Breast Feeding Woes/rant *warning v.v. long*

So I think I just need to get this out of my system. I feel jipped with the whole breast feeding process. My DS is 7 months old and I have been EBFing (and pumping while at work) since birth. Everyone I know who breast feeds talks about it like its rainbows and butterflies (once they got past that terrible first 2-3month period). I feel like it never got better for me and now I am basically stuck BFing till he weans due to his dairy allergy and refusal of anything other then BM. Here are my complaints.
1. I do NOT get warm fuzzy feelings while BFing, in fact I feel ill/ anxious/depressed every time my milk lets down (some sort of weird milk ejection reflex thing)
2. I hated feeling responsible for my childs fussiness/colic etc. Must be something I ate was all I kept hearing.
3. My son has dairy protein intolerance which means I can't eat anything I want even though I am STARVING all the time
4. It hasn't gotten particularly easier with time, I still can't feed w/out the giant breast friend pillow wrapped around my midsection.
5. I feel completely chained down by his feedings and worried he isn't getting enough to eat (when did he last eat, when will he need to eat again, he didn't nurse well at the last feeding better make sure he does this feeding etc etc etc
6. I can't go see a movie without worrying about my supply dropping if I miss a nursing session or don't pump ( I live in constant fear of my milk supply going away and I'm not sure why).
7. My son goes to a small at home daycare. He is CONSTANTLY sick with a cold..So much for BFing helping his immune system ??
8. I could go on but I'll stop
The only thing I do like is the few sessions a week that are quiet, calm, he eats well and I don't feel like a dairy cow, but I in no way do I feel like I wouldn't have that same bonding feeling holding a bottle. Sigh the sick part is if we had another baby I would feel compelled to breast feed again.

I guess it just wasn't all that I had made it out to be in my head and I feel like i have wasted all this time, energy, tears etc on BFing yet at the same time I feel trapped into continuing and would feel terrible if I stopped before he was ready.

Blah, thanks for listening (or even if you didn't read this whole thing at least I got it out there)
Would love to hear anyone else's shared experiences on this.
Thanks!
BFing Burnout Mom

Breast Feeding Woes/rant *warning v.v. long*

Hugs to you.

I did it for my second and I know how much work it is and how much it takes out of you.

I thought (stupidly) that it wouldn't take so much energy. I quickly learned with how much they eat and how often, and how sometimes they just like the comfort it, that it was taking a lot out of me.

I'm a do-er and feel the need to get things done day to day and felt anxiety by bfing taking up so much time. I stuck with it until I returned to work and pumped for a little bit.

You're not alone!

Re: Breast Feeding Woes/rant *warning v.v. long*

I know how you feel I BF #1 and he is always sick and has bad allergies. Did not bf #2, he is never sick/ no allergy

I felt like it was a huge waste of effort and aggravation . I did not feel back to normal until I stopped at 4 months

Message edited 12/24/2012 9:38:00 PM.

Re: Breast Feeding Woes/rant *warning v.v. long*

First of all, congrats for EBF for so long. That is a major accomplishment. I definitely didn't get how time consuming BF was until I was doing it. The pumping, the cleaning, the constant feedings. I hated the constant anxiety that I couldn't leave DS in someone else's care or he would be hungry.

It was not all rainbows and butterflies for me. I'm glad I was able to do it for his health benefit. I do think we were able to bond but I'm not sure it would have been different if he was strictly bottle fed. Once I decided to stop pumping, I cried. I felt like a horrible selfish mother. But then once all that anxiety and stress went away, I was a much happier mom and I'm glad I stopped when I did. You are not alone!

Re: Breast Feeding Woes/rant *warning v.v. long*

Message edited 2/8/2013 6:35:17 PM.

Breast Feeding Woes/rant *warning v.v. long*

I still grind my teeth when I bf my dd. bf was extremely painful the first month.i had over supply and gave my dd bad colic and when I fit that under control I stared to lose my supply. I keep telling myself its for my dd's health and formula is really expensive!

