handling over-excited grandparents

Did anyone have to deal with this?

My parents are sooo happy to be soon-to-be grandparents.
But it's getting to be a little to much for me.

Firstly, I live 2 hours away so really dont see them except for every few weeks ( 2 months or so). We are not particularly close and have had our past share of issues.

But suddenly I get phone calls asking how I'm feeling and when they can come see me again to see if I've grown.
Today I get a phone call from my mom asking if she can start buying stuff.

Now I am VERY picky about my house, my classroom, and I know I will be very discerning about baby toys and clothes and decor.
So I told her to wait until we register so she can buy something we approve of and like. She didnt like that very much.

How can I handle this situation without the stress its making me feel and without hurting my parents' feelings? All this sudden attention is a bit much- especially since I like being independent and in control of what comes into my life.

Re: handling over-excited grandparents

Try to include them as much as possible. Invite mom to come do the registry with you. Invite them to the level II. Things like that would probably work. It is great that they want to be involved!

Re: handling over-excited grandparents

Ok, def. gotta include them. Its important. I get the daily calls as well, and it does get annoying but I know they are so excited.

I think this was a hurtful thing to say:
"So I told her to wait until we register so she can buy something we approve of and like. She didnt like that very much."

I don't blame your mom for being upset with your response to wait until you register. You are taking all the fun away from them. Let them be grandparents. Let them buy stuff, they are excited!!

Re: handling over-excited grandparents

hmmm...i guess it kind of comes with the territory. Throughout your pregnancy people will ask questions, even private ones, say things that you dont want to hear, help you when you dont feel like you need help, and towards the end you will probably feel handicap instead of pregnant.
I didnt realize how much i appreciated all of this, until after i had my first.
Its an exciting special time for you, your DH/SO, your parents, family, and friends- everyone is probably excited. Parents can be overbearing, but i wouldnt tell them not to buy stuff, its a special time for them too. Maybe you can suggest to them that they hold on to the reciepts in the event you need to exchange something down the road. Maybe schedule lunches with them every 2 months so they can see you, or take pictures of yourself and mail them so they feel like they are part of your pregnancy. Some days its a lot to take in, and its an adjustment in the beginning, but the 9 months goes fast and then it will be all about the baby, so try to enjoy the extra attention and gifts.

Re: handling over-excited grandparents

Only - I'm dealing with this now with my mil - who is a lunatic.

Re: handling over-excited grandparents

This will be the first gradchild on both sides. My parents are overly excited as well. They live 2.5-3 hours away. They call me more often than usual and are that much more overprotective. DH and I went to Maine last week. My mom bothered me about calling her when I got there and when we got home so she knew we were safe. I frequently travel all over the state for my job. I certainly don't call her every time I get to a client. They always ask me when my next doctor's appointment is and a day or two before, they remind me to call them after my appointment.

Some of the smothering, etc annoys me, but I just deal with it. I realize they're really excited and it's hard for them being so far away. I grew up in the same town as both sets of grandparents. I know my parents wish they lived even closer to us.

Re: handling over-excited grandparents

I can understand that it is frustrating, but I also think it is important to let them be involved. They are excited - they are seeing their child have a child!!! All of the excitement of having you is probably coming back to them

I wouldn't tell them to wait until you register, let them get what they want to give, I agree that it is a little hurtful to tell them what they should give you. I think not being totally keen on the outfit they gave you is a small sacrifice to make, especially when giving you something she picked out probably means the world to her.

I think it's a great idea to take your Mom/MIL with you when you go to pick things out, keep them involved and enjoy the time together

Re: handling over-excited grandparents

Our parents are going to be 1st time grandparents too so I can relate. You just have to take a step back from the situation and see how happy/excited they are for you. I would involve them as much as possible since they don't live around the corner....You should ask your mom to come with you when you register or tell her you want to come with her when she starts her shopping. The time will go fast so cherish it. I've become really close to my parents and inlaws during my pregnancy so far.

Re: handling over-excited grandparents

My mom is chomping at the bit start buying stuff!
She asked me back at around 8wks when she could start and I told her 20 weeks because I was so nervous about having another m/c! I love they are so excited. I can't believe that 20 weeks is only 2 weeks away now, let the flood gates open, lol.

I would just tell your parents that it is still early and you are not ready to think about everything yet, this is what i told my parents and they were very understanding.

