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StaceyWill
It's a girl!!!
Member since 6/10 21539 total posts
Name:
Stacey
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Re: Friends daughter drama
Posted by dianadrw
The mom that organized the secret santa sounds like a real winner. If it was me I'd just say Oh you forgot to include so and so. And if she said oh well the girls don't really like her. My response would be well I hope your daughter isn't that girl in the future.
We need to teach our girls to be more inclusive, not exclusive.
I love the way everyone is all "let's be more inclusive" and "girl power" and then you hear about moms teaching this sort of behavior. Drives me nuts.
 
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Posted 11/21/18 11:06 AM  |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Friends daughter drama
Posted by dianadrw
The mom that organized the secret santa sounds like a real winner. If it was me I'd just say Oh you forgot to include so and so. And if she said oh well the girls don't really like her. My response would be well I hope your daughter isn't that girl in the future.
We need to teach our girls to be more inclusive, not exclusive.
I love the way everyone is all "let's be more inclusive" and "girl power" and then you hear about moms teaching this sort of behavior. Drives me nuts.
Yep. It sounds so good as a hashtag on Facebook or reposting articles about anti- bullying etc.
But when it comes to practicing it in real life... well that is why we still have mean girls.
And behavior is absolutely learned at home..
So model the kind of behavior you want your child to exhibit.
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| Posted 11/21/18 11:14 AM |
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gina409
TWINS!
Member since 12/09 27635 total posts
Name:
g
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Re: Friends daughter drama
Posted by BriBri2u
Posted by Pomegranate5
I would suggest to the organizer that the other girl be included, especially if she is considered part of this group (even if she's not everyone's favorite).
That's what I would hope someone would do for my daughter if I was in that situation.
As long as they are young enough that moms are still coordinating their events I think that's the right thing to do. In a few years the girls can plan their own stuff, at which time the moms won't have a say and you're not in the middle anymore.
I agree!!!
At this age I think its ridiculous that a mom even planned something like this and then left out a child. Total mean girl move on her part.
I would reach out to the mom planning this and say that the other girl should be included. If she says no or its too late, then I wouldn't let my daughter participate.
I would my want child to see that being mean leads you nowhere but doing something like this where someone is left out on purpose is no different.
This
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| Posted 11/21/18 2:01 PM |
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MC09
arrrghhh!!!!
Member since 2/09 5674 total posts
Name:
Me speaks pirate!
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Re: Friends daughter drama
I'm sorry but this seems very mean-spirited for something that's supposed to be about Christmas. I think it's awful that this ADULT would purposely exclude a little girl from the party. What does it matter if she's close to some of the girls or not? Even if she was new to the neighborhood and knew no one, it's just mean. Would it be such a big deal to include this one little girl so she doesn't feel left out? If you say you're best friends then you should be looking to include her. Wouldn't you want someone to do that for your child if your child was the one that felt left out? Perhaps now is a great time to teach these children and their MOTHERS about the true spirit of Christmas. Hint: it has nothing to do with a popularity contest.
Eta: is it possible this little girl acts like Eddie Haskel BECAUSE of how she's treated and excluded by a bunch of women and their daughters?
Message edited 11/21/2018 2:39:26 PM.
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| Posted 11/21/18 2:30 PM |
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PearlJamChick
No one sings like you anymore.
Member since 7/10 9264 total posts
Name:
Petticoated Swashbuckler
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Re: Friends daughter drama
This sounds like a crappy situation, but you are the bridge that can make it a lot better. Speak up, because wouldn’t you want someone to if the tables were turned and this was your kid that was being excluded?
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| Posted 11/21/18 2:36 PM |
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Ellsey10
LIF Adolescent
Member since 1/15 614 total posts
Name:
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Friends daughter drama
This is a really sad situation. Even though your BF and the little girl don't know about it, I feel bad for them because you know they are both going to find out. If this was me and my daughter, I would be very hurt they didn't include her. The girls are so young and by not including your BF's daughter, this is setting a very poor example of how to handle people. If names haven't been picked yet, I would most definitely tell the organizer to include the other girl.
