I really need to vent before my day gets started. (EXTREMELY long)

First, I apologize for what I'm about to vent about, but I have my shower today, and if I don't let it out here, I will carry this with me all day and be upset. I can't talk to JT about it because I don't want him being anymore upset than he already is. So........

As you guys might remember, I was upset a few weeks back because JT's side of the family planned a bar-b-q today KNOWING it was my shower. Well, no one from his side of the family except for SIL and MIL were coming to my shower today, and even they were going to leave early and go to the bar-b-q, but whatever, I was just happy they were going to come. I got over no one else in his family coming and am just happy the people that matter will be there.
Well, last night, at 11:30, JT calls his mom to say hi and goodnight and all that. (His dad works till 2am and she waits up for him, so he always calls late at night to say hi.) So she tells him, "Oh, by the way, I'm not going to Rachel's shower. I'm sick." He was FUMING. We just saw her Friday night and she was FINE. She has a history of faking illness to get out of things. Then she kept saying things like, "I couldn't get off the couch all day, I thought I was going to need to go to the hospital." JT was really mad because, HELLO, if you are THAT sick, and your husband is at work, CALL ONE OF YOUR CHILDREN! She wasn't even going to tell anyone she wasn't coming today! AND JT must have spoken to his sister a million times yesterday, and she talks to her mother a million times a day, and NO mention of her being sick or of her not coming today.
So JT came in to the bedroom to tell me this last night and I've never seen him so mad before. He said he feels really bad saying that he doesn't believe her that she's sick, but that she has done this too many times now and it's like the boy who cried wolf. And he feels like if she really is that sick, he knows his father NEVER would have gone to work yesterday because he stays home if she even sneezes.
I'm just really upset over all of this. It's even more involved, and I'll try to explain it in a minute, but I will say that my heart breaks for JT. His mother is such a piece of sh-t. She saw my parents on Friday night because they all came to see my musical at school, and she refused to talk to my parents. My parents have been nothing but kind and hospitable to her and her family. But whatever, that's branching out into a whole different direction. I'm just so upset because JT doesn't even know what to do anymore. He's so sick of her doing this to him, and he's so embarrassed by her. I wish I knew what to tell him, but I just don't even know. I cannot imagine what it must feel like to have a mother who is so mentally unstable.
Anyway, to explain her "illness" a little more, she just got a phone call from relatives in Ireland last week saying that they're coming NEXT Monday to visit for a week and stay with her and her husband. Fine. They do this a couple of times a year. Well, JT's mom works as a lunch lady in a high school part time, and her biggest fear is that people in her family will find out she works. So everytime family comes to visit, she gets "sick" and has to take time off from work so they don't know that she has a job. I always thought that it was because she is a woman, and she doesn't want anyone knowing that she has to work (because she feels women should stay home), but last night, JT filled me in that it has nothing to do with that. She doesn't want anyone to know she works because then they will know she doesn't have cancer anymore I was HORRIFIED when he told me this. He said that she uses her cancer from SIX years ago to get sympathy from family and make them feel bad for not visiting her enough or doing enough for her. And so many things made sense to me all of a sudden. So he thinks her not going today is linked to the fact that she has to start her "sick routine" now, and that it conveniently gets her out of spending time with me and my family today.
I'm just upset for him. I could care less at this point if she never comes to anything having to do with me again, but my poor husband is so upset that he didn't even sleep last night.
If you have made it down this far, thank you for reading it all. I appreciate it. I just needed to get it off my chest so I can move on with my day and not have to think about it. There is no solution to this problem, so I'm not even looking for advice. This is just the way it is. I just wish my husband wasn't the one feeling the pain from it.

Re: I really need to vent before my day gets started. (EXTREMELY long)

AWW Rach, So sorry you and JT are going through this.

His mom is a piece of work! I cannot believe she would fake having cancer once she is in remission.
The people who are meant to be there will be there and it is better of that JT's mom will not be there and ruin your day.

Have an amazing shower today and enjoy the love of family and friends who are there. Post pics when you can and let us know how it went. Hang in there.

Re: I really need to vent before my day gets started. (EXTREMELY long)

aww Rachel, I am sorry. this is your day, please relax and try to enjoy it. I know that JT and you must be so upset but do not let this day be ruined for the two of you. It her loss to miss this. She sounds like she has a lot of issues and this really is hurting her son. I know that it is easier said then done to try to put it aside but for today at least try to. Your parents and your husband have planned a great day for you. Have fun and try to relax

Message edited 5/21/2006 9:02:35 AM.

Re: I really need to vent before my day gets started. (EXTREMELY long)

I'm sorry you and JT have to go through this. It all sounds very selfish, BUT try to enjoy your day today. There are going to be so many people who are happy for you and JT that will be there today to share this special time with you.

