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kahlua716
3 Girls for Me!
Member since 8/07 12475 total posts
Name:
Keri
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Re: Hypothetical Question Re: Tragic Story
Posted by JennZ
Tragic story but let me tell you something. I will be God Damned if my child is going to act like this. I grew up in fear of my mom, in fear that she would pull me out of a party if she didnt like the kid. (and she has) I knew I would get in trouble and you know what it worked. I got drunk, smoked weed and did other stuff I probably shouldnt BUT I knew where to draw the line. I never DISRESPECTED her and my family.
these "kids today" have no fear in ANYTHING. They curse out their parents, drive drunk, blow lines they DON'T care. They have the "Im entitled" attitude. And then when something tragic happens the world has to stop. Well let me tell you, IF her parents were maybe a bit more involved in their daughters life, checked her myspace page "10 am bacardi rum 151" and MAYBE were a bit more involved this MAY have been prevented. Maybe not.
Things like this pisss me off. Everyone always defends the "poor kid" when the person in question was no saint.
This is JMO: Flame on.
No flames here, I agree with you. Although it is tragic and sad, it didn't have to happen.
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Posted 6/24/08 9:49 AM  |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: Hypothetical Question Re: Tragic Story
Its so funny. My MIL has 3 daughters: 30, 24 and 19. Now they are basically good girls, but she has NO clue about what they do/did- and she thinks she knows them so well. She told me her daughters never smoke pot, meanwhile one was a pothead- and used to smoke in her house all the time.
It scares me so much. My daughteris the most precious thing in my life. And she is just like me, wild streak and all.
I think I will adopt my parent's philosphy: I'll trust you until you give me a reason not to. When I was older (18), I could tell my mom I'm going to the city. I'll be back by breakfast, and it was OK. They knew who I was going with and that I would be safe. And I always was. My parents always let me bring my friends home so they could meet them, even the ones they thought were strange (hello 80's punks).
They were very open to me about sex, very naive about drugs and alcohol- but instilled my sense of value in myself that I wouldn't go too wild. yes I smoked pot a few times in HS with my cousins and would go drinking with friends- but it was always just girlfriends at someone's house. I knew better than to put myself into dangerous situations. The "worst" thing I did in HS was started smoking cigarettes which I quit after law school.
With the internet, you have to monitor your children- just like with TV. KNOW what your kids are doing. Check out their myspace pages or whatever it will be. KNOW their friends. KNOW their friend's parents. Parents need to talk to one another to confirm what kids are saying.
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| Posted 6/24/08 9:59 AM |
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mommy2bella
Where does time go?
Member since 12/05 9747 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: Hypothetical Question Re: Tragic Story
these pics are the norm nowadays. I see many of my sisters' friends (and even my sister as well) who ARE honor students and athletes who dress and party like this.
I am sad to say I wasn't shocked by the pics at all. These kids are acting older than their years nowadays.
ETA: I was NO angel and drank in HS at age 17, getting wasted on some weekends. I never was into any type of drugs, but that was just because I had no desire and was an avid soccer player...I stuck to my curfew of 1:30 am senior year, but my parents had NO idea what I was doing.
Message edited 6/24/2008 10:14:27 AM.
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| Posted 6/24/08 10:08 AM |
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beautyq115
New Year!
Member since 5/05 13729 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Hypothetical Question Re: Tragic Story
Honestly I would not let them have a myspace page...I would limit their internet usage as well. I know I may not be able to stop them from having one I guess they could go behind my back and make one at a friends house or something.
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| Posted 6/24/08 10:17 AM |
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Ambersmom
Straight up nasty
Member since 5/05 7740 total posts
Name:
Sharon
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Re: Hypothetical Question Re: Tragic Story
Posted by csorisi
I would definitely check their myspace page. I am all for teens having some privacy but the internet is a dangerous place and if you are posting something on there then it isn't private. Also her page was public so anyone could have seen it and it was easily accessible.
Also I think teens are much smarter then we remember us being and they will go out of their way to do what they want no matter how much their parents may ground them or try and be on top of what they are doing.
I agree...her page was not set to private and I think we're all living in a bubble if we don't realize teens today are utilizing things like Myspace, etc. As a parent, that would be ONE place I would check. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I'm going to be on top of my kid because I knew the kind of crap I tried to pull when I was a teen. Remember Party Line when we were kids?? I almost got myself in trouble with that a few times...thank God my Mother put the brakes on that $hit.
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| Posted 6/24/08 10:20 AM |
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dgirl
LIF Adult
Member since 5/07 1079 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: Hypothetical Question Re: Tragic Story
When I was growing up my parents and I had a pretty open relationship. They laid out what I would be allowed to do and what I had to do to earn certain privileges.
They also met and knew all of my friends parents and luckily they were all similarly minded. So at 16 if I wanted to go to a club in the city on a Saturday night, I was allowed. I didn't have to sneak out and my parents knew were I was. We would all sleep over my one friends house and her mom would check on us when we got back.
