does temping, charting, etc effect intimacy

I've been TTC for just about a month now so i'm wondering: Do many women start temping and charting and examining cervical mucus, etc right from the very beginning or does that tend to be the approach when you've been trying for a while with no luck?

I thought of this question after reading the "do you use the bathroom after sex" post? There's something about the idea of laying there with my legs up after sex that takes the intimacy away from trying to conceive a baby. I get the same feeling when I think about spreading my cervical mucus between my fingers to see if it stretches.

Please don't get me wrong, I'm not being negative and I understand the usefulness of all these techniques, BUT i'm just wondering do women do this right off the bat or give it a while first?

And for those who are using these methods, does it actually feel like it does take away from the intimacy of trying to create a life with your hubby?



Olivia

Re: does temping, charting, etc effect intimacy

Great question. I started temping, check CM etc. from day 1 but thats only because Im a control freak and need control of the situation For me it doesnt take anyway any of the intimacy. I can check my CM and temp etc. then get right into but I can only speak for myself.

Re: does temping, charting, etc effect intimacy

I am a serious Type A personality and I'm very results oriented so I have not taken this TTC lightly.. the very first time DH and I tried, I was gungo ho about OPK, checking the mucus, drinking tea, eating grapefruit etc.. and I followed Deanna's plan until I got a friggin UTI that put me out of business for a couple of days.

Does it take away from the intimacy, yes.. it does, but I'm not the type to just wing it. I can't knowingly do it.. its black or white.. either I'm a actively TTCing or I'm not.. and I got into the mode of TTC so its like, ok let's get this done. DH also has a very similar personality, and we have commented how this has brought out the "other" side of us.

I would love to just relax and let it happen.. but I know that even if my talk myself into it.. I'm too psyched out that I can't relax.

I am open to suggestions on "how to unwind"..

Re: does temping, charting, etc effect intimacy

i temp, and i don't think that has affected our intimacy at all. DH is funny about it - when he's going to bed before me on work nights, i'm like "hey babe?" and he's like "ya i know, wake you at 6 to take your temp"

Re: does temping, charting, etc effect intimacy

Posted by Bearcat

i temp, and i don't think that has affected our intimacy at all. DH is funny about it - when he's going to bed before me on work nights, i'm like "hey babe?" and he's like "ya i know, wake you at 6 to take your temp"

Re: does temping, charting, etc effect intimacy

I was wondering this exact question because I always thought it would just happen by accident so once DH and I had that "lets have kids" conversation it was like "okay - how do we get this started" I like to to make the most of my time (I wouldn't say I am a control freak ) but I want to do whatever I can to make things happen quickly. That being said, I think for me its still too early for the OPK's and thoroughly examining my CM...I will wait a few months and then I might just start doing all that. My husband is the type who I know will want to know all about what I am going through. He's like that with AF every month its like "Hey Hon, how's the flow going?" He's so silly!

Re: does temping, charting, etc effect intimacy

I never temped or used OPK's until I tried for a few months.
I got pregnant in April of last year on our third cycle by just taking the whatever happens approach...There was no stress or anything. (Unfort that ended 12 weeks later).
We were able to start trying again in Sept and since we did it hasn't worked so I decided to use OPK's, that didn't work so this month I decided to temp as well.

If you are just starting out, I wouldn't do any of this stuff, I would just have fun and after months of it not happening, then I would temp, opk's, ect.

Good Luck!

Re: does temping, charting, etc effect intimacy

the only thing i use are opks... but really since this is technically only our 2nd month ttc nothing has affected our intimacy...

Re: does temping, charting, etc effect intimacy

short answer, yes.

i think it does more harm than good no matter what anyone says....i think it is better to just have unprotected sex and not obsess/worry about it if you have regular cycles...jmo

Re: does temping, charting, etc effect intimacy

Re: does temping, charting, etc effect intimacy

Re: does temping, charting, etc effect intimacy

Message edited 2/1/2011 3:03:29 PM.

Re: does temping, charting, etc effect intimacy

Message edited 6/24/2011 3:48:37 PM.

Re: does temping, charting, etc effect intimacy

Saying it is "harmful" I think is a bit extreme.....what works for one does not work for all...if u have the ability to relax and just let nature take it's course then so be it...I do not know that route. Our is a medical issue....but in saying that even I had reg cycles and o'd on my own I think I would still use tips and or tricks...why not? Unless my dh had a issue they can only help,even if its just for piece of mind knowing I tried all I can...I feel like if I didn't prepare and we had sex I would be thinkingnwell if I had preseed right now it would be helping..

Basic rule is there is no rule...if we all had answers and all worked for everyone there would be no ttc boards...

What's wrong with a little prep..I mean we stretch before we work out,we gas up before we drive,we preheat oven before we cook...what's a little help lol


This is jmo..I just always always remember number 1 thing I hate most said to me while ttc..."Relax,it will happen...

Re: does temping, charting, etc effect intimacy

Posted by bettybcafe

Posted by AngnShaun

Posted by KimberlyScott

Posted by Nik211

short answer, yes.

i think it does more harm than good no matter what anyone says....i think it is better to just have unprotected sex and not obsess/worry about it if you have regular cycles...jmo

ITA!

I'm 36 tho and with that said, I am using the CBEFM and on month 3 bc I feel like I dont have any time to waste.

its all relative... saying it harms everyone or saying it doesnt; really doesnt cover every relationship...

I agree with Ang. Everyone is different. Honestly, if I did the whole "just have unprotected sex and not obsess" thing it would probably take me 10yrs to convince being that DH do not have nearly as much sex as we should in order to get pregnant.

