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Laura1976
Member since 5/05 5754 total posts
Name:
Laura
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Friends daughter drama
Long story short,my best friend and I have daughters in the same grade. Her daughter is a bit of an Eddie Haskell and most girls are not big fans of her including my daughter. One of the moms started a Secret Santa this year with 7 girls (all of whom are close) that did not include my friends daughter. I know she is going to find out and know that its me she's going to come to with "I can't believe they didn't include my daughter". She will admit that her daughter is not close to these girls but takes it as a personal insult. Would you give a heads up that its going on? This type of thing has happened before and it puts me in such an uncomfortable situation.
In the past I haven't said anything but then I get the text "did your daughter go to the" sleepover?party?etc. and then it looks like I'm keeping it from her.
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Posted 11/20/18 12:06 PM  |
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Budjeg11
LIF Adult
Member since 4/11 2644 total posts
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Friends daughter drama
Tough call- but I feel like i would try to tell her in conversation so that she doesn't feel excluded by you her best friend
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| Posted 11/20/18 12:11 PM |
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MarathonKnitter
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Member since 2/07 17374 total posts
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EMBRACING CHANGE
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Re: Friends daughter drama
Posted by Laura1976
Long story short,my best friend and I have daughters in the same grade. Her daughter is a bit of an Eddie Haskell and most girls are not big fans of her including my daughter. One of the moms started a Secret Santa this year with 7 girls (all of whom are close) that did not include my friends daughter. I know she is going to find out and know that its me she's going to come to with "I can't believe they didn't include my daughter". She will admit that her daughter is not close to these girls but takes it as a personal insult. Would you give a heads up that its going on? This type of thing has happened before and it puts me in such an uncomfortable situation.
In the past I haven't said anything but then I get the text "did your daughter go to the" sleepover?party?etc. and then it looks like I'm keeping it from her.
side note:
i LOVE that your reference point was Eddie Haskell!! i'm dying.
ok. to the real and serious question.
if she is your best friend, i would give her some kind of heads up. i would hate for something others do get between me and someone i care for. i would try to not make it a big deal/gossip type of conversation. like pp said, saying in conversation/ in passing.
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| Posted 11/20/18 12:20 PM |
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CookiePuss
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Re: Friends daughter drama
It really depends on how old the girls are and where this one little girl fits in with regards to the other girls.
Are all the girls in the same class?
Are all the girls friends even if your BF's daughter is not as close to the other?
I think as her BF, you should have mentioned it to the organizing mom that this one little girl is going to feel very left out. I get that she is not everyone's favorite but she is a little girl. Your BF can't ask to have her daughter included but you can step in and ask that she be included.
My thoughts are based on these girls being younger then 12.
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| Posted 11/20/18 12:26 PM |
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bunnyluck
LIF Adult
Member since 1/14 3196 total posts
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Friends daughter drama
I wouldn't say anything. It's not really your problem. If she wants her daughther to develop a stronger relationship with this group of girls, then she should coach her daughter to do so. If not, then she shouldn't be offended by what they do or pry into what activities your daughter parttakes with these other girls...
Kind of like you can't have it both ways and she shouldn't put you the middle.
Also, friendship works both ways. I think it's nice that you respect her feelings but think about your feelings too, and the situation she is creating for you. It's really none of her business. Your two daugthers are allowed to be part of different cliques.
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| Posted 11/20/18 12:52 PM |
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Laura1976
Member since 5/05 5754 total posts
Name:
Laura
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Re: Friends daughter drama
Posted by CookiePuss
It really depends on how old the girls are and where this one little girl fits in with regards to the other girls.
Are all the girls in the same class?
Are all the girls friends even if your BF's daughter is not as close to the other?
I think as her BF, you should have mentioned it to the organizing mom that this one little girl is going to feel very left out. I get that she is not everyone's favorite but she is a little girl. Your BF can't ask to have her daughter included but you can step in and ask that she be included.
My thoughts are based on these girls being younger then 12.
They are all about to turn 12, so she's little but big enough to know that her snarky remarks and jabs are not nice. She is legitimate friends with one or two of the girls but not the daughter of the organizer.
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| Posted 11/20/18 12:55 PM |
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CookiePuss
Cake from Outer Space!
Member since 5/05 14021 total posts
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Re: Friends daughter drama
Posted by Laura1976
Posted by CookiePuss
It really depends on how old the girls are and where this one little girl fits in with regards to the other girls.
Are all the girls in the same class?
Are all the girls friends even if your BF's daughter is not as close to the other?
