Re: living like roommates with dh

Try and make a "Date Night", i know you mentioned not having money and time, but you really gotta try and make it. Find a babysitter and really try and find each other again..

Best of Luck!!

Re: living like roommates with dh

Posted by nrthshgrl

It sucks to feel that way. I've felt that way too.

I posted awhile ago what I did but if you missed it
The Husband Experiment


HTH.

Re: living like roommates with dh

We live a lot like this but realize that its temporary. MY DH is travelling a lot for work, his mother is very ill and possible dying, I just started back to my old job and just taking care of the day to day stuff is so exahusting. But we acknowledge to each other that when things calm down in a week or so, we are getting a sitter and having a night out just for us.

I know moneys is tight but try to schedule a date night- even if you stay in. Order some cheap takeout, turn down the lights, turn off the tv and computer. I know its hard but it will work.

Re: living like roommates with dh

I can relate, sometimes the stress of everyday life will get to you put you in ruts. I guess you have to acknoledge them and get yourself out of it.

I planned a weekend getaway for just DH and I. Also, I tried the experiment Barb suggested a few weeks ago I dont feel like roomates anymore, I think it is just a stage. But you def. have to try to make an extra effort. Instead of crashing on the couch or going on the computer after the kids go to bed do something together! Watch a movie, have some wine, do other things......

Message edited 10/11/2007 12:23:04 PM.

Re: living like roommates with dh

Posted by ckone

Posted by nrthshgrl

It sucks to feel that way. I've felt that way too.

I posted awhile ago what I did but if you missed it
The Husband Experiment


HTH.

This was a great story - not great that you went through this but great that you shared.

I often feel that being angry and tapped out myself doesn't do anything to make it better. I get caught up in the "eye for an eye". Well if he's not going to try then I'm not going to care - that doesn't solve anything.

I've felt this way recently and still trying to work through everything. I too am not ready to really be nice and do nice things but, maybe I should push myself a bit too.

Re: living like roommates with dh

I completely understand what you are going through. I think having children change the whole dinamics of the relationship and TWINS are even harder especially on the wallet. Try having a date night once in a while. Make Sunday a family day. Get a babysitter it helps so much on the relationship..I don't care everyone needs to go out once in a while. It sounds like you both need to take a break and do something you both enjoy. Hope everything works out

Re: living like roommates with dh

This started for us during my pregnancy. I was so sick and tired. Plus, I just felt sooooo unattractive. Now, I just feel like the babysitter and maid.

Re: living like roommates with dh

I wanted to add that I started reading a book called "Babyproofing your Marriage" and it's really helped me be more aware of some things I didn't realize I was doing.

Scorekeeping was a big thing for me - who did more for whom.

Now I stop that.

Re: living like roommates with dh

Posted by burberrygirl

Lisa, all I can say is that is does get better. DH and I have finally in the last few months, put the girls to bed at 7-730 and we have the night to us. We make dinner together, talk at the dinner table not near a television. We finally feel like we have regrouped as a couple. I completely know how you feel the first few months are rough with sleep times and feedings.

If family can watch the babies, I would go out even if is for a walk together.

they will definitely occupy your conversations, but I think that is only natural. And it is not that it is all you talk about it is just that probably everything else may seem unimportant.

Hang in there. It will and does get better.

Re: living like roommates with dh

Re: living like roommates with dh

Oh! We definitely go through stages like this. It is completely normal.

Date nights are definitely important, but so are just nights at home talking. We try to have some time wiht no TV, no computer and no distractions.

Also, IMO the most important hting is communication. Talk to DH about how you feel. And make it in a non-accustatory way. Like I feel we have just become roomates. Or I need a little more romance and intimacy.

Re: living like roommates with dh

I'm sorry you are going through this. I hope it will pass and you get a night out alone together.

Re: living like roommates with dh

Posted by Ali1

Posted by burberrygirl

Lisa, all I can say is that is does get better. DH and I have finally in the last few months, put the girls to bed at 7-730 and we have the night to us. We make dinner together, talk at the dinner table not near a television. We finally feel like we have regrouped as a couple. I completely know how you feel the first few months are rough with sleep times and feedings.

If family can watch the babies, I would go out even if is for a walk together.

they will definitely occupy your conversations, but I think that is only natural. And it is not that it is all you talk about it is just that probably everything else may seem unimportant.

Hang in there. It will and does get better.

I totally agree with this. The first three months that the babies were here me and DH were living two seperate lives. I was jealous of him getting to go out and to work, I was upset that I was the one who had to get up all night long with the babies and then sleep the day away when my MIL came over. I felt like a zombie and of course our relationship suffered. But I promise you once you get those babies on a sleep schedule and they are sleeping through the night things will go back to the way it was. Now we spend time with the babies till their bedtime and then after 7PM we make dinner for each other some nights, do our own things or watch a movie together. Plus we always make time to go out to dinner once or twice a month just the two of us. It's important to do that.

Your relationship is evolving now that you have two new ones in your life. Just always remember to try and make the effort.

Re: living like roommates with dh

I wish I had some good advice, but I can add to what others have said in that you are not alone! DH is on sabbatical and home with DD all day, and I am working FT. I take over as soon as I get home, and then he does laundry, dishes, etc.

We don't live near family so we never get out alone. We have no energy to do anything fun.

For me, I'm just reminding myself that this will get easier. We are trying to get our house ready to sell to move back to LI. Then we'll have people to babysit and help us, and we'll have more time for us.

Hang in there!

Re: living like roommates with dh

thank you all soo much for all the support. i really appreciate everyone's candidness.

my parents switch off coming to queens to babysit, on tuesday nights when i have class (in grad school), which is a tremendous help and not very easy on them. i don't want to make them come out for another night to babysit. it is not easy to come out here and it is not easy caring for two babies.

i think, as many that know me said, moving back to wantagh at the end of the year is going to be a tremendous help. both of my parents live in wantagh, my brothers in massapequa and long beach, so it will be so much better. for now i am going to work on special nights in and then by the time we move, the babies will be older and i can start having more date nights.

thanks again everyone!! you girls are the best!!

Re: living like roommates with dh

I am going thru the exact same thing. It is not easy and I think it is something we all go thru. Hopefully you can make a few changes to make things sort of the way it was "pre-children" and realize that it is a very common feeling!!

Re: living like roommates with dh

That pretty much sums up our life... on the weekends, when its nice, we try to go out for a hike with Cailen in the bjorn, go to festivals, etc - then we are out doing things together, but yes, things do change very much after baby!!!

Re: living like roommates with dh

Posted by nrthshgrl

It sucks to feel that way. I've felt that way too.

I posted awhile ago what I did but if you missed it
The Husband Experiment


HTH.