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SecretlyTTC14
LIF Adult
Member since 12/13 1770 total posts
Name:
B
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animal rights activists with kids
If you're a parent that is also an animal rights activist how do you handle it when family wants to take your child to zoo, the aquarium and sea world etc.? It is so against my core beliefs because I have seen the suffering first hand. I hate trying to explain it to people (like my in-laws) that just refuse to believe that the animals suffer in anyway. The summer is coming and they are going to want to take DS to these kinds of places. What do I do? I want to raise a kind and compassionate child who knows that animals suffering is wrong, and just because it happens behind closed doors, it doesn't make it ok.
I refuse to support these kinds of businesses in anyway. It's going to be so hard when his grandparents are the exact opposite way of thinking.
ETA- Please, no drama. If your not an animal rights activist, don't answer. I don't need to explain myself to you.
Message edited 4/5/2016 11:48:14 AM.
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Posted 4/5/16 11:21 AM  |
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BargainMama
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 15660 total posts
Name:
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animal rights activists with kids
Your kid, your rules, just say no, he cannot go!
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| Posted 4/5/16 11:28 AM |
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star444
LIF Infant
Member since 3/15 353 total posts
Name:
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animal rights activists with kids
Seems pretty simple to me... just tell them you don't want your child to go. Seems like the point of this post was just to point out to others that you think these places are cruel...
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| Posted 4/5/16 11:36 AM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: animal rights activists with kids
There are places that you can see animals where they aren't suffering- like wildlife preserves.
Example- the Holtsville Ecology Center rehabs and cares for animals that are injured or not releasable
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| Posted 4/5/16 11:38 AM |
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SecretlyTTC14
LIF Adult
Member since 12/13 1770 total posts
Name:
B
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Re: animal rights activists with kids
Posted by star444
Seems pretty simple to me... just tell them you don't want your child to go. Seems like the point of this post was just to point out to others that you think these places are cruel...
I don't want to point anything out. If you don't believe these places are cruel, then that's your prerogative. That's why I directed the question to animal activists with kids. I don't need the banter from anyone else... thank you.
DH's family aren't the kind of people that take no for an answer. It will get to the point where they ask DS if he wants to go and he of course will... because it means:
1) spending time with his nanny and pop
2) seeing big cool animals
I don't want to have to explain to him that his grandparents are wrong/cruel.
That's why I wanted to know how other parents handle it. I have a decent relationship with them right now. I don't want that ruined but I also don't want to compromise my beliefs.
Message edited 4/5/2016 11:41:01 AM.
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| Posted 4/5/16 11:40 AM |
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SecretlyTTC14
LIF Adult
Member since 12/13 1770 total posts
Name:
B
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Re: animal rights activists with kids
Posted by NervousNell
There are places that you can see animals where they aren't suffering- like wildlife preserves.
Example- the Holtsville Ecology Center rehabs and cares for animals that are injured or not releasable
This place isn't good for the animals either. Yes, some of the animals are cared for just fine but they have animals in extreme distress. I don't want this to become a thread about all the things wrong with different places.
I was looking more for how to say no to family without putting a strain on our relationship.
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| Posted 4/5/16 11:47 AM |
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KGools
Happy
Member since 9/06 9532 total posts
Name:
Kim
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Re: animal rights activists with kids
If you know of places that you deem acceptable (places that rehab the animals - Holtsville Eco Center was mentioned and the Riverhead Aquarium does a lot of rescue/rehab/release, although I don't know how that effects all of the marine life/animals they have there) than let them know that is the only place they can take him.
If they ask DS directly, then the answer is still no. You have your beliefs whether your son is upset or not. I wouldn't worry too much about it.
Message edited 4/5/2016 11:56:14 AM.
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| Posted 4/5/16 11:54 AM |
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GoldenRod
10 years on LIF!
Member since 11/06 26792 total posts
Name:
Shawn
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Re: animal rights activists with kids
Posted by BargainMama
Your kid, your rules, just say no, he cannot go!
Ditto. The actual locations are not really relevant to the overall post. There are locations that you do not want your DS to go to. Everyone has places that we don't want our DC to go to. I don't want DS to go to strip clubs or dog fights. Luckily, that's not an issue in my family, but it's the same point. If the ILs wanted to take DC somewhere I didn't want them to go, I would just tell them no.
I personally have no problem telling anyone else that they can't take my DC somewhere. When it comes to how I raise my kids, I need to speak up sometimes, even if it isn't comfortable.
