Judgemental

I am getting rid of some dead weight in my life. It's happening tomorrow.

I am getting rid of the following "friends"..

The one who likes to talk about me and my actions without me there.

The one who has no children - but thinks that she knows all about child rearing because she read a child psych book and babysat her nephew when he was 4.

The one who lives a completely different life than mine - but thinks she has the right to sit in judgement over my decisions.

The one who makes snide and snotty comments under the guise of 'humor'.

The one who relishes in every mistake I make and is ready with a snicker and an "I told you so" whenever I have to admit I screwed up.

The one who doesn't ever seem to see anything wrong with the choices she makes, the things that she says or the way that she behaves - because she is way too busy judging to take a good hard look at herself.

Actually - this is all ONE so called friend. A really classy chick. And starting now - she can go p*ss up a rope because i am DONE extending myself. I am done taking anything she says with more than the grain of salt it isn't even worth. I am done pretending that we are friends - when really all we are is acquaintances with extremely different outlooks on life.

And now I am also done soaking in her negative feedback, 'constructive' put downs and 'friendly' advice.

Her time will come - the time when she suddenly realizes things are quite different when you are actually living life instead of fantasizing about. The time when she realizes that all the plans in the world can go haywire when life decides to intervene.

I am going to be more focused on the people in my life who are worth my time, my energy and my love. I am intelligent, good hearted and loving. I don't need to try to gain anyone's approval.

That felt good.

Too bad she'll never know how I feel because I won't actually say this to her - but I wanted to put it out to the universe (or LIF ) That I am divorcing this 'friend'. She will be only privvy to the most basic and generic versions of my life from now on.

Anyone else been through a friend divorce recently? Seperated from a toxic type who doesn't even KNOW they are poison?

Message edited 12/18/2007 11:01:54 PM.

Re: Judgemental

Good for you! It takes strength to do this; you should be proud of yourself for standing up to this person.

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good for you, toxic friends need to be kicked to the curb!!

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Is this a "friend" you can avoid? Or do you HAVE to talk to them? Because if you can't avoid them, I would have the conversation and TELL them where they stand in your life. Tell them that they aren't worth your time etc. I would let it out and set it straight. If you can avoid them and don't HAVE to see them, then just let it go. Bye bye poisonous one.

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Posted by Superkat

Is this a "friend" you can avoid? Or do you HAVE to talk to them? Because if you can't avoid them, I would have the conversation and TELL them where they stand in your life. Tell them that they aren't worth your time etc. I would let it out and set it straight. If you can avoid them and don't HAVE to see them, then just let it go. Bye bye poisonous one.

Re: Judgemental

Posted by rojerono

Posted by Superkat

Is this a "friend" you can avoid? Or do you HAVE to talk to them? Because if you can't avoid them, I would have the conversation and TELL them where they stand in your life. Tell them that they aren't worth your time etc. I would let it out and set it straight. If you can avoid them and don't HAVE to see them, then just let it go. Bye bye poisonous one.

I definitely don't have to talk to her - she calls me and I always feel obligated to call back. But not anymore. I will be thinking of new and creative ways to avoid her calls or cut them short.

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I kinda did in High School. It was a girl that I was best friends with for 4 years. We were inseparable and I LOVED her to death. The only bad thing was, she didn't have a filter. She would say anything to anyone at anytime....i Loved and hated her for it.

But it all came to a head senior year when we were making plans for prom. She was dating a guy who had TONS of money and wanted to get a crazy expensive limo because they could afford it, my boyfriend and I could not. So I suggested that we 'invite' other people into OUR limo to cut costs which she was fine with.

Well I extended the invite to several of my friends and my other best friend ended up accepting the offer.

Needless to say the girl that was my best friends date was spanish and once she saw this she FLIPPED! started screaming that no (insert not a nice word for a spanish person) was going to be in HER limo, was I stupid for inviting them, how could my friend be going with her...etc.

Well I then flipped
How dare her say these horrible things about this girl she doesn't know. We screamed all the way to 9th period and my other best friend was in the class with us and heard EVERYTHING she was saying about him and his date.

The teacher ended up kicking us out of class and sending us to the principals office where we were expected to "resolve our issues"

I ended up going not going in the limo with her and had the BEST time at prom. Things between us were never the same.

I don't regret standing up for my best friend and his date. But sometimes I do wish we were still friends. It was a bad judgement call on her part and like I said we had a kick a$$ time when we were together. I would love to run into her one day and see if we could be friends now that we're both grown up and out of High School.

Re: Judgemental

I can definitely relate! It takes a lot of strength but you will definitely feel better afterwards, trust me ;).

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Good for you for putting it down on paper even if you aren't going to show her!

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I recently did this, but it was a family member, too much for too long...I had to say enough is enough

Message edited 12/19/2007 8:20:14 AM.

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Once you come to that decision and stick to it, it makes it a whole lot easier.

But based on what you've told me about her and that she's linked to your other friends also, I think you should tell her.

I know it's not easy, and it can get very messy. I've done it myself in the past and sometimes it's wound up greatly improving my relationship with them. And sometimes it just provided closure for both of us so neither was wasting our time anymore.

And then other times they badmouthed me to anyone who would listen. Which hurt them really because it planted a little seed in their other friends minds and they saw just what kind of negativity and whining caused me to do what I did!

Anyway, good for you for trying to limit the negativity in your life.

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I applaud you.

Toxic people is what they are.

Steer clear of them.

Good job!

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GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!!

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Wow - I am totally going thru the same thing right now!

I have a friend I've known forever and recently we've just totally grown apart. Little by little our friendship started growing distant... we stopped calling each other, stopped hanging out, and just kept up our friendship via email. I am married, have my own apt w/ DH, am in the process of looking for a house soon, thinking about when it would be best to try for kids, etc. And she is into bars, and drinking and staying out until 3am on a week night. I work a lot, she couldn't care less about her job. I have no problem with her enjoying different things, but it's just so different I felt like we had nothing in common. I realized there was a part of me that wants friends going thru the same things as I am. We discussed our friendship "issues" over email ( ) and I just said I needed some space from the friendship to figure out some stuff.

We haven't spoken in about 3 wks. We never really like ended the friendship... it's more like a seperation than divorce I guess

But I totally understand where you are. And I give you such kudos for getting rid of toxic friends... they bring you down. I don't have such a clear path w/ my friend and our issues, but right now, not speaking seems to be working and I'm afraid we won't make it back to how we used to be. And I am wrestling w/ the question of whether I should hold on and just deal and continue the friendship - or just let it go.

We're just living two totally different lives right now.

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Good for you!! I actually have a similar situation going on - so I can relate. No need to be bothered with these toxic (or in my case extremly self absorbed) friends...they are not worth to be part of your life.

Good Luck!

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I did this about three years ago. My 'friend' was not as bad as yours it sounds. But I had enough of her selfish behavior that she didn't even (and probably still doesn't) know how irritating it was. Sometimes I miss her but other times I am so glad i don't have to deal with her.

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I divorced my childhood friend of 30 years. I was a coward too and a mutual friend did the explaination of "why." Of course dear old friend couldnt acknowledge that there was anything wrong with HER...which was way I had "divorced" her in the first place.

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That's great!

I did this with a judgmental "friend" a couple years back. I told her, too, in a phone conversation. Much better, now.

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It is hard. I have 2 friends that I have been referring to as "toxic" for quite some time. I have cut back the contact but I just keep hoping they will change. Sometimes I think that the minimal contact I have is still too much. Other times I miss them.

Message edited 12/19/2007 1:44:18 PM.