Re: Breast Feeding Woes/rant *warning v.v. long*

You are doing great. 7 mo is a long time. I learned there are some people that this is easy for they can hhandle the constant feedings and attention needed to bf. I can understand your anxiety too i cried the first time i gave her a nursette swearing i was a failure and a bad mama. I cried when i realized i can only bf from one breast not knowing if i could keep up demand. Now shes six mo and im back at work pumping. My supply has decreased and i do supplement w formula i grieve the day i have to stop bfing. I also look forward to not carrying that pump bag everywhere. You are doing the best thing and even though lo is getting sick alot i still think for me and my dd its the best even if shes just getting any amount from me. Hang in there. You cant try a non dairy formula?

Re: Breast Feeding Woes/rant *warning v.v. long*

7 months is a long time.

Speak to your pediatrician and make plans for formula. I'm proud of my breast feeding... I did it for 4 and 5 months (DS and DD). Stopped due to work hazards (work with chemicals).

IMO, when the negatives outweigh the positives, stop.

Re: Breast Feeding Woes/rant *warning v.v. long*

You need to know that you are NOT alone. I had those same awful feelings. It's called D-MER, and they have a website. The worst times left me feeling depressed and "homesick" for lack of a better word. BFing was horrible for me even though I had a great supply.

I really think that you need to talk to someone - the anxiety over your supply sounds a bit more like possible PPD than regular anxiousness to me. Not that you need meds, but having someone to talk to could help.

Please feel free to FM me and I can try to share my experience. Also, have you considered using a special dairy-free formula instead? You are NOT stuck, but you need a ped who will discuss ALL of your options with you.

Many many many hugs for you

Breast Feeding Woes/rant *warning v.v. long*

Lots of hugs! It is NOT all rainbows and butterflies. At 8 months, I still get anxious at times, question how well she's eating, and worry about missing a feeding. I have anxiety when I think about doing this all over again for the next baby (or two). I don't like the feeling that I'll be tied down bfing for years and hope that I can be more relaxed the next time around. Please don't feel alone in this. I know I am an anxious person in general so I don't think that helps. You HAVE done a wonderful thing for DC, whether he's been sick or not. You should be proud, even if you haven't enjoyed it. There is no shame in not liking every moment of it! You can always talk to your ped about how to make a switch if that's what you want to do. Maybe you can cut down to just nights or mornings or whichever feedings tend to be the easiest for you.

Re: Breast Feeding Woes/rant *warning v.v. long*

DMER? This sounds like exactly what happens to me during let down. To answer some questions. I did try Soy formula this month but he hated the taste of it. Also tried mixing it in with his oatmeal and that was a no go. I don't even know if he would be ok with the soy formula being the back of the container says made in a plant that processes dairy products?!?!
Thanks for sharing all of your experiences, it does make me feel a bit better that I'm not alone. The thing that blows my mind is despite my difficulties/dislike of nursing I feel even more anxious or worse about the idea of stopping?!?! I don't know if this is because I just wanted this to work so badly/don't give up easily or societal pressures that BM is best or what. I also feel like I would be taking away something he likes :(
I guess I should have assumed I would have issues with breastfeeding as I tend to be an anxious person in general who likes to "know/plan" everything. With a bottle you know how much they are getting , with the breast its always been a concern (likely unfounded as he has always grown fine but still makes me paranoid). Like some of you I am also already worried about the next baby (do I even breastfeed at all or just start from the beginning with formula to avoid the inevitable stress that I know will come with breasteeding).
I'm also clueless about how to wean in general as well. If we go to 1 year can I then just switch him over to milk (if his dairy protein allergy is gone) or does he need to go to formula and how the heck do I get him to like it at that point? Anyway enough groveling on Christmas I know I should be happy to have such a healthy baby (minus the cold he woke up with again this morning). I hope you all have a wonderful holiday, thanks again for the support.

Re: Breast Feeding Woes/rant *warning v.v. long*

First of all sorry that you feel this way, but I just want to ask one question to all of you who went/are going through the similar experience regarding BF: why do you do it then? Maybe it's time to stop?
Please , please don't take this the wrong way, I am not trying to cause drama or anything like that (even though I know some might think I am) but I swear I genuinely would like to know.
I BF my DD for almost a year and am BF my DS now, he is 3 mo and planning on doing it for at least 8 mo . I am doing it because I enjoy it, I love the bonding and cuddling , yes it's very hard, very challenging , but I still love it. with this said IF I ever start feeling the way you feel then I will stop . Why do something that makes you so miserable and that can be easily avoided. Know what I mean?
Regarding the colds, yes, my DD never got sick until she started prek at 3 but then she was sick ALL the time, she also had baby eczema (spl) and exercise induced asthma, my DS is sick all the time, almost 4 mo old and has had a cold 5 times already. So BF doesn't really protect them from bacteria, viruses and all that, I guess it just makes them a bit stronger and lets them fight off certain things little easier. At 2 mo my DS had a flu, before that he had RSV but he wasn't as sick as you would think, he was fine after 3-4 days both times and my ped said it's due to BM and all the antibodies... Who knows really .
Anyway, I hope you feel better and I hope things get easier for you

