Is anyone missing the mommy gene?

Sometimes, I read the parenting board and I see that a lot of moms feel bad leaving their kids. Or, they dont really mind the lack of sleep/ poor quality of sleep. Or, they don't care if they are stuck in the house for a certain number of months.

And, I think to myself "Wow that is so nice, I can't ever picture myself like that."

I really like sleep, and I really like eating out with DH. I feel like I am way too selfish to be this caring mom. Is this something they give you at the hospital along with extra diapers???

Re: Is anyone missing the mommy gene?

I felt the same way as you before Landon was born. Everything changes once they are here.

Re: Is anyone missing the mommy gene?

Re: Is anyone missing the mommy gene?

I think you will change soon as that baby is born. You will be so much in love! I dont think of it as not being able to go out to eat with DH (which we love and do at least 1 time a week) but I look forward to doing it now with our son.

I recently had 2 cousins who had babies.
2 that I couldnt see with kids ever, but it is amazing what having a baby can do to change a person.

Re: Is anyone missing the mommy gene?

Re: Is anyone missing the mommy gene?

I've been a mom in training for years. I work with infants and toddlers so I'm not really worried for myself.

However my DH is so freaked out. He told me last night before bed "We won't ever be able to go on a nice vaca again, will we"? Babies change the way we live our lives but its a beautiful change, and I don't think they have change everything. Of course it will be more hectic, and there are times you will feel like you are losing your mind, but I think you can do everything you want to just in moderation and with more planning. I think children sense when parents are tense and act out more, I think its all about remaining calm and realizing you are the adult.

Re: Is anyone missing the mommy gene?

I couldn't agree with you more, Tilde... I find my mommy gene missing when I read about co-sleeping. I get horrified at the idea of giving up some of my bed to my child and think it will always be important that it just be for DH and I.

Please bookmark this thread so that in the future we can look badk and at ourselves "way back in April 2010" when you're in tears over leaving your babe and my child is 5 and still sleeping in my bed

Re: Is anyone missing the mommy gene?

Posted by melbalalala

I couldn't agree with you more, Tilde... I find my mommy gene missing when I read about co-sleeping. I get horrified at the idea of giving up some of my bed to my child and think it will always be important that it just be for DH and I.

Please bookmark this thread so that in the future we can look badk and at ourselves "way back in April 2010" when you're in tears over leaving your babe and my child is 5 and still sleeping in my bed

Re: Is anyone missing the mommy gene?

Posted by melbalalala

I couldn't agree with you more, Tilde... I find my mommy gene missing when I read about co-sleeping. I get horrified at the idea of giving up some of my bed to my child and think it will always be important that it just be for DH and I.

Please bookmark this thread so that in the future we can look badk and at ourselves "way back in April 2010" when you're in tears over leaving your babe and my child is 5 and still sleeping in my bed

Re: Is anyone missing the mommy gene?

Re: Is anyone missing the mommy gene?

I am the same way and some of the things are still true - I hate giving up sleep, I like to go out to nice dinners, and I like to take nice vacations. I have friends that have a hard time leaving their kids but I don't! My son loves to be around other people because he is used to it. Not to mention he gets to spend lots of quality time with his grandparents. We have taken a few trips alone, do overnights in the city, go out to eat, etc. I think happy parents make for happy kids, so you NEED to do things for yourself. Yes, you will change, and going out won't be as important. but it doesn't mean you have to be with your baby 24/7. I find that my friends that are so afraid to leave their kids have kids with severe separation anxiety so it's not always a great thing.....

Also, as for the co-sleeping thing, I personally would never have trusted myself to co-sleep with my newborn. He did sleep in a bassinet next to my bed for quite some time (even though I swore he would go straight to the crib). but that's just the first couple of months.

Re: Is anyone missing the mommy gene?

Posted by Karen

Posted by julz33
Everything changes once they are here.

So true!!!!!! It's hard to imagine now, but your view on a lot of things will probably change.

Re: Is anyone missing the mommy gene?

Re: Is anyone missing the mommy gene?

Posted by sasha96

Posted by Karen

Posted by julz33
Everything changes once they are here.

So true!!!!!! It's hard to imagine now, but your view on a lot of things will probably change.

ITA! Plus, you think you are going to do things one way before DC is here and then you realize that isn't always the case.

Re: Is anyone missing the mommy gene?

Re: Is anyone missing the mommy gene?

The only thing I think I'm going to be a baby about is when I am sick.

I don't like to move or do anything when I am sick. I can't imagine having to take care of a baby like that while DH is at work.

I still want my mommy to come & take care of me

Re: Is anyone missing the mommy gene?

Posted by Salason

Posted by julz33

I felt the same way as you before Landon was born. Everything changes once they are here.

ITA. But there are also some things you just may not want to do. We were adamant against co-sleeping before we had him and continue to stick to our guns

Re: Is anyone missing the mommy gene?

Posted by Tilde

Posted by melbalalala

I couldn't agree with you more, Tilde... I find my mommy gene missing when I read about co-sleeping. I get horrified at the idea of giving up some of my bed to my child and think it will always be important that it just be for DH and I.

