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SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!
Member since 3/06 32345 total posts
Name:
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George Carlin's new rules for 2007
New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason
you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like
them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is
doing these days . . . mowing my lawn.
New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're
a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a
bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect
it to contain? Trout?
New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde
teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these
kids: lucky bastards.
New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're
a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a
grown man, they're pictures of men.
New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about
your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.
New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of
this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry,
but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour
some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.
New Rule: Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned
pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label.
And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to
open it, his *** will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just
solved the Social Security crisis.
New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the *******.
If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low
fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light
ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low, and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge *******.
New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card,
entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter,"
verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing
"Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there
eating my Almond Joy.
New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make
you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ***. And it translates to
"beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were
praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.
New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly
sins. ESPN recently televised the U.S. Open of
Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was
just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're
already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."
New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&Ms If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll
go nuts and eat two.
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Posted 10/28/06 10:52 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: George Carlin's new rules for 2007
I LOVE GEORGE
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| Posted 10/28/06 10:53 AM |
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LisaW
Time for me to FLY!
Member since 5/05 13199 total posts
Name:
Did I ever tell you that I hate people?
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Re: George Carlin's new rules for 2007
I can't wait to see him in December!!
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| Posted 10/28/06 10:59 AM |
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neenie
Member since 5/05 22351 total posts
Name:
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Re: George Carlin's new rules for 2007
i  him!
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| Posted 10/28/06 11:00 AM |
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azoodie
Member since 8/05 8377 total posts
Name:
Team SEXY BACK
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Re: George Carlin's new rules for 2007
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| Posted 10/28/06 11:00 AM |
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BikerGrl
Merry Christmas!
Member since 5/05 2875 total posts
Name:
It's not the destination....it's the journey!
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Re: George Carlin's new rules for 2007
New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make
you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ***. And it translates to
"beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were
praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.
When & where will he be? Perfect Christmas present for DH!!
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| Posted 10/28/06 11:00 AM |
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LisaW
Time for me to FLY!
Member since 5/05 13199 total posts
Name:
Did I ever tell you that I hate people?
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Re: George Carlin's new rules for 2007
Posted by ValR
When & where will he be? Perfect Christmas present for DH!!
He's playing Westbury in December
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| Posted 10/28/06 11:02 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: George Carlin's new rules for 2007
Posted by LisaW
I can't wait to see him in December!!
I can't wait either!
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| Posted 10/28/06 11:07 AM |
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MelToddJulia
Love my Family!
Member since 7/05 29064 total posts
Name:
Mel
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Re: George Carlin's new rules for 2007
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| Posted 10/28/06 11:19 AM |
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megsm3
Life is Good!!
Member since 8/06 3867 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: George Carlin's new rules for 2007
too funny
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| Posted 10/28/06 11:24 AM |
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luvsbob4603
To a healthy 2013
Member since 5/05 21840 total posts
Name:
To a brand new year to a healthier me
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Re: George Carlin's new rules for 2007
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| Posted 10/28/06 11:25 AM |
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IrishTracy
Believe!!
Member since 5/05 15167 total posts
Name:
Tracy
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Re: George Carlin's new rules for 2007
He is so flipping funny!!!
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| Posted 10/28/06 11:26 AM |
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june262004
But I love the Snow!
Member since 5/05 15379 total posts
Name:
Kristin
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Re: George Carlin's new rules for 2007
I seriously burst out laughing at my desk and then had to email to everyone so they knew what I was laughing at
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| Posted 10/28/06 11:27 AM |
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skip123
Trying...
Member since 8/06 2759 total posts
Name:
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Re: George Carlin's new rules for 2007
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| Posted 10/28/06 11:32 AM |
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Tah-wee-ZAH
Kisses
Member since 5/05 15952 total posts
Name:
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Re: George Carlin's new rules for 2007
New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the *******.
If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low
fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light
ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low, and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge *******.
Sooooooooo true.
The baristas, or should I say Coffee Pourers , are stunned when DH just orderes a tall decaf.
They are all  and usually have to ask him again.
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| Posted 10/28/06 12:18 PM |
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JE7391
LIF Toddler
Member since 11/05 463 total posts
Name:
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Re: George Carlin's new rules for 2007
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| Posted 10/28/06 12:24 PM |
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mrsv
.
Member since 7/06 2969 total posts
Name:
lol
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Re: George Carlin's new rules for 2007
You gotta love him
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| Posted 10/28/06 1:08 PM |
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Stacey1403
Where it all began....
Member since 5/05 24065 total posts
Name:
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Re: George Carlin's new rules for 2007
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| Posted 10/28/06 1:44 PM |
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lvdolphins
My Loves!
Member since 5/05 46292 total posts
Name:
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Re: George Carlin's new rules for 2007
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| Posted 10/28/06 5:33 PM |
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daisy
Be happy
Member since 5/06 1359 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: George Carlin's new rules for 2007
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| Posted 10/28/06 5:39 PM |
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Shanti
True love
Member since 6/05 12653 total posts
Name:
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Re: George Carlin's new rules for 2007
LOVE him
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| Posted 10/28/06 5:52 PM |
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LightUpOurLife
Totally in love
Member since 8/06 12785 total posts
Name:
Bonnie-Jean
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Re: George Carlin's new rules for 2007
That is hysterical!
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| Posted 10/28/06 9:47 PM |
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evnme
My little lamb
Member since 8/05 12633 total posts
Name:
aka momma2b
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Re: George Carlin's new rules for 2007
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| Posted 10/28/06 9:52 PM |
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leighdvm
My golden boys!
Member since 3/06 4419 total posts
Name:
Michele
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Re: George Carlin's new rules for 2007
Posted by nrthshgrl
Posted by LisaW
I can't wait to see him in December!!
I can't wait either!
we're going, too! I love him!
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| Posted 10/29/06 8:12 AM |
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imagin916
LIF Adult
Member since 6/05 1826 total posts
Name:
Valerie
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Re: George Carlin's new rules for 2007
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| Posted 10/29/06 8:28 AM |
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