am I being a mean mommy?

So my 2nd son will be 1 in Nov, yes im planning at 7 months lol i am a planner!!

Orginallu thought we would have a big birthday for the first birthday like we did for our 6 year old's first. I am so tired from being a working mom of two and life in general. I was thinking of doing cake with the grandparents and immediate family. We will do a little something for halloween with our friends like we do annually and celebrate then as Ds' bday is 6 days later.

I want to just skip the party. Is that bad? will my kids look back at pics and think it was unfair? I know thats silly, but im overthinking it maybe...

thoughts?

am I being a mean mommy?

NOPE. We did a big backyard party for dd1, tent, catered etc. invited everyone we knew lol, dd2 a small house party with just immediate grandparents and our siblings. take pictures, celebrate and they won't even know.

Re: am I being a mean mommy?

Re: am I being a mean mommy?

Not what you want to hear but me personally couldn't do that but I will also say I can admit I am being silly

I didn't do big 1st birthdays for either kid cause I am against them but I did do a "big" (not really that big at all compare to others) for both.

DD who is 6 has had a birthday party every year starting at 2 and I am plan on doing the same fro DS since DD had it cause I do feel bad and that its not right.

Re: am I being a mean mommy?

I must be horrendous then because I never do parties for DD's birthday. I don't believe in them.
We do pizza in cake in the yard with my parents and sister and her family.
Call CPS

Message edited 6/5/2017 12:15:18 PM.

am I being a mean mommy?

No. They're a year old. They have no idea what's going on. I had a house party for my DD's first birthday and she was like "wtf are these people doing in my house, send them away." And this was only about 20 people.

I might let her have a 2nd birthday party at a place because she has little buddies now but if not she's getting cake in our dining room!

So no, nope, definitely not.

Re: am I being a mean mommy?

Posted by NervousNell

I must be horrendous then because I never do parties for DD's birthday. I don't believe in them.
We do pizza in cake in the yard with my parents and sister and her family.
Call CPS

am I being a mean mommy?

I don't think my brother and I ever looked back and compared our first birthday parties.

Trust me they will live full and happy lives without having the same thing for their first birthdays.

am I being a mean mommy?

I don't think not having a huge 1st birthday bash makes anyone a bad mommy! But I am also from the school of thought that I can't do for one and not do for the other so we always try to give the same to each. Maybe its because I am the youngest of 4 lol.

Re: am I being a mean mommy?

Obviously your now 1 year old won't know if he didn't have a party.
When we have big parties there is usually a decent amount of gift money that gets invested for the girls. Personally I would probably put aside (in our case invest what first child got in gifts) so in that case it would be fair. That is assuming you not having the party is not a financial decision which it doesn't seem to be.

Re: am I being a mean mommy?

Re: am I being a mean mommy?

Posted by blu6385

Posted by NervousNell

I must be horrendous then because I never do parties for DD's birthday. I don't believe in them.
We do pizza in cake in the yard with my parents and sister and her family.
Call CPS

I have no problem not doing parties at all and I 100% don't think you have to give parties at all. Also I think big 1st birthday blow outs are ridiculous which is why I didn't do one.

Def. No need for any party and I wish I didn't start kid birthday parties so early

My issue is I don't thing its fair to give to one but not the other but like I said I can admit I am being silly about it.

Re: am I being a mean mommy?

1st b-days are for the parents, not DC. If you don't want a party, or only a small one, that's totally fine.

No matter what you, or anyone else tries to do, it's IMPOSSIBLE to be 100% "fair" when you have multiple DC. There will be times when the oldest will get something "extra" that younger ones won't, and vice-versa.

Venues come and go, we all learn how to do things better, so things that went badly for the oldest, we can avoid with the younger ones.

If, in 10 years, the youngest one has an issue (they won't, but if they do), just tell them that instead of having a party for everyone else, you bought them special toys that your older sibling didn't get, so you actually got more than the other one did, because we used your older sib as an experiment, and did everything wrong with them...

am I being a mean mommy?

I was just going to say same as above. It's not like you are not celebrating. We celebrate every year. Just not as big as the first.

I'm also terrible that I only do friends parties starting in k and going to maybe 2nd maybe 3rd grade. Lol. I hate them. Haha. But we've gone to kiddie parties starting at 2 so it's really just all preference.

And everything else I do, is if one got the other does too. I just didn't do it as big. But of course we celebrate.

Re: am I being a mean mommy?

JMO - I am a believer of what you do for one you should do for the other as long as you can afford to. I am a mom of 4 so each got pretty much the same type of 1st bday party except #4 we had to have the party at a place because he was a winter baby all others had the extended family at the house.

am I being a mean mommy?

I think it's 100% fine. I don't think you need to worry about the kids getting exactly the same type of party.

am I being a mean mommy?

We are moving OOS early next year. Dd#2 will not be having the big party dd#1 did. I have no clue what we will do.

Re: am I being a mean mommy?

No not at all! I did the same. For DS we had a party in a restaurant and I invited extended family. For DD we had it in the backyard and I kept it small. I preferred the small party!

Re: am I being a mean mommy?

After our first birthday fiasco for first birthday, we lit first and second birthdays to family only.

am I being a mean mommy?

Yes, the worst. In fact I'm going to call cps on you.

I say do what works for you.

Re: am I being a mean mommy?

No it makes no difference so don't feel bad! I had a baptism in a restaurant for ds1 but not for ds2 or 3 and I don't feel bad about it. It's not like they're going to even remember. I never do big birthday parties because we have so few family and friends so we just celebrate with immediate family. We make it fun and the kids enjoy it so much! Good enough!

am I being a mean mommy?

We are having a party for DDs first birthday, just like we did for her brother. We didn't do Christening parties though, so it's not having two big parties in a year. We also don't do kid parties or anything really for their birthday outside of family. We have a large family, so that in itself creates a huge party.

Re: am I being a mean mommy?

Re: am I being a mean mommy?

Posted by NervousNell

I must be horrendous then because I never do parties for DD's birthday. I don't believe in them.
We do pizza in cake in the yard with my parents and sister and her family.
Call CPS

Re: am I being a mean mommy?

Posted by GoldenRod

1st b-days are for the parents, not DC. If you don't want a party, or only a small one, that's totally fine.

No matter what you, or anyone else tries to do, it's IMPOSSIBLE to be 100% "fair" when you have multiple DC. There will be times when the oldest will get something "extra" that younger ones won't, and vice-versa.

Venues come and go, we all learn how to do things better, so things that went badly for the oldest, we can avoid with the younger ones.

If, in 10 years, the youngest one has an issue (they won't, but if they do), just tell them that instead of having a party for everyone else, you bought them special toys that your older sibling didn't get, so you actually got more than the other one did, because we used your older sib as an experiment, and did everything wrong with them...