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Pinkisles
<3
Member since 11/13 2868 total posts
Name:
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Mom watching baby
Thanks for your advice everyone. I spoke with my mom And I agreed to buy her a few essential items for her to keep downstairs to make it easier on her.
Message edited 1/15/2014 9:07:35 PM.
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Posted 1/15/14 2:50 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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ElizaRags35
My 2 Girls
Member since 2/09 20494 total posts
Name:
Me
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Mom watching baby
My mom will be watching her for the summer but in my house so the only thing she will really need is a car seat base. I think she is going to get that on her own. I know she wants her own stroller for some reason but she's also going to get that on her own.
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| Posted 1/15/14 2:56 PM |
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KroertGS
LIF Infant
Member since 6/13 263 total posts
Name:
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Mom watching baby
My parents will be watching the baby in their home, and are planning on buying everyday essentials on their own (bassinet, playpen, diapers, bath, etc...)
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| Posted 1/15/14 2:58 PM |
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JBaby
LIF Adolescent
Member since 9/10 762 total posts
Name:
Julia
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Re: Mom watching baby
IMHO you need to provide everything she needs. Or at least offer to and see if she refuses. My mom watches my son after daycare for a few hours almost every day and some weekend days. Yes it is her house, but she is not asking you to reupholster her couch because she thinks a new color would be more flattering to the baby... she is asking for essentials. You would end up spending all this money on childcare anyway so why not spend it on these things?
Also, from my experience, your relationship is going to be very delicate now so I wouldn't rock the boat further.
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| Posted 1/15/14 3:00 PM |
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luvmotherhood
california dreamin'
Member since 2/13 1443 total posts
Name:
love my family!
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Mom watching baby
We provided most of everything. She is watching my kid for free so I didn't feel she should go out and buy it. Kwim? Even now I still provide diapers etc.
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| Posted 1/15/14 3:03 PM |
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Pinkisles
<3
Member since 11/13 2868 total posts
Name:
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Re: Mom watching baby
Posted by JBaby
IMHO you need to provide everything she needs. Or at least offer to and see if she refuses. My mom watches my son after daycare for a few hours almost every day and some weekend days. Yes it is her house, but she is not asking you to reupholster her couch because she thinks a new color would be more flattering to the baby... she is asking for essentials. You would end up spending all this money on childcare anyway so why not spend it on these things?
Also, from my experience, your relationship is going to be very delicate now so I wouldn't rock the boat further.
That's what I was thinking as well. I will buy the gate, but not right now as it's not necessary.
I have two car seat bases so when the time comes she can just have mine out of my car and keep the other in DH's car (we use his on the weekends).
But I live upstairs from her right now, so i'm refusing to buy another pack n play and another bouncy seat etc.. She can walk upstairs and get mine if she needs to, it's not like I live six towns over and have to transport it every day.
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| Posted 1/15/14 3:04 PM |
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Pinkisles
<3
Member since 11/13 2868 total posts
Name:
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Re: Mom watching baby
Posted by luvmotherhood
We provided most of everything. She is watching my kid for free so I didn't feel she should go out and buy it. Kwim? Even now I still provide diapers etc.
Oh of course I would be giving her diapers and wipes and stuff.
I was talking more about bigger things (such as a pack n play) that I don't feel she necessarily needs.
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| Posted 1/15/14 3:05 PM |
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MrsG823
Just call me Mommy.
Member since 1/11 5570 total posts
Name:
S
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Mom watching baby
I think it all depends on what your mom is asking you to buy for her house. I agree with you that she does not need duplicates of everything but she will need some essentials. I think providing a pack and play or crib is reasonable since the baby will need a place to sleep at her house. She will also need a stroller and car seat as well. I do not think you need to worry about a baby gate at this time. I feel if you are asking your mom to watch the baby full time it is your responsibility to provide some of the necessary items required to care for the baby. Even in a day care setting it is the parent's responsibility to provide bedding for the crib their child uses as well as essentials. My mother watched my nieces at her house when they were infants/toddlers and my sister provided essentials- many of the items were hand me downs from friends and relatives but they were in good condition.
