Is this considered rude...

DH's SIL sent the family an e-mail asking us to give money to her 2 daughter's this year for christmas so they can finish buying the rest of their bedroom furniture.


Ummm excuse me but aren't the parents supposed to buy the furniture for their own kids??? The youngest daughter needs a bed desperately. Did you think of that when you were re-doing the den and putting in a new bar in your basement?????? now we have to give money so you can buy your child's furniture.

I understand the girls have lots of toys and clothes fine. All she had to say was that her girls have too much clothes and toys and they would really appreciate money or a savings bond. Once we heard what the money was for DH was like "wait a minute, who are the parents here. Shoudn't a parent be buying furniture for their children"...

I don't have a problem giving money it's the reason why. DH will do it this year but will tell his brother that he does not appreciate giving money for something that he should be buying his own children and he will tell him that you should have put your daughter's needs first before fixing stuff around the house that could have waited. Children's needs come first!!!

The best is that they are cheap with the other kids...I told DH "tell your brother that you have your own family to support and that things are financially rough for you with your wife not working that you cannot afford to be buying other children's furniture this year"...DH said that he is only doing it this year and that's it...

what do you ladies think?

Re: Is this considered rude...

Yes I think it's rude. That was really kind of nervey too......

Message edited 9/11/2006 11:14:35 AM.

Re: Is this considered rude...

Re: Is this considered rude...

I kind of think it is rude too, but 2 years ago I was asked by my MIL to give money to SIL so she could "redo" her daughter's room in a Dora theme. I thought it was kind of rude but I guess it was kind of getting the kid what she wanted.

I don't think you and DH should have to contribute the total amount for the furniture. Just give the ILs what you would have paid for the girls' christmas gifts if you bought them yourself.

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Honestly - I would give them a gift card for a place they can buy something for their daughter - and not furniture.
I would not be happy if someone sent me that email

Re: Is this considered rude...

Re: Is this considered rude...

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I agree that is rude- So the child doesn't get a "present" that she would want to play with or wear b/c her parents finished fixing up their stuff before hers. I feel that is not fair to the child.
Edited to ask: What will they tell the child when most of her gifts are money and she has nothing to "open"?
Will she know that everyone chipped in?

Message edited 9/11/2006 12:39:14 PM.

Re: Is this considered rude...

If I knew that this was the only way my niece would get some really nice furniture then I wouldn't consider it rude and would be happy to help her out.
It must suck to be raised by parents who are that way.

I would give a small money gift for the furniture (we must be pretty nice if they are looking for numerous donations) and then a small toy. I think every child always deserves something fun to open.

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I could see them asking for something like that if you guys had asked them "Hey, what does XYZ need this year?" but to be soo presumptious as to send out an email about it reeks of total rudeness.

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Re: Is this considered rude...

I would ABSOLUTELY NOTTTTT give them money. How can someone ASK for money "for this reason" and the reason NOT being "what she wants for Christmas" ???????????? especially when the kids ARE old enough to express their wishes.
But thats not even the case, they should let everyone do what they choose, and I know you being VERY thoughtful with your gifts, why would anyone take that away from you? (the fun and thought you put into gifts?) does that make sense?
and its not WHAT the gift is, its the thought behind it !

I would reply back with "Actually we did early shopping online this year" and that you bought their gifts already. DONE. period.
Im NOT a rule follower especially in situations like this.

Actually makes them look quite pathetic, so "all they have" is really just debt and they must be living way above their means huh ? so much for thinking theyre high and above others

and im sure if you did something like this, youd get a comment months down the road "So is this the furniture WE BOUGHT?" or something sarcastic..

you guys are too good for your own good. do what you choose but I would not "Follow their rules".

No way. I guess it also depends how close you are to someone. If I did that with my siblings, we'd be fine with it, but its not done with the background info you have stated about the situation and in some cases, someone might get a gift on sale, so do they want the sale price or the retail value ??

ETA: Sorry you got me rambling. didnt they do this last year too ?? grrrrr.

Message edited 9/11/2006 1:56:55 PM.

Re: Is this considered rude...

