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leighla
Support Cancer Research
Member since 5/05 16353 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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If you found out one of your parents cheated...
If you found out one of your parents cheated on the other YEARS ago, and they were able to get past it and reconcile, would you still think differently about your parent?
Would you be angry at them, or figure if the other one could forgive them, than you can too?
(It's not my family, but a family very close to me.)
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Posted 1/30/06 11:15 AM  |
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mrswask
Pookie Love
Member since 5/05 20229 total posts
Name:
Michal
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Re: If you found out one of your parents cheated...
I'd like to say that I wouldn't be angry, but I know I would be very upset with that parent.
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| Posted 1/30/06 11:16 AM |
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Re: If you found out one of your parents cheated...
I MAY be able to forgive, but I would never forget.
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| Posted 1/30/06 11:17 AM |
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Re: If you found out one of your parents cheated...
I would think differently of that parent for sure. I dont think I would trust them.....
Coincidentally this is why my parents divorced 21 years ago!
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| Posted 1/30/06 11:20 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: If you found out one of your parents cheated...
Initially I would be upset and probably feel the urge to defend the wronged parent. In the end, I haven't been married to my mother or father for 40+ years. Until I've walked in their shoes, I don't feel that I can pass judgement.
I don't think having a parent cheat on a spouse has anything to do with their relationship with me.
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| Posted 1/30/06 11:35 AM |
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Bebalina
<3
Member since 6/05 2922 total posts
Name:
N
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Re: If you found out one of your parents cheated...
i think if that happened, and the other parent was forgiving and this was YEARS ago, who am i to judge then
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| Posted 1/30/06 11:41 AM |
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mommy2Alex
3 babies for me :)
Member since 5/05 6683 total posts
Name:
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Re: If you found out one of your parents cheated...
Posted by Bebalina
i think if that happened, and the other parent was forgiving and this was YEARS ago, who am i to judge then
Agreed
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| Posted 1/30/06 11:48 AM |
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justme1
Proud SAHM
Member since 5/05 1955 total posts
Name:
Jodi
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Re: If you found out one of your parents cheated...
I have so much respect for my parents, I look up to them.. they always seemed so " perfect" in my eyes.
If one of them cheated I definitly would have a changed opinion about them. I would still love them as much and I could forgive them but my respect for them would sadly diminish.
In a weird way I think I also would feel betrayed.
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| Posted 1/30/06 11:55 AM |
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leighla
Support Cancer Research
Member since 5/05 16353 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: If you found out one of your parents cheated...
Posted by IslandGrl
In a weird way I think I also would feel betrayed.
That's how I would feel too. This happened when the kids in this family were fairly young (6-9 years old) but neither remembers it.
I know I feel differently about this person than I used to.
There are two fully-grown children involved in this and one of them is taking it like, no big deal - it's history and it doesn't change what kind of parent this person was/is.
And the other one is absolutely devastated and wants nothing to do with either parent anymore.
I'm kind of caught in the middle somehow.
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| Posted 1/30/06 12:02 PM |
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btrflygrl
me and baby #3!
Member since 5/05 12013 total posts
Name:
Shana
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Re: If you found out one of your parents cheated...
I've been in this situation....but it was slightly different. I looked at that parent a little differently but understood why
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| Posted 1/30/06 12:02 PM |
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GenLCSW
Baby # 3 is here!!!
Member since 7/05 21138 total posts
Name:
Genna
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Re: If you found out one of your parents cheated...
I would be angry and I definently would look at that parent differently
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| Posted 1/30/06 12:03 PM |
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Donna
1 year already!!
Member since 5/05 3360 total posts
Name:
Donna
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Re: If you found out one of your parents cheated...
IMO I would follow the lead of the wronged party.
