Destination Wedding Gift Advice Please

I need advice on how much (if anything) to give for a wedding gift please. Here are the details:

About 3 years ago a distant second cousin of my husband's got engaged. I've only met her once. She's from Florida and my MIL told us to save our pennies, we were ALL getting invited to a Disney, destination wedding in Dec 2015. By ALL I mean myself, DH, our two boys (4.5 and 1.5 yo), my DH's 2 sisters, brother and their families including small children.

We got the invitation a few months ago and it was made clear this was just an Orlando wedding, not in/at Disney and our children were NOT invited. It states on the invite it's an ADULTS-only affair. I went to the wedding website to check out details and it says for out of town guests, their presence is present enough.

It was our choice, but we decided to make the trip into a family, 6-day vacation, visiting Disney, Universal, etc. My MIL and FIL are also going to the wedding but staying elsewhere. My two SILs, and BIL with their families bailed on going, but that's another thread.

I have to hire a sitter to watch our two kids in our hotel room which will cost $70 for 4 hours. Our hotel is about 20-25 mins from the wedding hotel so we'll go for 3 hours to save money. This trip's expenses have gotten a little out of hand.

Ordinarily I'd give $200 for a wedding gift. But do I deduct the $70 for child care and give $125? Do I give nothing b/c of the "presence" note on their website? I feel strange giving nothing. What would you give?

Re: Destination Wedding Gift Advice Please

I'd give a gift from their registry. At my friend's out of state wedding, people gave gifts and they were less than $100.

Re: Destination Wedding Gift Advice Please

The only registry they have to donate to their honeymoon fund. But thanks for the suggestion.

Re: Destination Wedding Gift Advice Please

I would give my normal gift... You would probably need a babysitter if wedding was local too.

Destination Wedding Gift Advice Please

I don't quite get the rationale of deducting the cost of babysitting. I had to get a babysitter for a babyshower I attended recently and did not take the cost out of the gift. One doesn't really have to do with the other, IMO. But at the same time, just give what you can afford to give. Maybe buy a gift off the registry (if they have one)?

Destination Wedding Gift Advice Please

You chose to bring the children - I would not deduct the babysitter from the gift.

Re: Destination Wedding Gift Advice Please

I would give what I normally would give which if my and my DH are attending would be any where from $150-$200.
If I was you I would give $150

Destination Wedding Gift Advice Please

I wouldn't give a gift personally. When you have a destination wedding, you typically do not receive gifts. My sister had a destination wedding, and only received gifts from close family and friends (bridal party mostly). Any extended family or distant friends did not give gifts.

If it was a 1st cousin, close friend, or sibling, I would give a gift

Re: Destination Wedding Gift Advice Please

i've been to a family destination wedding and we gave what we would have given had they had the wedding here.

Re: Destination Wedding Gift Advice Please

If you kept your records on what they gave you for your wedding, I'd probably give the same back.

Or if you want to respect their no gift needed, maybe something small, a token gift. My cousin did that for her wedding and I made a donation in their honor to a charity that had meaning to both of us.

I personally always give the same for destination or local as I'm making the choice to go, regardless of the location.

Re: Destination Wedding Gift Advice Please

Thank you all for your thoughts.

Just in response to deducting the cost of childcare: I guess I never had to pay for a sitter before b/c when a wedding is local I have family watch them. Those of you that commented, you are right, it was my choice to bring the kids. I shouldn't deduct for that. I see your point.

Re: Destination Wedding Gift Advice Please

Destination Wedding Gift Advice Please

I'd probably give 150-200 in this case.

Destination Wedding Gift Advice Please

Destination weddings I give this a registry gift mailed after wedding.

Re: Destination Wedding Gift Advice Please

Destination Wedding Gift Advice Please

For destination wedding I would likely give less. I would have too. The cost of travel is a lot.

Any one getting married should care more about their loved ones showing up, not what they give.

Destination Wedding Gift Advice Please

I had a destination wedding and no registry. We requested no gifts. We got a range of things mostly from the closest family/friends but we only had about 40 guests so most were already the closest family/friends. Some gave money (immediate family), some gave a gift (vase, bowl, wine of the month club, etc), and others gave nothing. Many gave as a group, which Im sure was to defer cost but make a gesture. We were truly happy with anything that was given and most of all that people came. It was the best wedding because we got to have a vacation with the most important people in our lives...no gift was necessary...their presence was 100% enough! So give whatever feels right to you but you don't have to give anything either and the couple will be grateful to have you there.

Message edited 11/23/2015 10:13:47 PM.

Re: Destination Wedding Gift Advice Please

I would give $50. They said no presents, but to be nice I'd just give that.

Re: Destination Wedding Gift Advice Please

If they have a honeymoon fund, I would purchase an excursion from that.

Re: Destination Wedding Gift Advice Please

I WOULD GIVE THEM NOTHING.

the invite says "your presence is gift enough".

That's what the couples wishes are.

I would go to the wedding, have a good time and enjoy, and fulfill the wishes of the couple.

Destination Wedding Gift Advice Please

I wouldn't give them a monetary gift. Destination weddings are $$. I would probably do a token gift (picture frame, wine glasses, etc).

Re: Destination Wedding Gift Advice Please

Destination Wedding Gift Advice Please

I would have declined the invite and sent a gift.

But since you didn't, I'd say give the $200. Honestly, the fact that they said no gifts makes me more inclined to give something because they realize what an expense their wedding is for others.

Re: Destination Wedding Gift Advice Please

I would give a check for 200.

Destination Wedding Gift Advice Please

I would buy a token gift, a nice picture frame or something like that. You are incurring a lot of costs to go to the wedding and they know that. I had a lot of out of town guests at my wedding and honestly did not care if they brought a gift or not. I was so happy they came. They told you not to feel pressured to give a gift, so don't.