The deal was that the next day (Sunday) we would have to all be up, and ready, with no complaining, for religious instruction.
Our grades had to be good, and we all had jobs to work for the going out money. But, we all built up a trust with our parents. They weren't our jailers. If any of us slipped, privileges were revoked right away, and we were all only allowed to go out with each other, so we encouraged each other to do well in school, etc. It seemed like a better deal than the kids that had to sneak around and always be stressed out about getting caught.
I can honestly say that none of us ever had a drink, or hooked up with anyone in a club, we were just excited to be there.
I hope to have a relationship like that with my children. DH on the other hand was a wild child so he will know what to look out for, but he also always had the philosophy that it's important to get the job done, grades, working, whatever it is. I hope our kids will have some of that instilled in them!
Regarding computers, activity will absolutely be monitored. We have key logging software that will track usage. I don't want to have to look at it, but I will spot check it. I will check out their myspace pages, facebook profiles and whatever else.
We work in the Internet now so I'd like to think that we would be savvy enough to be on top of all the new stuff but I'm sure it will be an effort.
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| Posted 6/24/08 10:40 AM |
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Kissy331
My two miracles!
Member since 5/06 17826 total posts
Name:
Kristen
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Re: Hypothetical Question Re: Tragic Story
I came from a VERY strict house where my parents knew pretty much every step I made. At 16-18 I was not out past 11PM. Until I had my license, my parents use to take me to & from the place I was going. I was NEVER allowed in a car with someone that my parents didn't know. I was not an angel but NEVER really got into the drinking or drug crowd (my friends either). I was afraid of my dad after seeing my older brother get dragged home on numerous occasions! When I was a teenager my parents were like hawks into everything I did. I use to get so mad but I thank my lucky stars bc they did the right thing. My brother & I had freedom but not the world & we always knew we had to answer to our parents when we got home.
With that said, DH & I have had this conversation for our future kids. We are not out to be someone's friend, which I think a lot of parents do these days, I am your parent. There are rules & they will be followed (knowingly some will be broken). My kids will have a curfew & trust me, you are not home, we have no shame coming looking for you & dragging you home (had it done to me once & I was VERY embarassed). When it comes to my kids safety, you bet your butt I will be monitoring things very closely.
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| Posted 6/24/08 10:41 AM |
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Waste06
Waste not, want not
Member since 6/06 7219 total posts
Name:
Lois Mom Mommy Mama Ma
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Re: Hypothetical Question Re: Tragic Story
I don't have a myspace page. I don't even know how to search for someone else's page. That being said, I have NOT seen this girls pictures online.
I was a good kid in school. My walk on the wild side was drinking vodka my jr. and sr. year in high school. Dangerous still, but it's a whole new world we live in now.
I lived a naive life, practically in a bubble. I'm worried that I wont know how to look for the signs, which might be a benefit....because I'll obsess over every little action.
I'm all for open communication, but I want to be my child's parent, not her friend.
I'd like to think I'll watch her like a hawk and trust none of her friends.
Thank goodness for my husband because he'll be able to see the signs from a mile away.
Whether she was a party girl or a saint, a life was lost and that is very sad. 
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| Posted 6/24/08 10:41 AM |
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sfp0701
Liam's Mommy!
Member since 1/07 9764 total posts
Name:
Tricia
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Re: Hypothetical Question Re: Tragic Story
Posted by lipglossjunky73
Honestly - if her parents didn't know how much she was drinking, and what she was about, they were stupid. Every picture of her says something about how hammered she was, how high she is, and she made some comments about taking it to her grave...
My stepdaughter is going thru the teen thing now, and her mom has no clue because she is stupid. And blind. Yes, teenagers can hide a lot, but DH and I know she is up to something.... But we don't live with her. If we lived with her, we would know more about whats going on - not everything, but enough. These parents never checked her closet? Saw her hung over? Stinking of something?
She Od'ed the previous week and almost died then. They knew. 
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| Posted 6/24/08 10:42 AM |
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isabelle2137
LIF Adult
Member since 12/06 1076 total posts
Name:
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Re: Hypothetical Question Re: Tragic Story
If this is true, I find it so frustrating. Why was she out at a party then?? I'm sorry, but as sorry as I feel for the parents of this girl, seems they were a bit lax to say the least. 
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| Posted 6/24/08 10:52 AM |
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1stimemom
Love my boys
Member since 2/08 8766 total posts
Name:
Mrs Dee
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Re: Hypothetical Question Re: Tragic Story
Posted by JennZ
Tragic story but let me tell you something. I will be God Damned if my child is going to act like this. I grew up in fear of my mom, in fear that she would pull me out of a party if she didnt like the kid. (and she has) I knew I would get in trouble and you know what it worked. I got drunk, smoked weed and did other stuff I probably shouldnt BUT I knew where to draw the line. I never DISRESPECTED her and my family.
these "kids today" have no fear in ANYTHING. They curse out their parents, drive drunk, blow lines they DON'T care. They have the "Im entitled" attitude. And then when something tragic happens the world has to stop. Well let me tell you, IF her parents were maybe a bit more involved in their daughters life, checked her myspace page "10 am bacardi rum 151" and MAYBE were a bit more involved this MAY have been prevented. Maybe not.
