judgment

is anyone else disturbed that there is so much assumption and judgment going on about women or people that make decisions about THEIR life and THEIR situations?

I see it a lot and honestly I find it extremely distasteful.

how dare anyone assume that a woman or man lacks self respect or lacks self esteem b/c they decide to work on a marriage after an infidelity!?

what about the self respect and strength it takes to at least make an attempt to have THEIR words MEAN something? that when you stood up and made your declarations and promises, they were only dependent on YOUR values...and not so easily swayed by anyones actions...even your own husbands or wives.

"what god has brought together let no (wo)man put asunder" perhaps including a philandering (wo) man.

why can't we respect someone who tries against many odds to stick to his or her words?

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Yup!
and thank you for writing what I've been feeling but didn't know how to put into words.

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"Once a cheater, always a cheater. " That is the first thing that comes to mind. I have no issues if people try to work out their marriage but I am not that good of a person.

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thank you!

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ITA!
And what disturbs me even more is how quick people are to judge in GENERAL, not just in this type of situation.
I find that a lot of people in life (not necessarily these boards in particular) seem to feel that their way is the ONLY way and that everyone else- who may have a different opinion, different way of living their life, different way of running their marriage- is automatically wrong.
I hate that!
Why can't we all just live and let live?
Unless you walk in someone's shoes- who are you to judge?

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although i didn't post on the spitzer thread, it did get me thinking about what i thought about his wife. i think that often i may judge another woman who "makes the rest of us look bad" - i mean, look at all the posts on britney spears' parenting skills!

it's more that i would be upset that we as women have come so far, only to have one "rotten apple" spoil the bunch, if only for a short time.

i believe it's the same for men... because of the habits of only a few, how many women do you hear say, "all men or pigs," or something to that effect?

i'm not saying it's a good thing, it's just that this is where i think those judgmental thoughts come from.

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Posted by Mssissy

Yup!
and thank you for writing what I've been feeling but didn't know how to put into words.

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As I said on the first thread about this:

One of the wonderful things about being a woman in America in the 21st Century, though, is that we can make our own decisions. This is her choice to make. I'd sure make a different one, but who am I to dictate what she should do? It's not my marriage...

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These women may differ in opinions from ours but they are to be applauded in my opinion for holding true to their end of the vow and who cares, its THEIR lives.

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I think it's great if we can refrain from openly judging someone's choices ... but we all judge in order to form our own values, no? I look at X's situation and judge it and form what I consider to be my own values. Isn't that how we learn?

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I'll be honest- my judgement goes the OPPOSITE way. I feel that it is the STRONG who choose to stay and fight for their marriage.

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People judge, it's as simple as that. As a society, we dictate on what level it crosses the line (i.e. judgment based on race), but notwithstanding it happens everday, on every level, whether it's judging a woman for standing by her cheating husband, or judging someone's motivation for purchasing a fake purse

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Posted by Bxgell2

People judge, it's as simple as that. As a society, we dictate on what level it crosses the line (i.e. judgment based on race), but notwithstanding it happens everday, on every level, whether it's judging a woman for standing by her cheating husband, or judging someone's motivation for purchasing a fake purse

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I KIND of agree with you here BUT I'll be honest...I really don't don't know what I would have done if I was in that situation. I mean lets hypotheticall say that Mike cheated on me, I really don't know if I would stay...I could possibly forgive him, but I can't possibly forget what he had done and why...I think I would keep on going back to the "why" it happened to begin with...KWIM?

ETA: Never answered the original question...I would never judge someone for their decision, but I would wonder why they stayed etc...try to put myself in their situation...

Message edited 3/11/2008 12:20:51 PM.

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I haven't read any of the other related threads but I don't have to to agree with this. Well said.

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I had someone very close to me lean on me while wondering if she should save her marriage after infidelity. She was not sure if she could continue in the marriage (there were children involved). It took so much soul searching from her and in the end she was able to forgive in her heart and her marriage is doing wonderfully now. While I will forever be amazed at her strength to do this - I know I would never be able to.

But no matter how much we realize we should not judge others actions - it is done everyday.

I can support someone who is struggling to save something worth saving, I could NEVER support someone for their own selfish reaons in any situation.

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I think many times people project themselves into the situation, and if they do not see it pan out the way they would play it, they verbalize (or type) their lack of support. I think what made it go from bad to worse is when people began to assume WHY she chose to stay and why she stood next to him at the press conference yesterday.

Re: judgment

Posted by Bxgell2

People judge, it's as simple as that. As a society, we dictate on what level it crosses the line (i.e. judgment based on race), but notwithstanding it happens everday, on every level, whether it's judging a woman for standing by her cheating husband, or judging someone's motivation for purchasing a fake purse

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I don't think it's so much judgement as it is people thinking they can speak for everyone. Which is clear nonsense. Those fortunate enough to have never been in the situation can't even speak for themselves, and I think they know this.

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I really believe people think "judging" someone and "supporting" someone are the same. I won't judge based on actions (although I will get annoyed by them) - I refuse to support someone who lives their life blindly.