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LiveItUp
Love my babies!
Member since 8/11 4096 total posts
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Another MIL Christmas related question-would this bug you?
Ok, so am I being petty, or would anyone else find this annoying? MIL mailed dd a letter from "Santa". It's a cute idea, and I get she was trying to do something nice. But am I wrong for thinking she should have run it by me and DH before sending it? As her parents,we would have liked to make our own letter from Santa for her, or at least have had some input on what was written in the letter. We haven't shown dd the letter yet. We're trying to decide if we should, or if we should set a precedent now by telling MIL "thanks but we already have that covered" or something like that.
Last year she mailed Dd a key that was supposed to be from Santa. She included a letter about how we don't have a chimney. So not to worry, just leave out this really fake looking key and that's how Santa will come in the house. I never gave it to dd. She didn't question having no chimney, so why bring it up. And again, MIL didn't ask if it was ok to send that.
Also bugs me when MIL and several other relatives tell dd that Santa left a present for her at their house. I feel like that will make her question the whole Santa thing, because why would Santa do that? We asked them all last year to please not do that. Hoping they remember this year.
I have a lot of nieces and nephews, and I've always enjoyed picking out gifts for them. But it's never even crossed my mind to give them anything and say it was from Santa. I just feel like anything Santa related should be from the parents.
Am I being silly about this whole thing. Or is MIL overstepping? Sorry this post ended up being so long.
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Posted 11/13/15 6:29 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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ANewDayHasCome
Love multiplies, not divides
Member since 11/12 14481 total posts
Name:
Me
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Another MIL Christmas related question-would this bug you?
Well let me preface this by saying I'm Jewish so I'm not up on the whole Santa thing, but yes that would annoy me. It's like she's stepping on your toes.
Is dh on your side with this? If he is it makes it easier, but he should discuss this with her. I'm sure her intentions are good and she (hopefully) doesn't realize it bothers you. Cut it off now.
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| Posted 11/13/15 7:13 AM |
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Serendipity
Summer!
Member since 4/07 7631 total posts
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PrayingWishingHopingALOT
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Another MIL Christmas related question-would this bug you?
Overstepping. I would nip it.
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| Posted 11/13/15 7:17 AM |
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Katareen
5,000 Posts!
Member since 4/10 7180 total posts
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Katherine
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Another MIL Christmas related question-would this bug you?
If you don't like the letters I would have your DH talk to her about it.
However, I had gifts from "Santa" at both grandparents houses growing up and never questioned a thing. I don't think that's such a big deal.
Message edited 11/13/2015 7:47:37 AM.
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| Posted 11/13/15 7:45 AM |
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LiveItUp
Love my babies!
Member since 8/11 4096 total posts
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Re: Another MIL Christmas related question-would this bug you?
Posted by Katareen
However, I had gifts from "Santa" at both grandparents houses growing up and never questioned a thing. I don't think that's such a big deal.
Its more that she got gifts from Santa from her grandparents, as well as great grandparents, and random aunts and uncles that we're not close with and who she only sees a couple times a year. Why would Santa leave her presents at all those places? 
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| Posted 11/13/15 7:56 AM |
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PitterPatter11
Baby Boy is Here!
Member since 5/11 7632 total posts
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Momma <3
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Re: Another MIL Christmas related question-would this bug you?
It wouldn't bother me, but I am very easy going about things like that. I actually think it is sweet that she did that.
Also - would it bother you if your mother did that? I always use that as my gauge.
I also keep in the back of my mind that one day I will be a MIL and I hope that my future DIL appreciates the things I do for my grandkids.
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| Posted 11/13/15 8:43 AM |
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Kitten1929
LIF Adult
Member since 1/13 6040 total posts
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Another MIL Christmas related question-would this bug you?
Wouldn't bother me and I think that she's trying to make special traditions for her and the grandkids as well.
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| Posted 11/13/15 8:58 AM |
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Re: Another MIL Christmas related question-would this bug you?
Posted by LiveItUp
Posted by Katareen
However, I had gifts from "Santa" at both grandparents houses growing up and never questioned a thing. I don't think that's such a big deal.
Its more that she got gifts from Santa from her grandparents, as well as great grandparents, and random aunts and uncles that we're not close with and who she only sees a couple times a year. Why would Santa leave her presents at all those places?
Why would they want the present to say Santa? I would want them to know that aunt Mary gave it to them.
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| Posted 11/13/15 8:59 AM |
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Re: Another MIL Christmas related question-would this bug you?
I'm Jewish. but my MIL is not... and yet this would bother me. DD does celebrate Christmas at her house but all of the gifts come from grandma and grandpa. But I feel like that is trying to take your position away from you a bit. MIL left a christmas dress sitting in the room we were staying in for dd and beyond being hideous and the wrong size, both dh and i thought it was rude because we already have our clothing traditions and had outfits for her already picked and ready to surprise her. And then there was this dress just hanging in front of our faces.
