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TiggerBounce
The Prince & Princess
Member since 7/05 4939 total posts
Name:
J
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Feel SO guilty. Think I need a Mother's Helper or something ASAP!
I am 27wks PG (surrogate for SIL) and have a 3yr old. I work full time and pick up DS from daycare everyday @ 5:30 to head home, prepare dinner, eat, bath, and put him to bed. Most nights he's in bed by 8-8:30pm and I then am beyond worn out!
My day starts @ 6:30 (or earlier if DS gets up) and I go go go all day. DH has a rotating schedule, and is only "guaranteed" to be home the days he's off- he's a detective w/ NYPD.
Closest relative is my MIL (Lake Grove) who isn't very reliable for help, except in special situauions and we are given a guilt trip if we ask for help too often. She also works a rotating schedule. SIL is in Queens and my other SIL is in Levittown (& she has a 3 1/2yr old). We live in Riverhead.
I am worn out and feel so guilty that I can't do the things I did a few months ago like laundry, dishes, etc.
I feel like today was so bad (DS was/is suuuuuupppper cranky-hitting me, constantly crying, etc) I barely had the energy to make a sandwich for myself and heat up some chicken nuggets for DS. I have no energy to do the dishes and laundry (which HAVE to be done-i have no clean pants for 2morrow.) I feel guilty asking DH for help b/c these are my jobs to do and I just can't. I also feel guilty asking for a break, which I know I need for my health, the baby's health and sanity.
I feel weak asking for help. I know that's silly. All I want to do is cry!!! I feel alone, like I have no one to help when DH isn't around. I just feel so guilty, like I'm not being a good enough mother. I'm sitting her crying.
But at the same time, if we "hire" a Mother's Helper for the nights DH isn't hone, that's an added expense I feel DH won't think it's worth.
Any advise?!?!
Message edited 7/8/2010 7:38:30 PM.
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Posted 7/8/10 7:30 PM  |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Feel SO guilty. Think I need a Mother's Helper or something ASAP!
 Maybe your SIL (who you are the surrogate for) could come out for a while and help, esp with your DS? If someone was carrying my DC for me, I know I would do anything to help out.  If nothing else, maybe she'd be willing to chip in for a helper.
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| Posted 7/8/10 7:33 PM |
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twicethefun
Loving life
Member since 7/06 4088 total posts
Name:
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Re: Feel SO guilty. Think I need a Mother's Helper or something ASAP!
Stop feeling guilty and ask for help or hire someone. You are pregnant and need help.
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| Posted 7/8/10 7:34 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
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Re: Feel SO guilty. Think I need a Mother's Helper or something ASAP!
Posted by nov04libride
Maybe your SIL (who you are the surrogate for) could come out for a while and help, esp with your DS? If someone was carrying my DC for me, I know I would do anything to help out. If nothing else, maybe she'd be willing to chip in for a helper.
My thoughts exactly. Is this possible?
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| Posted 7/8/10 7:34 PM |
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lbride
Lovin' my mini man!
Member since 3/07 2475 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: Feel SO guilty. Think I need a Mother's Helper or something ASAP!
why do you feel guilty asking or help when you're being a surrogate for you SIL?!?! That's a full 9 months of 24 hour help for someone else. I think you should ask your SIL def to help you out and/or pay the expense of the mother's helper. Being preg is a exahusted enough without adding on all that you're doing! If my sister was carrying my child I would be her slave!
Message edited 7/8/2010 7:36:20 PM.
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| Posted 7/8/10 7:35 PM |
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TiggerBounce
The Prince & Princess
Member since 7/05 4939 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: Feel SO guilty. Think I need a Mother's Helper or something ASAP!
*Sorry- added after I initially posted*
My SIL lives in Queens and we live in Riverhead. I know she'd be here everyday if she possibly could, but it's not possible.
I'm going to talk with DH tonight (he SHOULD be home by 10:30pm) and figure something out. I know this is causing undo stress & worry - some of which I've vrought on myself.
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| Posted 7/8/10 7:48 PM |
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CookiePuss
Cake from Outer Space!
Member since 5/05 14007 total posts
Name:
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Re: Feel SO guilty. Think I need a Mother's Helper or something ASAP!
Hire some help for the stuff around the house. Cook simple meals or just eat something easy like cheese, crackers and fruit. This is temporary so try not to let it get to you too much. It will be over in a few months and everything will go back to normal.
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| Posted 7/8/10 7:52 PM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Feel SO guilty. Think I need a Mother's Helper or something ASAP!
Posted by shamrock124
Hire some help for the stuff around the house. Cook simple meals or just eat something easy like cheese, crackers and fruit. This is temporary so try not to let it get to you too much. It will be over in a few months and everything will go back to normal.
I agree.....
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| Posted 7/8/10 7:54 PM |
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saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!
Member since 5/05 16555 total posts
Name:
I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...
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Re: Feel SO guilty. Think I need a Mother's Helper or something ASAP!
don't feel guilty at all.
I would definitely look into hiring help during the week.
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| Posted 7/8/10 7:55 PM |
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mrswask
Pookie Love
Member since 5/05 20229 total posts
Name:
Michal
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Re: Feel SO guilty. Think I need a Mother's Helper or something ASAP!
