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sweetie
Member since 8/06 1730 total posts
Name:
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
My first thought was it's not a big deal but considering she's only there 1 DAY A WEEK, I think she can abide by your rules for that 1 day!
If you like her & want her to stay, I would just have a conversation about what is expected
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Posted 3/5/10 12:52 PM  |
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KartveliT
...
Member since 1/08 8363 total posts
Name:
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
Message edited 3/5/2010 1:46:59 PM.
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| Posted 3/5/10 12:54 PM |
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dcl08
<3
Member since 4/07 3915 total posts
Name:
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
Posted by Xelindrya
I'm sorry. I may get flamed for this but...
Dump the *****!
I take the care of my child VERY seriously. If I said never wear green, its my #1 rule and you find ways around it a few times then grow bold enough to just do it behind my back well that shows you have no respect for me! And that's an over-exaggeration and I know it.
But your rule is valid. Her asking you here and there, well that's ok. If you had an issue like "hey its flu season and your college daughter is exposed to so much more than my child, do you mind holding off on visiting until you're home away from my baby?" ... well if that's the case then you have a right to say "not today".
To just ignore your rules now as 'its ok' since you may have let her once or twice in the past is so utterly disrespectful. That alone is a deal breaker for me but then she adds that strange man. She obviously knew you wanted NO ONE in the home including her own children, why in god's name would she think a unknown man would be ok?
That's just blatantly rude.
No this would NOT fly with me. And frankly I'd probably let her know without telling her how you know. Let her wonder if someone told on her or if you have cameras (make sure they are well hidden).
Time to look for a new babysitter, if it were me. Not even my daycare lets strangers in 
ITA!
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| Posted 3/5/10 12:56 PM |
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lullabella
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 2246 total posts
Name:
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
Posted by waterspout4
I wouldn't let on about the camera. I would say that neighbors are letting you know that people are coming in.
Why wouldnt you let on about the camera? Personally I would be very upfront about it, what is the point of going back to look after the fact.... what ever your looking for has already been done? KWIM? I would rather her know from the get go that you have sruveliance, then this whole thing would have been avoided.
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| Posted 3/5/10 1:04 PM |
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GottaHaveFaith
LIF Adult
Member since 10/09 1443 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
Posted by Fasc0730
Posted by ChrisDee
With all due respect, It sounds like you do not trust this women's judgement at all. Which seems a little wierd if you are letting her care for your child. I would assume that you and DH order food in sometimes. Is this grown women not capable of doing the same? It sounds like she successfully rasied a few kids.I would never let someone that I gave that little respect to, watch my child. I totally understand not wanting strangers in your home, but her own children. If I had to stay at home all day with my own kids and not be able to have my mom or siblings come over, I would go out of my mind. IMO It is an unrealistic and unfair request. That being said, she new the rules and broke them. So I would say you need to have a conversation with her. You may lose an otherwise good sitter over this.
honestly i agree with this.
As someone from the pregnancy board crashing, I know I am only 18 weeks pregnant, but I do agree with what you said. She did lie, but as long as she was doing the right thing and taking care of your child, I don't see the harm. Remember, she is also one of your neighbors, that might be very akward after if you choose to make a war of this.
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| Posted 3/5/10 1:11 PM |
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Jodee
I love my girls
Member since 11/08 1510 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
Posted by ChrisDee
With all due respect, It sounds like you do not trust this women's judgement at all. Which seems a little wierd if you are letting her care for your child. I would assume that you and DH order food in sometimes. Is this grown women not capable of doing the same? It sounds like she successfully rasied a few kids.I would never let someone that I gave that little respect to, watch my child. I totally understand not wanting strangers in your home, but her own children. If I had to stay at home all day with my own kids and not be able to have my mom or siblings come over, I would go out of my mind. IMO It is an unrealistic and unfair request. That being said, she new the rules and broke them. So I would say you need to have a conversation with her. You may lose an otherwise good sitter over this.
I do trust this womans judgement, I have met her children, have had many conversations with her regarding upbringing, morals, etc. Hence my decision to have her watch DD in my home...in the safety of my home.
She sits for others, but they don't live down the block from her, so her children don't just pop over for visits. And I don't think her children pop in for visits @ her office job - why should my house be ANY different??
I too have my family and friends come to visit - but its my choice, my house.
This is not her child, nor her house and not my friends and family - they are STRANGERS to ME.
As for ordering in food, I am not saying DON't but don't have them in the house - meet the delivery person @ the door - I never invite them in.
But your right - I don't want to lose a good sitter for unrealistic requests - reason for me posting this here....
Ladies thank you for your words, some harsh, some comforting, but all listened to with an open ear....
Message edited 3/5/2010 1:36:37 PM.
