Is it rude to ask...

someone with multiples if it's natural? I've always asked before but now that I'm going through infertility I feel like it might be a rude question?

Although if I ever had multiples and was asked, I would be happy to tell my tale. BTW- most people say natural, even with triplets! Multiples amaze no matter how they come to be.

Re: Is it rude to ask...

I know 2 people who have triplets and I am afraid to ask if it was by fertility treatments. I think some people might get offended and some people might be fine with it- just like with anything else.

Re: Is it rude to ask...

Not a normal poster on this board but my rule of thumb is to ask myself, is that information I need to know.

I am currently pregnant with identical twins. Identical twins are the VAST MAJORITY of the time (98% last month i checked) spontaneous, i.e. no fertility treatments (as are mine). But I still get asked if I had fertility treatments. I usually say, "thats not an appropriate question to be asking anyone." I then explain that identical twins are typically spontaneous.

So, in sum.... i can tell you do not have any rude intentions but i would not ask.

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I don't ask.

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I think if I were curious I would probably mention that DH and I were going thru fertility treatments ....... and see if the person offered any information.
It's funny- DH's sister asked me last year during my first IVF cycle if I got pg, if I was going to tell everyone it was thru IVF. Now my IF is not something that I'm at all ashamed of.... it's very much become a part of who I am at this point in my life.
That being said, I don't think it's anyone's business HOW our kids are conceived. She said, why are you embarassed by it--- and that's not the case at all. I am the first one to openly tell my story and share any knowledge/info that I know to others who are struggling, IRL or otherwise- but I don't think a story should have to come w/ how I conceived (when the time comes). HTH!
ETA: I told Dh next time she asks I'm going to ask her- "why, did you tell everyone what position or where, etc... you conceived in"

Message edited 2/4/2009 9:55:25 AM.

Re: Is it rude to ask...

I don't think it's inherently rude... but if might be offensive to some people - KWIM?

I have read people on FF saying that it makes them feel like it's being implied that multiples though IVF are "unnatural" - even though I know that's not what you meant at all.

ITA that it's a blessing... and how they came about is really none of my business! It's not something I would ask... although I'd probably be wanting to know.

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Honestly i would never ask..

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Re: Is it rude to ask...

thanks ladies, i guess I just always let my curiosity get the best of me. I won't ask anymore!

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Message edited 2/4/2009 1:14:05 PM.

Re: Is it rude to ask...

Posted by shiv

thanks ladies, i guess I just always let my curiosity get the best of me. I won't ask anymore!

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I wouldn't ask..if they volunteer the info, great.

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I never ask but I assume that many women with fraternal twins, particularly older women, had some help getting PG.

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I thought I was going to get asked this by everyone. However, no one asked me, except for nurses at the hospital. Everyone asked if twins run in my family. I think it is because I am on the younger side - people assume that only older women get fertility treatment, it is another common misconception of IF that young women can have fertility issues also. If I had been asked if they were the result of fertility treatments, I would be fine talking about it. However I hate the word "natural"- my babies are 100% natural.

Re: Is it rude to ask...

Posted by MrsMessina

ETA: I told Dh next time she asks I'm going to ask her- "why, did you tell everyone what position or where, etc... you conceived in"

Re: Is it rude to ask...

I would be curious but I would never ask.

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A few months ago someone I work with that I don't know very well told me she had twins. I mentioned that DH and I are hoping for twins and that we are dealing with IF and that twins are our dream.

She immediately confessed that she had her girls from an IVF cycle.

No, I wouldn't just come right out and ask though.

Re: Is it rude to ask...

I would never ask, if they want to volunteer the information they will.