I am so Fed Up!

I sware I am going to end up divorced soon. Having a baby has been the worst thing for my marriage (but I wouldn't trade her for anything).

My DH is semi helpful with the baby as long as I tell him what to do (so annoying). But we still argue all the time and I hate it. I am completely sleep deprived and now with all these back problems I've been having this week I am just miserable overall.

Anyway Thursday night with Miranda was AWFUL. She woke up a bunch of times and then was awake from 3:30-7am. I woke DH at 5am because I was going to lose it and start screaming. Did he get up? NO (he sleeps in the guest room during the week). Finally I started screaming at him at 5:30 and he's all what do you want me to do? This man is not a stupid man. He's en electrical engineer and extremely smart but somehow he's a complete moron when it comes to taking care of a baby or cleaning around the house.

Yesterday Miranda was overtired all day and wouldn't nap (so no nap for me). Finally she went to bed at 4:30 and actually stayed asleep well into bedtime. She had 2 shots yesterday so we decided to let her be and just feed her when she woke up to eat. Well this worked great and she stayed asleep.

Anyway I decided for once I was going to sleep in the guest room and try to get a good night's sleep and sleep in. I couldn't fall asleep (not DH's fault). I woke up every time I heard her cry because he made no effort to get to her right away. Then I wake up this morning and here her babbling. Well I can't sleep through noise so I go into our room (she sleeps in there) and ask DH what he's doing. He says I fed her, she's fine. Well she's been in that bec for 14 hours you think she might want to come out. I ask him if he changed her diaper this morning. NO. Great she's been in the same diaper for 14 hours. Of course she has a huge poop in there, god only knows for how long.

Long story short my sleeping in got me until 6am and we went up to bed at 11pm. I am ****** beyond words today. And the fat, lazy ******* is upstairs sleeping. Mind you I rarely wake him up on the weekends before 7-8ish unless I've had a really bad night. I ask for one night of solid sleep and I can't even get that.

I do not want another baby and right now and I don't even want to be married.

Sorry for the long post. I am just fuming and had to get it out or I migth start screaming and I don't want to keep yelling in front of my child.

Re: I am so Fed Up!

I'm sorry you're feeling this way...sometimes men are so clueless.

Re: I am so Fed Up!

Re: I am so Fed Up!

AS helpful as some husbands are this is not uncommon.

My suggestion to you is get her dressed, fed & then hand her over to your husband. Tell him to take her to the park, a store, his moms wherever. Tell him you want a few hours of "you" time. That way you can lie down possibly take a nap or just unwind. It is so hard when they are up 1/2 the night. I think being overtired doesn't help. I have been there & I can tell you I have looked at my husband & said I'm going to lie down for an hour. And I have!! You can make yourself sick if you don't get enough sleep!

HUGS TO YOU

Hope this helps!!

Re: I am so Fed Up!

Posted by IrishTracy

AS helpful as some husbands are this is not uncommon.

My suggestion to you is get her dressed, fed & then hand her over to your husband. Tell him to take her to the park, a store, his moms wherever. Tell him you want a few hours of "you" time. That way you can lie down possibly take a nap or just unwind. It is so hard when they are up 1/2 the night. I think being overtired doesn't help. I have been there & I can tell you I have looked at my husband & said I'm going to lie down for an hour. And I have!! You can make yourself sick if you don't get enough sleep!

HUGS TO YOU

Hope this helps!!

Re: I am so Fed Up!

Posted by My2Boys

Posted by IrishTracy

AS helpful as some husbands are this is not uncommon.

My suggestion to you is get her dressed, fed & then hand her over to your husband. Tell him to take her to the park, a store, his moms wherever. Tell him you want a few hours of "you" time. That way you can lie down possibly take a nap or just unwind. It is so hard when they are up 1/2 the night. I think being overtired doesn't help. I have been there & I can tell you I have looked at my husband & said I'm going to lie down for an hour. And I have!! You can make yourself sick if you don't get enough sleep!

HUGS TO YOU

Hope this helps!!

I couldn't have said it better. You need some time to yourself. Either DH can take her out or you go out by yourself.

Message edited 3/25/2006 10:02:25 AM.

Re: I am so Fed Up!

Men are idiots! There's a reason why they don't give birth to babies I wish I had the answer for you sweetie - I go through the same things myself

Hang in there

Re: I am so Fed Up!

Posted by IrishTracy

AS helpful as some husbands are this is not uncommon.