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| Posted 11/21/18 4:37 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Friends daughter drama
Posted by MC09
I'm sorry but this seems very mean-spirited for something that's supposed to be about Christmas. I think it's awful that this ADULT would purposely exclude a little girl from the party. What does it matter if she's close to some of the girls or not? Even if she was new to the neighborhood and knew no one, it's just mean. Would it be such a big deal to include this one little girl so she doesn't feel left out? If you say you're best friends then you should be looking to include her. Wouldn't you want someone to do that for your child if your child was the one that felt left out? Perhaps now is a great time to teach these children and their MOTHERS about the true spirit of Christmas. Hint: it has nothing to do with a popularity contest.
Eta: is it possible this little girl acts like Eddie Haskel BECAUSE of how she's treated and excluded by a bunch of women and their daughters?
These moms were probably losers in high school and are now trying desperately for a redo by trying to make their daughters the "popular " aka mean girls.
Pathetic
Message edited 11/21/2018 5:09:16 PM.
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| Posted 11/21/18 5:08 PM |
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JandJ1224
Member since 6/06 5911 total posts
Name:
Jannette
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Re: Friends daughter drama
As the mom of the daughter that is excluded from things I can say it really sucks. I try to teach my kids to be inclusive. I hope that you would reach out and see if this girl can be included.
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| Posted 11/21/18 5:34 PM |
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Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10314 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
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Re: Friends daughter drama
This is why my sweet niece is being ostracized in school for a guy liking her and being called a wh*re. The parent is worse then the daughter. It ridiculous how catty/disgusting moms can be.
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| Posted 11/21/18 6:16 PM |
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Friends daughter drama
Such a hard situation, but I would probably stay out of it. If the mom is ridiculous enough to start this (and parents often cause way more harm than they do good at this age), I’m sure she’s not above keeping her daughter in the loop. It’s not as if your bfs daughter is going to feel good when it gets around that she’s only included bc you said something.
I would have your daughter do a small exchange with your friends daughter.
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| Posted 11/21/18 7:14 PM |
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ap123
LIF Infant
Member since 10/10 268 total posts
Name:
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Re: Friends daughter drama
It's a tough situation, in my opinion it depends on many factors. If this is some vindictive move to make her feel bad, and she is normally part of their group, that's wrong. There is a big difference between excluding a shy girl who is sweet but quiet, compared to excluding someone that treats people badly. At 12, not everyone is going to be friends. You say she makes nasty comments....well, this is one of life's consequences for being mean, people dont' want to hang out with you. Some kids need to see that there are consequences to their behavior. Does her mom realize that she's no well liked because of things she does? Does she work with her on it?
If this is just a parent trying to exclude a child for no reason, I wouldn't let my child participate in the gift exchange.
Message edited 11/21/2018 8:10:45 PM.
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| Posted 11/21/18 8:09 PM |
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marycpa
LIF Adolescent
Member since 7/07 635 total posts
Name:
Mary
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Re: Friends daughter drama
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by CookiePuss
I think as her BF, you should have mentioned it to the organizing mom that this one little girl is going to feel very left out. I get that she is not everyone's favorite but she is a little girl. Your BF can't ask to have her daughter included but you can step in and ask that she be included.
I agree. I would have said something simple like "oh, we should probably include xx as well." I can't imagine a grown adult purposely excluding the kid even if the daughter protested.
A 12 year old's mother organizing a secret santa for 7 kids sounds like a drama storm waiting to happen. Why even do this?
I am so glad someone said this.
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| Posted 11/21/18 10:30 PM |
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itsagoodlife
LIF Adolescent
Member since 8/15 619 total posts
Name:
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Re: Friends daughter drama
Nvm
Message edited 11/24/2018 3:58:19 PM.
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| Posted 11/24/18 3:57 PM |
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Mrs213
????????
Member since 2/09 18986 total posts
Name:
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Friends daughter drama
This is your best friend. I would tell the mom to include you best friends daughter and if she declines then I would not participate myself. Seems ridiculous for a mom to organize a secret Santa among school aged kids
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| Posted 11/25/18 8:29 PM |
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TooSoontoTell
LIF Adolescent
Member since 11/11 501 total posts
Name:
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Re: Friends daughter drama
Is it just me or does anyone else cringe reading this? I mean, the person could easily identify their child if they know the poster who posted this. Just seems hurtful all around, no matter if the child is disliked or not.
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| Posted 11/26/18 1:13 PM |
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blu6385
Member since 5/08 8351 total posts
Name:
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Re: Friends daughter drama
So I don't get the reference is this girl mean to the other kids?
