If you've lost a parent

I've lost both parents and my real friends were just there for me. Random texts months later helped a lot. On the 1 year anniversary of my mom's death really good friends of mine sent flowers saying just thinking of you on this difficult day. I love hearing stories about my parents too. Just be prepared she will go through 100 different emotions.

Re: If you've lost a parent

thank you again everyone for sharing! Im taking all of this to heart and will definitely put it into practice!

Re: If you've lost a parent

Agreed with everyone else. Just being there when she needs you. My friends who would bring me wine and food, take me out to dinner in the middle of the week, texts and calls out of nowhere. It helped a lot. My sister in law sent me a card every month for 6 months after my Mom died. I will never forget how thoughtful that was. I'm sorry for your friend.

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Can I ask, what did people say that helped and what did you hate hearing people say? I don't want to say the wrong thing and upset her. She's my BFF for the last 23 years, so I obviously know her very well. But this is new territory for both of us. I don't want to have good intentions and mean well but end up saying something stupid or cliche that annoys her.

Re: If you've lost a parent

The things that pissed me off more then anything were the : "She's in a better place" You have your own guardian angel now!" "God only takes the best at Christmas!", bullish!t. Avoid all that crap. "I'm sorry" and "I'm here for you" is all that is needed.

Message edited 1/9/2014 9:44:23 PM.

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Message edited 1/9/2014 10:19:02 PM.

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If you've lost a parent

Holding her hand was the dearest thing. You conveyed far more than words could ever have done.

I know when I lost my mother, I did not want people to talk to me about it for too long as I would start to tear up or cry, which I did not want to do. Everyone deals with loss differently. I do not like to talk about my losses. I can handle them as long as no one starts talking about the person. Also, I really dislike it when people start talking to me about heaven, angels, better places, etc.

If you've lost a parent

i have lost both of my parents…
my mother when i was 19 years old, after battling breast cancer for 2 years and my father a few months after i turned 30. (he was diagnosed with a glioblastoma in Feb and July he died)

both experiences were very different.

my only advice is to be a friend… there may be times where she doesn't want to talk to anyone, give her space, but still check in… don't always ask her how she is doing… she lost a parent.

the necklace is a wonderful idea. when i was 19, i was a very moody teenager still, so i did push a lot of my friends away, and at 19, most ppl have issues with death to a parent… not saying that if you were older it would be different, but at that time in your life, i needed my mother in everyday….

my friends were still there, but a lot of them, just didn't understand or know how to comfort me, which resulted in a lot of rebellion and blaming the world and friends for issues that were clearly mine.

when my father passed away, i was older, but it was still tough, and believe it or not, the friends i thought and had pushed away were there for me once again.

it's very difficult loosing a loved one, esp a parent when the parent is still so young.

many hugs to your friend, and just be there for her, even when she seems like she doesn't want you there.

Re: If you've lost a parent

Follow her lead. She will want to talk when she is ready. and everyone gave good advice. Be there in the weeks following when everything has settled down. That is when she will need someone the most.