Posted by anna

I would ABSOLUTELY NOTTTTT give them money. How can someone ASK for money "for this reason" and the reason NOT being "what she wants for Christmas" ???????????? especially when the kids ARE old enough to express their wishes.
But thats not even the case, they should let everyone do what they choose, and I know you being VERY thoughtful with your gifts, why would anyone take that away from you? (the fun and thought you put into gifts?) does that make sense?
and its not WHAT the gift is, its the thought behind it !

I would reply back with "Actually we did early shopping online this year" and that you bought their gifts already. DONE. period.
Im NOT a rule follower especially in situations like this.

Actually makes them look quite pathetic, so "all they have" is really just debt and they must be living way above their means huh ? so much for thinking theyre high and above others

and im sure if you did something like this, youd get a comment months down the road "So is this the furniture WE BOUGHT?" or something sarcastic..

you guys are too good for your own good. do what you choose but I would not "Follow their rules".

No way. I guess it also depends how close you are to someone. If I did that with my siblings, we'd be fine with it, but its not done with the background info you have stated about the situation and in some cases, someone might get a gift on sale, so do they want the sale price or the retail value ??

ETA: Sorry you got me rambling. didnt they do this last year too ?? grrrrr.

Re: Is this considered rude...

Just outright rude rude rude rude.

Shame shame shame on them.
see if you could work on Rob

Re: Is this considered rude...

I'm trying.

At one point he was like "well at least you wouldn't have to go out shopping for them"...I was like "I don't care about that"...

I love going out christmas shopping.

It's not that rude to ask for money, it's what the money is for. If my son had too many clothes and toys I would say something like "Matthew has a lot of clothes and toys can he have a savings bond for his future or money for his piggy bank"...Something like that. She should not have added in the fact that her girls needed the furniture cuz she just made herself look pathetic.

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Message edited 9/11/2006 4:58:09 PM.

Re: Is this considered rude...

I can't believe that someone would actually do that. How much is the set they want to get? Last year we bought my neices a bookshelf for their t.v. and books. I asked my SIL what they needed and that is what she suggested. We wanted to get it for them because they share a room and this was their first time of them having their own room and not sharing with my SIL and BIL. So we got the book shelves which I wrapped then some books. I completely agree with you and she should have went about it differently. I still wouldn't give them money but maybe something else for the room to decorate it if she is using a specif theme.

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Fixing up their home was so important that they are now realizing that their daughters need furniture?

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Very rude! Where do people get the nerve

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Posted by MicheleMaBelle

Very rude! Where do people get the nerve

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I only think it's rude that she sent an email without being asked for gift suggestions.

I asked my sister what she wanted me to get my nephew. He desperately wanted bunk beds. I chipped in for them and had absolutely no problem with it. In fact, I was thrilled that he got something that he loved.

I can tell you my house has way too many toys. I cringe at ever birthday at the thought of getting more.

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If it's for something the child really wants then fine.

But basically she mentioned in the e-mail that her daughters need bedroom furniture.

Last year they needed a dresser and now this year it's beds...I mean hello we are not the parents. Your child needs a dresser you go out and buy it...don't ask for the family to chip in and give money to buy something that you should be getting for your kids..

I'm sure every kid under the age of 6 really wants a new dresser...

I'd rather give something they really and truly want.

I don't want to give them money but DH is going to give in this year.

Re: Is this considered rude...

Posted by bedda26

Posted by MicheleMaBelle

Very rude! Where do people get the nerve

Every year they ask for money for something that their girls need...what the F***!

I have my own family now. I'm a stay at home mom and my husband has to work to support us, we can't be buying other children's furniture...

Re: Is this considered rude...

Posted by MicheleMaBelle

Posted by bedda26

Posted by MicheleMaBelle

Very rude! Where do people get the nerve

Every year they ask for money for something that their girls need...what the F***!

I have my own family now. I'm a stay at home mom and my husband has to work to support us, we can't be buying other children's furniture...

It's not like you asked what they want! I agree it is their repsonsiblity to buy their kids funriture, not yours...

Re: Is this considered rude...

Do yourself a favor, buy their birthday gifts NOW. Then when she asks say "I already bought them." End of story - no need to get DH involved.