Re: I don't understand how a mother could say this to her child...

I feel badly for the little boy - but I have to admit I have said some pretty wretched things to my kids in the spur of the moment and in the heat of frustration. BUT that seemed a little different. She wasn't saying "OMG! You drive me friggin' nuts! Why can't you sit still for 2 seconds you little maniac??" - it sounded like she was undermining his confidence almost intentionally.

Is it possibly he was her step child? Not that it excuses her behavior - but maybe it means she is not the main parental figure in his life and he doesn't put up with that hooey on a day to day basis.

Re: I don't understand how a mother could say this to her child...

Posted by SweetCaroline

That makes me so mad - she's an abusive, disgusting woman

Re: I don't understand how a mother could say this to her child...

That's absolutely horrible and probably heartbreaking for the little boy to hear from his mom. I wonder if she was suffering from PPD or something of likes if she had an infant. How sad for her that she feels so angry that it reaches her child that way. I know I have been there before feeling so angry, and I have definitely said things in anger that I am ashamed of, but those were so really poor choices in words. Who knows, maybe seeing you and realizing you heard her will be enough to make her realize she was wrong.

Re: I don't understand how a mother could say this to her child...

what a pos...I Do not understand how anyone can speak to a child like that

Re: I don't understand how a mother could say this to her child...

Poor kid

Re: I don't understand how a mother could say this to her child...

I prolly would have shouted from my area something like....

"Nice Mom, really nice"
That's just me, she prolly figured there was no one to hear her....

I tell Gavin all the time I'm gonna spank his bottom (he's 1) and I'm totally joking because I already do jokingly spank him and he laughs......but to tear down a little boy by basically calling him stupid to his face, that's just plain disgusting and like Jessee said....abusive.....

Re: I don't understand how a mother could say this to her child...

It breaks my heart, it really does. That poor kid doesn't even have a chance

Re: I don't understand how a mother could say this to her child...

Wow.. Thats terrible. Poor kid.

Re: I don't understand how a mother could say this to her child...

Message edited 11/18/2008 9:02:59 AM.

Re: I don't understand how a mother could say this to her child...

Re: I don't understand how a mother could say this to her child...

Message edited 11/18/2008 9:42:15 AM.

Re: I don't understand how a mother could say this to her child...

I know we shouldn't judge but I'm sorry, I don't think there is an excuse for calling your child a name. Obviously, I don't have a toddler or older child yet who might be a pest, and maybe one day I'll loose my cool and then think - "ugh, now I know". I hope this never happens.
I think there is a real difference between phrasing something "you're acting like a ..., or "you are an azz"
Again, what do I know, I guess we shouldn't judge - but I do know how it makes me feel. I get upset when DH in a very jokingly and loving manner calls Ryan a brat. He says it with a big smile and kisses and I still ask him not to name call.
Maybe I'm overly sensitive but that's just my opinion.
I just get so upset thinking about a scenario like this - they went to do something special, to have holiday pictures taken - a joyous time, and the kid was called an AZZ by his mom. And not only was he called a name, but she completely knocked him down with the grade and intelligence comments. I think it's horrible. Obviously, it happens, and I'm not saying he's gonna need therapy or something from this one incident - but I can't help but think if that's how he's treated in public - what's said behind closed doors?

Message edited 11/18/2008 10:38:58 AM.

Re: I don't understand how a mother could say this to her child...

I DID say that I do not know what preceded this interaction. I do not know the child or the family. I was not judging the parent, rather commenting on how sad it sounded to hear those kinds of words directed at a child. I don't want to get into the semantics of it all.

I work in a setting where children go home to unstable environments everyday. I had a student come to me and say "My (parent) thinks this school is making me stupider." Lovely. Having worked with this family for more than 2 years, I can honestly say that this parent wasn't having an "off day" when they said that. They were simply a classless fool with no regard of how their words can impact their child. Call that a judgment if you will but every other professional in my building who comes into contact with this person will tell you the same thing.

Shoot, when I misbehaved, my mother would say something like:

"You aren't MY child because MY child wouldn't behave that way."

OR

"I will always love you but right now, I don't like you very much."

30 plus years later, I remember it all. I know she did her best and she was hardly abusive (either verbally or physically for that matter), but KIDS REMEMBER and it hurts no matter who it comes from ESPECIALLY a parent.

I am sure that I will do plenty of things as a parent that will be considered "screwing up," but calling my child an "a$$" will NOT be one of them. The English language has an almost endless spectrum of better choices to express disappointment in a child. Our experiences guide us.

Re: I don't understand how a mother could say this to her child...

This makes me really, really sad

I hate hearing stories like this. If there is ONE thing that I do right and hope to contunue doing right...is give my son the CONFIDENCE to get through life. I would NEVER berate him like that or insult his intelligence.

Re: I don't understand how a mother could say this to her child...

What a horrible thing to say to a child.

Re: I don't understand how a mother could say this to her child...

Well, kids who are raised that way can learn that they never, ever, ever , EVER want to say anything like that to their children. Or do those things to their children.

And children who are raised that way hopefully get the opportunity to be the parents they never had. And hopefully do a good job at fulfilling that dream.

Like me.

Re: I don't understand how a mother could say this to her child...

I guess she was a perfect child when she was his age.

After she complimented your child, I would have said...thank you...I don't verbally abuse my kid.

Some people don't deserve to be parents.

Re: I don't understand how a mother could say this to her child...

DH has 2 older kids - and he said something to me way before we had Cailen:

Never say anything to your child when you are angry. Wait and speak later.

Yes, we cannot judge - maybe this, and maybe that. HOWEVER - the mom will calm down and move on with her life. the child will remember those words forever, and it will eat away at his self esteem. REGARDLESS of where those words came from.

The mother is an adult. She needs to take control of her emotions and her anger for the sake of her children, plain and simple.

I won't be popular for saying this I am sure, but it is important to remember that we as adults move on a lot better than kids do. What we say in a moment of anger reverberates with a child for a long, long time and becomes incorporated into his/her self-image.

We go through a lot as parents, we are human, and we make mistakes. But children are vulnerable, fragile creatures that rely on us for all of their physical and emotional needs.

Walk away. Tell your child you cannot talk to them now. Leave the store if they are being bad. Punish them in a way that will teach them something other than that they are stupid and valueless.

We are the adults and we have control over our actions and what we say all the time. The whole world could crumble around us, but our kids are always, ALWAYS our priorities.

Message edited 11/18/2008 2:25:10 PM.

Re: I don't understand how a mother could say this to her child...