i don't know if i'm cut out to be a daycare mom (REALLY LONG)

so DS has been going there for 3 weeks now. he's adjusting faily well - still cries when i leave but his daily reports are all positive. i really like the three women in his room. two especially seem to be really good with him - he even reached for one this morning while crying which i took as a great sign.

today when i went to pick him up, i saw that the kids were outside and he was in the buggy (for those who don't know it's like an open stroller made for 6 kids). they use this for the kids who don't walk, and rotate them out so hey can crawl and play on the playground.

when i got there i could see thru the fence that DS was crying. a lot. one woman went over to him and said what's wrong, he stopped, then started again. she walked away and leaned on the fence to talk to someone else he continued to cry. i could also tell he was trying to get down (they are strapped in).

i watched for a few minutes and she went over to him twice for maybe 10-15 seconds. he was still crying when i went inside.

i said something to the director, that i didn't want him in the buggy all the time. she said that was fine and seemed surprised - apparently a lot of moms of pre-walkers don't want them on the ground.

i also spoke with the woman in charge of his side of the class (senior infants). she said he had been on the ground playing (and she showed me pics she took with her camera phone which was awesome) but he'd been crying then too. maybe it's him? he doesn't like being outside or something?

(BTW - by the time i got to the class he was still in the buggy but it had been moved and he had his lovely which is reserved solely for naps and bad bouts of crying).

talking to the teacher and director, it took all my strength not to cry. he is making me so sad. i know he's adjusting, but i don't think i am

i don't know if i'm looking for advice, or just to vent... i wish he loved it there, the staff is just SO nice, but i hate that damn buggy and that he was left to cry.

Re: i don't know if i'm cut out to be a daycare mom (REALLY LONG)

that's so sad.

Hopefully now that you told them what you want, hopefully things will get better. Maybe he was having an off day himself. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Re: i don't know if i'm cut out to be a daycare mom (REALLY LONG)

I'm so sorry

I'm right there with you. Part of the reason that we actually WANTED DD in daycare vs. with a babysitter is because, at least at a daycare, we know they are FORCED to give a certain level of care.

I have walked in a few times to see DD crying hysterically, which she almost never does

Give it a little more time. DD was in daycare for about 5 weeks and some days I was still leaving there crying. It's not the ideal situation, but I think the HUGE tradeoff is the interaction with others kids the same age.

Vent away...it's frustrating sometimes, for sure.

Re: i don't know if i'm cut out to be a daycare mom (REALLY LONG)

SOMETIMES......and only SOMETIMES.....I think babies just need to cry to get their frustration out. He could have just been having a bad part of the day

MAYBE....they had tried and realized he needed to just get it out


On Monday.....my DS screamed his head off for no apparant reason....25 minutes.....after 15 minutes of tyring to sooth him,I left him to cry. He stopped eventually.

Re: i don't know if i'm cut out to be a daycare mom (REALLY LONG)

Posted by aliwnec10

that's so sad.

Hopefully now that you told them what you want, hopefully things will get better. Maybe he was having an off day himself. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Re: i don't know if i'm cut out to be a daycare mom (REALLY LONG)

It would have KILLED me to see that.

Do you have any other options aside from daycare?

Re: i don't know if i'm cut out to be a daycare mom (REALLY LONG)

Posted by InShock

It would have KILLED me to see that.

Do you have any other options aside from daycare?

Re: i don't know if i'm cut out to be a daycare mom (REALLY LONG)

Re: i don't know if i'm cut out to be a daycare mom (REALLY LONG)

Re: i don't know if i'm cut out to be a daycare mom (REALLY LONG)

poor Luca!!! I used to work in a daycare center in KP in the toddler room and I can tell you it isnt easy both for mommy and baby...but it takes time and maybe he doesnt like the buggy once he gets to walking and exploring it will b better hang in there

Re: i don't know if i'm cut out to be a daycare mom (REALLY LONG)

Posted by headoverheels

i just wonder if i'm being unreasonable. i know that my DS is sometimes inconsolable - and lately he's taken to throwing tantrums so they probably did what they could before giving him his lovey.

Re: i don't know if i'm cut out to be a daycare mom (REALLY LONG)

I dont know if I have any advice...only you can decide what is best and what will work for you. Just some

Re: i don't know if i'm cut out to be a daycare mom (REALLY LONG)

Re: i don't know if i'm cut out to be a daycare mom (REALLY LONG)

I really think you need to give it more time. While I don't agree with the teacher who was just hanging out on the fence while your son was crying, I do know that it can be so hard for them to adjust to a new routine, environment, people, etc. As long as you remain positive and know that he is ok, he'll get through it and so will you.
No daycare situation is perfect. By the end of the day, he probably had had enough. Hang in there!

Re: i don't know if i'm cut out to be a daycare mom (REALLY LONG)

ugh I'm sorry LB that had to break your heart

Ugh I am NOT looking forward to the daycare situation...

Re: i don't know if i'm cut out to be a daycare mom (REALLY LONG)

DD still cries 80% of the time when Idrop her off. I know she has fun throughout the day and I really like her teachers. She is never crying when I pick her up.

I would be peeved if I saw what you saw. I feel like they should have taken him out and held him for a little while...or tried to play with him in the buggy - you know- like read a book or give him a ball...

I will say that I while I think daycare is a great option, I'm not 100% happy with it. I never have been - I do like the socialization and structure it offers, but I think we never believe anyone could care for our child as well as we could - kwim?

anyway, good luck and I hope it gets better...