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| Posted 1/15/14 3:07 PM |
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Pinkisles
<3
Member since 11/13 2868 total posts
Name:
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Re: Mom watching baby
Posted by MrsG823
I think it all depends on what your mom is asking you to buy for her house. I agree with you that she does not need duplicates of everything but she will need some essentials. I think providing a pack and play or crib is reasonable since the baby will need a place to sleep at her house. She will also need a stroller and car seat as well. I do not think you need to worry about a baby gate at this time. I feel if you are asking your mom to watch the baby full time it is your responsibility to provide some of the necessary items required to care for the baby. Even in a day care setting it is the parent's responsibility to provide bedding for the crib their child uses as well as essentials. My mother watched my nieces at her house when they were infants/toddlers and my sister provided essentials- many of the items were hand me downs from friends and relatives but they were in good condition.
I live on the 2nd floor of her house so I don't think it is reasonable for me to have to take on the expense of buying another pack n play or crib when she could just take the baby upstairs for a nap.
I worked at a daycare for five years so I know the parents have to provide all the sheets, food, diapers, wipes etc. I'm talking about big stuff that can get expensive.
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| Posted 1/15/14 3:10 PM |
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nancyg
LIF Adolescent
Member since 9/10 729 total posts
Name:
Nancy
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Re: Mom watching baby
My mom has been watching my son for almost 3 years now. I think I registered for two car seat bases. Most thought one for me, one for DH, but one was for her.
I offered to buy her things with gift cards I got and returns I made from doubles. She used that but beyond that she insisted on buying things herself. But my parents are just extremely giving, so maybe that's why.
Aside from your question I just want to give a little hope. My mom and I had an okay relationship before she started watching DS. Since then, things have only gotten better a thousand fold. We text and talk all day, every day. Mostly b/c of DS but sometimes not. We've gotten so close. Of course there are days when the closeness will drive you up a wall but most days it's completely wonderful. And there's no one I would trust more. It will be great!
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| Posted 1/15/14 3:16 PM |
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missfabulous
#mommyneedswine
Member since 6/09 10031 total posts
Name:
Colleen
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Re: Mom watching baby
My mom watches my DS but also watches other kids (cousins and family friends). I buy the diapers, wipes, and send him with food. She has a lot of stuff already from watching other kids; what she doesn't have she bought at garage sales or received hand me downs. A baby gate is probably something you can easily find for cheap at a garage sale. Also, see if any of your friends who have children who are older have hand me downs they aren't using anymore.
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| Posted 1/15/14 3:17 PM |
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Pinkisles
<3
Member since 11/13 2868 total posts
Name:
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Re: Mom watching baby
Posted by nancyg
Aside from your question I just want to give a little hope. My mom and I had an okay relationship before she started watching DS. Since then, things have only gotten better a thousand fold. We text and talk all day, every day. Mostly b/c of DS but sometimes not. We've gotten so close. Of course there are days when the closeness will drive you up a wall but most days it's completely wonderful. And there's no one I would trust more. It will be great!
Thank you SO SO SO much for this! My mom is super excited and has told practically the entire universe that she is going to be a stay at home grandmother. But I also am worried that she will try and overrule me and act like the baby is hers. I'm also terrified that the baby will know, want and love her more than me!
