In-laws

I know in-laws has been beaten to death on here but I just wan some opinions if possible if I am "thinking" to sensitively on this issue. I havent made up my min what I am going to do yet so if anyone has any opinions I would love to hear them. Be honest.
My wedding was in july and we received the wedding videos the week after my dad passed (december 5thish). Okay so they are in a bag packed away bc we didnt feel like watching them while grieving. Its like 3 weeks later, DH sister came in and now DHs parents want to watch our video with her. My feeling is that it is their son and daughter in laws wedding and they should wait for us. But then I agree that could be selfish on our part as we are making non grievers wait. The sister always is put first on everything. Its getting on my nerves. I appreciate any opinions and maybe I will sway my thoughts a little and give them the tape if I see the need to.

Re: In-laws

I say if your not ready to watch it just tell them, if they don't understand then too bad. The grieving process is something everyone does differently and they should respect that.

Re: In-laws

u watch it when u feel you're ready. they should understand

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It was YOUR wedding, and is YOUR video. No one should watch that before you decide you want to. I feel very firmly about that. Grieving or not, your inlaws should respect YOUR feelings. It has nothing to do with them. I would just say that you and DH would prefer to be the first ones to watch it when you are both ready, then drop the issue and do not discuss it further.

Re: In-laws

Thanks for the advice. 1 point missed bc of my original posting...they dont care if I or my DH watch it, they want to watch it themselves. I dont feel thats right. The wedding vidoes were bought by us, for us to distribute when we are ready. They feel that we have their copy and they want their daughter to see it. So basically they all want to watch it without us. Is this normal? I dont want to sound selfish but I think they should wait for us whether it be a month from now or 2. We already waited since july.

Message edited 12/25/2005 11:53:10 AM.

Re: In-laws

First I want to say I am so sorry for your loss, .
See this is tough b/c in his parents eyes, they see this as thier sons wedding too not just yours. So that is probably why they are pushing it.
If it was me, I think I would give them the video to watch and enjoy with DH too. If my father had passed, I dont think I could watch the video for months with other people. For myself, I could watch it and with DH only too at first.
I wouldnt look at it like his sister always gets her way, I think its great they even have an interest to see it, some family members couldnt care less!
Good luck in your decision, and try to keep things in a positive light as much as you can in this time of sadness.

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Just do not give them the video. They did not pay for it. It is yours. I'm sure the last thing you want on your hands right now is a fight, so don't even engage in a conversation with them about the video. Tell them no, and leave it at that. I know I already stated that, but I really do not feel you should compromise how YOU are feeling. It doesn't matter that it was their son's wedding, too. You and dh need to stick together on this one. Maybe have him deal with his parents on this one. Hang in there. You are very strong, and have been through a lot in the last few weeks

Re: In-laws

Posted by girlygrl33

First I want to say I am so sorry for your loss, .
See this is tough b/c in his parents eyes, they see this as thier sons wedding too not just yours. So that is probably why they are pushing it.
If it was me, I think I would give them the video to watch and enjoy with DH too. If my father had passed, I dont think I could watch the video for months with other people. For myself, I could watch it and with DH only too at first.
I wouldnt look at it like his sister always gets her way, I think its great they even have an interest to see it, some family members couldnt care less!
Good luck in your decision, and try to keep things in a positive light as much as you can in this time of sadness.

Re: In-laws

Thanks girls for the advice. I think I am going to do what Rachel said and end the conversation before it happens. DHs dad will try to continue it but I will not have the tapes here available so they are going to have to hang until we are ready. I dont exactly think its like " well we bought it, its ours" its more like I think they should watch it with at least their son.

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Re: In-laws

I'm sorry for your loss...I understand why you don't want to watch your video. My grandmother died after my wedding and I didn't want to see it because of the same reasons you have. When I finally watched the video, I felt happy because I was reliving the day and remembered all the good memories. I think that your should tell them that you wanted to watch the video first but you're not ready yet...tell them to give you time...they should understand and respect your wishes...

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Posted by PrincessP

Posted by girlygrl33

First I want to say I am so sorry for your loss, .
See this is tough b/c in his parents eyes, they see this as thier sons wedding too not just yours. So that is probably why they are pushing it.
If it was me, I think I would give them the video to watch and enjoy with DH too. If my father had passed, I dont think I could watch the video for months with other people. For myself, I could watch it and with DH only too at first.
I wouldnt look at it like his sister always gets her way, I think its great they even have an interest to see it, some family members couldnt care less!
Good luck in your decision, and try to keep things in a positive light as much as you can in this time of sadness.

U stated one specific point that they are missing u said "with DH". They dont want to watch with me and DH they want to watch with their daughter. Thats where my problem lies. I agree that some family members dont care and I am lucky that they do but I feel like they need to back off. Thanks for your advice.