If so then honestly I would be OK with her not being included. As her best friend I would tell her your daughter is not nice to these girls so they don't like her that's why she is not included.
Do these girls hang out on a regular basis? Is the mom friends with the other moms?
If the answer is no to the above questions again I will say its OK she is not included.
If your friends takes it as an insult remind her that she is not really friends with these people.
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| Posted 11/26/18 1:26 PM |
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BargainMama
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 15660 total posts
Name:
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Re: Friends daughter drama
Posted by blu6385
So I don't get the reference is this girl mean to the other kids?
If so then honestly I would be OK with her not being included. As her best friend I would tell her your daughter is not nice to these girls so they don't like her that's why she is not included.
Do these girls hang out on a regular basis? Is the mom friends with the other moms?
If the answer is no to the above questions again I will say its OK she is not included.
If your friends takes it as an insult remind her that she is not really friends with these people.
Yes, this
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| Posted 11/26/18 1:47 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Friends daughter drama
Posted by TooSoontoTell
Is it just me or does anyone else cringe reading this? I mean, the person could easily identify their child if they know the poster who posted this. Just seems hurtful all around, no matter if the child is disliked or not.
Yep.
And this is why bullying is still so prevalent in schools despite all the hashtags and wear orange to stand up to bullying.
It all sounds so great- but try practicing it.
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| Posted 11/26/18 2:46 PM |
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blu6385
Member since 5/08 8351 total posts
Name:
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Re: Friends daughter drama
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by TooSoontoTell
Is it just me or does anyone else cringe reading this? I mean, the person could easily identify their child if they know the poster who posted this. Just seems hurtful all around, no matter if the child is disliked or not.
Yep.
And this is why bullying is still so prevalent in schools despite all the hashtags and wear orange to stand up to bullying.
It all sounds so great- but try practicing it.
honest question if this child is mean to the girls you would still expect them to include her?
If you would expect her to still be included when does this child learn that you can't expect people to like you and include you in things if you are being mean to them?
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| Posted 11/26/18 9:19 PM |
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BargainMama
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 15660 total posts
Name:
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Re: Friends daughter drama
Posted by blu6385
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by TooSoontoTell
Is it just me or does anyone else cringe reading this? I mean, the person could easily identify their child if they know the poster who posted this. Just seems hurtful all around, no matter if the child is disliked or not.
Yep.
And this is why bullying is still so prevalent in schools despite all the hashtags and wear orange to stand up to bullying.
It all sounds so great- but try practicing it.
honest question if this child is mean to the girls you would still expect them to include her?
If you would expect her to still be included when does this child learn that you can't expect people to like you and include you in things if you are being mean to them?
I personally think at almost 12 years old (which is middle school age), kids have to realize that their negative actions can, and do, have a consequence. I would never encourage my children to be friends with anyone who is mean to them, who doesn't treat them with respect, who talks about them behind their back, who models inappropriate behavior, etc.
The only "mean girl" behavior that could come out of this scenario is if the girls that ARE participating in this type of thing were bragging about it in front of this girl, and purposely pointing out that she wasn't included. It's not mean to not include every single person in every single thing. I mean, where do you draw the line with inviting every single kid? I'm friends with a lot of mom's at school, and my child isn't invited to a lot of their children's things because they just really aren't that good of friends. Just because moms are friends, doesn't mean their kids have to be either.
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| Posted 11/27/18 8:56 AM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Friends daughter drama
I guess I wuold need to know more. All the OP stated was she was a bit of an Eddie Haskell and the girls weren't big fans of her.
I don't see anything about her being super mean and nasty.
Maybe just annoying?
If she was THAT awful, why would they be friends with her at all?
And like someone else pointed out, maybe she acts that way because she feels left out, like an outsider, etc.
But again- I don't know without more facts of course.
I just tend to err on the side of caution when it comes to stuff like this because I know what a tough age it is and how easy it is for girls to make other girls feel like shit.
Message edited 11/27/2018 9:02:27 AM.
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| Posted 11/27/18 9:01 AM |
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CookiePuss
Cake from Outer Space!
Member since 5/05 14021 total posts
Name:
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Re: Friends daughter drama
Message edited 2/24/2022 9:01:31 PM.
