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FDNYWife31
LIF Adult
Member since 8/12 1117 total posts
Name:
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Don't tell me
My inlaws watch my DD who is 13 weeks old while me and DH work, this is our first child. I have to work and going back to work was probably the hardest thing I ever had to do including labor! That being said a coworker told me that when she had to leave her LO with her family members she told them that she didn't want to know if her son would laugh for the first time or take his first steps etc...she told them that when she first sees it that's when it will be his "first." I thought that was really interesting but didn't think I would take that advice and actually do it....until to tonight. I come home and my MIL tells me how she made my DD laugh. That has never happen with me or my DH! I was taken back and heartbroken....so I've decided that I will tell her tomorrow not to tell me anything else bc I want the "first time" to be with me and/or DH...has anyone done this?
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Posted 12/9/13 11:18 PM  |
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Budjeg11
LIF Adult
Member since 4/11 2644 total posts
Name:
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Don't tell me
Nope. but sounds brilliant to me. I never really got the whole "first time" thing.. Its just as possible that they do something for the first time when no one sees so as far as I am concerned, the first time you see it is the first time it happened!
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| Posted 12/9/13 11:22 PM |
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gina409
TWINS!
Member since 12/09 27635 total posts
Name:
g
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Re: Don't tell me
if you didn't see it,it does'nt count!
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| Posted 12/9/13 11:31 PM |
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luvmyReese
Hello Kitty
Member since 1/08 7542 total posts
Name:
Catt
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Don't tell me
I understand how you feel about wanting to witness your baby's "firsts" but there will be a time when you wont be able & a time when you are (there will be so many "firsts" ahead). At least your daughter's grandma got to hear her laugh..not someone who will be in her life temp. & they can share that forever. I agree with OP..when you see it for the first time then thats all that matters.
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| Posted 12/9/13 11:39 PM |
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alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!
Member since 5/09 18388 total posts
Name:
Allison
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Don't tell me
I missed my DS first steps. He did that at daycare. They took video for me and sent it to me. I was too happy he was walking to be upset about not seeing it. But I made peace with working long ago so it really doesn't bother me.
IMO you have to get to that point where you are ok with working and not being there for everything. Until then you will just torture yourself.
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| Posted 12/10/13 5:37 AM |
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walkintomymind
LIF Adolescent
Member since 6/10 806 total posts
Name:
Sarah
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Re: Don't tell me
I asked this of my family that watched DD. There were plenty of people who made fun of me and didn't understand, but it was hard enough I had to go back to work, I didn't want to believe I was missing firsts (even though I knew in my heart, I was).
Do what works for you!
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| Posted 12/10/13 6:51 AM |
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dlj97
LIF Adult
Member since 7/10 4399 total posts
Name:
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Re: Don't tell me
Posted by gina409
if you didn't see it,it does'nt count!
This is my theory too! 
Honestly, as much as it sucks, you have to just accept that that is going to happen with many of their firsts. I made sure all of the firsts within my control were done on the weekends!
It gets easier - I promise!
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| Posted 12/10/13 7:03 AM |
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Jpteach95
LIF Infant
Member since 8/13 315 total posts
Name:
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Don't tell me
I told daycare not to tell me. It would break my heart.
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| Posted 12/10/13 7:22 AM |
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limamaof2
LIF Toddler
Member since 1/12 493 total posts
Name:
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Re: Don't tell me
Our daycare has a rule - unless the parents witness something it hasn't happened! 
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| Posted 12/10/13 7:52 AM |
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nycgirl
Angels!
Member since 3/09 7721 total posts
Name:
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Re: Don't tell me
I'm a believer of knowing.
You will miss some stuff, but your child will have a ton of firsts & even though I work super full time... there are enough to have some with you!
At 13 weeks, I find it hard to believe your child was not smiling for you guys... but I know that it sucks to think that she was smiling at someone else.
The first time steps will be replaced by the first time you saw him walk across a room... it's just as precious!
