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Laura1976
Member since 5/05 5754 total posts
Name:
Laura
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If you had a bridesmaid...
What would you do:
One of your bridesmaids, who is your future sister in law, has a penchant for dying her hair. Blue, orange, multi color, whatever strikes her. This is the same bridesmaid who showed up at your engagement dress wearing a white dress and a tiara. She has already stated that he hair will be multi shades of blue for your wedding.
Do you say something? Your fiancé has already written it off as that's who she is.
ETA: I"m not the bride 
Message edited 10/12/2015 11:49:15 AM.
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Posted 10/12/15 11:37 AM  |
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Kitten1929
LIF Adult
Member since 1/13 6040 total posts
Name:
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If you had a bridesmaid...
I would think that you'd already know she does this and is OK with it if she's been asked to be a bridesmaid, so why would you say something?
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| Posted 10/12/15 11:39 AM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: If you had a bridesmaid...
I wouldn't expect someone to change their lifestyle, their hair, etc for my wedding- which is just ONE day and doesn't mean nearly as much to anyone else as it does to me.
So no, I would not say anything. It's her hair.
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| Posted 10/12/15 11:40 AM |
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jacksmom09
LIF Adolescent
Member since 6/10 687 total posts
Name:
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Re: If you had a bridesmaid...
First, congrats on your upcoming wedding! :) I know it';s a very exciting time!
I know you're in a tough spot, but unfortunately, in my opinion, I don't think there is much you can really do about the color she wants to dye her hair. From what you have already said, it sounds like she is going to do whatever she wants no matter what. I would say to just try and let it go and focus on making the day about you and your DH!
Hope that helps and best wishes to you! 
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| Posted 10/12/15 11:41 AM |
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Momma2015
Mommax2
Member since 12/12 6656 total posts
Name:
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Re: If you had a bridesmaid...
Nothing. That's who she is. I would never make someone lose weight, dye their hair, cover up their tattoos, etc. for my wedding. I had a bride tell me I wasn't allowed to wear my prescription glasses on the day of her wedding as a bridesmaid. You bet your ass I wore my glasses.
Message edited 10/12/2015 11:47:10 AM.
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| Posted 10/12/15 11:46 AM |
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EricaAlt
LIF Adult
Member since 7/08 22665 total posts
Name:
Erica
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Re: If you had a bridesmaid...
Let it go. The wedding is about the bride and groom and 90 percent of the pics will be of them. The bridesmaid will be who she is at the wedding too. Just have fun and enjoy. Plus, a lot of the best wedding pics are in black and white so you wouldn't be able to see the rainbow in those... LOL!
Heck, half my bridesmaids were pregnant at my wedding. 2 of them were due in a few weeks. People found it humorous that every time someone came to walk down the aisle one belly was bigger than the next.
Congrats on the wedding! Remember... the honeymoon is the best part! Just you and DH anyway! 
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| Posted 10/12/15 11:47 AM |
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MichLiz213
Life is Good!
Member since 7/07 7979 total posts
Name:
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If you had a bridesmaid...
I would and I did. For two out of three SILs. But my MIL had my back on that one.
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| Posted 10/12/15 11:54 AM |
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Pomegranate5
LIF Adult
Member since 2/11 4798 total posts
Name:
Pomegranate5
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Re: If you had a bridesmaid...
Nah I wouldn't try to stop it. It would probably only make it worse for the bride anyway.
HOWEVER, if she tries to wear a tiara to someone else's wedding I'd lose it on her!
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| Posted 10/12/15 12:09 PM |
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Re: If you had a bridesmaid...
Posted by NervousNell
I wouldn't expect someone to change their lifestyle, their hair, etc for my wedding- which is just ONE day and doesn't mean nearly as much to anyone else as it does to me.
So no, I would not say anything. It's her hair.
Agree
I hate the whole "don't dye your hair a crazy color and cover your tattoos and take out your piercings" crap. If you pick this loved one, someone near and dear, to stand up for you at your wedding ... You should accept them as is. Not try to "sanitize" (for lack of a better word) everything for a photo op. To me, that means you care more about your photos than the people in them.