ETA: I really have to see when Im most fertile if I want this to happen rather quickly. I cannot go with the "just let it happen" approach..I am not 20yrs old where I can have believe in "letting things happen"

Re: does temping, charting, etc effect intimacy

Message edited 2/1/2011 3:57:57 PM.

Re: does temping, charting, etc effect intimacy

Does it take the fun away - yeah a little but you gotta do what you gotta do. Ofcourse sponteneity is the best but when you arent getting results, you look to other methods. Some people get pregnant more easily than others - is it fair, no but that is just life.

For the rest of us, we need to be more strategic and plan a bit more - esp if we want to have a baby sooner rather than later. Personally, we "played around" for 4+ months with no results - just for fun though and didnt even do it the right days really so I dont count that as TTC. Then we got a bit more strategic and as time goes on I will continue MMC and OPK. I think some of us have to though, cause there is really only 1 day, a few hours that you can get pregnant. So as each month goes by with no BFP it does get discouraging and so we look to try and be more strategic with our BDing. Is it stressful, no. The only stress or sadness comes when I get a BFN.

Also side note - I have met a ton of people who said they would never use OPK's (including myself) and after a few months we all cave...they are just so convenient!

Oh and one more note - some people on here have long cycles or dont ovulate every month so we cannot judge those that temp, opk, chart, etc.

Re: does temping, charting, etc effect intimacy

Speaking from experience and from someone who did eventually get a BFP, I will say that it can very well put stress on that whole part of your relationship. BUT - I think it has a lot to do with the dynamic of each individual relationship.


When DH and I decided we were ready to have a baby, we sort of just went with it. After about 6 months, I can honestly say that I became more and more obsessed with it.

Anyone who tells you that the best way to get a BFP is to just go with the flow, is IMO either 1. just starting out with this whole TTC process, or 2. basing that on their own personal experience of having it happen for them quickly. I don't mean to offend anyone, but I have read time and time again on this board how people think that temping, charting, opk's, etc are a recipe for a lack of intimacy, relationship trouble, what have you. It is very frusturating to me to read this because I tried for over a year to get pregnant and I tried both ways (planning and winging it, ending with an IUI). In the end, I look back and realize that I may have had moments where I was too obsessive and too focused on it, but never once did I enjoy s e x any less with my DH. And ultimately, my goal was to have a baby. And I'm sure many of you who are on this board, (especially those of you who have been here for a lot longer than you had anticipated) can relate to the feeling that once you make the decision to become a mother, it is a feeling that consumes you in a way you never imagined, and you will do whatever it takes. Does that make it any less special - I certainly don't think so.

Bottom line, you will decide what works for you, and the best advice I can offer is to be sure that you and your DH are on the same page. The one mistake I made was that after about 6 months of unsuccessful TTC, I took it upon myself to start OPK's and timing BD and when DH realized that, he was a bit upset. Mostly because he felt like it was a decision we should have made together. Then and only then, did it affect our relationship "intimacy" wise. That was my mistake. Once we had both decided together that we wanted to be more "pro-active", things were just as well and we were a team.

ETA - I know this may sound silly, but I think that when it comes to TTC, Michael Buble said it best - "I guess it's half timing, and the other half's luck". (that song was a huge motivational rock for me throughout my whole TTC process).

Message edited 2/1/2011 5:13:46 PM.

Re: does temping, charting, etc effect intimacy

Re: does temping, charting, etc effect intimacy

yes kim, i think you understand how i meant it...

like i said above, when i said more harm than good i didn't mean opks, checking ewcm, bd'ing on a schedule is literally "harmful" it was just the best expression i could come up with at the moment...

my opinion comes from what i know. i know people who struggled to get pregnant and when they gave up and lost all hope is when they finally got pregnant....

also my opinion comes from what i read on this board. people have posted about fighting with their DH's over it and to me that causes stress and interferes with intimacy. i see people complain about it here...

so that is why i think it's best to just wing it for a little bit, enjoy your partner and then get into the other things if nothing is happening the first few cycles...

and i understand the want. i lost my baby at 9 weeks. trust me when i say there is nothing more i want in this world than to be pregnant again with a healty baby. i feel like every day is wasted since my miscarriage
but i don't think all the tricks in the book will make me get pregnant any faster or will increase my odds if i am already having regular sex with my husband around the time i am fertile. to me having sex and enjoying yourself is the best thing you can do during ttc.

Re: does temping, charting, etc effect intimacy

I started using OPKs during my second cycle TTC. I started temping cycle 5.

For us, it has not affected intimacy at all. We've always had a healthy sex life and we still do. Temping takes about 30 seconds each morning, plus another 30 seconds to log the temp when I get to work. That's it. And when I start noticing EWCM and get that smiley, it's cause for celebration in our house, and we have fun with it. We're not dragging ourselves to the bedroom reluctantly or all stressed out.

Knowledge is power. If there was a way for me to be monitoring DH's sperm, I'd be doing that too!

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Re: does temping, charting, etc effect intimacy

Message edited 2/3/2011 7:04:49 PM.

Re: does temping, charting, etc effect intimacy

Re: does temping, charting, etc effect intimacy

Temping was a problem in our relationship. I'm type A so I started temping before we began TTCing. DH hated it! He hated hearing the beeping and my alarm to get up. He felt it removed all the romance out of the situation. I decided to stop the second month. I did still use OPKs and then the CBEFM. These didn't effect him (actually not sure if he ever understood them at all) and I loved using them, I guess I like peeing on things.