Posted by nov04libride
Maybe your SIL (who you are the surrogate for) could come out for a while and help, esp with your DS? If someone was carrying my DC for me, I know I would do anything to help out. If nothing else, maybe she'd be willing to chip in for a helper.
Agreed! You are doing something so selfless, so amazing for her family - I think that they should help - either physically or financially for help.
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| Posted 7/8/10 8:07 PM |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19453 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Feel SO guilty. Think I need a Mother's Helper or something ASAP!
Posted by nov04libride
Maybe your SIL (who you are the surrogate for) could come out for a while and help, esp with your DS? If someone was carrying my DC for me, I know I would do anything to help out. If nothing else, maybe she'd be willing to chip in for a helper.
I completely agree. If she is not physically close, then I think you need to ask her to pay for the mother's helper. I mean you are doing it for her for 9 months/24/7. It is the least she should do in return for you.
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| Posted 7/8/10 8:16 PM |
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Octobermom
LIF Adult
Member since 1/09 972 total posts
Name:
Anna Maria
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Re: Feel SO guilty. Think I need a Mother's Helper or something ASAP!
Ita with all the other posters!
Also even though your husband has a rotating job --- he still needs to be able to help out around the house!!! A mother's helper would be a great solution - never mind the expense
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| Posted 7/8/10 8:24 PM |
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Bridex100
Two Under Two Mommy
Member since 3/08 10420 total posts
Name:
Momx100
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Re: Feel SO guilty. Think I need a Mother's Helper or something ASAP!
Posted by LSP2005
Posted by nov04libride
Maybe your SIL (who you are the surrogate for) could come out for a while and help, esp with your DS? If someone was carrying my DC for me, I know I would do anything to help out. If nothing else, maybe she'd be willing to chip in for a helper.
I completely agree. If she is not physically close, then I think you need to ask her to pay for the mother's helper. I mean you are doing it for her for 9 months/24/7. It is the least she should do in return for you.
ITA!
Pregnancy is hard. The least she can do is chip in for a mother's helper.
You are a wonderful person to be a surrogate.
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| Posted 7/8/10 10:27 PM |
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SoinLove
Making big changes
Member since 5/05 16541 total posts
Name:
Kristin
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Re: Feel SO guilty. Think I need a Mother's Helper or something ASAP!
I agree with the others. You're doing a completely WONDERFUL thing for your sister...asking for help isn't be a big deal!
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| Posted 7/8/10 10:32 PM |
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brownie
Baby #1 is here!
Member since 11/08 13903 total posts
Name:
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Re: Feel SO guilty. Think I need a Mother's Helper or something ASAP!
Posted by Bridex100
Posted by LSP2005
Posted by nov04libride
Maybe your SIL (who you are the surrogate for) could come out for a while and help, esp with your DS? If someone was carrying my DC for me, I know I would do anything to help out. If nothing else, maybe she'd be willing to chip in for a helper.
I completely agree. If she is not physically close, then I think you need to ask her to pay for the mother's helper. I mean you are doing it for her for 9 months/24/7. It is the least she should do in return for you.
ITA!
Pregnancy is hard. The least she can do is chip in for a mother's helper.
You are a wonderful person to be a surrogate.
ITA and hang in there
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| Posted 7/8/10 10:33 PM |
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twinkletoes807
Mommy's Girls! ♥
Member since 11/07 10116 total posts
Name:
Gabi
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Re: Feel SO guilty. Think I need a Mother's Helper or something ASAP!
Posted by LSP2005
Posted by nov04libride
Maybe your SIL (who you are the surrogate for) could come out for a while and help, esp with your DS? If someone was carrying my DC for me, I know I would do anything to help out. If nothing else, maybe she'd be willing to chip in for a helper.
I completely agree. If she is not physically close, then I think you need to ask her to pay for the mother's helper. I mean you are doing it for her for 9 months/24/7. It is the least she should do in return for you.
ABSOLUTELY!! You are doing something wonderful for her by carrying and nurturing her unborn child, but you, your home and family are suffering because of it!! I would tell her that she needs to pay for help for you, starting immediately!! Hang in there!!
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| Posted 7/8/10 11:45 PM |
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DRMom
Two in Blue
Member since 5/05 20223 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Feel SO guilty. Think I need a Mother's Helper or something ASAP!
Are you the poster who posted on IF that you were becominga surrogate a while back? I was just thinking about you the other day! What a wonderful thing. Are you involved in your church? I know the church will often find people to come help you(I am not a churchgoer but was told this by my friend.)
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| Posted 7/14/10 1:46 PM |
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TiggerBounce
The Prince & Princess
Member since 7/05 4939 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: Feel SO guilty. Think I need a Mother's Helper or something ASAP!
Posted by DRMom
Are you the poster who posted on IF that you were becominga surrogate a while back? I was just thinking about you the other day! What a wonderful thing. Are you involved in your church? I know the church will often find people to come help you(I am not a churchgoer but was told this by my friend.)
Pretty sure that was me. 
I'm not involved in the church, but have been saying for too long that I want to get involved and get back into going (we moved here 2 yrs ago.) My mom has suggested the same thing! Thank you!!!
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| Posted 7/14/10 1:48 PM |
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