Choosing to go back to work after Maternity leave...

DH said that he would like for me to stay home with the baby. Not in an neanderthal way...LOL He thinks that the child won't know his parents with both working full time.

We may need the extra income cuz he is a school teacher and we all know how their pay is. He does make extra money on the side with a College Now course he teaches and working with the school newspaper but still...

I mean he's off during the summer where he'll have plenty of time with our son.

Then he feels bad leaving the baby with my mom who lives next door because she has a heart condition. It's under control with her medication and she's always said she would watch our baby if we ever had one.

I don't know what to do...I feel like I can't make that decision yet. Maybe i'll eventually look for part time work. But I don't know yet...

Re: Choosing to go back to work after Maternity leave...

I knew all my life that I wanted to be a SAHM. Not that I wasn't motivated by my career, I advanced pretty quickly in my field and have a master's degree. It's just what I always wanted.

DH knew that before we were engaged, and we've been saving money for years so that it was doable for us. We were fortunate that our parents gave us enough money to pay for our wedding, and we bought our home from ILs, so while we paid market value for it and have the same mortgage as everyone else, our downpayment was gifting our apartment to BIL so he'd have somewhere to live. We still have to be careful about how we spend our money, but it definately helped make it easier for us to afford to lose my salary.

I think that when all of our kids are in school I'd like to get a part time job, but for now I'm really enjoying being home and have no desire to go back to work anytime soon.

Good luck, it's not an easy decision!

Re: Choosing to go back to work after Maternity leave...

Even though I would love to be a SAHM, at this time I cannot. I don't think by working my child won't know me any less than staying at home, but I love the business world and interacting with people.

Right now in CT, we don't have the option of leaving our child with a relative, that support system is just not here like it is on LI. I do plan on staying home as long as can, but we do enjoy the extra income my salary provides.

Daycare does have it's pluses too, the baby will socialize earlier, learn, and prepare for kindergarden. I don't know if it's the same on LI, but in CT the daycare center is linked with the local elementary school and teachers and are given exactly what the child needs to know before they enter kindergarden. It's def different now then it was when we were younger.

Re: Choosing to go back to work after Maternity leave...

I don't want to work but Im going to have to - at the very least I will try to come back to LI instead of the city, if we can swing it financially.

Re: Choosing to go back to work after Maternity leave...

I have to say there is no question in my kids mind who their parents are...

Both are hard roads & there aren't any set answers.

Re: Choosing to go back to work after Maternity leave...

I am going back to work after 12 weeks. By then we will be back in the city and I work 10 minutes from where i live. My mom may help out a few days a week if she doesn't go back to work, or I will use daycare or a nanny.

At first I had a hard time with it, but I have a great job. I work 9-5, have a lot of freedom (my boss isn't here every day) and make good $$, have decent benefits and all our health insurance is through my job. If I have a nanny she can bring the baby to my office and if I she is in daycare I can go there for lunch whenever I want. I will also never get another attorney job paying what I get paid for the hours I work. Ironically, my hours are considered part time in the big firms most of my friends work at.

I have been reading about it and "studies say" that kids can be just as well adjusted with a working mom as they can be with a SAHM- it depends on the stimulation and teh quality time. My sister, who is a SAHM, encourages me to go back to work and not feel guilty. So I hope I can get the best of both worlds.

Honestly, if $ wasn't an issue, I would be a SAHM. Dh says maybe by the second one...

Re: Choosing to go back to work after Maternity leave...

It's a little early for me, but I have been thinking about it. We could probably afford for me to be a SAHM but I'm not sure if I am willing to give up my job yet. As it is, I could probably tell them what hours I wanted to work and work from home as well. In my field, I will forfeit my licenses if I'm not employed for over 2 years.

Re: Choosing to go back to work after Maternity leave...

I will be going back to work on Feb 1st, approx 6 months after the birth of my son and although I know it's going to be so hard to leave him, there is no way we can afford to purchase a home in the next few months on just one salary. I am very happy that I was in my baby's life 24/7 the first 6 months. As a school teacher myself, I am looking towards the summer to spend oodles of time with my little one.

Re: Choosing to go back to work after Maternity leave...

I can't afford to be a sahm, mostly because of the health insurance thing. But to be honest, I don't think I want to be. Ideally I would work 2 or 3 days a week. But I have a great job, and I am changing my hours to 8-3 when I go back.

Re: Choosing to go back to work after Maternity leave...

I too can not afford to be a sahm but I would love too..
My husband works nights so the munchkin will get to know us both but I know I am not going to want to go back to work..

Re: Choosing to go back to work after Maternity leave...

Personally, I would LOVE to be a SAHM, but my DH is a teacher too and we just cannot afford it now with just getting our house. I think there is nothing better than a parent being able to spend that precious time with their child. We are lucky because my SIL and mom will help watch him, but I know I will be a mess when I have to go back and leave him.