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| Posted 1/15/14 3:19 PM |
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jams92
Member since 1/12 6105 total posts
Name:
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Mom watching baby
my mom watches dd - she lives down the block from me. i purchased everything for her. pack n play, toys, changing table, exersaucer, bouncer seat etc
i would never expect her to pay for those things...she savings me thousands by watching her the least i can do is get those things to help entertain DD. as much as its your child and its her house...shes doing you the favor of watching your LO and if she wants a baby gate you should get her one (granted you wont need that for the first 5 months but in general i would purchase it for her).
i think since you live upstairs you can skip the pack n play and the baby can nap in its crib - assuming the monitor will work downstairs. i think for the beginning (first 3 months) something like a rock n play could come in handy to keep at your moms. your lo will be sleeping a lot (hopefully) and not on any set schedule so running her up and down the stairs every time she falls asleep can get tiring. once she gets on a routine, nap time in her crib upstairs is a perfect solution.
in your situation i think the best bet would be to bring down certain items nightly instead of buying duplicates. when your LO goes to bed, have you or DH bring down the bouncer seat and whatever other toys your LO likes, bc your mom psychically wont be able to carry your LO and a bouncer seat up and down the stairs (plus its not really fair to ask her to do the schleping). then when you get home at night you can bring them upstairs. as much as it is convenient that your mom lives downstairs, she probably prefers to spend the days in the comfort of her own home instead of in your space.
try that for the first few weeks/months and if it doesnt work out consider purchasing duplicates
Message edited 1/15/2014 3:35:00 PM.
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| Posted 1/15/14 3:29 PM |
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Pinkisles
<3
Member since 11/13 2868 total posts
Name:
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Re: Mom watching baby
Posted by jams92
my mom watches dd - she lives down the block from me. i purchased everything for her. pack n play, toys, changing table, exersaucer, bouncer seat etc
i would never expect her to pay for those things...she savings me thousands by watching her the least i can do is get those things to help entertain DD
i think since you live upstairs you can skip the pack n play and the baby can nap in its crib - assuming the monitor will work downstairs.
in your situation i think the best bet would be to bring down certain items nightly instead of buying duplicates. when your LO goes to bed, have you or DH bring down the bouncer seat and whatever other toys your LO likes, bc your mom psychically wont be able to carry your LO and a bouncer seat up and down the stairs (plus its not really fair to ask her to do the schleping). then when you get home at night you can bring them upstairs. as much as it is convenient that your mom lives downstairs, she probably prefers to spend the days in the comfort of her own home instead of in your space.
try that for the first few weeks/months and if it doesnt work out consider purchasing duplicates
Thanks for your advice. I was thinking we could probably leave the pack n play downstairs since we have the crib upstairs. I would bring down the bouncy seat and a few other things in the morning before I left for work and have my husband bring them back up when he comes home for work.
I don't expect her to spend all her time upstairs, but I also don't think I need to buy duplicates of large ticket items that are expensive and can easily be shared between the two floors.
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| Posted 1/15/14 3:32 PM |
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MrsG823
Just call me Mommy.
Member since 1/11 5570 total posts
Name:
S
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Re: Mom watching baby
Posted by Pinkisles
Posted by MrsG823
I think it all depends on what your mom is asking you to buy for her house. I agree with you that she does not need duplicates of everything but she will need some essentials. I think providing a pack and play or crib is reasonable since the baby will need a place to sleep at her house. She will also need a stroller and car seat as well. I do not think you need to worry about a baby gate at this time. I feel if you are asking your mom to watch the baby full time it is your responsibility to provide some of the necessary items required to care for the baby. Even in a day care setting it is the parent's responsibility to provide bedding for the crib their child uses as well as essentials. My mother watched my nieces at her house when they were infants/toddlers and my sister provided essentials- many of the items were hand me downs from friends and relatives but they were in good condition.
I live on the 2nd floor of her house so I don't think it is reasonable for me to have to take on the expense of buying another pack n play or crib when she could just take the baby upstairs for a nap.
I worked at a daycare for five years so I know the parents have to provide all the sheets, food, diapers, wipes etc. I'm talking about big stuff that can get expensive.
The OP did not say you lived on the second floor of her house. In that case I do not think you NEED to provide ANY duplicates for napping. You might consider getting a rock and play or bouncy seat for her house for convenience sake.
Message edited 1/15/2014 3:41:18 PM.