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| Posted 12/10/13 8:04 AM |
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Kitten1929
LIF Adult
Member since 1/13 6040 total posts
Name:
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Re: Don't tell me
I don't plan to do this. My mom watches DS and he smiled and cooed for the first time with her, and I was sad for like a split second.
When DH and I saw him smile and coo for the first time, it was amazing. We were in awe! And it didn't matter in the least that it wasn't HIS first time doing it, it was the first time for us and that is what mattered!
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| Posted 12/10/13 8:11 AM |
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luvmotherhood
california dreamin'
Member since 2/13 1443 total posts
Name:
love my family!
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Re: Don't tell me
Posted by dlj97
Posted by gina409
if you didn't see it,it does'nt count!
This is my theory too!
Honestly, as much as it sucks, you have to just accept that that is going to happen with many of their firsts. I made sure all of the firsts within my control were done on the weekends!
It gets easier - I promise!
Same here. Me and Dh got her to walk on a weekend by having her between us with her fav toy. My heart broke a little every time she did something for my MIL but it is what it is.
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| Posted 12/10/13 8:45 AM |
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IAMMRSBROWN
3 under 2!!!
Member since 10/10 2476 total posts
Name:
Carey
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Re: Don't tell me
My husband stays home with our DD. I missed a few milestones like her rolling over for the first time but he was able to get it on video! Since its your MIL what if you ask her to get stuff recorded for you? This way you get to see the real first time but when you see it for yourself in person it will still be amazing for you. The day DD rolled over and I wacthed it on video I was upset .. then I got home that night put her right on the floor and she did it right away and it was awesome to see! Try not to think of it as missing the "firsts" .. I promise when you see it for yourself you wont be disappointed that you didnt get to see it sooner.
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| Posted 12/10/13 8:51 AM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: Don't tell me
Posted by gina409
if you didn't see it,it does'nt count!
This - exactly.
And honestly, I never thought it mattered who saw it "first" ........who cares? The first time I see him say/do something is the 'first' for me, it's what I remembered. So who cares?
Message edited 12/10/2013 8:53:48 AM.
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| Posted 12/10/13 8:53 AM |
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Jillianm08
LIF Infant
Member since 1/09 113 total posts
Name:
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Re: Don't tell me
Posted by limamaof2
Our daycare has a rule - unless the parents witness something it hasn't happened!
Ours is the same way  My son had a number of issues early on and was still not walking at 17 months and his teachers knew I was worried about it. Well one day when I went in to pick him up he took 2 steps!!! I'm pretty sure he had taken some steps earlier that day but they acted as if it was his first time . . And I was so grateful for that
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| Posted 12/10/13 9:09 AM |
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Millie3
LIF Adult
Member since 7/13 1280 total posts
Name:
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Re: Don't tell me
My mil was watch and saw all of my dc's firsts, I wouldn't tell her not to tell me. I later quit to SAH w my son, and guess what?! I missed his first steps anyway  he walked across the room in front of my DH.
When you see it the first time is all that matters
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| Posted 12/10/13 10:22 AM |
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BlessedMomma
LIF Adult
Member since 12/11 6163 total posts
Name:
Momma Bear
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Don't tell me
I think you should def do what makes you feel best. I can imagine how heartbroken I would be if I missed my dd's firsts. Im sorry I know that must be tough.
But def know that your dd laughing for the first time with her grandma made your mil feel like a million $$ AND she can share that moment with her in the future.
Like I was told the story of how the first time I walked I walked straight to my brother! We have a huge age gap LOL He shares that with me all the time. And I LOVE hearing it. =) Just saying its a special moment that your mil and your dd will have a special bond.
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| Posted 12/10/13 10:26 AM |
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Snoopy36
LIF Adolescent
Member since 12/13 665 total posts
Name:
Caille
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Re: Don't tell me
i was actually the opposite. i told daycare that i WANTED to know so i could be excited & look out for the new behavior. of course i would have been a little sad, but it comes with the territory of being a working mom
but you have to do what makes you happy!!
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| Posted 12/10/13 11:00 AM |
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EandF
LIF Adult
Member since 11/11 1674 total posts
Name:
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Re: Don't tell me
Posted by Jillianm08
Posted by limamaof2
Our daycare has a rule - unless the parents witness something it hasn't happened!
