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MrsPorkChop
Twinning!!
Member since 5/05 9941 total posts
Name:
Missy
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Re: Having children, is it the only reason to get married?
because it makes our relationship official
its a way of professing your love for one another in front of everyone
its a way to let the person know that you are there forever, that you will forsake all others
i agree- its just paper to some, but i take the vows very seriously, and iam a different person and partner now that i am married to my husband. its different to me than just dating. very different.
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Posted 9/2/08 4:14 PM  |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: Having children, is it the only reason to get married?
Posted by nrthshgrl
Posted by KittyTheStray
What of those who find out they are infertile and can’t have kids, should they get a divorce?
That was one point that was brought up. The person supporting "no reason to get married without children" went through a 5 year bout of IF & adopted a baby. She said during her 5 years, she kept thinking "We shouldn't have bothered to get married."
Ok, well, that's just silly.
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| Posted 9/2/08 4:20 PM |
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Beth
The Key to your new home....
Member since 2/06 24849 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: Having children, is it the only reason to get married?
no, that's silly
my Dad is about to get married for the second time
for him it's about companionship and a tax deduction
and so his FW can get on his heath insurace plan
how romantic 
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| Posted 9/2/08 4:22 PM |
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greenfreak
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Member since 9/06 11483 total posts
Name:
greenfreak
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Re: Having children, is it the only reason to get married?
DH and I were together 7 years before we seriously considered marraige.
We are not religious people.
We chose not to have children.
We made a lifelong committment to each other years before a legal ceremony.
For us, it was purely for legal ease when buying a home, traveling together, to say "husband" instead of "boyfriend".
Each situation is different. Ours would probably be one where it was a formality.
I'll say it again - we've been married in our hearts from the very beginning. Do I feel different now? Nope, not really. I have pride in saying "my husband" but I had just enough pride in saying "my boyfriend".
We DID have a really nice party and honeymoon though. 
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| Posted 9/2/08 4:23 PM |
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dandr10199
Grace is growing up too fast!
Member since 10/05 11561 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: Having children, is it the only reason to get married?
Posted by Ophelia
I agree with you Barb. Marriage is an entity unto itself.
I married my husband b/c I wanted our bond on record, more so than a lease agreement or the title on a house.
I wanted it by law and by God.
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ITA with this. I married him b/c I loved him and wanted a deeper level of commitment from both of us other than just living together. Having our DD was a byproduct of our love and commitment to each other.
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| Posted 9/2/08 4:25 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Having children, is it the only reason to get married?
Posted by KittyTheStray
Posted by nrthshgrl
Posted by KittyTheStray
What of those who find out they are infertile and can’t have kids, should they get a divorce?
That was one point that was brought up. The person supporting "no reason to get married without children" went through a 5 year bout of IF & adopted a baby. She said during her 5 years, she kept thinking "We shouldn't have bothered to get married."
Did you mention the legal aspects? Like if you're not married and one 'partner' gets in an accident, you can't get info or 'speak on their behalf' type thing? Just one example of the legal aspects of marriage, obviously there are plenty of others, like tax matters for another example, that was just the first that popped into my head.
I did. Their answers were you can have those aspects but into place with health care proxies, they can leave you their estate, etc. I pointed out that their is no social security if a spouse dies, but they countered with "if you work, your social security benefits would be higher"
Posted by MrsPJB2007
Posted by nrthshgrl
Posted by KittyTheStray
What of those who find out they are infertile and can’t have kids, should they get a divorce?
That was one point that was brought up. The person supporting "no reason to get married without children" went through a 5 year bout of IF & adopted a baby. She said during her 5 years, she kept thinking "We shouldn't have bothered to get married."
Honestly, it sounds to me like your friend may have some bitterness on the whole marriage issue as a whole. Like she is defining her entire marriage on whether or not she has a baby?  I mean it stinks that she had such a huge battle with IF - but that doesn't make her union with her husband invalid as if they never should have married!
It could be bitterness combined with the fact that she is now divorced.
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| Posted 9/2/08 4:27 PM |
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MrsPJB2007
MBA at your service!
Member since 7/06 12020 total posts
Name:
MJ
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Re: Having children, is it the only reason to get married?
Posted by nrthshgrl
It could be bitterness combined with the fact that she is now divorced.
ahhhhhhhhhhh
makes a LOT more sense now. that is just so sad that she feels that way about marriage....i can see how it could affect you like that. 
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| Posted 9/2/08 4:30 PM |
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TheWhiteRabbit
Thru the rabbit hole!
Member since 7/06 4412 total posts
Name:
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Re: Having children, is it the only reason to get married?
Posted by nrthshgrl
Posted by KittyTheStray
Did you mention the legal aspects? Like if you're not married and one 'partner' gets in an accident, you can't get info or 'speak on their behalf' type thing? Just one example of the legal aspects of marriage, obviously there are plenty of others, like tax matters for another example, that was just the first that popped into my head.