Message edited 12/25/2012 9:07:53 PM.

Re: Breast Feeding Woes/rant *warning v.v. long*

i don't hate it but i in no way love it. i like the convenience of not having to wash bottles, not having to schlep formula and bottles around everywhere, etc. Of course the flip side is that I have to schlep the stupid pump to work, find time to do it, worry about running out of BM, etc. Pros and cons to both. i didn't BF my first daughter and figured I'd give it a shot this time and I just stuck with it. But I'd be lying if I said that I don't count the days until she turns one and I get my boobs back.

Re: Breast Feeding Woes/rant *warning v.v. long*

Posted by Oldusernewname

First of all sorry that you feel this way, but I just want to ask one question to all of you who went/are going through the similar experience regarding BF: why do you do it then? Maybe it's time to stop?
Please , please don't take this the wrong way, I am not trying to cause drama or anything like that (even though I know some might think I am) but I swear I genuinely would like to know.

Re: Breast Feeding Woes/rant *warning v.v. long*

You are doing great. 7 mo is a long time. I learned there are some people that this is easy for they can hhandle the constant feedings and attention needed to bf. I can understand your anxiety too i cried the first time i gave her a nursette swearing i was a failure and a bad mama. I cried when i realized i can only bf from one breast not knowing if i could keep up demand. Now shes six mo and im back at work pumping. My supply has decreased and i do supplement w formula i grieve the day i have to stop bfing. I also look forward to not carrying that pump bag everywhere. You are doing the best thing and even though lo is getting sick alot i still think for me and my dd its the best even if shes just getting any amount from me. Hang in there. You cant try a non dairy formula?

Re: Breast Feeding Woes/rant *warning v.v. long*

I am sorry that you are dealing with this!

My opinion on BF is not a popular one. I didn't do it at all for my first DS, and was made to feel guilty for it. So, for my second DS I did it for a month. I hated it. It took enormous effort to latch and feed, I worried about how much he was getting, what I was eating, hated BFing in public, hated pumping, etc. I didn't feel more bonded to him feeding him from my breast as I did his older brother by bottle.

I think there is an enormous amount of pressure on women to BF these days. Mothers feel like they HAVE to do it. That is just not true. A bottle-fed baby is just as healthy as a BF one. My DS, now almost 5, hasn't had a drop of breast milk. He is very healthy, hardly got sick as an infant/toddler either, very smart, great eater, no allergies, healthy weight, tall and happy!! In fact, he appears to have a better immune system than his now 2 year old brother who was nursed for a month.

I bet there is a hypoallergenic formula that will work for your baby. It is definitely worth a try. I would talk to your ped. These babies are only little for so long, you deserve the right to enjoy this time and not have deal with this!!

Re: Breast Feeding Woes/rant *warning v.v. long*

Posted by Oldusernewname

First of all sorry that you feel this way, but I just want to ask one question to all of you who went/are going through the similar experience regarding BF: why do you do it then? Maybe it's time to stop?

Breast Feeding Woes/rant *warning v.v. long*

Its amazing youve done it that long, I lasted a couple weeks with ds who wouldnt latch(probably because he was in icu) and dd I gave up pumping after 2 months when I had to get surgery.... I will say pumping and direct feeding got a little easier around 6 weeks, but it wasn't rainbows, I still either fed her and worried if she had enough or pumped which took longer than shaking a formula bottle.

Try getting a milk free formula discussed with your pediatrician - and then you can wean down to a morning pump, dinner and just before bed - it was SOOOO much better for me when I wasn't on a 3-4 hour interval schedule.

Re: Breast Feeding Woes/rant *warning v.v. long*

Thanks for the advice and support ladies! Ir really helps to have women to vent too who understand where i am coming from!