I think as her BF, you should have mentioned it to the organizing mom that this one little girl is going to feel very left out. I get that she is not everyone's favorite but she is a little girl. Your BF can't ask to have her daughter included but you can step in and ask that she be included.
My thoughts are based on these girls being younger then 12.
They are all about to turn 12, so she's little but big enough to know that her snarky remarks and jabs are not nice. She is legitimate friends with one or two of the girls but not the daughter of the organizer.
At 11, they are still so little and trying to figure out how to relate and socialize.
Is she going to feel hurt and left out when she finds out that those who she thinks are her "friends" didn't include her? Or does she just hang out with this group because your daughter is friends with them all and your BF's daughter just gets thrown in the mix?
Does your BF's daughter have another group that she hangs out with or is this her group?
You know that both BF and BF's daughter is going to feel left out because they were left out.
I would do what ever it is you would think you would want done for you if the roles were reversed.
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| Posted 11/20/18 1:01 PM |
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jamnmore
LIF Adult
Member since 6/16 989 total posts
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Friends daughter drama
Not all children get along. Same for adults. It is what it is. Your BF should not hold it against you if your daughter has friends that hers doesn't. In this situation, I feel like if a big deal is made, then it is a big deal. If your BF says something, I would address it as not everyone is friends with everyone.
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| Posted 11/20/18 1:28 PM |
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Bugaboo
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Member since 5/05 2133 total posts
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Re: Friends daughter drama
I think this is an issue that seems to be affecting your BF more than her DD. It sounds like she takes it personally that her DD isn't included in everything whether she's friends with the girls or not. Your BF is doing her DD a huge disservice by complaining about "being left out".
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| Posted 11/20/18 1:36 PM |
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BargainMama
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 15660 total posts
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Friends daughter drama
Wow this sounds just like a mom and daughter that we know. I wouldn't say anything since you didn't organize it
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| Posted 11/20/18 1:48 PM |
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lorich
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Grammie says "Lora Gina"
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Re: Friends daughter drama
Posted by bunnyluck
I wouldn't say anything. It's not really your problem. If she wants her daughther to develop a stronger relationship with this group of girls, then she should coach her daughter to do so. If not, then she shouldn't be offended by what they do or pry into what activities your daughter parttakes with these other girls...
Kind of like you can't have it both ways and she shouldn't put you the middle.
Also, friendship works both ways. I think it's nice that you respect her feelings but think about your feelings too, and the situation she is creating for you. It's really none of her business. Your two daugthers are allowed to be part of different cliques.
I agree with this.
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| Posted 11/20/18 3:04 PM |
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LuckyStar
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Member since 7/14 7274 total posts
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Re: Friends daughter drama
Posted by CookiePuss
I think as her BF, you should have mentioned it to the organizing mom that this one little girl is going to feel very left out. I get that she is not everyone's favorite but she is a little girl. Your BF can't ask to have her daughter included but you can step in and ask that she be included.
I agree. I would have said something simple like "oh, we should probably include xx as well." I can't imagine a grown adult purposely excluding the kid even if the daughter protested.
A 12 year old's mother organizing a secret santa for 7 kids sounds like a drama storm waiting to happen. Why even do this?
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| Posted 11/20/18 9:20 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
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..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Friends daughter drama
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by CookiePuss
I think as her BF, you should have mentioned it to the organizing mom that this one little girl is going to feel very left out. I get that she is not everyone's favorite but she is a little girl. Your BF can't ask to have her daughter included but you can step in and ask that she be included.
I agree. I would have said something simple like "oh, we should probably include xx as well." I can't imagine a grown adult purposely excluding the kid even if the daughter protested.
A 12 year old's mother organizing a secret santa for 7 kids sounds like a drama storm waiting to happen. Why even do this?
I couldn't agree more. I hate to say this but I feel like most of the time , mean girl behavior is learned from the moms.
Sad....
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| Posted 11/20/18 10:21 PM |
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Hopefulmama
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Member since 4/14 1014 total posts
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Re: Friends daughter drama
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by CookiePuss
I think as her BF, you should have mentioned it to the organizing mom that this one little girl is going to feel very left out. I get that she is not everyone's favorite but she is a little girl. Your BF can't ask to have her daughter included but you can step in and ask that she be included.
I agree. I would have said something simple like "oh, we should probably include xx as well." I can't imagine a grown adult purposely excluding the kid even if the daughter protested.
A 12 year old's mother organizing a secret santa for 7 kids sounds like a drama storm waiting to happen. Why even do this?
I couldn't agree more. I hate to say this but I feel like most of the time , mean girl behavior is learned from the moms.