I did. Their answers were you can have those aspects but into place with health care proxies, they can leave you their estate, etc. I pointed out that their is no social security if a spouse dies, but they countered with "if you work, your social security benefits would be higher"
Yeah, but who does all that, ya know?? It's honestly easier to get married than to have a durable Power of attorney for Banking, a 2848 for the IRS, a POA-1 for NYS, a health care proxy for hospitals, you still wouldn't get health benefits or pension benefits with most companies... I could go on here. I am just looking at it practically - never mind the whole 'love, honor, commitment' aspect. I think your last line is very telling, she’s now divorced so probably a bit bitter about marriage.
For me personally, I definitely treat my relationship differently now that we’re married. I didn’t feel as serious or committed until we said our vows in front of all our families and friends.
Also, as much as we all hate stereotypes, they exist, and people definitely see us differently as a married couple than they did as us ‘just living together’. People mentally calculate your commitment when you’re not married, sad but true, like you’re not really serious about each other because you didn’t get married.
Trust me, as one of the 3 women on this site who made a conscious decision to not have children, this is a hot topic for me.
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| Posted 9/2/08 4:42 PM |
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lucyloo
nope
Member since 1/06 9758 total posts
Name:
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....
Message edited 3/7/2013 2:59:16 PM.
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| Posted 9/2/08 4:56 PM |
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drpepper318
MIR MIR MIR!
Member since 6/07 8274 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Having children, is it the only reason to get married?
Posted by KittyTheStray
We had this debate on here not too long ago - I will look for the link. DH and I are not having kids, yet we are adamant about being married. You do not LEGALLY have the same level of commitment without marriage  Things like rights, benefits, insurance, etc. Also, I am sorry, I am 35 years old, I am not introducing him as my partner or boyfriend, he's my husband. I couldn’t wait to marry him and say those vows that we would be together forever. Just because we don’t have kids doesn’t make us less of a family unit. What of those who find out they are infertile and can’t have kids, should they get a divorce?
 I TOTALLY AGREE!!!!!! We got married because making that commitment to each other and taking our vows to be together forever meant a lot to us. It had NOTHING to do with having kids at all. I still feel like we have a totally valid and worthwhile marriage if we never have kids... having children is definitely not the purpose of getting married!!!! To me that is ridiculous.
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| Posted 9/2/08 5:03 PM |
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drpepper318
MIR MIR MIR!
Member since 6/07 8274 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Having children, is it the only reason to get married?
Posted by hazeleyes33
So what happens then after the kids grow up and leave, do you get divorced but stay together???
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| Posted 9/2/08 5:05 PM |
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Jackie24
~We Did it~
Member since 7/06 6718 total posts
Name:
Jackie
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Re: Having children, is it the only reason to get married?
I think that is the typical Christian belief about marriage......that's what they taught us in pre cana anyways......
I don't believe in that. I got married for the commitment, maybe it is only a piece of paper but it works for me!
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| Posted 9/2/08 5:14 PM |
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greenfreak
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Member since 9/06 11483 total posts
Name:
greenfreak
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Re: Having children, is it the only reason to get married?
Posted by KittyTheStray
Trust me, as one of the 3 women on this site who made a conscious decision to not have children, this is a hot topic for me.
Who is the third? I think we have an opening in our little club.
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| Posted 9/2/08 8:29 PM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Having children, is it the only reason to get married?
Posted by KittyTheStray
Also, as much as we all hate stereotypes, they exist, and people definitely see us differently as a married couple than they did as us ‘just living together’. People mentally calculate your commitment when you’re not married, sad but true, like you’re not really serious about each other because you didn’t get married.
I find this to be true, too. I tell DH all the time that I feel like certain people treat me differently now that I am married (I was the last holdout among one group of friends for a long time) and I find this is even more true now that we have a child.
To answer the original question, I lived alone for a long time. I was very independent and self sufficient and liked living alone. I got married because I love my DH passionately and wanted a legal commitment and wanted to experience the sacrament of marriage. For me personally, I wasn't interested in living with someone. If I was going to give up my apartment, a certain amount of my autonomy and independence, it was only going to be for a marriage. We were on the fence about having children when we got married, so for us, it wasn't really just about having children.
Message edited 9/2/2008 10:25:44 PM.
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| Posted 9/2/08 10:23 PM |
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Palebride
I am an amazing bakist
Member since 5/05 13673 total posts
Name:
Lori
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Re: Having children, is it the only reason to get married?
I got married to have a big party.
No....I got married to let everyone know I found someone who made me happy, someone who loved me as much as I loved him, someone who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
Lily is a bonus that came with the deal!
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| Posted 9/2/08 10:27 PM |
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babymakes3
Almost there!
Member since 7/06 7376 total posts
Name:
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Re: Having children, is it the only reason to get married?
Posted by MrsPorkChop
because it makes our relationship official
its a way of professing your love for one another in front of everyone
its a way to let the person know that you are there forever, that you will forsake all others
i agree- its just paper to some, but i take the vows very seriously, and iam a different person and partner now that i am married to my husband. its different to me than just dating. very different.
ITA. The fringe benefits are the taxes, POA, social security, etc.
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| Posted 9/2/08 10:28 PM |
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wannabemom
look who's freshly baked!