My dad cheated on my mom and she was willing to try (they had been married 20+ years) so even though I was angry I followed her lead
they are divorced now but my mom's outlook at the time was he's my husband not yours and he did this to me not you
It ***** regardless, I feel for your friend
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| Posted 1/30/06 12:05 PM |
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neenie
Member since 5/05 22351 total posts
Name:
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Re: If you found out one of your parents cheated...
Posted by nrthshgrl
I don't think having a parent cheat on a spouse has anything to do with their relationship with me.
i agree.
I'm sure part of me would feel betrayed, but, In the end, it really is none of my business.
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| Posted 1/30/06 12:06 PM |
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jennandrob
mom of two!
Member since 5/05 4368 total posts
Name:
Jenn
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Re: If you found out one of your parents cheated...
Posted by missus-hbradio
I would think differently of that parent for sure. I dont think I would trust them.....
Coincidentally this is why my parents divorced 21 years ago!
same here, and as an adult I am able to forgive.
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| Posted 1/30/06 12:12 PM |
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usuk2004
I'm ONE!
Member since 5/05 5150 total posts
Name:
Farah
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Re: If you found out one of your parents cheated...
Posted by IslandGrl
I have so much respect for my parents, I look up to them.. they always seemed so " perfect" in my eyes.
If one of them cheated I definitly would have a changed opinion about them. I would still love them as much and I could forgive them but my respect for them would sadly diminish.
In a weird way I think I also would feel betrayed.
Me too...and sadly, I think that it would affect me more finding out as an adult than it would've had I found out as a child because I understand so much more about emotions/marriage, etc
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| Posted 1/30/06 12:44 PM |
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Boobobunny
Live in the Present
Member since 5/05 3572 total posts
Name:
Dannielle
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Re: If you found out one of your parents cheated...
This did happen to my parents about 8 yrs ago.
There marriage had alot of issues at the time...that both were at fault for...I think the cheating forced them to talk about their issues...and they decided to work on their issues together as a team.
Today they have a very healthy and strong marriage...with open communication. They love each other very much...and it took something like this for them both to realize how each of them took their marriage for granted.
Although I was upset with the parent who cheated...I was also upset with the other parent who was spending so much time away from the marriage and from my younger sister....but I don't hold any grudge...they both were at fault for the problems in their marraige...and this made them own up to those problems...and work to resolve them
Both my sister and I are happy that are parents are happy together...and that is all that matters to us.
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| Posted 1/30/06 12:51 PM |
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mrswask
Pookie Love
Member since 5/05 20229 total posts
Name:
Michal
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Re: If you found out one of your parents cheated...
Posted by nrthshgrl
I don't think having a parent cheat on a spouse has anything to do with their relationship with me.
See, I disagree with this. I definitely think that even if not done maliciously to hurt the child, the cheating spouse is really being selfish and hurtful not only towards the spouse, but the children. When they chose to cheat, the made a decision to put their whole family in jeopardy, risk divorce, break up of the family, etc. JMO.
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| Posted 1/30/06 12:53 PM |
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leighla
Support Cancer Research
Member since 5/05 16353 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: If you found out one of your parents cheated...
Posted by mrswask
Posted by nrthshgrl
I don't think having a parent cheat on a spouse has anything to do with their relationship with me.
See, I disagree with this. I definitely think that even if not done maliciously to hurt the child, the cheating spouse is really being selfish and hurtful not only towards the spouse, but the children. When they chose to cheat, the made a decision to put their whole family in jeopardy, risk divorce, break up of the family, etc. JMO.
I tend to agree with this as well. I feel like if they cheat on their spouse, they are also cheating on the children involved.
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| Posted 1/30/06 12:58 PM |
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Boobobunny
Live in the Present
Member since 5/05 3572 total posts
Name:
Dannielle
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Re: If you found out one of your parents cheated...
Posted by leighla
Posted by mrswask
Posted by nrthshgrl
I don't think having a parent cheat on a spouse has anything to do with their relationship with me.