For the record, I feel that way and I don't have piercings or crazy colored hair or really visible tattoos.
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| Posted 10/12/15 12:16 PM |
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blu6385
Member since 5/08 8351 total posts
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Re: If you had a bridesmaid...
Posted by NervousNell
I wouldn't expect someone to change their lifestyle, their hair, etc for my wedding- which is just ONE day and doesn't mean nearly as much to anyone else as it does to me.
So no, I would not say anything. It's her hair.
i agree with this
i would assume i knew this and didn't care about what color her hair will be
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| Posted 10/12/15 12:34 PM |
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Re: If you had a bridesmaid...
I think if one knows that someone has a penchant for a certain style and you ask them to be in your wedding then you can't really ask them to change that style.
JMHO
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| Posted 10/12/15 12:35 PM |
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TnDM10
LIF Adolescent
Member since 2/09 781 total posts
Name:
Teri
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Re: If you had a bridesmaid...
Posted by NervousNell
I wouldn't expect someone to change their lifestyle, their hair, etc for my wedding- which is just ONE day and doesn't mean nearly as much to anyone else as it does to me.
So no, I would not say anything. It's her hair.
Agreed, my sister was my maid of honor and always has crazy hair colors, so I didn't really care what she was going to do, nor was I going to dictate what she should do. But she shocked everyone by dying her hair all one color for the wedding
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| Posted 10/12/15 12:44 PM |
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Ellsey10
LIF Adolescent
Member since 1/15 614 total posts
Name:
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Re: If you had a bridesmaid...
Posted by NervousNell
I wouldn't expect someone to change their lifestyle, their hair, etc for my wedding- which is just ONE day and doesn't mean nearly as much to anyone else as it does to me.
So no, I would not say anything. It's her hair.
ITA. It's very insulting if someone wants you to change yourself for their wedding. You wanted to have this person in your wedding for a reason so why make them change who they are?
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| Posted 10/12/15 1:04 PM |
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2BadSoSad
LIF Adult
Member since 8/12 6791 total posts
Name:
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Re: If you had a bridesmaid...
No, my bridesmaids are who they are and that is WHY they are my friends. I would never ask them to change who they are, be it, hair, covering tattoos, etc in order to be a BM in my wedding. NEVER.
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| Posted 10/12/15 1:06 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: If you had a bridesmaid...
I wouldn't ask them to change anything. I think that's kind of rude. I personally do not like hair dyed colors like that and think she will look ridiculous but that's for her to regret in years to come!
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| Posted 10/12/15 1:11 PM |
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klingklang77
kraftwerk!
Member since 7/06 11489 total posts
Name:
Völlig losgelöst
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Re: If you had a bridesmaid...
I was 16 when I was in my sister's wedding. At that point I had colored my hair a few times, I shaved under my hair (remember when that was popular? lol), I bleached the underside of it when it grew in, etc. You get the idea.
I was told by my mom that I really need to not do that for a while and look nice for the wedding. So I did.
My sister's bridesmaid dresses. Hmm I looked like a pink fluffy cupcake. This was the early 90s, though.
I think it might depend on the age of the person. I was 16, so I did what I was told.
I don't think I would ask that of anyone, really.
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| Posted 10/12/15 1:12 PM |
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Paramount
Sweet!
Member since 7/12 4289 total posts
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Re: If you had a bridesmaid...
No. I would not say anything.
If she was asked to be a BM and the bride KNEW this is the way she behaves, then no. I would not say anything.
I would assume she would be who she was. You bought the package KNOWING what you were getting.
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| Posted 10/12/15 1:12 PM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: If you had a bridesmaid...
You can't tell someone they aren't allowed to dye their hair for your wedding - or cut it, or shave it off if they want to -
the wedding is the most important day of YOUR life ........not everyone else's
(and I'm using "YOU" and "YOUR" in the general sense here)
besides, if you're dealing with a person who showed up to the engagement party wearing a tiara .......and white - (which, I have issue w/ this whole new rule of 'noone is allowed to wear white to ANY wedding related events' but that's another post) ........I think trying to tell her anything will just add fuel to the fire and give her more satisfaction. I'd completely ignore it to be honest with you -
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| Posted 10/12/15 1:16 PM |
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JennZ
MY LIFE!!