Please bookmark this thread so that in the future we can look badk and at ourselves "way back in April 2010" when you're in tears over leaving your babe and my child is 5 and still sleeping in my bed

I KNOW!

But I just can't picture it you know?

I am the same way about giving up my bed. I sleep with my dog now and when I get uncomfortable I will wake up and scream for him to get down! I am so mean!

I just hope that I do change, b/c as of right now - I feel like I am going to be dropping the baby off every night so I can get some sleep - have I mentioned how much I love sleep??!

Re: Is anyone missing the mommy gene?

i will appoligize in advance for the length of this reply...

I felt the SAME exact way... like someone else posted, it does change once the baby comes. i was the girl that needed 18+ hrs of sleep wile preggo and would be a very nasty cranky person if i didnt. dh and i would go out at least once a week for dinner because its something that we REALLLLY enjoy we do alot of talking about big things and little things and its something we really looked forward to! and FORGET co-sleeping.. my bed is for ME and DH ONLY! period end of story. (please im not trying to offend anyone that does co-sleep it just wasnt for us!)

so fast forward abby came along, she was up every 2 hours like clock work and i was EXHAUSTED! i was miserable and i actually took advice of every one and napped when she napped till she was better at night. nick helpped alot with the night feedings. i also took DH up on the offers to go to get my nails done while he was home with the baby, or if i needed to get something quick form bru i would ask my mom to take her just to have a few quite min alone! it helped alot! i do have to say though i have extreme anxiety about leaving her with certin people and i will only allow my best friend, mom and sil to watch abby (besides dh and i) im crazy i do understand that but its my baby and they are the only people who will follow my schedule the way i do it!

since my parents live downstairs like yours do, when my mom says take advantage of it while you can.. i DO! when we want to go to dinner ALONE, i usually put her down for the night and then just leave them with the monitor so its a little less work, or if its an early night my mom does it no problem its nice to get out alone.. but we also take abby every where with us we never changed our lives just because we had a baby. we;ve been taking her out to eat with us since she was 4 weeks old. somepeople realllllly disagree with this but shes happy and heatlyh and a REALLY well behaved child while we are out in a resturant.

as far as co sleeping we stuck to our guns even when she was a new born as soon as she fell asleep right into her own bed there was noslightly giving in at all. i also took her out right from the begining at 3 weeks we were out and moving i just wasnt driving.

Re: Is anyone missing the mommy gene?

Re: Is anyone missing the mommy gene?

Posted by melbalalala

Posted by Tilde

Posted by melbalalala

I couldn't agree with you more, Tilde... I find my mommy gene missing when I read about co-sleeping. I get horrified at the idea of giving up some of my bed to my child and think it will always be important that it just be for DH and I.

Please bookmark this thread so that in the future we can look badk and at ourselves "way back in April 2010" when you're in tears over leaving your babe and my child is 5 and still sleeping in my bed

I KNOW!

But I just can't picture it you know?

I am the same way about giving up my bed. I sleep with my dog now and when I get uncomfortable I will wake up and scream for him to get down! I am so mean!

I just hope that I do change, b/c as of right now - I feel like I am going to be dropping the baby off every night so I can get some sleep - have I mentioned how much I love sleep??!

Thank you for saying all of this! I couldn't agree more. I can be VERY selfish when it comes to two things -- sleep and my independence.. both things that will fly out the window come September.

Can't wait until you and I start a "Selfish Mom Support Group Thread" on the Parenting board!

Re: Is anyone missing the mommy gene?

Re: Is anyone missing the mommy gene?

The one thing I am adamant about is keeping (at least part of) my identity when this child is born. I absolutely refuse to be identified as DS's mom and nothing else.

I know this child is going to be my whole world and he already is in a lot of ways, but there are parts of my life that I plan on holding onto no matter what.

Re: Is anyone missing the mommy gene?

Sorry to crash. But from a new mom,,,my experience was this:

I was like you.. totally felt I was too selfish. Now I LOVE MY DS TO DEATH!!! HOWEVER.. I HATED the sleepless nights and every two hour feedings!!! I HATED the crying during their "witching hour" Which is really 3 hours long!!!! Hated hated hated it!! But it doesn't make me a bad mother and it doesn't mean that I don't love my son. you DON'T need to LOVE these things to LOVE your child!!! I couldn't wait for the newborn stage to end. DS is only 4 months but is SUCH a good boy now. BUT ....when he is cranky and crying and STILL say NEVER AGAIN!!!! You have enough MOMMY GUILT!!! Just be prepared that you may not "feel differently when you have your baby". Just a fact of life... some people dont' mind the sleepless night. and the loss of alone time and the crying...etc but I did and do!!! But.. I still love ds more than anything in this world.


ETA: NO COSLEEPING FOR US!! DS went in his crib at 10 weeks. even when he is sick!!

Message edited 4/1/2010 10:44:06 AM.

Re: Is anyone missing the mommy gene?

yes, me.....


Until 7/30/09. Something just happened.