Member since 12/07 7364 total posts
Name:
aka marriedinportjeff
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Re: Having children, is it the only reason to get married?
I'm on the fence with this.....
I know people who have been living together for decades, have never been married, and don't want kids. they are most definitely as committed as married couples. actually, some married couples really don't have that level of comittment, yet their relationship is respected more merely becuase they have a piece of paper.
DH and I also lived together for 3 years before getting married. so we 'lived in sin  .... whatever!
On the flip side, I DO have my traditional side, and wouldn't want my children to enter the world to unmarried parents (although I don't think any less of couples who DO have children outside of marriage, becuase the committment is what I'm concerned with, not the ceremony or paperwork).
Frankly, I think it's just a piece of paper. this is becuase I'm not terribly religious. If a couple IS religious, marriage obviously takes on a different meaning. Then of course it would be very important to them even if they did not intend to have children.
If a couple isn't religious, they can jump through the paperwork hoops to get most of the benefits of marriage w/o an actual marriage license. it's just super annoying and tedious.
so yeah, I'm on the fence. we chose to marry prior to having kids, becuase we wanted to have kids! If we didn't, I don't know if we'd think marriage would be as necessary
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| Posted 9/2/08 10:54 PM |
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wannabemom
look who's freshly baked!
Member since 12/07 7364 total posts
Name:
aka marriedinportjeff
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Re: Having children, is it the only reason to get married?
Posted by Ophelia
I have to say, after YEARS of flying all over the world together and standing on separate lines or behind each other at customs/immigration and filling out two customs cards on the planes b/c we weren't married...
I STILL have to do that  becuase I didn't take DH's last name....
annoying 
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| Posted 9/2/08 10:58 PM |
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yankinmanc
Happy Days!
Member since 8/05 18208 total posts
Name:
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Re: Having children, is it the only reason to get married?
I got married so we could be together, plain and simple. If we didn't get married, we wouldn't be allowed to live together. However, I wanted to marry him....so its all good. If we lived in the same country and had the same nationality, we could have just gone on for years and years living together, but it wasn't legally possible.
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| Posted 9/3/08 7:31 AM |
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Gertyrae
Peace out Homies!
Member since 5/05 20046 total posts
Name:
Gerty ®
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Re: Having children, is it the only reason to get married?
I definitely disagree...I love my husband and wanted to make a commitment to spend the rest of my life with him.
I knew that we would have trouble conceiving so having children was definitely NOT the reason for getting married since we aren't sure we will have children.
Besides, has noone heard of babies born to single parents?
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| Posted 9/3/08 7:33 AM |
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2girlsforme
LIF Adult
Member since 8/06 3071 total posts
Name:
XXXXXXXXX
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Re: Having children, is it the only reason to get married?
I very much wanted to marry my husband and didn't live with him beforehand. Just not something I was interested in. Our marriage did feel different than our previously committed relationship and I would have entered into a marriage regardless of whether we had children or not. Who really knows if you will wind up conceiving???
That said, I was shocked, when after my first was born, my mother (who is as liberal as they come) said to me, "now you're really married." My husband's than 80 something year old grandmother pretty much said the same thing. I think what they really meant was that the birth of a child changes/solidifies a marriage. But, to be honest, I'm still scratching my head.
Message edited 9/3/2008 8:09:54 AM.
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| Posted 9/3/08 8:09 AM |
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cjik
Welcome 2010!
Member since 2/06 8879 total posts
Name:
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Re: Having children, is it the only reason to get married?
Heck no! When DH and I got married, we knew children were not a sure thing given that we are older parents and know somee people with fertility issues. We got married because we wanted a legal, solidified relationship. I also see marriage as a chance to stand up in front of your closest family and friends and declare your commitment to one another.
So though we hoped to have children, this was not our main reason for getting married.
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| Posted 9/3/08 8:55 AM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: Having children, is it the only reason to get married?
I married my husband b/c I wanted HIM to be mine ........-
I wasn't thinking about babies when I got married, I was thinking of the rest of my life with another person, kids or not ........ -
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| Posted 9/3/08 9:10 AM |
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usuk2004
I'm ONE!
Member since 5/05 5150 total posts
Name:
Farah
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Re: Having children, is it the only reason to get married?
Posted by 2girlsforme
That said, I was shocked, when after my first was born, my mother (who is as liberal as they come) said to me, "now you're really married." My husband's than 80 something year old grandmother pretty much said the same thing. I think what they really meant was that the birth of a child changes/solidifies a marriage. But, to be honest, I'm still scratching my head.
Maybe they meant that now you're truly linked forever? People without children can divorced and never see one another again. But couples who have children always have a link or a commonality - the form of another human being.
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| Posted 9/3/08 9:12 AM |
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TheWhiteRabbit
Thru the rabbit hole!
Member since 7/06 4412 total posts
Name:
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Re: Having children, is it the only reason to get married?
Posted by greenfreak
Posted by KittyTheStray
Trust me, as one of the 3 women on this site who made a conscious decision to not have children, this is a hot topic for me.
Who is the third? I think we have an opening in our little club.
I don't want to out her
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| Posted 9/3/08 9:13 AM |
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