My suggestion to you is get her dressed, fed & then hand her over to your husband. Tell him to take her to the park, a store, his moms wherever. Tell him you want a few hours of "you" time. That way you can lie down possibly take a nap or just unwind. It is so hard when they are up 1/2 the night. I think being overtired doesn't help. I have been there & I can tell you I have looked at my husband & said I'm going to lie down for an hour. And I have!! You can make yourself sick if you don't get enough sleep!

HUGS TO YOU

Hope this helps!!

Message edited 3/25/2006 10:17:15 AM.

Re: I am so Fed Up!

Totally not uncommon

Can you get a friend, relative, neighbor to help watch her even a few hours during the week so you can have "me" time?

Re: I am so Fed Up!

Totally frustrating and like the ladies have said - not uncommon.
Can u make a schedule or plan when Dh is home so that he can take over and you can rest and have some "me" time? My problem is sometimes when Dh is watching our daughter - ill help out also - with changing her diaper etc.....but i have to let him take over and not help out and use that time for me.

Re: I am so Fed Up!

Definately make a schedule (including stuff you do anound the house!) make it hour by hour if you have to and detail everything your DH should be doing with the baby when you are gone.

Explain you need some "you" time and he needs to take care of the baby. This is also HIS child after all and he needs to step up and share in the care for his baby.

Re: I am so Fed Up!

Jen- I feel your pain- DH rarely does anything unless he is asked.... and sometimes Ill ask him to feed RJ his breakfast (cereal and fruit) so I could get in the shower for work... and I hear him complaining under his breath.... my response "Im Sorry- I didnt know feeding YOUR SON was such a burden to you" that usually shuts him up real fast!

The truth is- Some men just arent good at KNOWING what needs to be done... and we as mothers do so much (mainly because we want to) that they assume no roles... and have no idea what needs to be done unless we tell them... Do you know- the few times DH has had off while I still had to go to work, and he stayed home with the baby, I had to leave instrustions... (on what time he eats etc....)

He's home with me on Sundays...he knows the routine... however dosent really observe because I do it all! He just knows he's fed and happy...the end!

Its so hard... esp. when you are exhausted to begin with....

Re: I am so Fed Up!

Jen, I have been there too! My husband rarely helps and I call myself the single parent, it is such a tough time, I know I have many times beleived i would end up divorced becasue i felt totally unappreciated and exhausted.
Hang in tere and INDEED take time for yourself! Go out for the day, get a massage, your nails done, lunch with friends, this is what I do to let of tension, when I sit with my girlfriends and we have a few glasses of wine and complain non-stop about our hubbies, it makes us feel so much better, it;s like we have our own sorority.
You may also want to have some time alone with just the 2 of you! You may need this!!! You may needto re-kindle the love and romance that you had befire the baby. A few times my hubby and I were at each other's throats and we decied to have a date and it really helped!! We sat close int eh restaurant, gota little tipsy and felt like newlyweds all over again, I have to say, as we were getting ready to go out we were both dreading it sinc we were tired and just wanetd to be home, but it is important not to fall into a rut, it is so easy to just let everyday pass with no romance or sparks, you really have to work at it. I hope you feel better soon, and as you already know, we are all here for you!!!

Re: I am so Fed Up!

Posted by IrishTracy

AS helpful as some husbands are this is not uncommon.

My suggestion to you is get her dressed, fed & then hand her over to your husband. Tell him to take her to the park, a store, his moms wherever. Tell him you want a few hours of "you" time. That way you can lie down possibly take a nap or just unwind. It is so hard when they are up 1/2 the night. I think being overtired doesn't help. I have been there & I can tell you I have looked at my husband & said I'm going to lie down for an hour. And I have!! You can make yourself sick if you don't get enough sleep!

HUGS TO YOU

Hope this helps!!

Re: I am so Fed Up!

Thanks everyone!!! It is so great to have people to turn to that actually get it.
Me time really isn't the problem, I can say that much. Anytime I want to do anything mani's, pedis, shopping, dinner out, etc. DH takes care of her no questions asked. He does know how hard it is because he was watching her 10 hours when I was working on the weekend. Its amazing how quickly he said "You need to work during the week and have your mom watch her".
My biggest issue is that at home he just doesn't pick up the slack yet complains I'm in a bad mood all the time. HELLO I never get any sleep and you do. And I really thought if I could just get a solid 8 hours for one night it would be so refreshing. That's all I wanted.
We have plans as a couple today. We're going to drop her off at my mom's for a while. Maybe we can do some "talking". But I doubt it. My DH is not a talker. Its like once it passes its over.
I know it will get better and this is just a rough time but sometimes its just all too much. I love my daughter to death but sometimes I feel like maybe we really rushed things by getting pregnant so soon. I really don't want to be divorced and I do love my husband it has just been a really challenging week.
Thanks everyone for listening.