Sad....[/QUOTE
I also agree. A select secret Santa at this age organized by a MOM is totally unnecessary and exclusionary ??. It would be one thing if the girls came up with it themselves but for a mom to be inserting herself like this...so ridiculous.
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| Posted 11/20/18 10:37 PM |
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Katareen
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Member since 4/10 7180 total posts
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Katherine
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Re: Friends daughter drama
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by CookiePuss
I think as her BF, you should have mentioned it to the organizing mom that this one little girl is going to feel very left out. I get that she is not everyone's favorite but she is a little girl. Your BF can't ask to have her daughter included but you can step in and ask that she be included.
I agree. I would have said something simple like "oh, we should probably include xx as well." I can't imagine a grown adult purposely excluding the kid even if the daughter protested.
A 12 year old's mother organizing a secret santa for 7 kids sounds like a drama storm waiting to happen. Why even do this?
I’m happy someone said this. It seems like an all around awful idea.
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| Posted 11/21/18 7:26 AM |
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CookiePuss
Cake from Outer Space!
Member since 5/05 14021 total posts
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Re: Friends daughter drama
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by CookiePuss
I think as her BF, you should have mentioned it to the organizing mom that this one little girl is going to feel very left out. I get that she is not everyone's favorite but she is a little girl. Your BF can't ask to have her daughter included but you can step in and ask that she be included.
I agree. I would have said something simple like "oh, we should probably include xx as well." I can't imagine a grown adult purposely excluding the kid even if the daughter protested.
A 12 year old's mother organizing a secret santa for 7 kids sounds like a drama storm waiting to happen. Why even do this?
I couldn't agree more. I hate to say this but I feel like most of the time , mean girl behavior is learned from the moms.
Sad....
Thank you...I thought I was going crazy that no one else could see the "mean" girl type of behavior. Leaving someone out on purpose is just mean. Your BF feels that her daughter IS part of this group. Maybe your BF's daughter acts the way she does because she is already feeling excluded and it's behavior to protect her feelings. Maybe the organizing mom didn't even realize that she was excluding someone.
You know it will hurt your friend if you DON'T say something but who would it hurt if your friend's daughter WAS included?
I understand you asked about saying something to your friend and I think you should do what you would want her to do for you if the roles were reversed.
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| Posted 11/21/18 8:06 AM |
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Momma2015
Mommax2
Member since 12/12 6656 total posts
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Re: Friends daughter drama
Posted by CookiePuss
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by CookiePuss
I think as her BF, you should have mentioned it to the organizing mom that this one little girl is going to feel very left out. I get that she is not everyone's favorite but she is a little girl. Your BF can't ask to have her daughter included but you can step in and ask that she be included.
I agree. I would have said something simple like "oh, we should probably include xx as well." I can't imagine a grown adult purposely excluding the kid even if the daughter protested.
A 12 year old's mother organizing a secret santa for 7 kids sounds like a drama storm waiting to happen. Why even do this?
I couldn't agree more. I hate to say this but I feel like most of the time , mean girl behavior is learned from the moms.
Sad....
Thank you...I thought I was going crazy that no one else could see the "mean" girl type of behavior. Leaving someone out on purpose is just mean. Your BF feels that her daughter IS part of this group. Maybe your BF's daughter acts the way she does because she is already feeling excluded and it's behavior to protect her feelings. Maybe the organizing mom didn't even realize that she was excluding someone.
You know it will hurt your friend if you DON'T say something but who would it hurt if your friend's daughter WAS included?
I understand you asked about saying something to your friend and I think you should do what you would want her to do for you if the roles were reversed.
Seriously!!! I hate the cliques that girls these age form. I wouldn't say anything to the mom organizing, unless they haven't picked names yet, but honestly I don't think I'd even want my DD to be part of it. Especially since I'm assuming she's good friends with your BFF's daughter. Or maybe suggest to BFF that your daughter's exchange gifts.
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| Posted 11/21/18 8:54 AM |
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lightblue
LIF Adult
Member since 1/17 2249 total posts
Name:
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Re: Friends daughter drama
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by CookiePuss
I think as her BF, you should have mentioned it to the organizing mom that this one little girl is going to feel very left out. I get that she is not everyone's favorite but she is a little girl. Your BF can't ask to have her daughter included but you can step in and ask that she be included.
I agree. I would have said something simple like "oh, we should probably include xx as well." I can't imagine a grown adult purposely excluding the kid even if the daughter protested.
A 12 year old's mother organizing a secret santa for 7 kids sounds like a drama storm waiting to happen. Why even do this?
Agree. It is a terrible idea.