Re: i don't know if i'm cut out to be a daycare mom (REALLY LONG)

Awwww, I am sure that Luca was just having a bad day. All little ones have them. DS has them, where you just can't figure out what he wants and he continues to cry, just because.

It will get better, especially when he starts to walk around more and play. Promise!!

Re: i don't know if i'm cut out to be a daycare mom (REALLY LONG)

thank you so, so much everyone.

today when i dropped him off he was crying again - i expected that.

so instead of just leaving, i stood outside the door to listen (so he couldn't see me).

he cried for less than a minute, while one of the teachers was trying to soothe him, and stopped as soon as she put him in the high chair and started making him breakfast. he cried for MAYBE 60 seconds total after i left the room.

so now that they know how i feel about the buggy (which really has been my only issue with the daycare so far, and it's my own fault for not saying something sooner) i'm hoping that things will only improve from here. it's a terrific center, the teachers really seem to love him, and he loves being with other kids his age.

Re: i don't know if i'm cut out to be a daycare mom (REALLY LONG)

Re: i don't know if i'm cut out to be a daycare mom (REALLY LONG)

I don't know how you daycare moms keep yourselves so composed!

I think the most important thing is while he is in this adjustment phase to try to "drop in" and see what the staff is doing. A perfect example is the whole buggy thing. You know you didn't like what you saw, you expressed your concern, now it's important for them to follow through.

Luca is an amazing baby (I know first hand ) and I am sure it is an adjustment for him to have to share "adults" attention. I think that would be the part most difficult for Ryan. Like Ryan, Luca is an only child and that means there is no sharing of adults time. It's hard for them to understand there are other children around now.

Although I am quite confused by the teacher going over to him while crying and not rectifying the problem. Instead just continued her conversation with another adult. And why would they give Luca his Lovey? It didn't really seem like they tried all that hard to console him.

I'm no day care teacher or anything but why couldn't someone just pick him up and give him a hug?

Re: i don't know if i'm cut out to be a daycare mom (REALLY LONG)

First, it's hard to leave them, no matter what your daycare situation is.

My DS cried for months when I dropped him off. The only time he didn't was when his schedule changed and they gave him breakfast right away at drop off. He was so hungry that the food distracted him from crying over me leaving. He's been there a year now, and sometimes he will still cry, and if he doesn't cry, he is definitely not happy when I leave, but literally a minute later he is laughing (I see him through the window). I would give it a little while longer to see how he does.

I also wanted to add that, as small as they are, I think they sense when it's pickup time, and the teachers have told me that too. There is one boy in my DS's class that seems to cry everytime I show up because I think he knows his mom should be there soon and he wants to go home. I don't think how he is at the end of the day is a good way to judge his overall happiness there. Do they have cameras so you could come and observe at some point during the day to see how he seems?

Re: i don't know if i'm cut out to be a daycare mom (REALLY LONG)

My heart absolutely breaks for you and I know EXACTLY what you're feeling. But just think about it...he's going to be walking soon...very soon...and he's going to be able to get around on his own and I'm sure he's going to be happy. You have to give it time and let him adjust (and you will as soon as HE will). Michael still cries occassionally when I drop him off but for the most part he is happy there and has fun. Sometimes when I pick him up he is alone playing or reading his books but its ok, I know he's still at age where he doesn't relaly know how to play in group setting unless directed by the teacher. I know he misses us, his room, his toys, but, this is life...he has to learn to adapt to different situations and environments in a healthy way. I just think about the benefits of daycare in the long run and you should focus on that too! Sending you a ton of hugs

ETA: Its also hard for me bc I'm not crazy about one of the teachers there...and its so funny bc DS does not like her either...he looks for other teachers when he comes in. I hope she leaves there soon...very soon. But what am I going to do...I have to deal with it for now.

Re: i don't know if i'm cut out to be a daycare mom (REALLY LONG)

Posted by sunflowerjesss

Although I am quite confused by the teacher going over to him while crying and not rectifying the problem. Instead just continued her conversation with another adult. And why would they give Luca his Lovey? It didn't really seem like they tried all that hard to console him.

I'm no day care teacher or anything but why couldn't someone just pick him up and give him a hug?

Message edited 10/23/2009 9:32:48 AM.

Re: i don't know if i'm cut out to be a daycare mom (REALLY LONG)

Honestly, I don't think this is a daycare issue, but instead a bad teacher issue. Sure, there are plenty of times I want to run back to school and take Alex home to stay with me, but that's normal. What's NOT normal is for a teacher to ignore his cries. Walking over to talk to him for 15 seconds and give him his lovey is not enough. If a baby is crying, a teacher should be doing what they can to console him. I find it inexcusable that a child in her class was crying and she proceeded with her conversation with another adult - that's NOT what she's getting paid for - I've been a daycare Mom for almost 4 years, and yes, I would be absolutely LIVID if I saw that happen and would have a word or two with the Director

Re: i don't know if i'm cut out to be a daycare mom (REALLY LONG)

I'm soooo sorry! I know Mason is getting cared for at the daycare, but we, as moms, know they will never get the love and care they get at home. This also upsets me. I hate walking in and seeing Mason just sitting in a swing looking around or that chair thing that holds them up (forgot the name). I know he's not sitting like that 24/7 and they do other stuff with him, but I get concerened if he's been in there too long, is he getting lots of love or do they ignore him sometimes. I do love coming in and seeing him playing and not notice me b/c he's so happy or being held or something.