Is anyone having or had someone stay with them

after the birth of your baby?

I really prefer for it to be just me and DH for the first week, but my mom will be staying to help (which I'm sure I'll appreciate when the time comes) - what gets tricking is my DH's mom wants to stay over too. I really can't deal with both of them at the same time. I only have one guest room, so someone has to stay on the couch, plus I can just imagine the 2 of them both wanting to be with the baby, when I want to bond with my baby.

I don't know - I just had them both stay over for Thanksgiving and it was too much.

When I tell my DH I don't want his mom staying at the same time, he's like well how do I tell my mom no? especially when your mom is staying? I think its easy, I'm giving birth and I want my mom!!! He doesn't seem to agree.

Any suggestions?

Re: Is anyone having or had someone stay with them

First of all, you will appreciate thehelp. Grandma is always the best . I made it clear that my mom was staying with me and I was fine with just that. There was no way in h**l that I was having my MIL stay over.

You can simply twll you MIL that your mom will be and she is welcome to come by but you think it will be to overwhelming having more people stay at your house. Tell her if you need her after your mom leaves you will call her.

Re: Is anyone having or had someone stay with them

I thought that when I had Emma I would want to be alone. It was kinda nice to have all those people around to bring Emma to me when I was recovering from my C/S. Yes, my MIL stayed upstairs when we told her to and she left us alone as a family when we needed space. As long as the people who are coming understand that you need your time alone to become a family I have no problem with the extra hands.

Re: Is anyone having or had someone stay with them

that's a tough one jodi....hmmm...how big is your house- can your DH say something about there not being enough room for two houseguests?

Re: Is anyone having or had someone stay with them

I agree with everybody else. I had my MIL stay with us for a week. It was a bit intrusive, but I did appreciate the help -- to a degree. All she wanted to do was cook and take care of the baby. What she didn't GET was that I could take care of the baby, but after the c/s I needed somebody to clean my bathrooms and floors. I just waited until my sister came the following week to have those things done.

Maybe you could tell her that your mom will be with you for the first week and that since you only have room for 1 guest, could she come the following week, as you may still need more help.

I can tell you -- if your DH can't take much time off, it will be nice to have an extra set of hands so you can get some rest.

Re: Is anyone having or had someone stay with them

My MIL lives 2 miles away and she will be coming over every day for the first month or so. DH is taking off/working from home for a few weeks.

I'm breastfeeding twins which is pretty much round the clock and literally won't be able to do anything else. We have no choice, we need people here.

Re: Is anyone having or had someone stay with them

Let's see- my sister arrives 12/15, my parents and grandmother arrive 12/19 and my mom just informed me she won't be going home until I have this baby, due 1/6.

I am afraid, very afraid....

Re: Is anyone having or had someone stay with them

my dad and stepmom arrived the day after we came home from the hospital and stayed for 5 days. It was a godsend to have the extra hands around. DH had to go back to work right away, and you are not allowed to drive. So when the baby had to go to the ped. at a few days old (normal), my dad drove me. My stepmom cooked and cleaned. They watched the baby while I showered or napped.

I'd ask DH mom to come after your mom so you have help for a longer period of time. We had family coming and going for 2 months! It was great.

Re: Is anyone having or had someone stay with them

luckliy, my MIL is not good with planning and is now talking about coming in Jan.

I am due 12/18
sister #1 -12/8-12/13
my mom-12/14-12/20
fil, bil, sil, their 2 kids-12/22-12/26(hotel though
sister #2-12/25-12/30
mom returns 1/2-1/17
sister #1 returns 1/8-1/15
sister #3-1/12-1/15
sister #4 and finance-1/10-1/17

I hope I enjoy the company I kept the baby's room a guest room..I figure if they are not living on my couch it will be easier. Its a double edged sword. When I first moved away I thought I would be alone and was upset, then I have too much coming..so I could either be solo or the bunch, this baby I will try the bunch and see how it goes..

but oddly enough, my mil will post the biggest commotion if she stays. I already told Leo that she will have to go the the restaurant with him and find something to do, I could not imagine being alone with her without DH there to intervene and stand as a witness

Re: Is anyone having or had someone stay with them

When I had DS my DH was home for two weeks. Our family lives close by so no one stayed with us and I liked it that way. Infact we got home with the baby on Sunday and no one even came over until Wednesday. If I didn't live near anyone and know that I could just pick up the phone and call if we needed something then it might have been a different story.

Re: Is anyone having or had someone stay with them

I didn't have someone stay with me the first time...I'm really glad I didn't. For me, I knew in advance that's kind of how I wanted it and all our parents worked then so they couldn't anyway. I got to relax and be alone with my daughter and get some special time with her that I simply wouldn't have had if someone had been there. I simply wanted to be able to dive head first into trying to develop a routine with my baby as well. For me, it was perfect to be alone.

Re: Is anyone having or had someone stay with them

I want my mom to be around, but she only lives about half hour away, so she can stay if she wants to, but doesn't have to.

My SMIL is only about 10 minutes away, which is excellent.

