More family drama... need advice

It rears its ugly head again, unfortunately.

I have two brothers - one lives in Philly, close to me, and the other lives in VA. I know I've talked about the one who lives in VA - who has gone to NY to visit my dad once in the last 5 years. He helped out a little a few months ago after I sent him an email begging for his help because I just couldn't handle the burden of taking care of my father, and cleaning out his house, and taking care of Alex, by myself (though, to my other brother's credit, he helped a lot).

Fast forward. My dad's heart surgery was on Friday. And, yet, amazingly enough, no word yet from brother #2 - no call to make sure the surgery went well, NOTHING.

I'm mad, but more than that, I'm so so so so sad. You have to understand, my father makes excuse for this brother all the time. It's almost like he can't see how selfish and heartless he is. But, tonight, I was at the hospital with my father and he turned to me and told me that he's disappointed, hurt and feels like he must have let my brother down somehow, sometime in his life, for him to be like this. It pierced my heart. It hurts me SO much I can't even describe it, that my father has to feel so sad and disappointed.

So, the advice I need - what do I do about it? Do I call my brother and ream him out? Do I send him an email saying, hey, just in case you care, this is dad's # at the hospital.

Or do I just let it be and leave it to him to realize what a jackarse he is? I just know that hearing from him would make my dad's month.

Any advice?

Re: More family drama... need advice

I can only offer advice on what I would do in this situation.
I would either send an email or call him.
I wouldn't attack him or ream him out, bit I would tell him exactly what your dad said.
Let him know that he has hurt your dad and your dad is starting to question if he did something wrong. Than it's up to him and at least you know you did all you can.

Re: More family drama... need advice

I would also contact my brother if I was in the situation...send him your dads # and leave the ball in his court

Re: More family drama... need advice

Re: More family drama... need advice

Posted by Moehick

I would also contact my brother if I was in the situation...send him your dads # and leave the ball in his court

Re: More family drama... need advice

Thanks everyone.

I just emailed him. I simply gave him the hospital information and telephone number to my dad's room.

The ball is in his court.

Re: More family drama... need advice

Good Luck

Re: More family drama... need advice

Good luck. That is so sad. Reading what your dad said really brought tears to my eyes. I would even tell him that if he doesn't call in the next few days.

I think you are right to have sent a neutral e-mail. Reaming him out won't do anything.


Coming from someone who lost their dad 10 years ago, I can't imagine voluntarily not speaking to one own's dad. If he did something terrible, if he was abusive or extremely toxic- that is one thing. But he sounds like such a good man based on everything you described. How can someone have that and not want it. I just don't get it.

Re: More family drama... need advice

Posted by Shelly

Good luck. That is so sad. Reading what your dad said really brought tears to my eyes. I would even tell him that if he doesn't call in the next few days.

I think you are right to have sent a neutral e-mail. Reaming him out won't do anything.


Coming from someone who lost their dad 10 years ago, I can't imagine voluntarily not speaking to one own's dad. If he did something terrible, if he was abusive or extremely toxic- that is one thing. But he sounds like such a good man based on everything you described. How can someone have that and not want it. I just don't get it.

Re: More family drama... need advice