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| Posted 11/21/18 9:03 AM |
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Laura1976
Member since 5/05 5754 total posts
Name:
Laura
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Re: Friends daughter drama
Posted by lightblue
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by CookiePuss
I think as her BF, you should have mentioned it to the organizing mom that this one little girl is going to feel very left out. I get that she is not everyone's favorite but she is a little girl. Your BF can't ask to have her daughter included but you can step in and ask that she be included.
I agree. I would have said something simple like "oh, we should probably include xx as well." I can't imagine a grown adult purposely excluding the kid even if the daughter protested.
A 12 year old's mother organizing a secret santa for 7 kids sounds like a drama storm waiting to happen. Why even do this?
Agree. It is a terrible idea.
It is definitely not an ideal situation
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| Posted 11/21/18 9:17 AM |
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Pomegranate5
LIF Adult
Member since 2/11 4798 total posts
Name:
Pomegranate5
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Re: Friends daughter drama
I would suggest to the organizer that the other girl be included, especially if she is considered part of this group (even if she's not everyone's favorite).
That's what I would hope someone would do for my daughter if I was in that situation.
As long as they are young enough that moms are still coordinating their events I think that's the right thing to do. In a few years the girls can plan their own stuff, at which time the moms won't have a say and you're not in the middle anymore.
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| Posted 11/21/18 9:24 AM |
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LInMI
LIF Adult
Member since 7/10 1802 total posts
Name:
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Re: Friends daughter drama
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by CookiePuss
I think as her BF, you should have mentioned it to the organizing mom that this one little girl is going to feel very left out. I get that she is not everyone's favorite but she is a little girl. Your BF can't ask to have her daughter included but you can step in and ask that she be included.
I agree. I would have said something simple like "oh, we should probably include xx as well." I can't imagine a grown adult purposely excluding the kid even if the daughter protested.
A 12 year old's mother organizing a secret santa for 7 kids sounds like a drama storm waiting to happen. Why even do this?
Agree since it's your BF.
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| Posted 11/21/18 9:36 AM |
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BriBri2u
L'amore vince sempre
Member since 5/05 9320 total posts
Name:
Mrs. B
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Re: Friends daughter drama
Posted by Pomegranate5
I would suggest to the organizer that the other girl be included, especially if she is considered part of this group (even if she's not everyone's favorite).
That's what I would hope someone would do for my daughter if I was in that situation.
As long as they are young enough that moms are still coordinating their events I think that's the right thing to do. In a few years the girls can plan their own stuff, at which time the moms won't have a say and you're not in the middle anymore.
I agree!!!
At this age I think its ridiculous that a mom even planned something like this and then left out a child. Total mean girl move on her part.
I would reach out to the mom planning this and say that the other girl should be included. If she says no or its too late, then I wouldn't let my daughter participate.
I would my want child to see that being mean leads you nowhere but doing something like this where someone is left out on purpose is no different.
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| Posted 11/21/18 9:38 AM |
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NYCGirl80
I love my kiddies!
Member since 5/11 10413 total posts
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Re: Friends daughter drama
Posted by Pomegranate5
I would suggest to the organizer that the other girl be included, especially if she is considered part of this group (even if she's not everyone's favorite).
That's what I would hope someone would do for my daughter if I was in that situation.
As long as they are young enough that moms are still coordinating their events I think that's the right thing to do. In a few years the girls can plan their own stuff, at which time the moms won't have a say and you're not in the middle anymore.
Agree.
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| Posted 11/21/18 9:41 AM |
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dianadrw
LIF Adult
Member since 5/06 2092 total posts
Name:
Me
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Friends daughter drama
The mom that organized the secret santa sounds like a real winner. If it was me I'd just say Oh you forgot to include so and so. And if she said oh well the girls don't really like her. My response would be well I hope your daughter isn't that girl in the future.
We need to teach our girls to be more inclusive, not exclusive.
I love the way everyone is all "let's be more inclusive" and "girl power" and then you hear about moms teaching this sort of behavior. Drives me nuts.
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| Posted 11/21/18 10:53 AM |
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dianadrw
LIF Adult
Member since 5/06 2092 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Friends daughter drama
Posted by NYCGirl80
Posted by Pomegranate5
I would suggest to the organizer that the other girl be included, especially if she is considered part of this group (even if she's not everyone's favorite).
That's what I would hope someone would do for my daughter if I was in that situation.
As long as they are young enough that moms are still coordinating their events I think that's the right thing to do. In a few years the girls can plan their own stuff, at which time the moms won't have a say and you're not in the middle anymore.
Agree.
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| Posted 11/21/18 10:54 AM |
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