Re: how long are you willing to try for?

this is a question I'm constantly struggling with. We've been trying now for about 15-16 months and DD is now 29 months old...

I still don't have an answer to the question- I'm totally torn. On one hand, I don't want DD and any potential sibiling to be that far apart...

I guess I'm just not ready to answer the question- maybe they'll just be a point during the journey when we're just "done".. and hopefully we'll know that when we get there.

Re: how long are you willing to try for?

I know that DH would be on board for fertility treatments if it comes to that, but for him, adoption is not an option. I really don't/can't understand his take on it because everytime he tried to explain it, hejust digs himself into a ditch- because I am adopted. I love that I'm adopted and would be all for adopting, but I wouldn't push my DH to do something he doesn't feel right about- whether I agree with his thought process or not.

Re: how long are you willing to try for?

Re: how long are you willing to try for?

as long as it takes!!!

Re: how long are you willing to try for?

Re: how long are you willing to try for?

Posted by nferrandi

Posted by katiebug

Posted by nferrandi

I know that DH would be on board for fertility treatments if it comes to that, but for him, adoption is not an option. I really don't/can't understand his take on it because everytime he tried to explain it, hejust digs himself into a ditch- because I am adopted. I love that I'm adopted and would be all for adopting, but I wouldn't push my DH to do something he doesn't feel right about- whether I agree with his thought process or not.

I know a lot of people like this. I think it is out of fear that they won't love their child like their own. People who are adopted or have adopted know that this is false, but I think that is some peoples concern.

DH has made some stupid remarks to that effect. He has said some really hurtful things, and as angry as I get at him, I do know deep down that he never says anything against me or to hurt me. It's just his mind works so much differently then mine. I try not to hold him too responsible for the stupidity. I've got a few doozies if you want to hear em!

Re: how long are you willing to try for?

Posted by katiebug



Oh I get some nutso too since my family has three adopted siblings and a bunch of foster children. My favorite when it comes to my brothers is when people say "which one is your REAL brother?" I get so mad at that one. I always say, " they are ALL my real brother, so you need to clarify." OR when one of my brothers and I go out, he is dark skinned, I will call him my brother and people will say, "really? How is HE your brother?" Ugh. I hate it!

Re: how long are you willing to try for?

Posted by nferrandi



The "real: comments drive me batty! DH and I had a big arguement on Xmas Eve because we were talking to a friend and he was saying how he's the last male with his family name and his parents would love for him to have son. DH said that our DS is the only kid with our last name and I pointed out that he has a cousin with his last name too. And he said, "that doesn't count, he's adopted." It all went downhill from there.

Message edited 3/12/2009 11:14:58 PM.

Re: how long are you willing to try for?

Posted by katiebug

Posted by nferrandi



The "real: comments drive me batty! DH and I had a big arguement on Xmas Eve because we were talking to a friend and he was saying how he's the last male with his family name and his parents would love for him to have son. DH said that our DS is the only kid with our last name and I pointed out that he has a cousin with his last name too. And he said, "that doesn't count, he's adopted." It all went downhill from there.

I would have lost it! I really hate the "real" talk. To be honest, I did not even realize I hate a diverse family till I was about 5! My family never hid anything, it was always out in the open. My mother always spoke lovingly of the biological parents. It was such a positive up bringing, that I don't see the negative of adopting. Maybe I am naive.

My mother always offered to help my siblings find their biological parents when they were 18. Every one of them said the same thing. "we know where are parents are. Right here." I know it sounds cheesy.

Re: how long are you willing to try for?

Posted by nferrandi

Posted by katiebug

Posted by nferrandi



The "real: comments drive me batty! DH and I had a big arguement on Xmas Eve because we were talking to a friend and he was saying how he's the last male with his family name and his parents would love for him to have son. DH said that our DS is the only kid with our last name and I pointed out that he has a cousin with his last name too. And he said, "that doesn't count, he's adopted." It all went downhill from there.

I would have lost it! I really hate the "real" talk. To be honest, I did not even realize I hate a diverse family till I was about 5! My family never hid anything, it was always out in the open. My mother always spoke lovingly of the biological parents. It was such a positive up bringing, that I don't see the negative of adopting. Maybe I am naive.

My mother always offered to help my siblings find their biological parents when they were 18. Every one of them said the same thing. "we know where are parents are. Right here." I know it sounds cheesy.

My parents never offered to help, but they would have had I gone to them. And I admit, I had a lot of curiosity about it when I was a teenager. Now I have absolutley NO interest in seeking out my biological parents. The only question in that came up last year when DS had a seizure and I was told there was/could be a biological link. Since it hasn't happened in DH's family, I knew it had to be from me. I spoke to my Dr. about whether I should go down that road just so I could find out medical info and he said that if it wasn't something I wanted to do for myself, then to not bother. As long as I and DS have regular check ups then there's no reason to stress medical factors.

Re: how long are you willing to try for?

Re: how long are you willing to try for?

I honest;y wouldn't want the headache that comes along with the search. As far as I'm concerned, both possible outcomes stink. Option1- they have no interest in me and don't want me contacting them. yeah, that would be enjoyable- especially if I actually wanted a relationship with them and not just medical info. Option2- they have been waiting for the day that I contacted them and they really want a relationship with me- um, no thanks.



I think that is how my brothers and sister think of it. I think they see it as, if their biological family really wants to have contact, then they will contact them.

It is so interesting to me to see others very intrigued by my family and the relationship we all have, and yet to us, it is so normal. None of us can picture it any other way.

Re: how long are you willing to try for?

We're going to keep on trying until we give DS a sibling. We both grew up with siblings and want that for our child too.

Re: how long are you willing to try for?

honestly don't know right now