBF, you're going to bring a newborn just days old to a wedding?

If you did deliver prior to or on your DD, I don't think I would physcially feel up to a full day of attending a wedding, bridal party or not.

Re: Need Opinions

I think that's cutting it way too close - you may even be 8 days late!! If it were me, I would respectfully pull out of the BP.

Re: Need Opinions

Posted by MikesWife

I think that's cutting it way too close - you may even be 8 days late!! If it were me, I would respectfully pull out of the BP.

Re: Need Opinions

Wow... that is really hard. It sounds like your friend understands you may not be able to make it and you never know if you're going to be late. If you can't go then you can't go. I had 3 pregnant bridesmaids in my BP and told them I totally understood if they had to back out or that they can't be as helpful. I was there for all their weddings, but I didn't expect the same from them only b/c of the situation. I was single when they all got married or dating my now husband. Do what you can with going to the shower or any other parties and maybe take them out to dinner or something when they get back from their honeymoon. Tell them to bring pics so you can feel apart of it afterwards when you're up for it.

Re: Need Opinions

I agree I would pull out of the wedding. I am sure your friend would completely understand. You can still help with the planning and the shower.

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You can still DO all of the BFF bridesmaid stuff w/o actually being a bridesmaid - and I think she'd appreciate that -
I'm SURE any reasonable person would agree 8 days after your due date you have NO clue where you'll be or what will be happening .........

Re: Need Opinions

do i think you will WANT to go? no. you will probably be pretty sleep deprived by that point and just wishing for a nap.

but do i think you COULD physically go? if you deliver vaginally, absolutely. if you have a c-section, i think it would depend on when the baby is born - if it was born on your due date or later, i think you might still be recovering at that point.

if you go, i wouldn't take the baby with you at that point. is there someone in your family who could watch the baby?

also, are you open to giving BM to the baby in a bottle and pumping at the wedding?

Re: Need Opinions

8 days is cutting it really close. You could deliver late, may have to get a c-section, etc. There is such a high chance that you won't be able to make it that she should make other arrangements. You can still be very supportive and get her a nice wedding gift. I'm sure she will understand.

Re: Need Opinions

Posted by MikesWife

I think that's cutting it way too close - you may even be 8 days late!! If it were me, I would respectfully pull out of the BP.

Re: Need Opinions

Thank you ladies! I guess I am just so sad about having to pull out of it! I think I am going to tell her that I am resigning but I will try to at least make it to her ceremony. My mom and/or DH can watch the baby at my mom's house (10 mins from ceremony) and I can just make an appearance and see her get married and then high tail it out of there

I am going to email her sister now about the shower to make it known that I want to help!!

Thank you all for the opinions!

Re: Need Opinions

Nope. Afetr my first baby, I felt like I'd been hit by a truck for about 10 days. With #2, I felt GREAT- but still not enough to go to a wedding.

You will be SLEEP DEPRIVED of epic proportions. Add the exhaustion that BFing brings, plus the engorgement (which is likely at 8 days PP), PLUS with EBF, you are literally walking around your house with your boobs out because the baby nurses constantly.

Even now at 9 weeks, I STILL wouldn't go to a wedding because I am in bed by 9 every night to get ready for the evenings *festivities* (she's still waking 2-3 times a night to nurse).

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I'm attending a wedding in the Bahamas this coming w/e and the MOH just gave birth on NYE. She was due the 21st and for some reason just assumed she'd go early not late. She is going to leave the baby w/ her mom and go to the wedding from Fri-Sunday. I feel really bad b/c I'm sure it's a tough position to be in. Unfortuantely you can't plan these things. I think 8 days after your due date is cutting it too close. If you've had the baby early or on time maybe you can attend some of the wedding but I definitely wouldn't plan to be a BM.

Re: Need Opinions