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| Posted 11/13/15 9:15 AM |
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Lara&Aidansmommy
For mom i miss u ETC ILOVEU
Member since 3/07 13921 total posts
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ETC I LOVE YOU
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Re: Another MIL Christmas related question-would this bug you?
Posted by Kitten1929
Wouldn't bother me and I think that she's trying to make special traditions for her and the grandkids as well.
I agree. Im stealing MIL key idea its great LOL
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| Posted 11/13/15 9:18 AM |
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chilltocam
LIF Adult
Member since 11/11 9141 total posts
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Re: Another MIL Christmas related question-would this bug you?
Posted by Kitten1929
Wouldn't bother me and I think that she's trying to make special traditions for her and the grandkids as well.
I do think she would have checked with you about the letters, but she is your child's grandmother and is only trying to do something nice and special for your child. I understand that maybe it's something you wanted to do, but I think giving a grandparent something to do, to create a special memory for your child is important too. Not every special thing has to be from a parent - sometimes other relatives just want to share in your child's joy as well. Try to understand it from their point of view and be grateful that she wants to be an involved, loving grandparent.
As for the gifts from Santa at other people's houses, if that is not something you are comfortable with, then I think it's ok to say something, because that can be confusing for your child. Again, it is just the relatives trying to do something nice for your child, but this type of thing can create confusion, so I see it as a little different than the letter from Santa
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| Posted 11/13/15 9:46 AM |
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BsMomma2014
Fly high little one
Member since 6/10 2662 total posts
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nicole
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Another MIL Christmas related question-would this bug you?
Yes it would bother me. Santa only goes to one house and that is your house! I would definitely say something. She is not the parent you are she had her chance to raise her children and she did. Now it is your turn.
The key doesn't bother me because MiL bought it for DS and I thought it was cute since I had never seen it.
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| Posted 11/13/15 9:53 AM |
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summerBaby10
let's be nice
Member since 9/07 10208 total posts
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Wifey
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Re: Another MIL Christmas related question-would this bug you?
yeah, it would annoy me!
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| Posted 11/13/15 9:57 AM |
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klsnyc805
LIF Adolescent
Member since 11/09 578 total posts
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Re: Another MIL Christmas related question-would this bug you?
I might be in the minority but I think it's adorable, both the letter and the key.  I wish my parents or in-laws would do something like that.
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| Posted 11/13/15 10:05 AM |
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NYCGirl80
I love my kiddies!
Member since 5/11 10413 total posts
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Re: Another MIL Christmas related question-would this bug you?
I'm Jewish, but that wouldn't bother me. I think it's adorable that your MIL is getting into it. If it really bugs you and your husband, he should speak to his mother. But IMO, she's not doing anything rude or spiteful. Just trying to be an active grandparent.
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| Posted 11/13/15 10:23 AM |
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star444
LIF Infant
Member since 3/15 353 total posts
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Another MIL Christmas related question-would this bug you?
I think it's very sweet how involved she is and how special she is trying to make the experience for your DD, she will likely remember the letter and key for years to come. As for the gifts from Santa at other peoples houses, I don't think your DD is going to piece things together or start questioning, I think for the most part this is a pretty normal thing for people to do
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| Posted 11/13/15 10:33 AM |
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Re: Another MIL Christmas related question-would this bug you?
Posted by star444
I think it's very sweet how involved she is and how special she is trying to make the experience for your DD, she will likely remember the letter and key for years to come. As for the gifts from Santa at other peoples houses, I don't think your DD is going to piece things together or start questioning, I think for the most part this is a pretty normal thing for people to do
This ! Very sweet , embrace it that she wants to be involved with your daughter , I lost my MIL in August and it bothers me when people complain about their MIL doing nice things for their children . Your MIL just loves your child and there is nothing wrong with loving a child and trying to make that child smile and be happy about the holidays . As a mom I've learned , it's not always about Me and what I want .
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| Posted 11/13/15 11:12 AM |
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momtimes2
LIF Infant
Member since 4/14 333 total posts
Name:
stephanie
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Another MIL Christmas related question-would this bug you?
I would not be bothered at all - I tend to let a lot of things roll off my back though
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| Posted 11/13/15 11:19 AM |
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Re: Another MIL Christmas related question-would this bug you?
Nope, I wouldn't be bothered. I encourage MIL to be as involved with her grandchildren as she wants to be. I consider it a blessing that she loves my daughter and does special things for her. Last Christmas she got her a new book (and tree decoration) for every day in December. It was a little overwhelming, but I thought it was the sweetest gesture and DD loved it. The key idea sounds creative and cute, as does the letter from Santa. I just wouldn't appreciate if it said something weird, like "Santa doesn't like when you..." but if it's just a cute Christmas letter then I don't see the problem. That said, I'm not a HUGE Santa person. I take her to see him and he's part of the holiday, but not our main focus for what Christmas is really about. So that could be why I'm more easy-going with it. I don't really care if she believes in him or not. It's just fun, so I go with whatever. {shrug}
Message edited 11/13/2015 11:27:48 AM.