See, I disagree with this. I definitely think that even if not done maliciously to hurt the child, the cheating spouse is really being selfish and hurtful not only towards the spouse, but the children. When they chose to cheat, the made a decision to put their whole family in jeopardy, risk divorce, break up of the family, etc. JMO.
I tend to agree with this as well. I feel like if they cheat on their spouse, they are also cheating on the children involved.
only only 1/2 agree with this...if the children are adults...and do not live at home then it has nothing to do with them...they are no longer small children who can't fend for themselves...or come to their own conclusions, on such an adult matter.
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| Posted 1/30/06 1:02 PM |
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leighla
Support Cancer Research
Member since 5/05 16353 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: If you found out one of your parents cheated...
Posted by Boobobunny
only only 1/2 agree with this...if the children are adults...and do not live at home then it has nothing to do with them...they are no longer small children who can't fend for themselves...or come to their own conclusions, on such an adult matter.
I agree, if the kids are fully grown when it happens, it is different to me.
In this situation, they are adults now, but they were little when this happened. All they knew was that mommy and daddy were fighting and one of them moved out for a while. They have vague memories of it, but never knew the reason until now.
To me, that's just awful to do to your spouse and your kids.
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| Posted 1/30/06 1:22 PM |
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CaseyGirl
Mommy to 3 Boys :)
Member since 5/05 19978 total posts
Name:
Jen - counting my blessings...
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Re: If you found out one of your parents cheated...
I would feel betrayed, like the picture I had been seeing for so many years was now distorted in a way...I wouldn't stop talking to him / her, but I would feel strange...
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| Posted 1/30/06 1:23 PM |
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Boobobunny
Live in the Present
Member since 5/05 3572 total posts
Name:
Dannielle
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Re: If you found out one of your parents cheated...
Posted by leighla
Posted by Boobobunny
only only 1/2 agree with this...if the children are adults...and do not live at home then it has nothing to do with them...they are no longer small children who can't fend for themselves...or come to their own conclusions, on such an adult matter.
I agree, if the kids are fully grown when it happens, it is different to me.
In this situation, they are adults now, but they were little when this happened. All they knew was that mommy and daddy were fighting and one of them moved out for a while. They have vague memories of it, but never knew the reason until now.
To me, that's just awful to do to your spouse and your kids.
I guess since I was older when it happened I was mature enough to realize that it wasn't about me or my relationship with my parents....it was about them and their relationship with each other.
The best thing that I could do for both of them was to just be there...if they wanted to talk...then they could talk...if they just wanted company I would take him/her to lunch
when the cheating came out into the open I became a mediator...see the cheating parent confided in me because they wanted to make things better int he marriage...and knew that honesty was the only way to accomplish that. And since I always had a way to make them realize how silly their arguements were...that if they just talked about things they wouldn't have to have a huge blown out fight... this parent asked for help. Although at times I hated being involved so much...I am happy now that I was able to be there for my parents...both of them. I saw both sides of the coin equally....and I think because communication was so open between my parents and me during this difficult time I am actually closer to them both because of it...and they are closer because they choose to listen to each other...and agree that they can't agree on everything....but they can forgive and move on
I can see how a small child would wonder if there was something they did or didn't do to cause mommy and daddy to fight. I was lucky that I was old enough to know that it wasn't because of me or my sister that my parents had problems.
Message edited 1/30/2006 1:32:55 PM.
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| Posted 1/30/06 1:31 PM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: If you found out one of your parents cheated...
I would be horribly upset and probably would not forgive them for a very long, long time. And then when I did, I would never, ever forget about it.
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| Posted 1/30/06 2:25 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: If you found out one of your parents cheated...
Yes i would be angry...
but i would have to get over it....
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| Posted 1/30/06 3:40 PM |
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Moehick
Ready for the sun!
Member since 5/05 30339 total posts
Name:
Properly perfect™
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Re: If you found out one of your parents cheated...
This is something I would always remember and have in the back of my mind even if it was years ago
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| Posted 1/30/06 3:43 PM |
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