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| Posted 3/5/10 1:20 PM |
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Jodee
I love my girls
Member since 11/08 1510 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
Posted by Karen
Posted by Fasc0730
Posted by ChrisDee
With all due respect, It sounds like you do not trust this women's judgement at all. Which seems a little wierd if you are letting her care for your child. I would assume that you and DH order food in sometimes. Is this grown women not capable of doing the same? It sounds like she successfully rasied a few kids.I would never let someone that I gave that little respect to, watch my child. I totally understand not wanting strangers in your home, but her own children. If I had to stay at home all day with my own kids and not be able to have my mom or siblings come over, I would go out of my mind. IMO It is an unrealistic and unfair request. That being said, she new the rules and broke them. So I would say you need to have a conversation with her. You may lose an otherwise good sitter over this.
honestly i agree with this.
I agree also.
Are you comfortable with her driving your DD around?
No reason for it - and NO.
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| Posted 3/5/10 1:22 PM |
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dnj925
I couldnt love him more !!!
Member since 1/09 1332 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
I understand bc i get annoyed when my nany breaks a rule.
Im sorry your dealing with this but do not let on about the cameras blame the neighbors telling you and maybe look for a new babysitter bc well she did lie!
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| Posted 3/5/10 1:29 PM |
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hunnybunnyxoxo
this is what it's all about
Member since 11/07 3321 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
i dont like that she broke the rules .. i mean ok, the "strangers" were her daughters, not the worst thing in the world. i dont htink i would mind too much.
but most importantly i dont like that she tried to hide part of the truth
not telling you that both her daughters plus a man ( boyfriend) came by? i mean what else does she partially lie about?
had she come clean and flat out told you "by the way my 2 daughters came by with her boyfriend..", then at least she is being honest and there wouldnt be a trust issue.
she should have come clean..
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| Posted 3/5/10 2:52 PM |
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Tah-wee-ZAH
Kisses
Member since 5/05 15952 total posts
Name:
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
Posted by MarisaK
The OP isn't paying her to be entertained, she's paying her to babysit for her child - And if she's 'bored' and needs company, maybe she's not doing her job ........or, if she's bored, maybe she needs to find a new job. - IMO, there is a SIGNIFICANT difference between being with your OWN kids all day and needing to get out ot the house, do things, see people etc etc and being PAID as a JOB to be w/ someone's kids all day -
My JOB gets boring too, I don't have my husband come and hang out w/ in my office for a few hours .........
And I don't think ANY babysitter is required to have visitors in another person's HOME. - I don't alllow my own MIL to have her boyfriend or sisters or others in my home while she's there - (other than BIL and SIL) (there's a longer story to that) but part of it is the fact that I don't feel she needs to be entertaining people in MY home while she's with her Grandsom ONE day a week . -
As far as having lunch delivered, I think that's a bit ridiculous - This is a grown woman, I'm sure she's capable of opening the door, paying the guy and seeing him out ........
Confront her - don't let her know you have the cameras though .....
I agree on all counts.
She is getting paid to do a job. You, as the employer, decide the parameters.
I teach in a school and I cannot bring my own children to work with me.
The unknown man and the delivery man would seal this woman's fate in my eyes.
To make matters worse, she LIES... a lie of omission is still a lie. I'd be wondering what else is she lying about.
Done. Fired. See ya.
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| Posted 3/5/10 3:08 PM |
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CookiePuss
Cake from Outer Space!
Member since 5/05 14007 total posts
Name:
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
Posted by dnj925
I understand bc i get annoyed when my nany breaks a rule.
Im sorry your dealing with this but do not let on about the cameras blame the neighbors telling you and maybe look for a new babysitter bc well she did lie!
I completely disagree about the cameras. I let my nanny know we had nanny cams but I didn't point them out to her. My feelings were I rather she know we are recording and always be on her "best" behavior as opposed to catching her doing something because she doesn't know and it's too late to stop that action.
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| Posted 3/5/10 3:11 PM |
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nicknmb
SISTERS!
Member since 1/06 5193 total posts
Name:
MaryBeth
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
Posted by ChrisDee
With all due respect, It sounds like you do not trust this women's judgement at all. Which seems a little wierd if you are letting her care for your child. I would assume that you and DH order food in sometimes. Is this grown women not capable of doing the same? It sounds like she successfully rasied a few kids.I would never let someone that I gave that little respect to, watch my child. I totally understand not wanting strangers in your home, but her own children. If I had to stay at home all day with my own kids and not be able to have my mom or siblings come over, I would go out of my mind. IMO It is an unrealistic and unfair request. That being said, she new the rules and broke them. So I would say you need to have a conversation with her. You may lose an otherwise good sitter over this.
I could not agree more...
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| Posted 3/5/10 3:23 PM |
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lmnscc
LIF Adolescent
Member since 1/07 598 total posts
Name:
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
Posted by Jacksmommy
I hate to say it but I would start looking for a babysitter again!
I totally agree. I wouldn't let on about the cameras and just watch them until you find someone new. I would also tell her that you prefer that nobody is in the house at all.
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| Posted 3/5/10 3:34 PM |
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Mimms
love my boys
Member since 4/08 2365 total posts
Name:
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
Posted by DPerotti
Posted by eddiesmommy
However, I would say, you know, I know you said you had your daughter here but one of my neighbors saw a man they didnt recognize also enter the home and give her a chance to explain. If she lies.....Id fire her. If she explains, then I would reiterate the rule one more time and if it happens again, definitely let her go.