Message edited 4/5/2016 11:55:52 AM.
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| Posted 4/5/16 11:55 AM |
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StaceyWill
It's a girl!!!
Member since 6/10 21539 total posts
Name:
Stacey
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animal rights activists with kids
I see where this could be an uncomfortable situation.
I would just say: ‘I don’t want him to go, please respect my wishes’.
Since they’re your DH’s parents, can’t he talk to them?
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| Posted 4/5/16 11:55 AM |
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ali120206
2 Boys
Member since 7/06 17795 total posts
Name:
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animal rights activists with kids
As an activist, I would think your inlaws have an idea of your feelings of these places already, no?
When you speak with them and reiterate your wishes, propose some alternative places that they can take your DS that he would enjoy and have just as much fun so it doesn't come across as I don't want you spending time with him. That may soften things a bit.
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| Posted 4/5/16 12:09 PM |
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SecretlyTTC14
LIF Adult
Member since 12/13 1770 total posts
Name:
B
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Re: animal rights activists with kids
Posted by StaceyWill
I see where this could be an uncomfortable situation.
I would just say: ‘I don’t want him to go, please respect my wishes’.
Since they’re your DH’s parents, can’t he talk to them?
Thank you for responding. DH is a people pleaser and will say yes if it makes them happy. I will ask them nicely to respect my wishes but I'm just afraid of what will happen when they insist and I have to put my foot down. Which I usually have no problem doing ... but I just want to keep the same family dynamic we have now (where they actually like me and don't see me as the mean DIL that says no).
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| Posted 4/5/16 12:13 PM |
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luvmykids8
LIF Adult
Member since 9/15 2050 total posts
Name:
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Re: animal rights activists with kids
Posted by ali120206
As an activist, I would think your inlaws have an idea of your feelings of these places already, no?
When you speak with them and reiterate your wishes, propose some alternative places that they can take your DS that he would enjoy and have just as much fun so it doesn't come across as I don't want you spending time with him. That may soften things a bit.
I agree.
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| Posted 4/5/16 12:30 PM |
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SecretlyTTC14
LIF Adult
Member since 12/13 1770 total posts
Name:
B
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Re: animal rights activists with kids
Posted by ali120206
As an activist, I would think your inlaws have an idea of your feelings of these places already, no?
When you speak with them and reiterate your wishes, propose some alternative places that they can take your DS that he would enjoy and have just as much fun so it doesn't come across as I don't want you spending time with him. That may soften things a bit.
Thanks, they know my beliefs and they think it's crazy. For example, they went out and bought a new puppy less then 2 weeks after I spent time protesting puppy mills and traveling to the capital to speak out about stricter laws for pet stores. I never said anything to them about buying the puppy. They tried to bring it up a few times (now that I look back on it, maybe they were trying to get a reaction out of me) and I just told them it was fine and he was a cute dog. After all, it's not my place to tell them they can't buy something.
But with DS - at some point I have to say no to them and they won't like it.
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| Posted 4/5/16 12:30 PM |
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SecretlyTTC14
LIF Adult
Member since 12/13 1770 total posts
Name:
B
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Re: animal rights activists with kids
Thanks to everyone that's responded. After talking it out, I think I'm just in a situation with no clear solution and I'll have to deal with it however it plays out. If they want to be angry so be it. Maybe they'll surprise me and just know not to ask (lol wishful thinking).
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| Posted 4/5/16 12:34 PM |
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MrsT809
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 12167 total posts
Name:
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animal rights activists with kids
I would try to come up with something you're comfortable with and invite them along so they see that you're sympathetic while still stocking to your beliefs. Maybe going along for an animal release with the Riverhead foundation, a seal cruise, Quogue wildlife refuge or anything you support that your son would enjoy.
Eta, either way you will likely have to put your foot down with them and it may be rough if it happens in front of your son but you should definitely not feel bad about it.
Message edited 4/5/2016 12:46:33 PM.
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| Posted 4/5/16 12:44 PM |
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SecretlyTTC14
LIF Adult
Member since 12/13 1770 total posts
Name:
B
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Re: animal rights activists with kids
Posted by MrsT809
I would try to come up with something you're comfortable with and invite them along so they see that you're sympathetic while still stocking to your beliefs. Maybe going along for an animal release with the Riverhead foundation, a seal cruise, Quogue wildlife refuge or anything you support that your son would enjoy.
Eta, either way you will likely have to put your foot down with them and it may be rough if it happens in front of your son but you should definitely not feel bad about it.