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| Posted 1/15/14 3:36 PM |
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Pinkisles
<3
Member since 11/13 2868 total posts
Name:
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Re: Mom watching baby
Posted by MrsG823
Posted by Pinkisles
Posted by MrsG823
I think it all depends on what your mom is asking you to buy for her house. I agree with you that she does not need duplicates of everything but she will need some essentials. I think providing a pack and play or crib is reasonable since the baby will need a place to sleep at her house. She will also need a stroller and car seat as well. I do not think you need to worry about a baby gate at this time. I feel if you are asking your mom to watch the baby full time it is your responsibility to provide some of the necessary items required to care for the baby. Even in a day care setting it is the parent's responsibility to provide bedding for the crib their child uses as well as essentials. My mother watched my nieces at her house when they were infants/toddlers and my sister provided essentials- many of the items were hand me downs from friends and relatives but they were in good condition.
I live on the 2nd floor of her house so I don't think it is reasonable for me to have to take on the expense of buying another pack n play or crib when she could just take the baby upstairs for a nap.
I worked at a daycare for five years so I know the parents have to provide all the sheets, food, diapers, wipes etc. I'm talking about big stuff that can get expensive.
The OP did not say you lived on the second floor of her house. In that case I do not think you NEED to provide ANY duplicates for napping. You might consider getting a rock and play or bouncy seat for her house for convenience sake.
I know, I noticed that after I started getting the responses. My mind was going too fast for my fingers.
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| Posted 1/15/14 3:38 PM |
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BlueDiamonds
mommy to 3 boys
Member since 2/07 3885 total posts
Name:
proud mommy
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Mom watching baby
What specifically is she asking you to buy a second of?
my MIL and mother both took turns watching DS. MIL was at her house and my mom at my house. i did not provide most things for my MIL because she offered to purchase them herself (crib, high chair, etc) and i said okay. i gave her some hand me down items that i had gotten from a friend and bought her a new infant car seat base. i think she purchased some items (like the high chair) from a friend who was having a yard sale.
in your situation, if she is watching your child full time, you should make her home setup as easy for her as possible. obviously, she can take the baby to your place for naps. but i would buy other things to keep at her house to make her life easier. i know she wants to watch the baby, but it is also a help to you and you shouldn't expect her to purchase everything she thinks she needs. maybe you can compromise on some things, purchase a few essentials now and then get others as the need arises. she may not need as much as she thinks.
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| Posted 1/15/14 3:42 PM |
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Kristin78
LIF Infant
Member since 4/13 113 total posts
Name:
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Mom watching baby
I gave my mom everything she needed. But I was able to get some stuff second hand hat I gave her like the car seat base and extra stroller.
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| Posted 1/15/14 3:57 PM |
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Pinkisles
<3
Member since 11/13 2868 total posts
Name:
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Re: Mom watching baby
Posted by BlueDiamonds
What specifically is she asking you to buy a second of?
my MIL and mother both took turns watching DS. MIL was at her house and my mom at my house. i did not provide most things for my MIL because she offered to purchase them herself (crib, high chair, etc) and i said okay. i gave her some hand me down items that i had gotten from a friend and bought her a new infant car seat base. i think she purchased some items (like the high chair) from a friend who was having a yard sale.
in your situation, if she is watching your child full time, you should make her home setup as easy for her as possible. obviously, she can take the baby to your place for naps. but i would buy other things to keep at her house to make her life easier. i know she wants to watch the baby, but it is also a help to you and you shouldn't expect her to purchase everything she thinks she needs. maybe you can compromise on some things, purchase a few essentials now and then get others as the need arises. she may not need as much as she thinks.
a
Specifically it was the pack n play she wanted me to register for two of, and I didn't think it was necessary. I can let it stay downstairs with her during the week and bring it up during weekends.
I will give her one of my car seat bases, and I got duplicates of an umbrella stroller that I will just let her keep in her trunk. I got a walker for her house (my upstairs is too small for one). Once the baby gets older I'll get her the gate she needs and the safety stuff (outlet covers, etc.).
