I think I hurt my friend's feelings

My friend... well, a friend of a friend... she has anxiety/OCD issues. Unfortunately I can't relate to her all that much because we have such VASTLY different parenting styles.

She emailed me this morning because she's frustrated. She's going back to work after 3 months of maternity leave in 2 weeks. She's an 8 year associate at a VERY large, very high-stress law firm, and she wants her new baby to sleep through the night by the time she returns to work. She also has a 2 year old.

So, she tried to ferberize the baby last night and it didn't go so well. The baby cried for 4 hours straight, apparently. She asked for my advice, so I told her the truth. I told her she should talk to her pediatrician because my pediatrician told us to wait until 4-6 months to even think about CIO. While she gave us the green light at 4 months to let Yael "kvetch" for 5-10 minutes, she said that she probably wasn't ready if she cried all out for longer stretches.

I told my friend if her baby cried for 4 hours straight, she probably isn't ready for CIO and to wait a few more weeks, and to talk to her pediatrician.

So my friend usually replies to emails in nanoseconds. But it's been about 5 hours and no reply Did I cross the line? Should I apologize?

Re: I think I hurt my friend's feelings

I don't think you crossed the line at all. You were just letting her know that at 3 months and crying for 4 hours is a clear indication she is not ready for CIO. I don't think you said anything wrong plus she asked for your advice.

Maybe she just got busy.

Re: I think I hurt my friend's feelings

I suppose it depends on how you presented this to your friend.. was it as benign as you said it in your post, or was it in a know-it-all type of way? If it came across as know-it-all, I think you should apologize...if not, you were being truthful and telling her what you thought in the nicest way possible (and putting the blame on the pediatrician which is one of my favorite tools to use )

Re: I think I hurt my friend's feelings

I don't think you did anything wrong. She asked for advice and you told her what you have learned from experience. I would appreciate your thoughts on the situation and then decide what is best for my child and family!

Re: I think I hurt my friend's feelings

i don't see how you crossed the line.
you were sharing the advice your ped gave you.

if you called her a dumb b or said something nasty about her parenting style, then i could see how you would have hurt her feelings. how was the "tone" of your email?

you didn't do anything wrong.
she was probably looking for you to agree with her choices and not for a differing opinion.

Re: I think I hurt my friend's feelings

I think what you said was completely appropriate. She asked for your advice, and you gave it to her, right? It sounded like good advice too. I can't tell you what she is thinking because I don't know her, but it sounds like you did nothing wrong and you have nothing to feel badly about. You never know why someone doesn't reply quickly either: computer crashes, baby cries, etc.

Re: I think I hurt my friend's feelings

At least you didn't write "HOW COULD YOU LISTEN TO YOUR NB CRY FOR 4 HOURS STRAIGHT!?," which is what I would have been thinking.

Maybe it was a wake up call for her, and made her doubt her choice. Four hours is..inhumane.

Re: I think I hurt my friend's feelings

I see no reason to apologize.
You offered the advice she asked for.
I honestly don't think you over stepped the line.

Re: I think I hurt my friend's feelings

You did not overstep, you wrote your advice very well. No need to apologize.

Re: I think I hurt my friend's feelings

I don't think you crossed the line at all. She probably got busy.

Re: I think I hurt my friend's feelings

Not at all. I think you gave a very good, well-informed advice.

Re: I think I hurt my friend's feelings

No need to apologize..she may have gotten busy with the baby or is calling the ped - probably a valid reason for her not replying to you straight away.

Totally off topic and none of my business but I just dont get why some parents expect babies to just suck it up and start towing the line just because they need to get on with their lives - again off topic but it really bothers me.

Re: I think I hurt my friend's feelings

No I dont think you crossed the line.

Her baby is no where near ready for CIO in my opinion. And I'm not really a fan of CIO in general.

She probably didnt like what she read. But she asked. She'll get over it.

Re: I think I hurt my friend's feelings

I don't think you crossed the line.
But keep in mind, this poor woman has not been sleeping well, and anything you could have said to her that wasn't a recipe for magic baby potion would probably annoy her. It would annoy me.

I hated everyone when they told me my 3m old shouldn't be CIO-ed. I just tried to find another way (I did), but I didn't have a high stress job to get back to and I didn't have a 2 year old, and even sleep deprived I could sort of function and read a few books. If you add the stress, I don't think I could.

Re: I think I hurt my friend's feelings

Well.... still no response She emailed me and two other friends asking for advice, so I asked them privately if they thought I was out of line, and they both said no, so hopefully she's just taking a loooooooooong, and much-needed nap!