Re: I am so Fed Up!

Another suggestion is to get a noise machine. My friend recommended it because Steven's naps on lasted a short time because he is alight sleeper! I am also a light sleeper and as soon as I would hear the baby I would jump up so when I needed sleep or I was going to collapse I gave the baby to my husband, took the sound machine into my roon, put the white noise on and slept like a baby!!!



I didn't think of doing that for myself. I am going to try that. Thanks for the great idea!!

Re: I am so Fed Up!

Hang in there sweetie.. I feel the same way towards my DH sometimes too.. more so than not actually! Just yesterday i asked him if he was off from work on Monday.. (cause I'm working) and he says... "Well not really, I have to watch HIM!" I said "Wow, i didnt know watching your son was sooooooo terrible! You big overgrown putz!!!! He has no patience and when he does watch him for a few hrs here and there, I will call to see how its going and he is totally flustered, and i hear the baby crying in the background. It makes me crazy, i just want to run home. Its sad to say, but sometimes, ok most of the time... I HATE HIM! Sometimes i question if my marriage is gonna make it too. FM me if you wanna chat.. I know what your going thru..

Re: I am so Fed Up!

I think having a baby can definately put a strain on a relationship -- I feel it sometimes also -- and I have a good husband with helping out --- but still he just doesn't get stuff sometimes -- it must be a man thing!!!

I think that sitting down and talking to your husband might help -- and if he needs step by step instructions then so be it! But you definately need to make an "appointment" time for yourself -- just like he'd HAVE to watch her if you had to go to the dr's or something --- make this a necessary thing if he wants you to remain sane!!

Re: I am so Fed Up!

I am sorry you feel this way. I felt the same way the other day. My DH says he will wake up but then gives me the guilt treatment that he has work and I do not. Well I lost it and I actually told the baby go to sleep already I cant take this. I feel terrible but she did listen.Last night DH woke up but he of course woke me to ask quetions so I woke up too. It is hard hang in there.

Re: I am so Fed Up!

Posted by chmlengr

Posted by IrishTracy

AS helpful as some husbands are this is not uncommon.

My suggestion to you is get her dressed, fed & then hand her over to your husband. Tell him to take her to the park, a store, his moms wherever. Tell him you want a few hours of "you" time. That way you can lie down possibly take a nap or just unwind. It is so hard when they are up 1/2 the night. I think being overtired doesn't help. I have been there & I can tell you I have looked at my husband & said I'm going to lie down for an hour. And I have!! You can make yourself sick if you don't get enough sleep!

HUGS TO YOU

Hope this helps!!

I agree 100%. Wells said, I hope it gets better for you!

Re: I am so Fed Up!

Men!!!

Can't live with them, can't live with them period.

My friend makes a list of thins that need to be done around the house and gives it to her husband and says...which of these are you going to do. She finds it works.

Message edited 3/25/2006 5:08:42 PM.

Re: I am so Fed Up!

Re: I am so Fed Up!

You girls are so great!! Just venting and reading all the great replies helped me regain some sanity before we went out today.
We talked a little...very little. It all seems to end with DH thinking I overreact which I probably do but he just doesn't seem to get how upset certain things make me.
He is great with our daughter. I have to give him credit with that. Never complains to watch her. It just seems to be when *I* need help that its an ordeal, or it gets forgotten, or I'll do it later and that drives me insane. It just makes me feel so unimportant.
Is there a man anywhere that gets it? I mean honestly I believe it takes so little to keep a woman content and happy and I have yet to be with a man who has figured it out. When we were dating I thoughut my DH was the one in a million, boy was I wrong.
We survived the rest of the day withouth fighting and we're trying Miranda in her crib tonight. She went right to sleep, I pray to go she stays that way.

Re: I am so Fed Up!

Just wanted to give you more . I know how you feel too. Dh was barely home at all this week, he spent about 15 minutes a night with her then hands her off when she starts crying for bed saying "she wants her mommy". (putting her to bed is an issue for us).
It makes me nuts- by friday I was so frustrated and ready to kill him.
Friday night her came home and spent over an hour with her- and I felt so much better just having that hour to myself.
You are right, it takes so little to make us happy, you would think they would just do it instead of listening to us ***** all the time!
Generally dh is wonderful but sometimes I want to kill him.

Message edited 3/25/2006 11:27:35 PM.

Re: I am so Fed Up!

Just wanted to send you some

At least your DH is good about watching her while you run errands or need to go out for a few hours. There are times when my DH acts like he's doing me a favor to watch his own child.

Message edited 3/26/2006 12:17:42 AM.