But herein lies the problem: my MIL lives in Florida and wants to fly up at some point. But she is completely useless! She refuses to pay for car service or rent a car so one of us would have to get her from the airport and she will complain about our dog and expect a "vacation" (she did this with SIL when my neice was born)

PLUS she refuses to have any interaction with DH's step mother!! And I don't want my SMIL to have to stay away!

Ug. So I don't know. I am sure if they are helpful then you will love it. I think that you should have YOUR mom and have MIL come at a later time or stay in a hotel.

Re: Is anyone having or had someone stay with them

Thanks ladies. I"m sure I'll appreciate my mothers help (as she is very low maintenance and very helpful), my MIL on the other hand is very high maintenance and not very helpful. For ex - my mom cooked the entire Thanksgiving dinner, I did all the dishes and my MIL sat and read magazines.

I just don't want my MIL staying at the SAME time as my mom and I will want a break in between. I'm very fortunate that my DH has the entire month of December off so I really don't think I'll need a constant stay of people. I just wish they lived closer so they wouldn't need to sleep over (they both live about an hour and half away.)

Re: Is anyone having or had someone stay with them

Re: Is anyone having or had someone stay with them

Our families are close by, so no one was staying with us. But those first few days, I preferred it to be just the 3 of us. My parents and his would stop by, but no one stayed too long.

Re: Is anyone having or had someone stay with them

I had family that thought they were going to come stay with me and I told them not to. Not to be rude, but Dh will be home the 1st week with me.. and my Mom is minutes away... when I want company I'll let them know.. I just want US to get used to it at first w/o having visitors for sleepovers... I don;t mind visitors during the day.. but GO HOME!

Re: Is anyone having or had someone stay with them

my MIL will be here, but I hope my SIL will not be here the entire time too. I'd actually like some time with just my MIL, but SIL makes that impossible. I love my MIL, she is very sweet and so cool.

Message edited 11/25/2006 11:27:41 AM.

Re: Is anyone having or had someone stay with them

Re: Is anyone having or had someone stay with them

my mom will be staying for like 4 or 5 days, but my SIL lives like 10 min away and shes off in the summer (as is my MIL), so i have a feeling she'll be around alot (she is a cleaning freak, even cleaned our condo when we went on our HM LOL). My mom didnt understand that when she stays i will need her for cooking and cleaning and stuff, she was like i thought i would watch the baby for you guys so you can relax (meanwhile i will BF so that baby is going to be Attached to me for a while ) it will work out though, we have a big family so i a sure we will be getting lots and lots of visiters. I just hope the 1st couple of weeks its not to mny, i really want itme for me and my Dh to bond with the baby

Message edited 11/25/2006 12:03:39 PM.

Re: Is anyone having or had someone stay with them

Jodi, did you tell MIL yet that you just want your mom? My advice is to say "although I really appreciate your willingness to stay with me, I really prefer to spend this time with my mom. I would love for you to come by next week and stay a day or two, though." I would think (and hope) that she would respect that and not be resentful. After all, even if you guys are super close, you have your mom and you don't want to take this experience away from her either.

Re: Is anyone having or had someone stay with them

No one will be staying with us... DH will get a week off to help me, which I'm happy about... I dont have a very helpful family in that way - they will buy gifts, which is appreciated, but the "dirty" work is not something they would do anyway...

Re: Is anyone having or had someone stay with them

they both live sooo close to me.. i dont know if they would really stay over... if i have a section maybe they will switch on and off for a few nights....

Re: Is anyone having or had someone stay with them

Message edited 1/20/2007 7:14:42 PM.

Re: Is anyone having or had someone stay with them

I don't really want anyone sleeping over with us - I feel like that is really the time for us to get settled. Knowing my family we will have tons of people over afterwards - which I don't mind - as long as they go home at night.

I also couldn't see my mom wanting to sleep here either. I'm sure she would stay late if I needed her to so I could get some rest - but I can't see her sleeping over.

Re: Is anyone having or had someone stay with them

Ugh! I have already gone on record that NO ONE is staying with us after the baby is born. My parents live 3 miles away and my mom said she will come and clean for me and cook for me and maybe watch the baby so I can shower (no more than 20 minutes ) but she does not want to interfere in the bonding that will be taking place.

MIL, on the other hand, lives in Poland and even though she is visiiting us now, she thinks she is coming back in February. I have tried to tell that we will be okay, but like many other men, DH doesn't know how to tell her no.

The only good thing I think is happening right now is that MIL has been here almost two weeks and of that stay, she has spent 4 days on our couch (the ONLY place to sleep aside from kicking me or DH out of our bed). She has already complained about our cats staring at her when she sleeps, the house is unorganized (we are doing work on the nursery and have stuff all over the living room that should be walked out to the trash) and she can't smoke "right outside" the door, she has to walk off our porch so it doesn't come back in the house. I am getting the impression that she is not going to WANT to spend anymore time on our couch.

I personally think that the new mother has every right to decide who is going to come and help her. There may be days we don't want to get showered or dressed and having mom around will be much more comfortable than MIL. I would hope MIL's would respect that.