I hope you have a great time today

Re: I really need to vent before my day gets started. (EXTREMELY long)

I am so sorry

I hope you have a nice time today regardless It is a beautiful day out

Re: I really need to vent before my day gets started. (EXTREMELY long)

Rachel, sorry this is happening to you. Your story really angers me. I would call her and ask if her bbq is cancelled as well. (sarcastic) But ya know what...its her grandchild and shes gonna look like the biggest piece of sh#t not going to a shower to celebrate your baby. I thought mine was capable of alot...yours takes the cake! My advice....go and enjoy yourself with those that care about you and your family. Its your day dont let her ruin it! HAVE FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: I really need to vent before my day gets started. (EXTREMELY long)

Rach -
I don't even know what to say!!! It's obvious that this is a truly sick disturbed woman. And just keep reminding yourself how much better JT is now because he doesnt have to live with that sicko anymore. In a few weeks you both are going to experience the most wonderful thing in the world and he won't even have TIME to think of her anymore.
And - her cr ap will backfire then because everytime she complains about being sick - you guys can be like - guess you can't see the baby then.

Hang in there and have a BLAST today!!

Re: I really need to vent before my day gets started. (EXTREMELY long)

I'm glad you got all that out here so you can enjoy your shower! She's a real piece of work

Re: I really need to vent before my day gets started. (EXTREMELY long)

Hope you enjoy your shower!!!

Re: I really need to vent before my day gets started. (EXTREMELY long)

Rachel...I am so glad DH has you and that you are there for him

You are one strong woman to not let what this sick, psycho woman does get to you. JT is so lucky that he has you to lean on....soon he will have you and the baby to lean on and hopefully his mom won't be as involved in your life

Re: I really need to vent before my day gets started. (EXTREMELY long)

really sorry...i would have a very hard time with that.

Re: I really need to vent before my day gets started. (EXTREMELY long)

wow! i am so sorry for you and your DH? that truly s a cikness. she needs ot eb admitted into a pychio hospital. i think a familiy intervantion is needed

Re: I really need to vent before my day gets started. (EXTREMELY long)

Your MIL sounds like a deeply disturbed individual. My heart goes out to you and JT. I hope your day turns out wonderful.

Re: I really need to vent before my day gets started. (EXTREMELY long)

I hope you can go an enjoy your shower with the people who matter.

And when those Ireland people come you should pop over with a "Praise Jesus- She has been healed" parade.

Re: I really need to vent before my day gets started. (EXTREMELY long)

oh wow, your MIL sounds like a real piece of work. I hope you were able to get this off your mind and you can enjoy your shower.

Re: I really need to vent before my day gets started. (EXTREMELY long)

Thanks everyone. Of course I was the one who had to call my family and tell them that she's not coming because she never bothered to tell anyone she wasn't going. We wouldn't know had JT not called her. Luckily my family knows how wacked out she is. They were not surprised she isn't coming. I plan on enjoying myself today and letting her absence be a blessing. I just really feel bad for JT. He feels like it's his fault, which I cannot understand why, but he carries the weight of her illness on his shoulders. I wish he didn't, but I guess it's hard not to.
Thanks for the responses. I truly appreciate them

Re: I really need to vent before my day gets started. (EXTREMELY long)

Oh Rachel - I am sorry you have to go through this and I am truly sorry that JT has to go through this.
I just think he needs to realize that he is not responsible for her actions and that it is not his fault. He knows she is like that and there is nothing he can do to change it.

Have a great time today and post some pictures when you get home

Re: I really need to vent before my day gets started. (EXTREMELY long)

just enjoy your day

Re: I really need to vent before my day gets started. (EXTREMELY long)

I am so sorry, Have a wonderful day today, dont let her bring you down, you and JT are starting your own family now and thats all that matters. Thankfully you guys have your family! Enjoy your shower- its YOUR day and treasure it with the ones who love you dearly and share it with you! Dont waste time and energy on the ones that dont!

Re: I really need to vent before my day gets started. (EXTREMELY long)

have fun at your shower and I hope JT feels better.

Unfortunately, I don't think there is much that you can do to console him but listen.

Re: I really need to vent before my day gets started. (EXTREMELY long)

He should go to that "family" BBQ and call them all out for the piece of sh*t's they alll are!!!!


Enjoy your shower with the friends and family who love you and don't give those other people a second thought

Message edited 5/21/2006 12:56:50 PM.

Re: I really need to vent before my day gets started. (EXTREMELY long)

I am so sorry... many to you.. you're very strong! Enjoy your day!!

Re: I really need to vent before my day gets started. (EXTREMELY long)

Posted by rose825

I hope you can go an enjoy your shower with the people who matter.

And when those Ireland people come you should pop over with a "Praise Jesus- She has been healed" parade.

Re: I really need to vent before my day gets started. (EXTREMELY long)

Your MIL is a real piece of work. I'm so sorry you and JT have to deal with this BS duirng what should be the happiets time in your life. Do your very best to ignore these azzholes and enjoy the end of your pregnancy.

Re: I really need to vent before my day gets started. (EXTREMELY long)

I am so sorry you have to have this sick woman in your lives- your poor husband

On a happier note- have a wonderful shower surrounded by those that love you!