How do I discreetly tell DH.....

That I do not want to ask his sister to go to our yearly Hershey Park weekend with us? To clarify, she isn't usually part of this trip, just our friends.

She is newly separated from her husband and staying at their parents. While I feel bad and so does DH, I really cannot stomach the thought of spending an entire weekend together.

He also wants to ask her to go to my parents house upstate for Labor Day weekend.

How can I approach this?

Message edited 7/26/2007 7:31:09 AM.

Re: How do I discreetly tell DH.....

You could possibly tell DH you'd like to make the vacation a you and him only type vacation...or "couples only".

Kind of hard to tell someone nicely they aren't wanted.

Re: How do I discreetly tell DH.....

is it the whole family that goes, or just you, dh, and his sister?

Re: How do I discreetly tell DH.....

She has never come with us., and has never asked us to go anywhere with her.

It's me and DH
another couple
another couple and their 3 kids

kinda sticky I know

And anytime I am asked to involve her, I resist and get flamed for not liking her.

Message edited 7/25/2007 1:40:22 PM.

Re: How do I discreetly tell DH.....

Wow I dont know! I'm just thinking how my DH would handle this ..he would be pizzed at me and I could picture him acting like a b i t c hy little girl! But I guess just be honest and tell him! Whatever you do GOOD LUCK! If this helps is it only for a few days?

Message edited 7/25/2007 1:41:32 PM.

Re: How do I discreetly tell DH.....

Re: How do I discreetly tell DH.....

Compromise? Bring her for one of those things, and not the other one.

Re: How do I discreetly tell DH.....

well, being that its going to be all couples, maybe she'll turn down the invitation.

Re: How do I discreetly tell DH.....

Re: How do I discreetly tell DH.....

I would say, it would be nice gesture on your part to invite her to Hershey.

Since the other part involves your parents, you could just say, we're spending it with my side, and leave it at that.

But with the Hershey thing, I'm sure she would love the option of being included, and could use the distraction. Since it's couples, she may decline. But I wouldn't tell her, "well, we're making this couples only." Given her circumstances, that's a bit cold

Re: How do I discreetly tell DH.....

I think you should let her go. Sounds like she could use some support and comfort.

Message edited 7/25/2007 9:56:04 PM.

Re: How do I discreetly tell DH.....

Well, I would think that all of the other people going to Hershey would be like a buffer almost. Then tell DH that Labor Day weekend is out.

Re: How do I discreetly tell DH.....

maybe just stick your fingers in your ears and say "LalalalalalalalalalallalaLAlalalalallaallaa" anytime he tries mentioning it? Usually works for me



Or, compromise and choose the one that would leave for the least interaction between the two of you. If you didn't want to go the first route i mentioned, that is.

Re: How do I discreetly tell DH.....

Re: How do I discreetly tell DH.....

Posted by june262004

Posted by Kate07

I think you should let her go. Sounds like she could use some support and comfort.

I agree. If she has gone every year why is this year different? Because she's single

Re: How do I discreetly tell DH.....

Posted by curliegirl

Posted by june262004

Posted by Kate07

I think you should let her go. Sounds like she could use some support and comfort.

I agree. If she has gone every year why is this year different? Because she's single

she hasn't gone anywhere with us ever, any year...

Re: How do I discreetly tell DH.....

Re: How do I discreetly tell DH.....

Your DH probably wants to invite her because he feels bad about her situation, and this is his way of contributing as a brother-
Esp if he's her older brother.

If it were my DH, I would probably grin&bear it,knowing how much it means to him...bc I know there will be a time I will need him to be patient & understanding about my family.

I have realized being married is all about compromise-especially when it comes to family-disrepecting DH's family is a huge no-no that could cause a lot of resentment in your marriage,remember this is going to be your family for a V-E-R-Y long time!!
You will have other people there anyway, so it wont be 1 on 1, and she most likely wont go if she never did in the past. But you will look like a hero to your DH&his family if you tell her to come along!

Gosh-How bad is she thant you cant stomach the thought of being w/her?

Message edited 7/26/2007 8:13:01 AM.

Re: How do I discreetly tell DH.....

Do you ever invite her to anything? If you see her all the time, that would be one thing... but it sounds like any time he wants to invite her anywhere you say no. Is she that horrible?

(You say you didn't have room for her for 4th of July... Is anyone from his family coming? )

Unless she's really horrible, I'd find a way to include her in SOMETHING. I'm sure she's going through a really hard time right now and would enjoy the company.

Message edited 7/26/2007 8:19:02 AM.

Re: How do I discreetly tell DH.....

We do see her all the time.
She couldn't come to 4th of July at my parents because it's a yearly tradition with our friends to go to my parents house, and this year my brother and SIL and newborn son came too.
It would have been too crazy for her to come as well, and there would be no where to sleep.
We go back since my engagement, it's a long and twisted story, but to be brief, it's always about her. You know the type of person that can always make anything abut them? Well, this is a prime example.

I never say no all the time, it's just that he wants to ask her to come along for this Hershey weekend when I already said to invite her to Labor Day.

That's 2 weeks apart, I don't think I could deal.
It may sound harsh and I DO compromise, but there is only so much I can take.
And while married, we were never included or asked to go anywhere for anything. We get asked to watch their dog!!!


ETA
you might remember, this is the same person, who, on a cruise together 4 days after my miscarriage, said to my face "wait till you have kids, you'll see what it's like".

Message edited 7/26/2007 8:55:25 AM.

Re: How do I discreetly tell DH.....

I would try being honest with DH and say...

"look do you mind, can we skip asking SIL to Hershey, you know there is some friction btw us and I just want to go away and relax....BUT I know she's your sister and having a hard time, so how about we go ahead and invite her to Labor day at my parents"

Re: How do I discreetly tell DH.....

Re: How do I discreetly tell DH.....

Honestly, try and figure out a way to get along. This woman is going to be in your life for many years to come.

Re: How do I discreetly tell DH.....

Re: How do I discreetly tell DH.....