having a hard time..(long)

not sure if im just extra emotional after the chemical, but i am just SO unbeleivably sad that i have to take some time off from really TTC.

i got a new job and just start last week. my old job was a great job but the company s*cked and i hated my boss. this new job is ideal for me and an entirely new experience. however the old one was a 12 minute drive, and the new one is an NYC commute that takes at least an hour each way in total. also the old company was a big corporation, the new one is a startup with 4 people so even though i am doing things i really love - its a TON of work. but it could be really financially fruitful in the next few years as well...

anyway the reason i mention that is because i made the realization that if last cycle didn't work, than i would prob have to take this cycle off of meds. i don't think i could make it in for the monitoring (although dr. b said it wasnt an issue and he would work with me and the NYC office) and i dont think its a great idea to get knocked up the first week at my new job either (when i started protocol last cycle i hadn't officially been hired yet so i was already committed to the cycle even after i got the offer).

even though i kinda came to this realization 2 or so weeks ago - now that it's here i am so absolutely sad. i feel like i chose my job over my quest for a family. DH is really supportive - he thinks im doing the right thing. he also thinks we have plenty of time (im 28 btw). but i cant quite kick this huge feeling of sadness. its to the point where i almost wish i kept the old job and the horribly annoying work situation just so that i could have kept on going and not worried about maternity leave and what not. i feel like im just not happy either way. i know in my head that this makes sense - but my heart physically aches to stop trying. i put so much effort into getting this far it really hurts to stop...

like i said we are still going to try TTC without meds. i dont O on my own but dr. b just prescribed metformin so maybe that will get me back on track..

anyway if you read this far, thanks..i guess im just venting cause i dont know what else to do with myself right now. no one knows we are TTC let alone that we have had issues, so i really have no one else to talk to about this stuff..

i just cant help but feel overwhelmingly

Re: having a hard time..(long)

Awwww here is some love!


we are allll here to listen

Re: having a hard time..(long)

FM

Re: having a hard time..(long)

Re: having a hard time..(long)

I am so soory you have to go thru this, but it sounds like you made the right choice for your future family. You need to be happy. Give yourself a cycle and then you and Dr B can come up with a plan between both offices to get you going again.

Re: having a hard time..(long)

I'm sorry that you are feeling so overwhelmed. Just hang in there and don't think too much about "what if I get pregnant 2 months into working at this new job". If that does happen, your joy will surpass your worry by a million %. Your employer will have at least 6 months to work something out for maternity leave. Everything will work itself out.
Best of luck!!!

Message edited 3/7/2010 7:29:19 AM.

Re: having a hard time..(long)

Hang in there -- it sounds like you really thought this all through and made the right decision. Your next TTC cycle will be here before you know it. And you are still young... it will all be worth it in the end!

Re: having a hard time..(long)

I am sorry you are going through this. But if you know you want to make having a family as important as you great new job, then you will know when to start the next cycle with meds. I think you instinct will help guide you on this one.

Hang in there!!!!!

Re: having a hard time..(long)

We all know how you fee, you are NOT alone. I would personally say you should keep trying if DR B will work with you., dont give up hope..How long have you been trying for???

Re: having a hard time..(long)

we are all ears, so anytime. sorry you are sad and hurting.

Re: having a hard time..(long)

thanks so much for the encouragement. i do feel in my head i made the right decision - i just wish my heart didn't hurt so much!!
today was better than yesterday and im sure tomorrow will be better than today...
and then in a few weeks/months ill be in a better place to start again and this will all just be an afterthought!!

thanks again for the i really need them!!!!!! you ladies rock my world!!

Re: having a hard time..(long)

Posted by FlowerWife

thanks so much for the encouragement. i do feel in my head i made the right decision - i just wish my heart didn't hurt so much!!
today was better than yesterday and im sure tomorrow will be better than today...
and then in a few weeks/months ill be in a better place to start again and this will all just be an afterthought!!

thanks again for the i really need them!!!!!! you ladies rock my world!!

Re: having a hard time..(long)

I am sorry to hear about your rough time. I know things are hard for you but it will work out. You know the best course of action to take and who knows, soon you will be able to start all over again.

Hugs