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| Posted 11/13/15 11:26 AM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
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Re: Another MIL Christmas related question-would this bug you?
That would annoy me..............A LOT! There are some things that are reserved for parents to do, ANYTHING relating to Santa is one of them and picking out Xmas outfits!! I LOVE doing all of the Santa things for my children, I don't really feel like it's anyone else's place to step in and takeover that fun. Your MIL had her kids, she got to play Santa, her turn is over now. I think what she did is overstepping.
And no.............Santa should NOT leave a gift at Grandma's house. Why would he?? Santa brings children toys, why would he even have stopped there in the first, he skips over houses with no kids. lolol I think it's weird and confusing. Would't your LO wonder why Santa didn't just leave everything at her house?
As an aside, we've done the key thing since my DD was born and it's great! She did ask about not having a chimney at one point and we explained that is why we put the special Santa key outside on the door before bed on Xmas Eve. The kids leave food out for the reindeer and put the Santa key out, it's a really cute little tradition. I would reconsider that one.............although your MIL shouldn't have bought it for you. 
Message edited 11/13/2015 12:42:40 PM.
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| Posted 11/13/15 12:34 PM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
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Re: Another MIL Christmas related question-would this bug you?
Posted by Kitten1929
Wouldn't bother me and I think that she's trying to make special traditions for her and the grandkids as well.
But you have to remember, parents are also trying to make special memories and traditions for their kids and while the gesture was sweet, as grandparents you really do need to run certain things by the parents first. It doesn't mean someone is being ungrateful but I know for myself that the holidays are a big deal for me when it comes to my kids and I would appreciate everyone checking with me first before doing certain things for the holidays.
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| Posted 11/13/15 12:44 PM |
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Budjeg11
LIF Adult
Member since 4/11 2644 total posts
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Another MIL Christmas related question-would this bug you?
My parents or in laws are wonderful and love my kids and spend a lot of time with them but are just not the type to do things like that - or take them places etc.. so I personally think that if your kids are fortunate enough to have "hip" grandparents good for them and good for you bc it takes some pressure off of you to have to think of all of these things and make them happen. BUt that's just me. I can see how if you want to be the one to make Christmas lists with your kids etc that it would bother you- a lot. I would say something or have DH say something. As for addressing that gifts are from Santa-- my family does this too-- its not to step on any toes at all-- its just their way of maintaining uniformity with the children that all gifts you get on Christmas are from Santa its not to confuse them- quite the opposite - in their mind its probably so that the kids DONT get confused.. If you have a different way you want to address it -- i.e. Santa gifts ONLY come to your house under the tree on Christmas morning and all gifts from family-- are just that-- gifts from family- then I would just explain it to your family members- and if you already have then hopefully they will respect that. Everyone deals with Santa/ gifts etc differently so as long as they respect your wishes I don't think you are in your rights to get annoyed about that.
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| Posted 11/13/15 12:44 PM |
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RocPin
Life's Beachy <3
Member since 2/08 6765 total posts
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Heather
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Re: Another MIL Christmas related question-would this bug you?
Posted by PitterPatter11
It wouldn't bother me, but I am very easy going about things like that. I actually think it is sweet that she did that.
Also - would it bother you if your mother did that? I always use that as my gauge.
I also keep in the back of my mind that one day I will be a MIL and I hope that my future DIL appreciates the things I do for my grandkids.
I agree.
This is definitely something my MIL would do. I guess I am just so appreciative that my MIL is so wonderful and loving with my son and something like that would just confirm how lucky he is to have her. My own mother is not close with her grandchildren and my sisters in-laws have passed and it makes me sad that my nieces and nephews don't have loving grandparents they way my son does so I am extremely thankful for my in-laws.
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| Posted 11/13/15 1:01 PM |
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M514
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Member since 8/10 6011 total posts
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Another MIL Christmas related question-would this bug you?
That would annoy me too. I can see it from the grandparents side too. But at the same time, I feel like some things need to be run by the parents first. Last year, my MIL gave me 25 wrapped books to have us give one to DD each night leading up to Christmas. She didn't ask us first and this was not a tradition we wanted to start with our DD. To us, she doesn't need gifts every day until Christmas. It's just too much. We ended up just letting her open the books on Christmas Eve and we told her they were from her grandparents.
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| Posted 11/13/15 1:16 PM |
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BargainMama
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 15660 total posts
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Re: Another MIL Christmas related question-would this bug you?
The key thing is adorable, my grandma sent them for my kids when we didn't have a chimney. I definitely wouldn't have thrown it out.
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| Posted 11/13/15 1:18 PM |
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