Things like this pisss me off. Everyone always defends the "poor kid" when the person in question was no saint.
This is JMO: Flame on.
I totally agree with you!! I grew up in Queens and when I moved out to Long Island it was like a different world. The kids out here feel so "entitled" to everything (my darn stepkids included) It sickens me. I had my fun too whenI was a teenager and did plenty of stuff I shouldnt have, but I worked from age 15, got great grades in school and respected my parents.
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| Posted 6/24/08 11:44 AM |
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PegaLega
Lets Get This!!!!!
Member since 1/07 1110 total posts
Name:
Peggie
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Re: Hypothetical Question Re: Tragic Story
Im not a parent yet, but I hope to have a relationship like I had with my parents. I could/can talk to them about anything. They were open with me and honest. I grew up in a screwed up "household" but my days were very structured which I think had alot to do with not getting into trouble.
Never, not once-did I get in trouble for anything other then small offenses.
I think that if a child feels they can talk to their parents without the parent going basurk they are more likely to go to their parents when they have an issue or a problem. Im not saying this is true with everyone but I think it helps. They KNEW who I was friends with and knew my friends well, it wasnt like I was going to someones house they only knew by the car they drove.
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| Posted 6/24/08 5:32 PM |
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PegaLega
Lets Get This!!!!!
Member since 1/07 1110 total posts
Name:
Peggie
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Re: Hypothetical Question Re: Tragic Story
Posted by JennZ
Tragic story but let me tell you something. I will be God Damned if my child is going to act like this. I grew up in fear of my mom, in fear that she would pull me out of a party if she didnt like the kid. (and she has) I knew I would get in trouble and you know what it worked. I got drunk, smoked weed and did other stuff I probably shouldnt BUT I knew where to draw the line. I never DISRESPECTED her and my family.
these "kids today" have no fear in ANYTHING. They curse out their parents, drive drunk, blow lines they DON'T care. They have the "Im entitled" attitude. And then when something tragic happens the world has to stop. Well let me tell you, IF her parents were maybe a bit more involved in their daughters life, checked her myspace page "10 am bacardi rum 151" and MAYBE were a bit more involved this MAY have been prevented. Maybe not.
Things like this pisss me off. Everyone always defends the "poor kid" when the person in question was no saint.
This is JMO: Flame on.
I 100% agree with you-and its sad that this ok for kids to do
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| Posted 6/24/08 5:35 PM |
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CAMCaps
Live Laugh Love Run
Member since 6/07 4922 total posts
Name:
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Re: Hypothetical Question Re: Tragic Story
My little sister as a myspace. I check hers on a regular basis. Even though I realize her is set to "private", I still like to keep tabs. For example, if a picture is inappropriate, I tell her to take it down. I also make sure that she is not discussing plans with friends on her account.
Message edited 6/24/2008 7:30:25 PM.
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| Posted 6/24/08 7:19 PM |
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rojerono
Happiest.
Member since 8/06 13803 total posts
Name:
Jeannie
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Re: Hypothetical Question Re: Tragic Story
I have 2 little boys who are careening toward teendom.
I am not looking forward to it.
How will I handle it? I guess we will see when we get there. A lot is going to depend on the type of people I am able to help them become and the types of friends they choose.
Here's hoping I am starting them off the right way!
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| Posted 6/24/08 7:49 PM |
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Babe49
M...
Member since 4/08 1880 total posts
Name:
Maria
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Re: Hypothetical Question Re: Tragic Story
I have no kids yet, but I think about scenarios like this all the time. When i was a teen, I did my experimenting, but I was always so afraid of my parents finding out, that I knew when to stop and when not to do something I should not be doing. When I was going to be late, I always called , besides out of fear, but out of respect, so they would not worry. I am an only child, not that it matters, but I just wanted them to know I was safe. I see kids answering parents back, coming home when they want, and parents having no control and it scares me. I am still afraid of my mom and i am 41. My dad, not so much LOL.
My Dh was a bad kid, rebellious, did drugs, drank and drove, did whatever the he!! he wanted and my MIL was just too afraid of him. His dad was too sick and later passed on at age 50. Luckily now he is a responsible SOBER (4 years now) adult. He made it, but look what happens to the ones that dont?! I did alot of things my parents knew nothing about, how can we know all our kids do?
My cousins have great kids, no drugs, hard studying, hard working, and I just wonder, what did they do, and can I raise my kids as well as they did?
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| Posted 6/24/08 10:15 PM |
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