Re: Choosing to go back to work after Maternity leave...

Being a SAHM on LI is indeed a priviledge. I would be absolutely thrilled to be able to but unfortunately we purchased our house 3 years ago and with taxes and car payments etc, I'm not able to. Both of my SIL's had their grandparents houses given to them and were able to be SAHM's and it always urked me that they said "Any mom to go back to work is insane" Like any of us really want to leave our infants?? I am lucky that I am going back 3 partime days -1 DH and I overlap hours so he watches baby and the other 2 short days my mom will watch her. It's a very tough thing and it ***** to be judged for our decision. All of us want whats best for our bay.

Re: Choosing to go back to work after Maternity leave...

Re: Choosing to go back to work after Maternity leave...

Re: Choosing to go back to work after Maternity leave...

Re: Choosing to go back to work after Maternity leave...

Re: Choosing to go back to work after Maternity leave...

I would have loved to be a SAHM but we just cant afford it. My job wants me here 30 hours for part time (which is 4 days for me). Let me tell you it stinks to be away from her but she is at home with my SIL and when I get home, I get the BIGGEST smile from her. It makes my heart melt to see that smile

Re: Choosing to go back to work after Maternity leave...

I don't think there is anything wrong with either choice.
For me, it isn't about SAHM or Working Mom. I think a women needs to do what is best for her and her family. There are many women who really love working, enjoy their jobs. And there are women who really love being SAHMs and wouldn't want it any other way. Whatever you choice I think life is about balance.

Personally working for me is something I enjoy BUT I would like the opportunity to be a SAHM mostly due to the stress of jungling work and a family. I find the stress of Molly up all night and then having to work too much for me at times, or when she is sick that really is hard. Being a SAHM is not a reality for me anyway...but I do often wish I had more of a choice about it.
There are benefits to daycare I will say. Molly knows her ABCs, counts to 20, knows all of her colors, sings a tons of songs. She RARELY watches TV. She does projects that I would probably not do at home, like glitter...I am not a fan of that all over the house. She has friends and is always playing. But when I walk thru that door she runs to me with her arms open and screams "MY MOMMY"....she knows me. She knows I would do anything for her. No one can take my place and I am confident in that.

Re: Choosing to go back to work after Maternity leave...

Given the choice if we could afford it I would be with my son and be a SAHM in a heartbeat. My mom watches my son and I received a call yesterday from my mom saying she took him to the park and took him on the swings. I wanted to do that for the first time. I started to cry. Then I received a call "guess who has a tooth?". I started to cry again. I wasn't even the one to find my son's first tooth or see him crawl for the first time. The guilt overwhelms me. I hope he knows that I am not there so we have a roof over our heads.

I get home close to 8PM every night and have to juggle the housework, eating and trying to fit in some quality time with my son. I am exhausted.

Every person needs to do what is best for them and for their situation.
I however would love to spend every second with my darling son. I am just very lucky since I can't that I have his grandma watching him and she if I can't be there then she is the next best thing!

Re: Choosing to go back to work after Maternity leave...

Daycare is expensive though. However if we are both working we could afford it maybe. If we could afford it then daycare would give my mom a little break too.

See I don't want to miss all the firsts either. It would break my heart and my mom does not know how to use a camcorder.

Re: Choosing to go back to work after Maternity leave...

This is something I need to really consider. DH says he wants me to do whatever I want. Right now we live off Dh's salary and bank mine and we are still comfrtable.

I had the great fortune of having a mom who stayed at home. My mom had me when she was older and she actually was in the midst of a very rewarding and satisfying career for which she dropped completely when she had me. It was truly an incredibly selfless act - because I know it was often difficult to hear her friends talk abotu their jobs and she was home with me. She did end up going back to work when I was in 3rd grade- but just part-time. She was always there to greet me at the bus and we'd have a snack and I'd tell her all about my day. She ended up going to full days when I was 12 and by that time I was ok with being by myself after school. I have such great memories of the times we had when I was young - and she ever gets misty-eyed talking about them!

I am still in the early years of establishing my career - so maybe I'll work part-time. I want my kids to have the same kind of relationship with me that I had with my mom. The ultimate would be a job in which I could telecommute !!!!

Message edited 1/13/2006 7:40:48 PM.

Re: Choosing to go back to work after Maternity leave...

I've always wanted to be a SAHM, but unfortunately it's just not possible at this time. DH is in the Air Force and doesn't make enough for me to stay home ... we're struggling right now w/ me working part time! So it looks like full time for me again!

The good thing is that my mom will watch the baby ... I feel good about it b/c my mom went back to work right away and my grandparents watched me every day til I was 3. I had such a bond w/ them, it was wonderful and I'm hoping my child has that w/ my mom!

I do feel like I'm going to miss 'firsts' but there are plenty of them and I don't feel I will be neglecting my baby by working.