Another Aunt vs Carseat vent (looooooooooong)

First off, let me be clear

I have my own carseat set up in one of my aunt’s three vehicles. It is rear facing. I DO NOT leave AJ behind without a carseat.

I have made it abundantly clear my opinion on forward facing vs rear facing

AJ is not 2

Of course I’m ok with her making trips outside and errands. I don’t expect my aunt to be chained to the house.

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So a week or so ago, she took AJ out to the bank in a forward facing seat, AJ threw up. It annoyed me. I tried to say something without being mean about it. I thought I got my point across, but I didn’t.

She thinks I’m being silly since she knows a kid who was involved in an accident forward facing at 18mo and he came out fine, no bruises, scratches or even aches and pains.

Ok.. so here’s what happened NOW.

She takes her out for small trips to the store and bank and errands. I keep my mouth shut that she still chooses to do this forward facing in my other aunt’s car. I know it has to be so hard for my social butterfly aunt to not see other people and they are small trips on back roads at low speeds.

So last night she says how they’re going to the library today. *sigh* fine. Again not in the rear facing seat, but the library is nearly walking distance so I stay quiet. Afterall, I think its nice AJ will get time with other kids and my aunt gets out.

Then she says after that they’re going to another library for my cousin’s son (who my other aunt cares for) for his ‘time’. Then lunch, should be home around 1pm.

Um…
#1 where’s the second library? Oh that’s by your aunt’s home. You mean two highways and a half hour drive away? Not cool
#2 You think 1pm? You realize AJ’s nap time is noon right? You know how she goes haywire when she skips her nap and mess up the whole day, cranky, whiny and won’t go to sleep later.

She made me feel guilty about the car seat. She made me feel guilty about my poor other aunt who’d have to ruin her day because of AJ’s naptime. How bad can it be that she’s forward facing after all? That other kid……

OMG, I nearly lost it!

So I tried to push the nap issue and not raise the car seat issue again to keep the peace, but I failed miserably. Now she’s all in a huff about it now. Now she says NO MORE trips anywhere at all ever again. That’s not fair. She has the truck with the car seat. Her husband actually agrees with me and kinda told her so when he got home.

I feel exhausted with this battle. I don’t want to burn this bridge with free daycare but don’t I have a right as a mother to say “no, that’s too far in a forward facing for me to be ok with”. I’m not saying she can NEVER leave. I’m trying to compromise.

Why won’t she just use the truck? Cause wouldn’t that solve everything?
I get the tight lipped won’t look me in the face act. Which I guess I can interrupt as either she doesn’t like to drive the truck or doesn’t want to.

Why can’t we take the car seat to a fire department and get it installed in your car?
Again, tight lipped but this time “all that trouble when you should just let her sit like a real person?” *sigh*

This is a vent. I need to find the time to practically steal her car. This drama is stupid and annoying.

Lets not even get into the fact that no matter which way she faces I’ve told her a million times Texas heat plus car seat equals bad. “why does AJ hiss when we put her in the car seat, she was actually crying” Um cause you’re BURNING HER!!!? When I said the belt parts especially get to insane heat in the Texas sun she said “Oh, why didn’t you tell me before?” What? I gave you towels and such to cover her seat, I lectured you on the metal, I told you about the black fabric gets hot, I told you how if you point your vents up it cools the back faster, I let you TOUCH the danged thing hot once to prove the point.

Message edited 7/14/2010 11:29:10 AM.

Re: Another Aunt vs Carseat vent (looooooooooong)

Sorry she's making this so difficult for you. Have you had her watch that video that was posted here about the rear facing vs forward facing? I don't understand why it's so hard for her to do what you ask.

I'm not sure what you can do if she just won't listen - would your uncle intervene and try to plead your case for you (only because she obviously is not listening to you.)

You certainly do have a right as a parent to have a say about this - but - since she is doing it for free and basically as a favor I'm not sure. It may come down to you having to say thanks, but no thanks.

Good luck!

Re: Another Aunt vs Carseat vent (looooooooooong)

Car seat safety is a NON-NEGOTIABLE issue for me. If DC's caregiver flat out refused to do it MY way they'd be off the job, period.

I'm sorry it's your aunt, and it's free daycare but some things aren't really "free" kwim?

Re: Another Aunt vs Carseat vent (looooooooooong)

Re: Another Aunt vs Carseat vent (looooooooooong)

Would buying another carseat to keep installed in the car that she's been using to drive DD around more often help? Added expense, but worth the peace of mind. Just leave it installed rear facing. Hopefully she won't go through the trouble of switching it to forward face.

Or does she already have a carseat just for that car, but she refuses to put it rear facing?

Either way, free daycare or not, I'm sorry but its your DD and her SAFETY you're talking about. If you want her rear facing, then she should respect that, even if it means her giving you the silent treatment or arguing, etc. It sucks that it has to be like that though, so why not show her some of the videos of what can happen to a child in a FF seat as suggested by the PP?

Re: Another Aunt vs Carseat vent (looooooooooong)

She's 69
No computer and no desire to see video on iphone, laptops, etc. She says "i dont understand all that stuff" What's to understand its a mini TV just watch and learn.. *sigh* No she hasn't see the video.

My uncle is actually just sorta casual about it. "Veronica says no, its no, what's to know?" haha God bless him.

Unfortuantely.. She's not only my aunt, but I am her namesake (middle name) and we are so much alike its kinda scary. Biggest thing we both have is a stubborn streak. She just refuses to be wrong. As do I.

The only thing we both agree about on this is AJ's safety.

Well I do pay her $50 a week but yeah free is so hard to come by and I know it. I am trying to find common ground but its hard.

Re: Another Aunt vs Carseat vent (looooooooooong)

Re: Another Aunt vs Carseat vent (looooooooooong)

Posted by nov04libride

I agree. She is doing you a tremendous favor. If you don't like how she is doing it, put AJ back in daycare. It's not worth the fight w/ your Aunt.

Re: Another Aunt vs Carseat vent (looooooooooong)

I know you can't turn back time but imho u should have never made the near/far trips distinction. I have a similar problem w/ my mil using blankets and I pretty much did the same thing as u- I rationalized a little "nap" being okay to use a blanket. I don't believe that's okay but I was really looking for an excuse (for myself) to not rock the boat when I have someone wonderful watching my ds. I wish I would have made it clear no blankets PERIOD. Anyway, one approach is to act like YOU have new info- read this article, heard this story, etc. and it really made you firm up on the issue. hth.