God Parent/family issue

DH and I are close with my brother and SIL and we want to ask them to be the godparents of our son.

However, they do not speak to the rest of my family at all (too long to go into-lots of drama, both sides at fault, mostly my mom).

At DD's baptism (2 years ago), my brother commented how it was so uncomfortable that if we had any other kids they wouldn't come (they were not the god parents for DD). A similar comment was made again when we brought up that we have to start planning DS's Christening.

We live OOS so we don't do a lot of family functions in NY anymore-we do the baptisms because most of the extended family is in NY and it's easier for them to come if we have it up there.

So, this hasn't been an issue for birthdays, Christmas, etc-we do all of those in NC and my mom, other brother, in-laws, etc all come to us. It's just the Baptism. We come up for their events, but we are the only representatives from my side of the family.

Now, I don't know what to do. I don't think they know that we are planning on asking them and maybe that would change my brother's mind. Or, maybe they would end up just coming to the church but not the lunch afterwards but I'm not sure how I feel about that.

This is mostly just a vent but I would love to hear outside perspective on it-thoughts?

Re: God Parent/family issue

I would think if you asked your brother he and your mother would be able to put their feeling aside for one function. Sometime you just have to grow up and be the better person. Its one day, and an important one too.

Re: God Parent/family issue

I say pick the Godparents YOU want for your child. If your brother and his wife are your choice, ASK them. (OF course they would have the option to decline I guess if they really were that uncomfortable, but as you and he are close I imagined he'd be honored). Also since 2 yrs have elapsed perhaps he's not feeling as uncomfortable about things now?

Your mom may have a problem with it but frankly that's not your issue to fix at all. She can do whatever she likes - attend/not attend, etc.

And you just *never* know - perhaps enough has happened in the 2yr estrangement that they can work their differences out - this could be an opportunity for them to heal whatever it is.

But my feeling is, your child, your choice.

Re: God Parent/family issue

I agree with asking the people who you think would be the best godparents for owen and let the rest work itself out....if need be, tell your mom you plan to have a drama free baptism

Re: God Parent/family issue

Thanks guys-see it's not even my mom that I am worried about. Nothing happened at DD's except they all ignored each other (my cousin made a snarky comment to my brother but that is all).

My real worry is that my brother and his wife will either:

1-decline to be god parents because of the perceived stress of the event

Or

2-say okay but then say they can only come to the church.

I guess the only solution is to just ask and leave the ball in their court to act like adults for the sake of DS...

Re: God Parent/family issue

ultimately, it is who YOU want to be the godparents to your son.

and that is between you, your husband, your child, your choices, and the Lord.

I would not let the drama in my family affect ultimately the best choice for my child. if that meant having an extremely small affair with just the major players, then so be it.

I don't know how you are with your family Lenore. I am a weirdo and would probably tell my mom/family that they cannot come b/c I don't want any drama and that would be final.

it's not YOUR fault people can't get it together to get along. it CERTAINLY isn't Owen's fault.

I'm going to read the rest of the responses now...if you have any addt info I may change my response, but for now, this is it.

ETA: hmmm...so your bro just doesn't want to deal...in that case I'd talk to him about it...tell him you'd consider having a very small affair but would prefer if he could suck it up to attend the entire function the way a Godfather should.

Message edited 4/8/2010 4:06:37 PM.

Re: God Parent/family issue

we are the brother and sil in my situation.

dh's brother and his wife picked me to be Godmother of their baby.

They live in kentucky(he is in the army), so this summer they are having baptism in FL.

I have not spoken to dh's sister in over 2 years, neither of us are on speaking terms with his mother. I really wanted to keep her from knowing our children as well...i know that sounds eff'ed up, but I can go on and on.

So, now this oos baptism. We have to travel down(thank God it is in the same state as Mickey mouse ) go be a godmother and see these people who I would never want to see ever again.

I am going to make the whole room uncomfortable. I look like the ***** keeping a mother and son seperate.

at the end of the day, i don't know what we are going to do. I would love to decline...but that is not fair to my niece. DH wants me to decline.

I would ask them and let them decide. If they decide to only do the church, I think it is understandable. That is actually something I would love to consdier for me.

Re: God Parent/family issue

oh man..just read the other replies...I don't know brother's situation...

but I know my bil wishes we could "suck it up"

but after years of problems, it has taken us a long time to come to this point where my dh can say eff it, my mother is a sick person who doesn't exist.

This woman does not deserve to be the grandmother of my kids for even a few hours at a party.

For our own mental health, our marriage, we had to say enough is enough...so yeah, it would be really hard to suck it up. Especially since it is mil and sil and fil who suck.