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| Posted 11/27/18 9:28 AM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Friends daughter drama
Posted by CookiePuss
I can actually answer this from a personal point of view. My DD, who is 12, has a friend that acts mean is some ways. She is not always a great friend to my dd or the other girls. Similar to an Eddie Haskell type of thing.
I would NEVER exclude that little girl. I know she can be mean and I have been helping my dd address those issues in their friendship. They are both so young and still learning the ins and outs of building friendships. They are still so self-consciousness and insecure at this age.
What I do know is that this little girl feels she is part of the crowd and it would be soul crushing for her to be excluded. She already feels excluded in some ways - hence some of the behavior which is attention seeking.
Even as adults, we will have friends that can be annoying and rude at times - just like all of us can be. We need to teach our children how to stand up for themselves while valuing the feelings of others. It's it okay for the little girl to be mean...no...and the little girls should tell her that a friend doesn't say or do that but as adults, we need to teach our kids to do the right thing even when that is the choice we want to make least.
So well said. Thank you for this perspective.
It's exactly what I was feeling on the issue but didn't know how to express it.
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| Posted 11/27/18 9:32 AM |
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blu6385
Member since 5/08 8351 total posts
Name:
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Re: Friends daughter drama
Posted by CookiePuss
I can actually answer this from a personal point of view. My DD, who is 12, has a friend that acts mean is some ways. She is not always a great friend to my dd or the other girls. Similar to an Eddie Haskell type of thing.
I would NEVER exclude that little girl. I know she can be mean and I have been helping my dd address those issues in their friendship. They are both so young and still learning the ins and outs of building friendships. They are still so self-consciousness and insecure at this age.
What I do know is that this little girl feels she is part of the crowd and it would be soul crushing for her to be excluded. She already feels excluded in some ways - hence some of the behavior which is attention seeking.
Even as adults, we will have friends that can be annoying and rude at times - just like all of us can be. We need to teach our children how to stand up for themselves while valuing the feelings of others. It's it okay for the little girl to be mean...no...and the little girls should tell her that a friend doesn't say or do that but as adults, we need to teach our kids to do the right thing even when that is the choice we want to make least.
again I don't get the Eddie Haskell reference, I don't know what kind of person someone is trying to be when they are refer to Eddie Haskell
But I will stand by this if this means that the child is being mean to the girls I would not be encouraging my child to even be friends with her. If it was my best friends kid I would tell her to play nice but I certainly wouldn't be defending her to other kids and parents.
I think we coddle kids too much and I think the term bullying is used to much, actions have consequences, not everyone will like you in life and you won't always win and I think by the age of 12 a child can certainly start learning this.
Now if I understood more how this child is acting I may have a different answer.
And for the record I always encourage my DD to include everyone and be nice to everyone, even if a child may seem annoying but I certainly do not encourage my child to be nice to anyone who is not nice to her. And I would not expect anyone to be nice to my child if she was mean to them
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| Posted 11/27/18 9:47 AM |
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Pomegranate5
LIF Adult
Member since 2/11 4798 total posts
Name:
Pomegranate5
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Re: Friends daughter drama
Posted by CookiePuss
I can actually answer this from a personal point of view. My DD, who is 12, has a friend that acts mean is some ways. She is not always a great friend to my dd or the other girls. Similar to an Eddie Haskell type of thing.
I would NEVER exclude that little girl. I know she can be mean and I have been helping my dd address those issues in their friendship. They are both so young and still learning the ins and outs of building friendships. They are still so self-consciousness and insecure at this age.
What I do know is that this little girl feels she is part of the crowd and it would be soul crushing for her to be excluded. She already feels excluded in some ways - hence some of the behavior which is attention seeking.
Even as adults, we will have friends that can be annoying and rude at times - just like all of us can be. We need to teach our children how to stand up for themselves while valuing the feelings of others. It's it okay for the little girl to be mean...no...and the little girls should tell her that a friend doesn't say or do that but as adults, we need to teach our kids to do the right thing even when that is the choice we want to make least.
I completely agree! 12 is SUCH a difficult age. They are just figuring themselves out, and growing into new more mature relationships. That comes with growing pains. Some people take longer to figure things out, or are just awkward in general.
The Eddie Haskell reference does not give me the impression she is mean or cruel to her friends, just that her personality is a little sketchy and rubs people the wrong way.
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| Posted 11/27/18 10:00 AM |
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