Need An Opinion

My 20 year old daughter who is graduating from college in the Spring (but staying an additional year to complete a MBA) was offered a Summer Internship with a BIG 4 accounting firm. She was awarded the initial campus interview completely on her own (she is very qualified). However, I have an acquaintance through my younger daughter's friend group, whose husband is a partner at this firm. At this woman's urging, my daughter reached out to him before sitting for the campus interview. She moved on to the next round and was ultimately offered a slot. My friend's husband has been enormously helpful (way more than I ever expected) and although I think she probably would have gotten the position, who knows. I'd really like to do something for him and/or send something to the family, but my husband, who is a corporate VP, says this is completely inappropriate. He thinks that our daughter should write him a very nice note and believes that he very well could be long-term mentor of hers. Every bone in my body wants to thank this man in some tangible form, but my husband really has me second guessing myself. Who's right?

Just wanted to say thanks again and update. As luck would have it, yesterday my younger daughter and this man's daughter both started indoor field hockey. My husband took my daughter and this man took his daughter. Before my husband could go over and say hello, he came over to my husband to tell him how impressed he was with our daughter and how glad he was that it all worked out. He also told him that he'd definitely keep her on his radar and she should always feel free to seek him out. It gave my husband the opportunity to thank him and shake his hand. They both agreed that they were thankful for mentors early on in their careers. I'm so glad that one of us had the opportunity to say thank you in this organic kind of a way.

Message edited 1/16/2018 4:37:59 PM.

Re: Need An Opinion

I think in this case I agree with your husband.
She should write him a professional note thanking him for the opportunity.
By giving him a gift, it makes it seem like she wouldn't have gotten the position without his pull, and that just doesn't sit right with me.

Re: Need An Opinion

I agree with your husband. Also, have your daughter send a thank you note.

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I agree with your husband as well.

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I would not send anything tangible - company may even have a policy against it and also the last thing you want is for it to be seen as a "bribe" (even if it's all legitimate).

Need An Opinion

She should write a nice thank you note and seek him out in person at some point to think him if he works in the same office, but thats it.

FWIW, It may be possible for him to get her the position, but likely that wasn't the case. Him recommending her was probably considered, but generally partners get people interviews, not positions unless there is a heavy connection.

Need An Opinion

I agree with all the other posters. Sending a gift might come off as a bribe and also could make it seem like you didn't think your dd would have been qualified to get the position on her own.

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I agree with your husband. A gift in this instance could be construed as a bribe. Only your daughter should write him a thank you note. Not you. She needs to do this on her own. Do not get a reputation as a helicopter parent from her new job. That would be bad for her.

Re: Need An Opinion

Re: Need An Opinion

I agree with your husband. A gift in this instance could be construed as a bribe. Only your daughter should write him a thank you note. Not you. She needs to do this on her own. Do not get a reputation as a helicopter parent from her new job. That would be bad for her.

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I agree with your husband

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I agree with your husband. It's the "tasteful professional" thing to do.

Re: Need An Opinion

Thanks for the opinions. My daughter, throughout this process, has developed a very collegial relationship with this man. She was always going to write a very nice note. I'm not sure that my post initially conveyed that. But, I was really blown away by the amount of help he offered. I see that any tangible gesture on my part would be inappropriate, but, as I said, I never expected this and am really thankful. All that said, my daughter is super qualified (3.9 GPA, other accounting internships, D1 athlete) and I don't want to send anyone (including her) the message that she couldn't have done this without help.

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Re: Need An Opinion

Your husband is correct.

It is worth more for your daughter's future career to write a thank you note, and to learn business etiquette from it. Having a good mentor is priceless.

Congratulations to her on her accomplishments.

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Just a note, and only from your daughter.

Message edited 1/12/2018 10:41:20 AM.

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Need An Opinion

Agree with your husband or it appears that she was given the job not based on her own merits.

Re: Need An Opinion

I 100% agree with your DH. I am not sure I would have her send him a thank you note either. If she does, I would keep it super general. You don't want anything to be misconstrued as nepotism.

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Your husband is right. The corporate world runs on networks. Your daughter needs to establish this person in her network. She needs to write a thank you note and stay in touch. This has nothing to do with you and you MUST stay out of it.

I'm sure he was happy to help. She owes him and can repay him by working hard and proving his recommendation was right. Execs are supposed to groom young talent. She makes him look good.

She also needs to repay this favor eventually by helping someone else out. She should remember this as she rises in the ranks and help another young person out.

For now, a thank you note and giving it all she's got is all that's needed.

Re: Need An Opinion

Updated in the original post. Thanks again ladies!