Thank you so much! These are really great suggestions. I'm going to plan a trip, invite them along and use it as a way to let them know what's ok and what isn't ok, before it even comes up. That way if they do ask in the future, I can politely remind them that they already know the answer.
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| Posted 4/5/16 1:14 PM |
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klsnyc805
LIF Adolescent
Member since 11/09 578 total posts
Name:
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Re: animal rights activists with kids
OP, I know exactly how you feel. DH and I have the same beliefs about animal enclosures and training and we have never / will never take our children to a circus or a zoo..but I am sure they will go with friends or school etc at some point, and it will be their choice then, not us pushing our beliefs on them.
Our friends/family go to zoos and aquariums all the time and we do not join them. They have actually stopped inviting us to these activities and they respect our views. Sure, we miss out on seeing our friends but we can't support these organizations.
I am sure he would love to go to a circus, but it won't be us taking him, ever. If he chooses to have the same beliefs about animal treatment I will be happy, but will let him make his own decision when he's older.
Just know you're not the only one who feels this way. 
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| Posted 4/5/16 1:35 PM |
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Salason
♥
Member since 6/05 9878 total posts
Name:
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Re: animal rights activists with kids
Posted by SecretlyTTC14
Thank you for responding. DH is a people pleaser and will say yes if it makes them happy. I will ask them nicely to respect my wishes but I'm just afraid of what will happen when they insist and I have to put my foot down. Which I usually have no problem doing ... but I just want to keep the same family dynamic we have now (where they actually like me and don't see me as the mean DIL that says no).
IMO this is where the problem lies. Your DH should be dealing with his parents and not putting you in the bad guy role because it's uncomfortable for him to say no to them. He would basically be putting their feelings before yours if he rolled over and said yes when clearly you have strong feelings on this. Let him be the one to put his foot down instead of you stressing about this.
And I definitely believe your kid, your rules. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone.
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| Posted 4/5/16 2:03 PM |
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MrsG823
Just call me Mommy.
Member since 1/11 5570 total posts
Name:
S
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Re: animal rights activists with kids
Posted by GoldenRod
Posted by BargainMama
Your kid, your rules, just say no, he cannot go!
Ditto. The actual locations are not really relevant to the overall post. There are locations that you do not want your DS to go to. Everyone has places that we don't want our DC to go to. I don't want DS to go to strip clubs or dog fights. Luckily, that's not an issue in my family, but it's the same point. If the ILs wanted to take DC somewhere I didn't want them to go, I would just tell them no.
I personally have no problem telling anyone else that they can't take my DC somewhere. When it comes to how I raise my kids, I need to speak up sometimes, even if it isn't comfortable.
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| Posted 4/5/16 2:33 PM |
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LIRascal
drama. daily.
Member since 3/11 7287 total posts
Name:
Michelle
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animal rights activists with kids
Here's the thing: you sound like a caring loving person who doesn't want to upset relatives by saying no, and correct me if I'm wrong, you actually care what they think about you. I think this is admirable, thoughtful and something that some of my friends couldn't be bothered with (I don't give a crap what they think or screw them if they're insulted etc)
i have a hard time saying no to some things they think are "normal" because we have a nice relationship. I've learned to just explain my feelings and after some time, I have stopped being the "ridiculous" one, and my wishes are ultimately respected.
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| Posted 4/5/16 2:47 PM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: animal rights activists with kids
We say No, and we explain why.
DH is dead set agains the circus, just to use an example- it's not an option. You want to take our kids to the cirucs? No, I'm sorry, we don't want them to be exposed to that. You can not take my kid to the circus.
It doesn't matter if you think we're wrong, that we're being ridiculous, that you don't believe the same things we do ......they're OUR kids, not yours, this is what WE want them to be exposed to / learn etc.
NO, you cannot take them to the circus.
No, you can not take them to the zoo, the aquarium .......etc.
And if my ILs DARED to approach either of my sons after DH and/or I had sepcifically said no, there would be hell to pay.
And I'd have ZERO problem explaining to my kids why OUR FAMILY chooses not to go to XYZ place. And I'm sorry, your grandparents can't take you there .........
If you have to resort to 'b/c I said so' ....well, so be it. I would never let anyone bully me into letting them take my kid anywhere I was uncomfortable with, much less dead set against !
Suggest they take him to an amusement park, bike riding, the duck pond, the boardwalk ....(I don't know how old he is) - there are a million other things they can do with him that I'm sure you wouldn't have issue with.