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I think your in-laws need to be a little sensitive towards how you may be feeling.

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I got through tonite BUT I found out the sis is here all week which means they will be begging for this all week long. I cant keep saying I dont have the tape with me like I did tonite. This is ridiculous they just dont know when to end it. I am actually considering giving in. Whats the benefit they either disrespect my DH and myself by watching it without us and before us, or get nagged at everyday for the tape.

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They def. need to chill out and relax on the tape. I don't understand why they wouldn't want to watch YOUR wedding video with the both of you (and their daughter). Maybe ask DH to speak to them and let them know you both really want to watch it with them for the first time since it is your wedding, can they please show you a little compassion since you just lost your Dad and wait until you are ready.

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You arent being too sensitive about this. It's your decision when someone gets to watch your wedding video, not theirs. The fact that you're grieving , should make this a non-issue. I thought the first person who should watch my video was my husband & me alone. Then we shared it with others.

I think you or your DH need to draw the line so you don't have to repeatedly make up excuses or hear about this for the rest of the week.

I don't know when you are going to be ready to see this -but I imagine seeing your dad on your wedding day may remind you of a happy time in his life.

Re: In-laws

I would tell them that you are not emotionally ready to watch the video yet and you're not giving the video out to anyone until after you and DH have seen it. Explain to them that you want to be the first ones to see it and once you're ready you will hand their copy to them. I think if you're upfront about it they will understand.

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I hope they will understand. Then again, a few of u r right, I dont have to talk to them for the week so my dh can relay the message. He is so weak when it comes to them. He tries to explain to them but they always have reasons they should get their way. Even at my wedding, my table cameras that were on their table became noted as "their cameras". they kept asking "where are "our" pics.
Last nite the father asks me "so where are u celebrating new years?" he was shocked when I said "here with my mom". They are so inappropriate!

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They sound very narrow minded. I have a set of in-laws that are the same way. You need to give your DH a pep talk before he deals with them. I used to do this with JT when we first got engaged. His parents were SO controlling of him, and he becamse this weak little boy around them, so before he had to talk to them or see them, I would remind him that WE'RE a family now, and him and I are adults and we're a team, and they need to respect that. It eventually worked, and now he stands up a lot more to his mother. Just keep trying. You should not have to back down on this one just because his parents are ignorant. I really feel very strongly for you about this, and I think it's because JT's parents are so similar in their attitude. For example, they are OBSESSED with JT's niece (for now, their only grandchild). We gave them an engraved frame with our names and our wedding date, and they put HER picture in it. HER'S! It has OUR names and wedding date on it!

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Posted by Kierasmom

I would tell them that you are not emotionally ready to watch the video yet and you're not giving the video out to anyone until after you and DH have seen it. Explain to them that you want to be the first ones to see it and once you're ready you will hand their copy to them. I think if you're upfront about it they will understand.

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Posted by prncssrachel
For example, they are OBSESSED with JT's niece (for now, their only grandchild). We gave them an engraved frame with our names and our wedding date, and they put HER picture in it. HER'S! It has OUR names and wedding date on it!

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Thanks for the advice. That really is unreal with the frame. Mine would definitely do something like that. I actually went to buy them a frame for their wedding pic of us bc the frames they gave me that held DH baby pics to give to the photographer s@cked. Falling apart, old, some taped...I was like c'mon now. Then I thought, why is it my expense...i didnt buy one for my parents nor his grandparents...find a frame. ( my inlaws live in a ritzy area on LI as well so they can afford a frame). so now the pics sits in a box somewhere. But if I gave them a frame and they put my sis n laws child in it....I would have something to say. Did your husband say anything to them?

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Yeah, JT was like, "MOM! That's a frame for OUR picture, NOT Amber's!", and she tried to give us a guilt trip about how she doesn't have a picture of us to put in it. Well, HELLO, when we gave you the proofs to pick one, you were "too overwhelmed". Then when I GAVE YOU one, you "lost it". She's just an idiot. A complete azzhole. I have come to terms with that. Please, don't even get me started. If I even BEGAN my stories from yesterday, you'd have a heart attack

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when we got our pkg I asked for 1 16x20, 2 11x14, 4 8x10s, 12 5x7s.
I gave 3 8x10s out...1 to my parents, 1 to his grandparents, 1 to his parents so we wouldnt have a problem. Everyone including guests ordered extra pics. His parents told me they got pics from others peoples cameras. No need for professional pics! LOL
At least yours are still "thinking" of skimming through some proofs. Mine took the 8x10 me and dh paid for and the album we paid for and was done with our wedding.