Re: Breast Feeding Woes/rant *warning v.v. long*

i did not BF but for a dairy (milk protein) intolerance, hypoallergenic formula with broken down milk proteins would probably work better and be better tolerated than soy - if you should chose that route again!

i would also speak with a Ped GI (similac alimentum or the enfamil counter part)

good luck to you!

Re: Breast Feeding Woes/rant *warning v.v. long*

My cousin went through the EXACT same thing as you. She hated every minute, felt depressed and resentful of the commitment. She said she wished she had done formula from day 1 but now felt trapped into keeping up with it (she weaned at 1 year). she said that she felt like her DD's first year was a blur because she couldn't ever truly enjoy it. She actually said that with her second she will do formula from the beginning and try not to feel guilt over it. I would feel terrible when I talked to her and we always asked her "why do it then?". Happy mom=happy baby.

You did a WONDERFUL job and should be proud but at this point I would say you need to wean and stop something that is causing so much anxiety.

Breast Feeding Woes/rant *warning v.v. long*

I have been EP since day 1. My DS will be a year Jan 18th. It has been the hardest thing I have ever done. My DS latched fine but I was worried he wasn't getting enough so I started pumping. By 8 weeks he was diagnosed with a milk protein allergy and I had to cut everything out of my diet. I tried around 6 months to give him formula and he refused it. The Ped told me if he was hungry enough he would drink it, but he wouldn't. I continued to pump but also started entering dairy back into my diet around 8 months. so far, so good. He would bleed in his stool around 6-8 weeks, now he is totally fine.

I have contemplated quitting pumping for 5 months now. I don't know why but I feel this huge sense of guilt if I don't finish out the year. I started him on formula again last week and he drank it like it was breast milk. I don't know when that change happened.

I am down to 3 pumps a day from 5 and I am finally feeling a sense of relief. I don't know if I could EP another child. As much as I love him getting the best, I think it made me angry at times and extremely resentful of my friends who weren't BF.

I totally understand how you feel..Ask your Ped when you can start entering small amounts of dairy in. That made a HUGE difference to me.

Good Luck :)

Breast Feeding Woes/rant *warning v.v. long*

My DS turned one this weekend and I NEVER thought I would make it this far. It hasn't been easy and I find when I got MOST anxious and felt like I was going to give up, I would rant and find support in breastfeeding groups (the leaky b@@b on facebook is a great resource).

I also found an EXCELLENT formula that I do not feel guilty giving him. I think most formula is crap, we eat clean, organic, whole food and so when I found "Baby's only lactose free organic" I started feeding DS that and dropped to one pumping session at work, one in the morning and one at night. It helped SO much.

I now pump once before bed and have enough for his morning bottle, he night nurses and then also when I get home from work. It all worked out and I know I have given him the best!

You've come so far, cut yourself some slack. There is no need for guilt, find a way to make your breastfeeding relationship enjoyable again, if that means cutting back somewhat or all together then that is what you need to do!

Re: Breast Feeding Woes/rant *warning v.v. long*

I never loved BF'ing and didn't really feel the warm-and-fuzzy feelings that people talk about. I usually read a book while I was feeding her and waited for it to be over, actually. And resented that I had to separate myself from whatever group I was in at the time (not like anyone said, "eew, your boob is out!", but personally, I wasn't comfortable doing it). And all that time pumping and cleaning parts, especially at work when I had so much catch-up to do, it just felt like a real strain. I thought I'd feel better when she started solids and I started giving her formula once or twice a day (at 7 mo or so), but it kind of only made me more resentful... I saw that she was fine - no, happy - with these other sources of nutrition so it made me feel even more like, "why am I working so hard at this thing I don't even really like, when you're fine without it anyway?". I stuck with it for a year, but honestly, when I have a second child I don't know that I'll even start BFing. So you're not alone. It's not like everyone it the world feels this rush of love and euphoria when they BF and you're doing something wrong.

But I have to say I agree with what some of the other posters said... if you're feeling this upset, stressed, and anxious, I'm worried that these feelings are stemming from the "mom" experience and not just the "feeding" experience. I hope you find someone you can talk to - a therapist or even just a good friend/family member who's been there - who can help you with these feelings.

Re: Breast Feeding Woes/rant *warning v.v. long*