Ours is the same way My son had a number of issues early on and was still not walking at 17 months and his teachers knew I was worried about it. Well one day when I went in to pick him up he took 2 steps!!! I'm pretty sure he had taken some steps earlier that day but they acted as if it was his first time . . And I was so grateful for that
This is so sweet! Made me tear up.
I agree with others to do what feels right and is most comfortable for you. I agree it totally stinks missing firsts but there's not much we can do. DD is almost 4 1/2 mos, and last week she held her bottle for the first time and I wasn't there to see it.
DH and I have this running joke that her first word better be 'mama.' If it's not, he (jokingly?) says he won't tell me and when she says mama, that will be her first word. Of course the irony is that her first word will probably be yiayia, grandma in Greek, because my mother watches her.
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| Posted 12/10/13 11:06 AM |
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Pinkisles
<3
Member since 11/13 2868 total posts
Name:
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Don't tell me
I haven't had my child yet, but I will be telling my mom that I don't want to know. I feel like she is the type of person that would rub it in (not intentionally). Post it all over facebook, text everyone she knows. I am really not wanting to go back to work but financially I have no other choice.
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| Posted 12/10/13 11:09 AM |
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Kelly9904
Mommy to 2 amazing little boys
Member since 5/05 9306 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: Don't tell me
If I didnt see it, I dont believe it happened! I am a SAHM but I will be honest, I have missed some of DSs firsts...its just life, they decide to laugh for hte first time when you run to the grocery store, or they stand for hte first time when you go out iwth friends, I can be with my kids 24/7 and then the ONE day I do something without them, they do something really cool!
Even now, I went to a bachelorette party and DS1 (6yo) won a goldfish at a fair with my DH. He has never won one of those games by himself! I felt sad I missed it but again its life!
Anywya, my SIL did ask my mom and her mom who watched her DD at the time not to tell her. THe only issue with that is that the grandparents dont always realize its a "first" my mom used to call my brother and ask "hypothetically" if DD did X, or Y. My brother didnt mind but at least my mom knew not to say it to SIL when she saw her.
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| Posted 12/10/13 11:37 AM |
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WannaBeAMom11
LIF Adult
Member since 1/11 7391 total posts
Name:
Name
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Don't tell me
Daycare told me she rolled over. I instantly started crying. They no longer tell me firsts. Since its you IL it might be more difficult since she is probably super excited too.
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| Posted 12/10/13 11:40 AM |
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FDNYWife31
LIF Adult
Member since 8/12 1117 total posts
Name:
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Re: Don't tell me
Posted by alli3131
I missed my DS first steps. He did that at daycare. They took video for me and sent it to me. I was too happy he was walking to be upset about not seeing it. But I made peace with working long ago so it really doesn't bother me.
IMO you have to get to that point where you are ok with working and not being there for everything. Until then you will just torture yourself.
I don't think I can get to the point of being ok with working at my job bc of the hours I work. I might have to find something else with better hours and then hopefully I will be ok.
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| Posted 12/10/13 1:11 PM |
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FDNYWife31
LIF Adult
Member since 8/12 1117 total posts
Name:
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Re: Don't tell me
Posted by nycgirl
I'm a believer of knowing.
You will miss some stuff, but your child will have a ton of firsts & even though I work super full time... there are enough to have some with you!
At 13 weeks, I find it hard to believe your child was not smiling for you guys... but I know that it sucks to think that she was smiling at someone else.
The first time steps will be replaced by the first time you saw him walk across a room... it's just as precious!
She has been smiling for us for a while, my MIL said she laughed--She has not laughed for me or DH
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| Posted 12/10/13 1:12 PM |
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FDNYWife31
LIF Adult
Member since 8/12 1117 total posts
Name:
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Re: Don't tell me
Thanks everyone for the advice. DH and I both decided that we will tell our in-laws to not tell us. It just hurts too much.
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| Posted 12/10/13 1:17 PM |
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