family issue...need advice?

SO DH's aunt hasnt spoken to us since Jack was born in october. Before i delivered she called every day to see how i was and check on my progress. SHe hasnt spoken to my MIL either which she's very hurt by (its MIL's sister). all the holidays went by with out so much as a call, card or anything from her.

So come to find out that she's ****** bc MIL told her not to come the day i was coming home. (we live in pa and everyone is in brooklyn). Dh's aunt was contacting my SIL to see what the plans were and MIL kinda put the kaibash on it b/c there were already too many pple between the siblings, grandparents, etc. So MIL suggested the following weekend. Which i agree with b/c honestly having all these people overwhelmed me coming home with Jack. MIL and Aunt have a so so relationship so i guess DH's aunt sees it as her sister trying to control things.

Not for nothing, DH's aunt just assumed she was coming, didnt ask the ones who were having the baby (ME!!) if it were ok, and now she's hurt. THe weird thing is, is that at xmas she was at other family members house and makes it sound like she's so close to Jack and knows everything that is going on.

Im sending out invites this week for a get together so our family can meet jack b/c alot of the aunts uncles havent met him yet. Im inviting her, but i feel like i should email her and set this straight. My DH doesnt want to deal with her and my MIL is so upset that its been months without anything from her.

sorry this is so long. I dont know what to do and i certainly dont want any drama at any get together with her. B/c my MIL is so overdramatic and tends to cause scenes.

Re: family issue...need advice?

send the invite, but CALL her to talk about what happened. too much can be misconstrued in the email.

I hope everything works out.

Re: family issue...need advice?

sounds like she is being a bit immature. It is not your fault that your MIL told her not to come, so she should not be taking it out on you and your new baby.

I would invite her and just let MIL know that you did so they can work it out beforehand.

Re: family issue...need advice?

Yeah it sounds like this is a "sister" issue and I'd let them work it out separately. I wouldn't even call or email her, it's just another opportunity for her to vent, instead of working it out with her sister, your MIL.
My mom is the 10th of 11 kids, so she's the baby of 6 sisters and was always the "controlling" one, but truthfully THANK GOD she was because the others weren't terribly practical most of the time; over the years they learned to just defer to her
Let them work it out; the day is all about celebrating your family, so just do that, they will both come around!

Re: family issue...need advice?

I'd just invite her and hope she comes. If she does come, then maybe you can mention that you've been wondering why she hasn't called or anything. (Put it nicely, as if you wish she did call.)

You could even say something like 'Oh, I appreciate you given us time to settle in, because BOY did we need it, but I could sure use some adult talk now.'

Re: family issue...need advice?

I'd send the email & then call to ask her to come earlier so she can spend some quality time alone with the baby.

Message edited 1/13/2010 11:49:54 AM.