Message edited 4/5/2016 4:19:08 PM.
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| Posted 4/5/16 4:18 PM |
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SecretlyTTC14
LIF Adult
Member since 12/13 1770 total posts
Name:
B
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Re: animal rights activists with kids
Posted by LIRascal
Here's the thing: you sound like a caring loving person who doesn't want to upset relatives by saying no, and correct me if I'm wrong, you actually care what they think about you. I think this is admirable, thoughtful and something that some of my friends couldn't be bothered with (I don't give a crap what they think or screw them if they're insulted etc)
i have a hard time saying no to some things they think are "normal" because we have a nice relationship. I've learned to just explain my feelings and after some time, I have stopped being the "ridiculous" one, and my wishes are ultimately respected.
It's exactly this! Thank you... I'm so glad you understand. I do like them (even though they don't share my views on certain things) and I really want them to continue liking me. They think some of my views are nutty, which is fine, I just chalk it up to it being a generational thing. They also think recycling is nonsense. They aren't going to change now. I know there's always the option of putting my foot down and that's that. My kid.. my rules.
But I don't want to start a family fight and make it something it doesn't have to be. I don't want him to grow up dealing with family drama over me putting my foot down about things that the rest of the family considers to be perfectly normal. Which was why I was looking for a better/nicer way to handle the situation.
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| Posted 4/5/16 5:16 PM |
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Deeluvsvinny
DONE
Member since 10/08 4952 total posts
Name:
Whatever
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animal rights activists with kids
I think you just keep saying no and eventually they will stop. It's your kid.
It's wrong that they ask your DS outright, but how old is he? Have you explained to him why you don't go to those places?
I'm not an animal activist, but I won't go to the circus.
My DD is 6 and DH mentioned it when she was 3 or 4 and I explained why to both of them. I was careful in what I said to DD- just that the owners of the circus weren't nice to the animals and I didn't want to see that. I didn't make a big deal about it and neither did she. She understands (on her level) why we don't go and she's okay with it because she's huge animal lover herself and wouldn't want to see animals mistreated. If someone mentions the circus in front of her she "we don't go there because they are not nice to the animals". the end.
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| Posted 4/5/16 5:46 PM |
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Xelindrya
Mommy's little YouTube Star!
Member since 8/05 14470 total posts
Name:
Veronica
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Re: animal rights activists with kids
Posted by GoldenRod
Posted by BargainMama
Your kid, your rules, just say no, he cannot go!
Ditto. The actual locations are not really relevant to the overall post. There are locations that you do not want your DS to go to. Everyone has places that we don't want our DC to go to. I don't want DS to go to strip clubs or dog fights. Luckily, that's not an issue in my family, but it's the same point. If the ILs wanted to take DC somewhere I didn't want them to go, I would just tell them no.
I personally have no problem telling anyone else that they can't take my DC somewhere. When it comes to how I raise my kids, I need to speak up sometimes, even if it isn't comfortable.
I agree.. like me being an atheist .. please don't take my child to church. Ugh! I don't care what you believe but you have no right to force her to sit through it and I have to explain it. And it's against my wishes.
My kid, my rules. Don't like it, you don't get to watch her. It's fairly simple.
Now there are things she goes to that I use as learning tools. Example: This *IS* a mission city. So they are basically churches. So we went to the missions (Free) and I pointed out to her that this is where American Indians were corralled inside the walls as cattle. They were given an option to pray to a god they didn't understand or starve and die. This is where their priest lived, see how nice it is and the walls so tall? Look where the Indians lived. His 'flock' that they rotated out when they got sick. Mothers lived here and fed their children there while the priest had this. The church took away their own faith, their language and culture. They are lost to history. So Although that's NOT what the Missions were intended for, nothing teaches the values I own more than to show the atrocities.
At the end of the day you owe no explanation to anyone. Your kid, your rules.
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| Posted 4/5/16 5:56 PM |
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Siren77
LIF Adolescent
Member since 9/09 828 total posts
Name:
Siren77
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Re: animal rights activists with kids
I love the idea of previous poster about finding places that you are comfortable for them to take your child. Give them a entire list of ideas so that they don't feel limited in their choices. Maybe you can find something that they can make their "special outing." Something that they do every year that you feel fits with your beliefs. If you really think about it, it's not really the zoo or the aquarium per say. These are just places that are kid friendly. The entire idea is about the time spent together and creating memories. Personally, I love reminiscing about the places my grandmother took me year after year.
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| Posted 4/5/16 9:09 PM |
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