Agree.
Daughters- I would be ok with that but a strange MAN, NOT OK!
I agree with this. I also think I would let the food delivery go. I'm assuming she isn't taking your dd out of your home while she is watching her which would explain getting something delivered.
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| Posted 3/5/10 3:53 PM |
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cjik
Welcome 2010!
Member since 2/06 8879 total posts
Name:
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
My thought on this is that you need to discuss this with her at the very least and make it clear that you do not want visitors. I would let the delivery guy thing go, unless he was roaming the house, it's not such a big deal. But you made a rule, she needs to stick with it or find another job.
My other thought is that you didn't maintain your boundaries with her. In future, you need to say no, even if it sounds innocent enough. If you want her to focus on DC and have no visitors while working, that's fair enough. She knew this was your wish when she took the job. But if she's bending the rules to much, you need to restate them.
If the whole thing has made you way too uncomfortable, it may be time to let her go. Good luck!
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| Posted 3/5/10 3:57 PM |
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MrsList
Sweet cheeks
Member since 4/09 1696 total posts
Name:
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
I would sit down with her and say we have a nanny cam and I know for a fact that you're lying to me about how long your daughter was here and that other people were here in addition. This is NOT to happen again. And I would make it clear that if she is to break the rule, if you know any other families, it may come up in conversation that she lies. The daughter is one thing and I'd probably let that go. But the boyfriend and unknown man in the house is a completely separate issue that needs to be dealt with.
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| Posted 3/5/10 4:03 PM |
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rkoenke
my little piggys
Member since 3/08 4315 total posts
Name:
rachel
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
Posted by Xelindrya
Not even my daycare lets strangers in
very valid point! Daycare doesn't let strangers near your children.
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| Posted 3/5/10 4:28 PM |
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maybesoon
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 5981 total posts
Name:
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
Posted by lullabella
Posted by waterspout4
I wouldn't let on about the camera. I would say that neighbors are letting you know that people are coming in.
Why wouldnt you let on about the camera? Personally I would be very upfront about it, what is the point of going back to look after the fact.... what ever your looking for has already been done? KWIM? I would rather her know from the get go that you have sruveliance, then this whole thing would have been avoided.
this is how I feel. why wouldnt' you let them know about the nanny cam before hand? what's the point of something possibly happening (ie someone hitting your child) that you would see after the fact ? I feel like any nanny should be warned ahead of time and any bad situation would be avoided.
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| Posted 3/5/10 4:37 PM |
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Candy Girl
Candy girl- you are so sweet!
Member since 11/07 6349 total posts
Name:
erin
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
I also think that Nannies should be made aware that they are being taped. it's kind of like waiting to catch them in a "bad" act.
but whatever, that's not a factor anymore. I think I would take Leighla's (sorry if I didn't get the spelling right!) advice and just let her go. No explanation. It sounds like you were iffy about her from the 1st incident anyway.
Sorry you even have to deal with this! Imagine you didn't have the cameras? Blaaaahhhh....
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| Posted 3/5/10 4:42 PM |
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steph4777
**************
Member since 5/05 11726 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
I definitely would reiterate that you are not comfortable with people coming over even her daughters.
Not sure how close the people on your street are but be careful about saying a neighbor told you that she had extra visitors.
I'm just curious where was DD during those 4 hours? Was she still the focus of the sitter's attention? Not that it makes their presence in your home OK, but where the daughters or the strange man roaming the house?
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| Posted 3/5/10 5:07 PM |
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Brandee
LIF Infant
Member since 12/07 233 total posts
Name:
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
If you feel uncomfortable with the situation, then all you can do is trust your instinct.
It is a hard position to be in because it is your neighbor & she probably thinks she did nothing wrong. You did ask her not to have strangers at the house. She did break your rule, not trusting her would be enough for me to look for a new sitter.
If you do let her go I would be honest with her, tell her you don't feel comfortable having people you don't know in your house, leave it at that. I don't think you have to explain yourself any further & I wouldn't tell her about the cameras. Good luck!!
Message edited 3/6/2010 9:02:06 AM.
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| Posted 3/6/10 9:01 AM |
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cupcakekid
LIF Infant
Member since 9/09 291 total posts
Name:
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
I would find a new babysitter plain and simple. She flat out lied to you and I couldn't trust someone that lies.
As for the nanny cameras, I wonder if it's legal to have them and not disclose it? I know when you go to a business where cameras are taping you, there is always a sign that says closed circuit cameras are in operation or something like that.
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| Posted 3/6/10 11:24 AM |
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Mommy2Boys
My Boys!!!!
Member since 6/06 14437 total posts
Name:
C
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
If you need to put a secret camera in your house, IMO, you should find childcare at a facility where there are concrete laws to follow.
I think you are overreacting!
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| Posted 3/6/10 11:37 AM |
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