introvert at the office frustration

I'm a pretty introverted person. I like to be social occasionally at the office, but most of the time, I prefer to be in my office and working. I'll be friendly when we see each other at the copier, if I pass someone in the halls, if we're washing our hands in the bathroom, or if there's a social event. However, I'm not the type to just swing by someone's office to randomly chitty chat. I feel like that takes up too much time in my day and it's also equivalent to small talk (which is hard for me).

Every job previously, it's been mentioned at least once by my supervisor. "Just need to be more social." At my LI job, my supervisor was stumped b/c she sees me at all the social functions, I make a point of chitty chatting with her, etc, but yet something about me just exudes me not coming across as friendly or as being too quiet.

I just had my 90 review and that was the only negative thing she said about me. She loves my work, my dedication, my professionalism, but wants me to roam the halls randomly talking to people. I hate that I'm already getting that reputation here - I've tried hard to come across as open and friendly (and not complaining), yet here I am - getting "punished" for just wanting to do my job.

I told her I have social anxiety and it's not easy for me to small talk, so hopefully she'll cut me some slack. But seriously, why do introverts always come across as unfriendly, snobby, etc?

introvert at the office frustration

What a strange complaint. I was once told on a job evaluation I was too friendly and helpful to customers on the phone. They wanted me to be more short, curt and quick. I couldn't work for pple like that.

Re: introvert at the office frustration

I am a manager and the last thing I want is my employees roaming the hall randomly chatting people up.
You're here to work.
I don't mind chit chat and friendly camaraderie around the office but I would never put in someone's review that they basically need to slack off more and go walking around chatting about last night's TV shows.

That is very odd to me.

And as a fellow introvert that annoys me. Not everyone has the personality to feel comfortable doing that. As long as it's not affecting your work in a negative way, (ie you aren't a team player, you are rude to your co workers etc) what the eff does that even matter?

You said you go to social events etc- that should be enough.

Annoying

Re: introvert at the office frustration

I guess it depends on what kind of position you hold.... but for the most part I wouldn't expect you to be out there shaking hands and kissing babies. If your work is up to par and you're not rude to anyone, I can't see what the issue is. It's a silly complaint IMO.

introvert at the office frustration

Yeah, I find that a strange thing to say. Are you a manager? Maybe someone is complaining? IDK, I'm really grasping at straws because I just don't get it.

Re: introvert at the office frustration

introvert at the office frustration

My job is similar in that it is expected for you to be social with your coworkers. I think they feel it builds teamwork and makes for a more pleasant office atmosphere. It also helps for us to acquire new work within the office. I am like you and an introvert. It is very hard for me to break too much outside of my comfort zone. I have been with my current employer for over 15 years now, and while they know this about me and it isn't changing any time soon, I do think it holds me back professionally a bit. However, they are very happy with my work so they no longer grill me about it too much.

I suggest you read the book Quiet. My boss recently gave it to me and I am not through it yet but it provides a lot of insight into the mentality of extroverts being perceived as better workers, when really introverts have a lot to offer as well.

I wish I had more advice for you. I know how hard it can be, especially when you feel like you are really trying and pushing yourself and it doesn't feel like enough.

Re: introvert at the office frustration

As a fellow introvert, this really makes me furious. I think at the office a smile and friendly hello when passing in the hallway is more than enough. I have been accused of being unfriendly, even after thinking I had actually gone out of my way to be chatty and warm. I now have a staff under me and unless someone was flat out rude, I would never hold not being into small talk against them. I think it's unprofessional for them to evaluate you based on this.

Re: introvert at the office frustration

I have the exact same issue at my current workplace and I know I'm seen as snobby or unfriendly. I smile, say hi, chat a little but I don't visit people or get too close to anyone. I just don't really feel like I have much in common with the people I work with, there's nobody I want to develop a good friendship with. Also I'm there to work and I need to get that done so I can get out of there on time & home to my family instead of BSing all day and having to stay late. The only difference is mysupervisors don't care whether I socialize or not.

Re: introvert at the office frustration

introvert at the office frustration

because people have to label everyone and should really just mind their own business. I can be chatty at work, but the moment I dont say Hi fast enough or smile 24/7 I get asked if Im mad about something or told Im not approachable. I say sorry people I cant smile 24/7. lol. try not to read too much into it , easier said I know

introvert at the office frustration

I was told this at work too. I basically ignored it. I too just started my job. As you are there longer you will build relationships. I have now been at my company for 3 years and I have formed more relationships but it took time. My only suggestion would be if you tend to email a lot to get further information from other depts. perhaps you could go to that person and talk about it in person and then follow up with an email. That way it would look like you are chit chatting but you are really accomplishing 2 things at once. Good luck!

introvert at the office frustration

ditto.
Strange thing is...If I know person A and person B, I feel more comfortable asking person A about Person B's life and other personal things than I do asking person B directly.

I think somewhere in my crazy mind I think if I ask person B those questions they will think I'm nosey.

introvert at the office frustration

I work for a university and I am the HR person for my area. I receive all evaluations before they go to the main HR department. If I saw on someones evaluation what you said above I would be calling the department and say they could not write that. The evaluation is not about personality. If the person is great at their job then that is all that matters. If you were rude to other co-workers then maybe that could be mentioned with teamwork issues but from what you are saying that is not the case.

Re: introvert at the office frustration

You need to come work at my job--I could use more quiet people in the office! We have now started monthly breakfasts/snack breaks, that I have no use for. Someone tried to get me to talk to a new hire by saying, hey you might live near each other, what was your towns name again? She said it, and I just said, no, to really. I have to make small talk for part of my job, but I don't have the energy to do it for no reason.

I also have a problem recently, after being nice to a new person that other people are mean to, and now she won't leave my damn office!

I prefer quiet, and had to fight to hire someone once that the head of the office thought was too quiet, but she was one of the best assistants we have ever had.

I can see the other side of it a little bit though.

We do have one person who is too quiet & it is sort of problematic. Her supervisor was fine with it & said she did a good job, but she barely acknowledges you when you say hello; it is kind of awkward. It has impacted her her job a little bit too-her job was going to be reduced, so she was asked to help out a other department, so she help out a another department, so her hours wouldn't be reduced and she flat out refused to answer the phone.

It was also difficult when we got a new boss ( head of the whole office) and she was really trying to evaluate people, and while it is not fair, she does judge people on personalities & because this person's job was pretty far removed form hers, she couldn't really see her value & she didn't really help herself but not chatting with the big boss.

But the way you describe it, you are doing the basics. Could you maybe go out to lunch with co-workers once in while?