Re: handling over-excited grandparents

what about if you offer to go shopping with her- she can get a feel for your taste and get some ideas on what to buy?

She is going to be a grandmother. this is almost as exciting to her as it is for you!

At times i think my mom is more excited than me! This is not only a wonderful time in your life, but the new grandparents as well.

Try to embrace this as much as possible.

you know all the nonsense i go through with my mil, and she has become a completely different person now that she is getting a grandchild- i am trying to go with it. You should do the same.

and hey- if she buys you something you dont like, you can return it!

Re: handling over-excited grandparents

Re: handling over-excited grandparents

Thanks for all the responses ladies.

I really need to sit down and think through how to handle this.
I want them to be excited and I think this can be a great opportunity to bond with my mother (which we havent really ever done)

We are both going to have to find a way to compromise- me on being less picky and her on being more understanding.

One thing she's not getting is all the safety issues- she doesnt see any harm in a bumper, blankets in the crib, special bottles etc.
I know the times have changed since I was born but she needs to understand that I'm doing EVERYTHING possible to protect my little

Re: handling over-excited grandparents

Re: handling over-excited grandparents

I don't think it is wrong at all to do what makes you feel best. You are the pg one, you are the one having the baby and your comfort is what is most important.

I feel the pg should be a comfortable one for the pg lady, above everyone else first. I don't think it's healthy for a pg lady to feel pushed and pulled, and like they no longer have control of their lives simply b/c a baby is coming. It's certainly not an easy situation to be in.

Message edited 8/14/2008 3:15:51 PM.

Re: handling over-excited grandparents

My mom already has a closet full of diapers and wipes.. I told her she could buy that stuff to keep her busy LOL

Re: handling over-excited grandparents

Posted by Arieschick29
One thing she's not getting is all the safety issues- she doesnt see any harm in a bumper, blankets in the crib, special bottles etc.
I know the times have changed since I was born but she needs to understand that I'm doing EVERYTHING possible to protect my little

Re: handling over-excited grandparents

Posted by Arieschick29


One thing she's not getting is all the safety issues- she doesnt see any harm in a bumper, blankets in the crib, special bottles etc.
I know the times have changed since I was born but she needs to understand that I'm doing EVERYTHING possible to protect my little

Re: handling over-excited grandparents

Re: handling over-excited grandparents

Posted by mamabear

Posted by Arieschick29


One thing she's not getting is all the safety issues- she doesnt see any harm in a bumper, blankets in the crib, special bottles etc.
I know the times have changed since I was born but she needs to understand that I'm doing EVERYTHING possible to protect my little

I've had this EXACT problem with my mom. It came to a head yesterday when she got so crazy over the fact that I said DD couldn't have blankets in the crib for a long long time. She pushed me for an answer as to when I would allow, and I said, I don't know, 12 mths. She FLIPPED. She thought I was nuts, was going to freeze the baby or making her uncomfortable in those sleep sacks. So, I sent her a bunch of links about safety info, crib info in particular. At first she said these are from manufacturers trying to sell products...so i went back and found sites that weren't, and were from SIDS sites, etc. Ultimately she agreed with me, was impressed that I had researched this so much, etc. It was a struggle, but we were both happy in the end.

Re: handling over-excited grandparents

I'm a lot like you in that I like to control everything.....but in this particular case, I think its nice to let people (especially grandparents) get a little out of control with the excitement. Its a new baby! I think its good to let go of some of the control and let other people enjoy and revel in it.
This is just my opinion though. like the poster above said, involving them in as much as possible is a great idea and letting your Mom participate in the registry process will be great.....it will make her feel good and that is really important.

Re: handling over-excited grandparents

Re: handling over-excited grandparents

DH's parents are very excited. We try to include them in on things as much as possible. We tell them about our appointments and anything else as much as possible.

As for me, both of my parents are recently deceased. I wish I had this problem.

Re: handling over-excited grandparents

Posted by Goldi0218

DH's parents are very excited. We try to include them in on things as much as possible. We tell them about our appointments and anything else as much as possible.

As for me, both of my parents are recently deceased. I wish I had this problem.

Re: handling over-excited grandparents

Let them express their excitement - it may help you all grow closer together. WHat harm is it if she buys a couple of outfits. You are going to learn with a baby people love to buy gifts and not everything will be to your liking.

Don't stress and try and be thankful that they are so excited and want to be involved.

Re: handling over-excited grandparents

I think you are very lucky that your family wants to be involved...let them