Member since 8/05 25463 total posts
Name:
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Re: If you had a bridesmaid...
Who cares.
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| Posted 10/12/15 1:19 PM |
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Dolphinsbaby
My 3 little guys!
Member since 12/10 2943 total posts
Name:
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Re: If you had a bridesmaid...
Nope. It's my husband's sister. She will be a part of my family. Sounds like she is the wild, crazy one and everyone knows it so I'm sure no one will be shocked.
This totally sounds like something my sister would do. She is the wild child of the family. You should've seen what she came to my twins christening in . I only said something to her because it really was not appropriate for a church! Not to mention, she came 40 minutes late and everyone stared at her as she walked in. I've written it off. It is who she is. Ehh. And I'm not gonna change her. If she hasn't figured it out now by 27, what am I gonna do? When I or other family members invite her to events, no one would dare tell her what to wear (I swear she'd show up in a bikini to spite us all). We just figure it's par for the course. Most family are usually excited to see what her new hair color, tattoo, and outfit is.
Right now she is rocking a very red, pink, and purple hairdo. But it actually looks good on her. Never thought I'd say that.
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| Posted 10/12/15 1:45 PM |
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WannaBeAMom11
LIF Adult
Member since 1/11 7391 total posts
Name:
Name
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If you had a bridesmaid...
The tiara is the only thing I'd veto. The bride is the only one who gets to wear a tiara on her wedding day
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| Posted 10/12/15 3:08 PM |
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DirtyBlonde
*****
Member since 11/07 7344 total posts
Name:
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Re: If you had a bridesmaid...
Everyone is all "that's who she is" - and I get that. But given the tiara and white dress at the engagement party, it sounds to me like she's doing the multiple shades of blue for attention. Coloring her hair crazy colors isn't necessarily who she is, but looking for ANY attention is her thing.
The only thing to do is ignore it. Don't give her the attention she feeds off of (not you - I know it's not your wedding).
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| Posted 10/12/15 3:15 PM |
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Momma2015
Mommax2
Member since 12/12 6656 total posts
Name:
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Re: If you had a bridesmaid...
Posted by DirtyBlonde
Everyone is all "that's who she is" - and I get that. But given the tiara and white dress at the engagement party, it sounds to me like she's doing the multiple shades of blue for attention. Coloring her hair crazy colors isn't necessarily who she is, but looking for ANY attention is her thing.
The only thing to do is ignore it. Don't give her the attention she feeds off of (not you - I know it's not your wedding).
Well, don't most people dye their hair multiple shades of colors to stand out? It's certainly not to blend in.
But I get your point about the tiara and dress. At least if she's a BM, she has to wear the dress that's picked for her. And I would not hesitate to rip any tiaras off her head.
ETA: And I absolutely agree that making a big deal out of dyeing her hair would just add fuel to the fire.
Message edited 10/12/2015 3:25:20 PM.
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| Posted 10/12/15 3:24 PM |
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Christine2
LIF Adult
Member since 2/09 1217 total posts
Name:
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Re: If you had a bridesmaid...
Just ask nicely if she can have a natural hair color for your wedding day. It doesn't seem to be such a major request to me. If it is a big deal for her, then explain (nicely) that you'd rather not have her in the party. End of story. If it causes drama, so be it. It is your day.
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| Posted 10/12/15 4:10 PM |
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shadows
LIF Adult
Member since 1/10 4694 total posts
Name:
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Re: If you had a bridesmaid...
Posted by Christine2
Just ask nicely if she can have a natural hair color for your wedding day. It doesn't seem to be such a major request to me. If it is a big deal for her, then explain (nicely) that you'd rather not have her in the party. End of story. If it causes drama, so be it. It is your day.
I think I agree with this.
I think I wouldn't have asked her to be in my wedding party in the first place though. Future SIL or not. But DH and I are pretty conservative so that's just us.
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| Posted 10/12/15 7:17 PM |
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