Deleted

Message edited 9/24/2012 6:42:30 PM.

Re: He Wants To Wait?

Ok forgive me for asking this, but have you guys discussed marriage? It just seems like a natural step before you talk about having a child together.

He Wants To Wait?

Having a baby is a decision that is made by 2 ppl...if he is not ready to have a baby then you have to sit down and talk to him...will he ever be ready? When will he be ready? What are his reasons? Once you have the answer you need to accept it one way or another...if he is not ready pressuring him will not work...you may decide that this is not the relationship you want to be in...if he says he will be in 2 yrs, are you ready to accept that? Having a baby is not easy and should be taken lightly...I was not ready for the first yr of my marriage but once we were both on the same page we took it from there...Good luck!!!

Re: He Wants To Wait?

Message edited 9/22/2012 11:46:11 AM.

Re: He Wants To Wait?

Message edited 9/22/2012 11:46:27 AM.

He Wants To Wait?

I know plenty of people who decided to have babies before marriage. I think marriage means different things to different people. I don't know how old you are and how important to you it is to have a baby now. You need to be honest with him, and he needs to be honest with you, and then you both need to decide what's right together and for yourselves individually. If he says not now, but in 2-5 years, what does that mean for you? Would you want to break up and consider being a single mom (AI, adoption)? Would you want to pursue other relationships where someone might want babies sooner (but understand it takes awhile to meet someone, fall in love, decide to start a family---the likelihood of that happening in 2 years is low. you also don't want to be dating with the pressure of needing to fall in love and find a baby daddy. that's not a good way to go about dating.) i think it's up to you whether you go off BC. Just be honest with him about your choice and let him decide what he wants to do from there.

Re: He Wants To Wait?

Honestly, I think I'd try to get some professional help. It sounds like perhaps he has some reasons he's not telling you about. Fear, perhaps? I think a therapist or counselor might be able to help you guys work through the issues and figure something out.

Good luck. So sorry you are going through this.

Re: He Wants To Wait?

I think you both need to be on board with having a child together. Its a HUGE decision and obviously not something he's ready for. I understand that you're upset over your choice a few years back, but having a baby is not going to change that. I have friends that have children and have had an abortion in the past and they still think about it.

I would consider waiting another 6 months or talk to him and ask if you can revisit this conversation in (pick an arbitrary day) and see if you're ready for it then.'

Good luck!

Re: He Wants To Wait?

I agree with most people that you def have to have both folks on board for having a baby and should also both agree about BC. . my only question to you is do you believe him when he says he wants a baby down the road. . bc if you stay with him and he does not end up agreeing will you be okay with this or will it ruin your relationship and your plan for life. . I think what is most important is him being able to tell you why not now? are there things he wants to accomplish? fears he has to get over? I think if he can define what he wants to wait for and you can understand it you will have a plan but to have a undefined not now would make me uncomfortable

Re: He Wants To Wait?

Re: He Wants To Wait?

I feel like you are hurting very bad from your previous decision to end your pregnancy and that is what's fueling the "I need a baby now".

Honestly, I believe you need to get help on your own. Try to work through the past so you are ready for whatever the future will hold for you as a parent one day.

You said every time you see a baby, you want your angel back. I feel like your need to start TTC is coming from an unhealthy place.

Work on you first. Come to terms with what happened and see how you feel then.

And If he's saying he'll just withhold sex, that's just ridiculous. Condoms anyone? He doesn't like them, too bad. You don't want a baby, you use protection.

Re: He Wants To Wait?

Message edited 9/20/2012 3:01:11 PM.

Re: He Wants To Wait?

Posted by PhyllisNJoe

I feel like you are hurting very bad from your previous decision to end your pregnancy and that is what's fueling the "I need a baby now".

Honestly, I believe you need to get help on your own. Try to work through the past so you are ready for whatever the future will hold for you as a parent one day.

You said every time you see a baby, you want your angel back. I feel like your need to start TTC is coming from an unhealthy place.

Work on you first. Come to terms with what happened and see how you feel then.

And If he's saying he'll just withhold sex, that's just ridiculous. Condoms anyone? He doesn't like them, too bad. You don't want a baby, you use protection.

He Wants To Wait?

i wouldn't be trying for a baby at all until all of these unresolved issues have been worked out. if you were to get pregnant along the way and these issues are not resolved, he may grow to resent you and worse, the baby and it might split you apart. go off of BC if you want, but be VERY careful with the condoms

Re: He Wants To Wait?

Message edited 9/22/2012 11:46:53 AM.

Re: He Wants To Wait?

Just because he disagrees with you about wanting to have a baby doesn't mean he doesn't care about your feelings. My dh and I disagree about things one in a while but I know wholeheartedly he cares about my feelings 100%. He's entitled to his opinions. I'm glad you were able to speak to him. Best of luck.

Re: He Wants To Wait?

i was ready to TTC before my DH. he was very nervous. i love DH and was willing to wait till he was ready. now he is def. on board and it makes this whole process easier. i never wanted my DH to resent me for pushing him when he wasn't ready. it is very important to have both of you on board.

good luck!!!

He Wants To Wait?

It must be so tough when your feelings are so strong in having another child. I hope you both work through this together and can come to a middle ground. I had my DD with my now husband before we got married. She was planned too. I was with him for 8 years prior to getting pregnant with DD too. We then got married on a whim while I was 5 months pregnant on our anniversary too. 2 years post having my DD hubby was asking me to have another baby and I was so strong saying no. In fact it was more like a "hell no". (Bad birth experience and health problems was the reason. Not DD bc she is awesome) this was going on for a long time. DD turned 4 this past June and by me opting not to have another child nearly broke our marriage and we discussed divorce. We then had a long talk and come August I woke up one morning really wanting to be pregnant again. He was in shock when I told him. Point being maybe one day (hopefully soon) your bf will realize that he is ready for a child. It was pretty instant how my feelings changed the more I pictured my DD an only child. I wish you all the best! Don't give up on him just yet and counseling could help a bunch I'm sure too. I agree with getting off bc pills too so your body can regulate back to normal. :) best of luck ;)

He Wants To Wait?

i was ready several months before DH. one day, out of nowhere, he met me for lunch at work. he told me he was finally ready to have a baby. we started trying the next month. it ended up taking 18m two losses and IVF to conceive. by the time we finally conceived our daughter we both wanted a baby equally as bad.

sometimes men just change their minds like that. theres no rhyme or reason, but when they are ready, they are ready. you can't push them for something so big and life changing. he'll come around, just give it some more time. its definitely something you want him to want 1000% as much as you do. good luck!

Re: He Wants To Wait?

My first question was, are you married?

But I see you are not. Does he not want to commit to you? Through marriage or baby?

Message edited 9/21/2012 11:57:22 AM.

Re: He Wants To Wait?

Posted by PhyllisNJoe

I feel like you are hurting very bad from your previous decision to end your pregnancy and that is what's fueling the "I need a baby now".

Honestly, I believe you need to get help on your own. Try to work through the past so you are ready for whatever the future will hold for you as a parent one day.

You said every time you see a baby, you want your angel back. I feel like your need to start TTC is coming from an unhealthy place.

Work on you first. Come to terms with what happened and see how you feel then.

And If he's saying he'll just withhold sex, that's just ridiculous. Condoms anyone? He doesn't like them, too bad. You don't want a baby, you use protection.

Re: Deleted

Message edited 9/24/2012 6:40:42 PM.

Re: Update

congrats, i'm so happy for you both.


good luck!!!!

Re: Update

Posted by TaraVinny

congrats, i'm so happy for you both.


good luck!!!!