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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Having children, is it the only reason to get married?
My mom thinks marriage is to have children, and tortures my married w/o kids sister almost daily...
ugh.
For me marriage and children are kind of all wrapped up together. They go hand in hand, but one is not a reason for the other.
When I think about marrying my FH, yes having children is a big part of what I think about, but even more, especially after all we've been through, I just want to stand up in front of our friends, and family and God and formalize and celebrate our commitment and our love. I can't wait to call him my husband. Call me old fashioned, but I still think there's something magical about that.
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Posted 9/3/08 9:14 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
usuk2004
I'm ONE!
Member since 5/05 5150 total posts
Name:
Farah
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Re: Having children, is it the only reason to get married?
Posted by nrthshgrl
That was one point that was brought up. The person supporting "no reason to get married without children" went through a 5 year bout of IF & adopted a baby. She said during her 5 years, she kept thinking "We shouldn't have bothered to get married."
I find that such a strange comment on so many levels - but the one thing that it did make me ask is "so what are the benefits of NOT getting married?" What did she think she would be able to or want to do that she couldn't as a married person. It just seems that she thinks of marriage as a hinderance, where for me and my husband, it's opened so many doors. Just curious...
We have friends who have a child together but won't get married. Both their parents are divorced and they don't want to put their children through the same thing should they break up, and according to them, "it's just a piece of paper." But that argument seems to prove their own point! If it's just a piece of paper, then it's that much easier for them to break up. The kids don't know any better - I would think it's just as painful having your parents break up whether they're married or not...
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| Posted 9/3/08 9:17 AM |
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MrsB-07
proud RELAXIVIST
Member since 11/07 2027 total posts
Name:
b
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Re: Having children, is it the only reason to get married?
This is really interesting... DH and I aren't even sure we want kids yet. For us, we got married because we wanted to celebrate our committment in front of friends and family and have a wedding for US. Technically, I think if you live together for like 7 yrs or so you are considered married under the law...so having the wedding for legal purposes wasn't our intention either (like being recognized by the state). We really just had it for us. It was our time to have a really beautiful moment in our relationship where we showed our committment to each other to the whole world. That's what the day and the ring and all that means to me.
I think its to each his/her own. But I also have no problem if people want to bring kids into the world and not get married. I'm not really that traditional because I don't think one set of standards or rules can apply universally to everyone's situation.
i don't think unmarried parents are any less committed to each other or their kids and I think families come in so many shapes and sizes.
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| Posted 9/3/08 9:18 AM |
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ARIELSMOM
Love my Babes
Member since 8/05 5889 total posts
Name:
MEREDITH
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Re: Having children, is it the only reason to get married?
I think in the beginning, i got married for the wrong reasons. not that i didnt love DH, but i was young and it was more of the "next step" kind of thing. it was the wedding or $ for a house, i wanted the wedidng, we already had DD and talked of wanting more one day and the wedding had to come first. There was a bunch of things that made it seem right. After being married for a few years and coming very close to divorce, i realized i got married for the wrong reasons. Luckily we were able to work through it, and i have a clearer picture of why i should have gotten married as opposed to why i did get married.
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| Posted 9/3/08 9:35 AM |
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ml110
LIF Adult
Member since 1/06 5435 total posts
Name:
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Re: Having children, is it the only reason to get married?
well.. i found out when i was about 7 years old that i can't have biological kids. i met DH in college and told him the whole thing not too long after we started dating.
so, no, we didn't get married just to have kids. it was just a commitment we wanted to make to each other in front of everybody. it just brings your relationship to a new level and gives it a deeper commitment. plus, i like my diamond rings  
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| Posted 9/3/08 9:54 AM |
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HoneyBadger
YourWorstNightmare.
Member since 10/06 15979 total posts
Name:
BahBahBlackJeep
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Re: Having children, is it the only reason to get married?
Posted by KittyTheStray
For me personally, I definitely treat my relationship differently now that we’re married. I didn’t feel as serious or committed until we said our vows in front of all our families and friends.
I completely agree with this statement. As I said before, before we were married I looked at marriage as just a piece of paper but when we were actually married it really meant so much more.
I definitely felt different about my husband. There was a feeling of "forever" that I never had before getting married.
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| Posted 9/3/08 10:02 AM |
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Sassyz75
Turning a new page
Member since 5/05 9731 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: Having children, is it the only reason to get married?
my reason for getting married was for companionship and to start a family...
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| Posted 9/3/08 10:31 AM |
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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: Having children, is it the only reason to get married?
Posted by MrsB-07
Technically, I think if you live together for like 7 yrs or so you are considered married under the law...so having the wedding for legal purposes wasn't our intention either (like being recognized by the state).
This is not accruate, particularly in NYS. Every state is different, but there is NO common law marriage in NY.
ETA - Additionally, since common law marriage laws differ from state to state, should a couple relocate, there is no guarantee another state will recognize a common law union.
Message edited 9/3/2008 10:35:51 AM.
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| Posted 9/3/08 10:33 AM |
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MrsB-07
proud RELAXIVIST
Member since 11/07 2027 total posts
Name:
b
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Re: Having children, is it the only reason to get married?
Posted by Kara
Posted by MrsB-07
Technically, I think if you live together for like 7 yrs or so you are considered married under the law...so having the wedding for legal purposes wasn't our intention either (like being recognized by the state).
This is not accruate, particularly in NYS. Every state is different, but there is NO common law marriage in NY.
ETA - Additionally, since common law marriage laws differ from state to state, should a couple relocate, there is no guarantee another state will recognize a common law union.
Ohh ok - I didn't know that.
thanks.
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| Posted 9/3/08 11:14 AM |
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LIPrincess
Foxy Lady
Member since 6/05 1610 total posts
Name:
Jaimie
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Re: Having children, is it the only reason to get married?
I truly love my dh and we had planned on having children so marriage was a definate, because I don't believe for me (not others) that I could have children with someone intentionally and not marry them.
since then, we found out we can't have children and I don't regret one moment of marrying my best friend and love of my life. I would do it all over again if I knew then what I know now.
On the other hand, I have a couple of friends who think that way also, and we also agreed to disagree.
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| Posted 9/3/08 11:44 AM |
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