Have you ever insulted your husband because you thought you could do it "better?"

I did just that.

Last night it was 3am..Johnny woke up crying. My husband got up with him and 45 minutes later i hear crying and crying. I finally got out of bed, and told him to just give me the baby. He kept saying he had it, to go back to sleep yet i insisted.

Now i feel really bad. I know i offended him, and made him feel like he wasn't capable. That isn't how i feel, he is seriously an amazing dad and husband..i mean he wakes up all the time on weekends to help and he cooks, cleans etc...

What i am saying is that i know in my heart i was insistent b/c i just "know" DS's behavior inside and out now. I know what it takes to put him right back to bed at 3am, while DH was struggling.

Anyone else guilty of this? DH is out grocery shopping now and i am sitting here feeling sad.. I wonder if its just a "mom" thing, that we react to our babies differently than anyone else??

Re: Have you ever insulted your husband because you thought you could do it "better?"

I"ve done it numerous times because well I CAN DO IT BETTER. I stopped it mainly because unless it was life-threatening I realized that my kid would survive. More importantly, if I always took the baby when he was doing it wrong that would mean when I need a break that baby would be trained to only want me. So I would stay in bed awake, listening to him trying to soothe a crying baby knowing full well what he should be doing.

They'll learn to be a little stronger in the end - he'll learn, you'll eventually get to sleep and they'll still fight over who gets to sit next to Mommy at the dinner table.

Message edited 1/21/2007 9:52:49 AM.

Re: Have you ever insulted your husband because you thought you could do it "better?"

Um, everyday. And I don't "think" I can do it better, I KNOW I can do it better. HOWEVER, I have to realize that he will figure it out on his own, and although he's an amazing father, he'll never be a mother. Mother's just have an instinct that father's don't naturally have. So, he just needs to learn. And he learns more and more everyday when he's taking care of her all day I try to lay off and make suggestions, rather than taking the baby and telling him he's doing it wrong.

Re: Have you ever insulted your husband because you thought you could do it "better?"

I was horribly guilty of this and basically DH stopped trying and DD only wanted me in the night.

I will not make that mistake with future children.

Re: Have you ever insulted your husband because you thought you could do it "better?"

Rach said it best...a mom is just a mom... we have a way of soothing our children that no one else can, even their dads. Since you feel so bad I know next time you won't be so quick to jump out of bed and let your DH handle it....even though you can do it quicker, DH needs that time to "learn" what the baby needs.

Re: Have you ever insulted your husband because you thought you could do it "better?"

Re: Have you ever insulted your husband because you thought you could do it "better?"

every day! Its a wonder he has any ego left at all.

on a serious note though, I remember beiing in an exact same scenario and I was feelign like well I am going to be awake anyway listening to this so I might as well get up and do it so we both can go back to sleep. When it was me up DH slept right through it. Dont know how he can do that

Message edited 1/21/2007 10:03:26 AM.

Re: Have you ever insulted your husband because you thought you could do it "better?"

I absolutely do it better! So Yes, I always take the baby

Re: Have you ever insulted your husband because you thought you could do it "better?"

Thanks for making me feel better

We spoke a little bit ago, I aplogized for being too insistent...and he told me that he just felt like he wasn't capable in my eyes..its not true, I guess deep down sometimes i just like to handle the baby when he's being difficult. He settles down better with me than with anyone and I guess its natural considering I'm with him all day!

Re: Have you ever insulted your husband because you thought you could do it "better?"

I'm guilty of doing this a *few* times in the 3 1/2 years of parenting. I know I've hurt his feelings, too.

I had that $@^@#^ stomach flu Friday and yesterday (AND still lingering today ) and DH had to take off of work. He's been nothing short of amazing in taking care of the boys - and me. I'm very lucky.

Re: Have you ever insulted your husband because you thought you could do it "better?"

I do it more at night when I am dead tired and not thinking straight. I feel like I'm always apologizing in the morning for things I did or said at night. Poor DH

Re: Have you ever insulted your husband because you thought you could do it "better?"

DH feels that way sometimes but I let him keep going at it b/c he will be a SAHD soon enough and we both have to learn. But there are things I can't do well, like change a diaper without making him cry. DH is getting the sleeping routine for ON feeding, but it took a couple weeks practice.

I also think sometimes when we swoop in and things miraculously get better, it's the change of scenery, not who is trying to calm down DC.

Re: Have you ever insulted your husband because you thought you could do it "better?"

I used to do this with DH. But I soon realized that he needed to learn his own way to do things. My life is so much easier now Hubby can do everything maybe not how I do it but everyone is different. Now Jenna likes daddy to put her to bed every night. I get some alone time then. I love it

Re: Have you ever insulted your husband because you thought you could do it "better?"

I agree with Rachel. I feel the same way!!!

Re: Have you ever insulted your husband because you thought you could do it "better?"

I am constantly biting my tongue. Its terrible, I cry to him to help, he helps, then I ask for the baby back.

Re: Have you ever insulted your husband because you thought you could do it "better?"

Guilty as charged!

Re: Have you ever insulted your husband because you thought you could do it "better?"

i have done this too

Re: Have you ever insulted your husband because you thought you could do it "better?"

We've all done it. You're definitely not alone.

Re: Have you ever insulted your husband because you thought you could do it "better?"

I have done it too, but I think DH can do it just as well as I can, sometimes even better. I just think it's my personality to be in charge, but I've had to force myself to let go and let him do it.

Re: Have you ever insulted your husband because you thought you could do it "better?"

I insulted him on how he dressed her, and from then on, i have to pull out every outfit she wears, it's quite annoying.

So with every bit of strength of I have, i keep my mouth shut, and keep my body wherever it may be.

In the end, i know if i corrected him, it would just put more on me, cause if i could do it better, why should he do anything.

That goes with everything, i know i could clean better, fold better, soothe DD better, but i let him figure it out and work it out, cause sometimes too much control can make it worse and put more of a workload on mommy!

It may take a bit longer for DH to figure out how to make her stop crying, i don't say a thing unless he asks.

Re: Have you ever insulted your husband because you thought you could do it "better?"

Definitely have done this...

Re: Have you ever insulted your husband because you thought you could do it "better?"

I do it ALL the time...I just did it last night when Bella decided to freak in the bath. I could have used his help...but I needed it done MY way, because it was the only right way and he was only hindering me...and I wound up kicking him out of the bathroom.

Now the only thing wrong with this situation is I didn't feel I did anything wrong and still don't...

Re: Have you ever insulted your husband because you thought you could do it "better?"

Posted by mommy2bellabean

I do it ALL the time...I just did it last night when Bella decided to freak in the bath. I could have used his help...but I needed it done MY way, because it was the only right way and he was only hindering me...and I wound up kicking him out of the bathroom.

Now the only thing wrong with this situation is I didn't feel I did anything wrong and still don't...

Re: Have you ever insulted your husband because you thought you could do it "better?"

I did this alot in the beginning esp when he fed her. And he would get really ****** off and tell me - if you don;t like how i do it, then you do it. I've backed off and now it's much better.

Re: Have you ever insulted your husband because you thought you could do it "better?"

I used to do it all the time but now I make a real effort to let him do a few things "his" way. However when she's hysterically crying I still have no problem snatching her up in my arms to make things better.