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| Posted 1/15/14 4:03 PM |
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pnbplus1
Family
Member since 5/09 5751 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: Mom watching baby
My parents watched my DS his 1st year while I worked FT. We purchased virtually everything DS would need, down to a full-sized crib and expensive mattress. I would NEVER have expected my parents to foot the bill for what MY child needed. They were doing me a huge favor watching my child for me. I even paid them bc their time is valuable just like anyone else's. I think it's crazy that you expect your mom to buy what your child needs in her house, it's not like she's running a daycare.
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| Posted 1/15/14 6:46 PM |
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ShhhTTCin11
3 under 3?!
Member since 5/11 2229 total posts
Name:
Coleen
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Mom watching baby
I'd bite the bullet and get her a few, if not all, of the things she is asking for. I went through this with my Mom when she asked me to get her a convertible carseat. I didn't think she NEEDED it, which annoyed me- but I did it to make her happy. She watches DS for us a couple days per week and if spending a little money on a new carseat makes her happy - fine.
Can you look on some buy/sell swaps for people getting rid of pack n plays and maybe a couple small things she can keep downstairs? So that it is as convenient for her as it is for you that she's watching DC for free?
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| Posted 1/15/14 8:01 PM |
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Pinkisles
<3
Member since 11/13 2868 total posts
Name:
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Re: Mom watching baby
Posted by pnbplus1
My parents watched my DS his 1st year while I worked FT. We purchased virtually everything DS would need, down to a full-sized crib and expensive mattress. I would NEVER have expected my parents to foot the bill for what MY child needed. They were doing me a huge favor watching my child for me. I even paid them bc their time is valuable just like anyone else's. I think it's crazy that you expect your mom to buy what your child needs in her house, it's not like she's running a daycare.
Ok you obviously didn't read any of the rest of my posts just the first one, which I wasn't clear on. I'm glad you had the money to buy all of those things, and to pay them, I unfortunately do not. Does not make me less of a person, and I do not feel like I am taking advantage. I just don't see the point of spending do much money on stuff that is already in the house.
Message edited 1/15/2014 8:34:53 PM.
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| Posted 1/15/14 8:29 PM |
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Pinkisles
<3
Member since 11/13 2868 total posts
Name:
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Re: Mom watching baby
Posted by ShhhTTCin11
I'd bite the bullet and get her a few, if not all, of the things she is asking for. I went through this with my Mom when she asked me to get her a convertible carseat. I didn't think she NEEDED it, which annoyed me- but I did it to make her happy. She watches DS for us a couple days per week and if spending a little money on a new carseat makes her happy - fine.
Can you look on some buy/sell swaps for people getting rid of pack n plays and maybe a couple small things she can keep downstairs? So that it is as convenient for her as it is for you that she's watching DC for free?
I think that is what I'm going to do. Also will keep my eye on the sales just to get her a few extra things to make it convenient.
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| Posted 1/15/14 8:30 PM |
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PaddysGirl
Little princess is here!
Member since 4/07 5923 total posts
Name:
Crystal
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Re: Mom watching baby
My mom will be watching our little one. She has some hand me down items and has been buying things at once upon a baby. She hasn't asked for anything but I plan to buy things as I see she needs them.
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| Posted 1/15/14 8:32 PM |
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donegal419
St. Gerard, pray for us.
Member since 7/07 7650 total posts
Name:
K
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Re: Mom watching baby
Posted by luvmotherhood
We provided most of everything. She is watching my kid for free so I didn't feel she should go out and buy it. Kwim? Even now I still provide diapers etc.
Ita.... And this what i did. Provided all gear,.diapets, formula, etc. i did get some nice hand me downs of a high chair, exersaucer, etc. which saved me money.
My mom watched my kids full time for almost 2 years and would not let me pay her. I could not in good conscience let her buy the necessities for them. Sure did she buy them clothes, treats, etc. Occassionally? Yes, but not what was needed to take care of them.
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| Posted 1/15/14 8:58 PM |
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